Face It! Freddy Thompson is Too Chicken to Debate. How Un-Manly of Him!

[David Zephyr]

I think that Freddy Thompson is just a big fat coward. In fact, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger would probably call him a "girlie man". He promised to join the other boys in the Republican Debates back in May. Then it was postponed to June. Then to July. Now, here we are in August and he's hinting that it will be September. Memo to Freddy: It's not a good thing to be a nancy-boy in the Grand Old Party. Just ask Gary Bauer who caused more Republican men to grind their teeth than Richard Simmons ever did sweating to his oldies.

For within America's greatest male-worshiping cult, sometimes affectionally called the Republican Party, mock courage is the single personal attribute that trumps all others. Indeed, mock courage is as essential of an ingredient to any GOP candidate as lube is to the locker room in any self-respecting gay bath house.

FRANK LUNTZ LANDMARK EROTIC TEST OF FREEPERS:

In 1998, the world-class homosexual and sometimes politcal consultant to the GOP, Frank Luntz, in what turned out to be his most notable political focus group ever, personally strapped tiny copper wires to the testicles of some sixty-nine Freeper volunteers and forced them to watch a slide show of famous Republican men as a pounding disco beat from Giorgio Moroder pumped in the background. Luntz's landmark study proved what most already assumed: Ronald Reagan in football drag produced the greatest swelling while George Herbert Bush caused so much shrinkage that the wires simply slipped right off of their host.

Word is that Freddy Thompson has already failed this critical Freeper Swell Test.

And then, there's the competition Freddy would face, as well:

THE BOYS IN THE BAND:

John McCain has his sweaty war stories coupled with truly butch prison stories. And that's Freeper Boner Gold!

Mitt Romney has sired at least two dozen children --even without Bob Dole's Viagra --- making him the clear stud in the pack. Such a manly Mormon!

Rudy Giuliani is hardly a "Rudolph" himself. Why, everyone knows that Mr. Giuliani single-handedly saved everyone in Gotham City once on September 11th. Our Rudy's no Tuti Fruti!

So, the question is: Where does that leave Freddy Thompson? His Freeper Swell Number is reported to be somewhere just below that of wimpy Mike Huckabee. Oh, the shame of it all!

CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK! IT'S FRAIDY FREDDY!

It's no wonder Freddy still has not come out to play with the other boys in the rough and tumble and sweaty debate arena? He's scared of those other bad boys.

Yes, Fred Thompson is just one big old coward, and while that's not a bad thing among Republicans (just ask George Bush, the Chicken-Hawk of all-times), the rule is that one must never look like a chicken. Mock Courage is all about the Mock. Thompson's debate dodging will make him the butt of all manly jokes in the GOP shower-stalls this year.

FRAIDY FREDDY!

[Doctor_J]

1. According to some inside sources, Fred might belong to a

specific group of sexual aberrants (or at least Pat Robertson would consider it so). Let's see how it plays out.

[David Zephyr]

4. What's the scoop?

Enquiring minds want to know.

[Doctor_J]

19. Check out post #2 in this thread

[MADem]

2. I think he realizes his personal life will be heavily scrutinized, and he's gotten cold feet for

that reason. And further, I think he's not making a decision because his balloon-bosomed child-bride is PUSHING him to run, so he's just letting it spin on as long as possible so she doesn't get too pissed off too soon.

And if the rumors are true, Freddy wouldn't have had any trouble with that test of which you speak. Andrew Sullivan suggested he likes both sides of the boulevard....

[David Zephyr]

5. "Andrew Sullivan suggested he likes both sides of the boulevard...."

That's something that won't fly with the Freepers, either.

[DemBones DemBones]

7. I heard that months ago, from another DUer, but you know what?

I'll bet he could make a speech about his past and how he has repented, been forgiven by Jesus, and the FReeps and other GOPers would support him.

It's even possible he actually has repented his past and is now monogamously heterosexual. People do change, and often religion is a factor.

People also pretend to change and use religion to impress people who are actually religious. We've seen that movie before.

[TwilightGardener]

10. Nah. Gay is a still a killer in the GOP--at least on the elected side of it.

If the rumors are proven true, he's cooked. It wouldn't surprise me--the man seems very driven by what's in his pants--indiscriminate horndog. Male, female--probably doesn't matter to him. Newt and Rudy are also horndogs, just no gay rumors about them (that we know of).

[DemBones DemBones]

12. I wouldn't be so sure. I think they'd run Satan if they thought he'd win. nt

[MADem]

20. It wouldn't work if his partners from both sides of the boulevard came out and

sang...Genifer Flowers is one thing--a cheesy blonde hottie that all the fat slobs clutching a beer in front of the TV took one look at, and said "I'd tap that!(as if Miz Flowers would give them any play); but if a well-muscled boulevardier in a crop top and a pair of ball enhancing bike shorts comes out singing Fred's praises in excruciating detail, why, he'd have to KILL the guy....because that WOULD kill his candidacy.

No one in the GOP wants to picture old Fred smoking any cigar other than a Cuban....

Edit/typos

[TwilightGardener]

3. He can't campaign or debate until his handlers give him a platform

and tell him what his positions are. They're still deciding that. Probably waiting until the "surge" news comes out and he can see which way the wind will blow.

[OHdem10]

6. If he can get away with it, he will go around giving

speeches around the country. Then should he become
the candidate, we will suddenly have a sit down
"dialogue" like Sarcozy and Royale.

[TwilightGardener]

8. As long as someone hands him a script, he's happy as a pig in shit.

[opihimoimoi]

9. Forget it Fred......No Way....

[DemBones DemBones]

11. Another view is that by avoiding debating as long as possible,

Thompson will be a "fresh face" on the campaign trail. Plus he has more time to finetune his positions to the political market.

People often make the mistake of thinking that anybody who speaks with a Southern accent is not too bright, and that's a very dangerous mistake.

Fred Thompson does a regular ol' country boy bit that will be a hit with a lot of people in small towns and rural areas, yet he obviously has connections in more than one big city and served two terms in the Senate, having pledged in his first campaign only to serve two terms. Millions of people know him from "Law and Order" and he actually is a lawyer, made a bundle as a lobbyist, too, and is married to another lawyer/lobbyist, who is sure to be able to speak effectively.

Writing him off would probably be a mistake.

[TwilightGardener]

13. His wife isn't a lawyer at all--that was a big, fat lie, that the Thompson people

did not refute until a couple days ago. His face ain't too fresh anymore, either. He sort of missed his moment, he's on his THIRD (yes third) campaign manager, because none of them get along with his sweetheart of a trophy wife, and now he looks kind of like a jackass. Not writing him off, but he was more impressive before he opened his mouth and before the dirt was dug (Nixon lackey!).

[DemBones DemBones]

15. Could it be that it was a mistake, rather than a "big fat lie"?

Both campaigns and the press has been known to make mistakes and it's stupid for candidates to lie about things that can be easily checked.

It's disturbing to see how people are piling on his wife when we know next to nothing about her.

I think a lot of DUers are "misunderestimating" ol' Fred.

[DemBones DemBones]

16. Duplicate post.

[MADem]

21. What? I thought she was a partner in the firm of Chesty, McHuge and Bazooms!!! NT

[TwilightGardener]

24. ...

:rofl:

[PurityOfEssence]

14. Nah, he's just waiting for the moment to make the perfect Norma Desmond entrance.

Ah, for the old studio system; some actors just shouldn't be allowed to run their own careers. This boy needs a handler.

[DemBones DemBones]

17. "Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."

:rofl:

[David Zephyr]

22. If he enters now it will be a "Norma Desmond entrance"

with him going straight to the looney bin.

I spoke with one of my Republican customers today who had been hoping for Thompson, he says that he's moved on now and is waiting for Newt. That Fred "blew it" by waiting to long.

[PurityOfEssence]

23. Yep. He's more like Joe Gillis at the beginning of the picture...

Floating face-down in the pool.

Then again, who knows? For all the horrors and frustration in the world, I must say I sleep easier with that image fixed in my head of the current Republican candidates: it's like some line-up of Dick Tracy villains.

[polichick]

18. Maybe he's afraid his Aqua Velva...

...will make the others swoon, like it does Tweety!