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zulchzulu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 06:55 PM
Original message
A collection of Molly Ivins quotes
Edited on Wed Jan-31-07 07:00 PM by zulchzulu
May Molly rest in peace. Here are some quotes from her over the years...

• The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging.

• What you need is sustained outrage...there's far too much unthinking respect given to authority.

• The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion.

• Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.

• There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity -- like what Garrison Keillor does.

• The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule -- that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

• I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth.

• You can't ignore politics, no matter how much you'd like to.

• It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

• What stuns me most about contemporary politics is not even that the system has been so badly corrupted by money. It is that so few people get the connection between their lives and what the bozos do in Washington and our state capitols.

• Politics is not a picture on a wall or a television sitcom that you can decide you don't much care for.

• There's never been a law yet that didn't have a ridiculous consequence in some unusual situation; there's probably never been a government program that didn't accidentally benefit someone it wasn't intended to. Most people who work in government understand that what you do about it is fix the problem -- you don't just attack the whole government.

• I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years.

• I still believe in Hope - mostly because there's no such place as Fingers Crossed, Arkansas.

• One function of the income gap is that the people at the top of the heap have a hard time even seeing those at the bottom. They practically need a telescope. The pharaohs of ancient Egypt probably didn't waste a lot of time thinking about the people who built their pyramids, either. OK, so it's not that bad yet -- but it's getting that bad.

• It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

• In the real world, there are only two ways to deal with corporate misbehavior: One is through government regulation and the other is by taking them to court. What has happened over 20 years of free-market proselytizing is that we have dangerously weakened both forms of restraint, first through the craze for "deregulation" and second through endless rounds of "tort reform," all of which have the effect of cutting off citizens' access to the courts. By legally bribing politicians with campaign contributions, the corporations have bought themselves immunity from lawsuits on many levels.

• Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory.

• During a recent panel on the numerous failures of American journalism, I proposed that almost all stories about government should begin: "Look out! They're about to smack you around again!"

• I am not anti-gun. I'm pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We'd turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don't ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.

• I know vegetarians don't like to hear this, but God made an awful lot of land that's good for nothing but grazing.

• The United States of America is still run by its citizens. The government works for us. Rank imperialism and warmongering are not American traditions or values. We do not need to dominate the world. We want and need to work with other nations. We want to find solutions other than killing people. Not in our name, not with our money, not with our children's blood.

• I believe all Southern liberals come from the same starting point -- race. Once you figure out they are lying to you about race, you start to question everything.

• If you grew up white before the civil rights movement anywhere in the South, all grown-ups lied. They'd tell you stuff like, "Don't drink out of the colored fountain, dear, it's dirty." In the white part of town, the white fountain was always covered with chewing gum and the marks of grubby kids' paws, and the colored fountain was always clean. Children can be horribly logical.

• In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the office; it's mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose.

• Good thing we've still got politics in Texas -- finest form of free entertainment ever invented.

• I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.

• As a veteran of many an electoral defeat at the polls, may I remind you of the proper Texan attitude toward slaughter at the polls?

• A few years before Billie Carr died this September at age 74, a friend called to ask how she was doing. "Well," she said, "They just impeached my boy up in Washington, there's not a Democrat left in statewide office in Texas, the Republicans have taken every judgeship in Harris County, and yesterday I found out I have cancer."

Pause.

"I think I'll go out and get a pregnancy test because with my luck, it'll come back positive."

• Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair's-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother?

Oh, it's just that your life is at stake.

• Texas' performance, or lack of it, on Medicaid is already the subject of one federal court order and is likely to attract another as we continue to lag in providing health insurance for poor kids.

• You want moral leadership? Try the clergy. It's their job.

• The problem with those who choose received Authority over fact and logic is how they choose which part of Authority to obey. The Bible famously contradicts itself at many points (I have never understood why any Christian would choose the Old Testament over the New), and the Koran can be read as a wonderfully compassionate and humanistic document. Which suggests that the problem of fundamentalism lies not with authority, but with ourselves.

• The Israelis and the Palestinians are not condemned to some eternal hell where they have to kill each other forever.

• ...Phil Gramm, the senator from Enron... :rofl:

• ...you could have knocked me over with Michael Huffington's brain.

• Say, here's an item: A group of right-wing journalists famed for their impartiality has set themselves up as the Patriotism Police. No less distinguished a crowd than Rush Limbaugh, Matt Drudge, The New York Post editorial page and the Fox News Channel -- quite a bunch of Pulitzer winners there -- are now passing judgment on whether media outlets that do actual reporting are sufficiently one-sided for their taste.

• I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.

• If he gets even more sedate, we will have to water him twice a week.

• If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head.

• There is one area in which I think Paglia and I would agree that politically correct feminism has produced a noticeable inequity. Nowadays, when a woman behaves in a hysterical and disagreeable fashion, we say, "Poor dear, it's probably PMS." Whereas, if a man behaves in a hysterical and disagreeable fashion, we say, "What an asshole." Let me leap to correct this unfairness by saying of Paglia, Sheesh, what an asshole.

• She bellies up to the gourmet cracker-barrel and delivers laid-back wisdom with the serenity of a down-home Buddha who has discovered that stool softeners really work.

• When Ivins writes, there has to be a jalapeno in every line.

• I should confess that I've always been more of an observer than a participant in Texas Womanhood: the spirit was willing but I was declared ineligible on grounds of size early. You can't be six feet tall and cute, both. I think I was first named captain of the basketball team when I was four and that's what I've been ever since.

• Everyone knows the man has no clue, but no one there has the courage to say it. I mean, good gawd, the man is as he always has been: barely adequate.

• Let me say for the umpteenth time, George W. is not a stupid man. The IQ of his gut, however, is open to debate. In Texas, his gut led him to believe the death penalty has a deterrent effect, even though he acknowledged there was no evidence to support his gut's feeling. When his gut, or something, causes him to announce that he does not believe in global warming -- as though it were a theological proposition -- we once again find his gut ruling that evidence is irrelevant. In my opinion, Bush's gut should not be entrusted with making peace in the Middle East.

• Last week, I began a sentence by saying, "If Bush had any imagination ..." and then I hit myself. Silly me.

• If, at the end of this short book, you find W. Bush's political resume a little light, don't blame us. There's really not much there. We have been looking for six years.

• If you think his daddy had trouble with "the vision thing," wait till you meet this one.

• "What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position."

• Personally, I think he's further evidence that the Great Scriptwriter in the sky has an overdeveloped sense of irony.


http://womenshistory.about.com/od/quotes/a/molly_ivins_...
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eleny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 06:56 PM
Response to Original message
1. Recommended!
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PDJane Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 07:14 PM
Response to Original message
2. I so loved that woman..........
I am really, really, going to miss her. Ms. Ivins is the second thing I ever liked about Texas.....the other was a very witty couple of Scottish descent who don't really count as Texans.
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mcscajun Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 07:14 PM
Response to Original message
3. Thank you for bringing this together. I've bookmarked it.
and sent you off to the Greatest Page.

Everyone should see this tonight. :)

RIP, Molly.
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Hav Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 07:18 PM
Response to Original message
4. .
Thanks.
A great mind.
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 07:23 PM
Response to Original message
5. She tried to warn America about Shrub when he was Guvner.
I met her at a book signing at Brazos Bookstore in Houston. We told her about our Barbara Jordan Biography CD-ROM (which never got off the ground due to lack of support from her church). I think we gave her a free copy. She said "God Bless You".

I'm crying. One of our true Texas originals.

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lady lib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 07:23 PM
Response to Original message
6. What a one-of-a-kind gal...a real gem.
These were my favorite quotes:

• I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.

• If he gets even more sedate, we will have to water him twice a week.

• If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head.

:spray:
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AtomicKitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 07:32 PM
Response to Original message
7. Sweet.
Thanks Mr. Zulu. :)
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Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 07:35 PM
Response to Original message
8. And now I've just had a good cry. The past six years have been
such a real nightmare for humanity, Miss Molly always brought some comfort and sanity.

I can't tell you how suprised I am by my reaction. Your post is an excellent tribute to a most excellent human being, thank you zulchzulu :hug:

Love always to Molly.
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Spiffarino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 09:30 PM
Response to Original message
9. K&R'd this tiny but tasty sample of Molly's enormous gift
Bye, Molly. Thanks for teaching us that laughter and insight are a perfect couple.
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 09:50 PM
Response to Original message
10. I just ruined a clean pair of pants and it was so worth it:
Edited on Wed Jan-31-07 09:50 PM by MJDuncan1982
"I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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salin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 09:52 PM
Response to Original message
11. Bookmarked, and K & R
Molly will be missed - may those close to her know who much she was appreciated/valued and to how many she informed/taught. RIP.
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calimary Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 10:00 PM
Response to Original message
12. Hey, thanks for posting these! They're typically wonderful - just like
she was.

I said this someplace else just a moment ago - we now have another battle cry:

"IMPEACHMENT NOW!!! LET'S DO IT FOR MOLLY!!!"

"END THE WAR NOW!!! LET'S DO IT FOR MOLLY!!!"

And we all KNOW that's exactly what she would have wanted.
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burrowowl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 10:24 PM
Response to Original message
13. K&R
Needed a good chuckle from Molly!
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zulchzulu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-31-07 10:29 PM
Response to Original message
14. And for good measure, a couple MP3 interviews of Molly to enjoy...
Edited on Wed Jan-31-07 10:30 PM by zulchzulu
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mzmolly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 11:37 AM
Response to Original message
15. *snif*
Irreplaceable.

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PDittie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 01:09 PM
Response to Original message
16. Referring to the Texas legislature
From a column entitled "Sometimes you just have to laugh":

After yet another unsuccessful effort to modify the Texas sodomy law, the authors of a successful amendment were slapping backs and high-fiving. A voice from the press box said, “Sergeant, you must go over and reprimand both those men. Because under the amendments just passed by them, it is now illegal for a prick to touch an asshole in this state."
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PDittie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 01:10 PM
Response to Original message
17. Referring to the Texas legislature
From a column entitled "Sometimes you just have to laugh":

After yet another unsuccessful effort to modify the Texas sodomy law, the authors of a successful amendment were slapping backs and high-fiving. A voice from the press box said, “Sergeant, you must go over and reprimand both those men. Because under the amendments just passed by them, it is now illegal for a prick to touch an asshole in this state."
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Sequoia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 01:39 PM
Response to Original message
18. Thank you so much. The southern liberal one really hit home for me.
I'm going to use a quote for our display board next week. A funny one, but they're all funny and true. Damn, she died young really. God bless you Molly and I'll bet he's just up there laughing with you and my golly there's Buddha and Mohammand too. Praise the lord!
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eppur_se_muova Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 03:46 PM
Response to Original message
19. omigawd -- you've mixed in a quote by Bu**sh**! The second to the last ...
"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position."

Vulcanize society? That's a classic Bu**sh**ism.
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 05:14 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. Where's Spock???
We know he uses the Vulcan neck pinch on Laura to keep her lined up. Ecchh.
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ProudDad Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 05:18 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. It's labeled as Molly quoting bush
in the article... :hi:

There have been numerous times in the last few decades when a Molly Ivins column or quote has saved my sanity and reminded me that on the cosmic scale of things, this too will pass. She NEVER lost her optimism and, bless her for her help, neither have I.

Goodbye for now, Molly. And thanks... :toast:
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immoderate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 05:52 PM
Response to Original message
22. She said, "I like speaking to African-American groups, because...
...I don't have to explain George Bush to them."

I heard her say that on C-SPAN.

--IMM
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immoderate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 05:54 PM
Response to Original message
23. She said, "I like speaking to African-American groups, because...
...I don't have to explain George Bush to them."

I heard her say that on C-SPAN.

--IMM
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immoderate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 05:55 PM
Response to Original message
24. She said, "I like speaking to African-American groups, because...
...I don't have to explain George Bush to them."

I heard her say that on C-SPAN.

--IMM
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immoderate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 05:58 PM
Response to Original message
25. She said, "I like speaking to African-American groups, because...
...I don't have to explain George Bush to them."

I heard her say that on C-SPAN.

--IMM
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immoderate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 06:00 PM
Response to Original message
26. She said, "I like speaking to African-American groups, because...
...I don't have to explain George Bush to them."

I heard her say that on C-SPAN.

--IMM
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Treclo Donating Member (137 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 06:07 PM
Response to Original message
27. Thanks for the memories....
Check out the Texas Observer for more Molly quotes and tributes.
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jazzjunkysue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-01-07 06:46 PM
Response to Original message
28. "Dubya's a guy who was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple."
That's an Ivins, right?

God bless the old gal. Wish I could have been her friend. At least I'm a friend of her attitude. I question authority daily.
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