A Simple Plan - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Mon Dec-18-06 08:24 PM
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A Simple Plan

A Simple Plan

The Honorable George H.W. Bush
Sir:

I will get right to the point. Your son, George Junior, is an Idiot. Let’s not waste each other’s time debating the point. You know it, I know it – the whole world knows it.

While your Idiot Son is twiddling his thumbs on the Iraq issue, more of our troops, along with innocent Iraqis, are dying. The Middle East is more unstable than it’s ever been. Our traditional allies want nothing more to do with us – I think you get the picture.

I know there is no point in appealing to your conscience, as we both know you don’t have one. But I think you’ll agree that this current state of affairs will not look very rosy in the history books years from now, and there is the Bush Legacy to consider. After all, someday – many, many decades from now – the US citizenry may actually forget what a screw-up your kid was, and might consider electing another Bush to political office.

Now that I have your attention, I would like to propose my simple plan for extracting the country from the debacle your Idiot Son has created in Iraq.

Because Georgie will not agree to pull our troops out, now or ever, he must be temporarily removed from the White House long enough for you to do so.

There are several ways to accomplish this. You can (a) tell him there is a brush-clearing emergency on the Crawford ranch that he must see to immediately, (b) remind him that it is some big-wig Republican’s birthday and the usual sets, lighting and props are already in place for the photographers to get GREAT pictures of him attending the festivities, or (c) advise him that because he is the president, he can go to DisneyWorld and get on all of the rides for free! (I’m confident the last option will be the most appealing.)

Step two will be getting any ‘problem’ people out of DC as well, i.e. those who might interfere with The Plan. Cheney can be invited on a special kind of hunting trip, one where he can shoot anything he wants, including his friends, without consequence – believe me, he won’t be able to resist.

In normal circumstances, Condi could be a problem. But if you stuff her office mailbox with flyers announcing shoe sales (75% OFF!!! ALL SIZES/ALL COLORS STILL IN STOCK!!!), she’ll probably be out the door faster than you can say “Ferragamo”. Alternatively, you can suggest she accompany the Idiot Son at DisneyWorld – be sure to mention that Laura won’t be going along; that should do it.

Now, here’s where you come in: With Idiot Son and the rest of the gang out of the White House, you sneak into the Oval Office and issue an executive order that all US military personnel are to leave Iraq immediately. Of course, it will have to look like the order originated with Idiot Son, but that is easily done. Simply scrawl an almost-illegible note on a scrap of paper. Use a crayon, and be sure to avoid any ‘big’ words (i.e. anything of more than two syllables). Mis-spell things here and there, and use REALLY bad grammar, just to make it look authentic. Believe me, no one will ever suspect it didn’t come from the chimp-in-chief himself.

By the time Georgie has had a turn on every DisneyWorld ride and heads back to D.C., our troops will be on their way home.

So now the next phase: How do you keep Georgie from finding out what you’ve been up to in his absence? Well, that’s the beauty part. Being as he never reads newspapers, or pays attention to the daily briefings (like that August 6th briefing of 2001), he’ll be totally in the dark until it’s too late to rescind the call for troop removal.

When Cheney gets wind of it, he’ll be pissed – but not for long. He only watches FOX-News, and they’ll be singing the praises of this latest G.W. Bush “victory” twenty-four/seven – just like they do every time he does anything. After listening to the nauseating adulation for a few days, Dick will be on-board with the whole thing before you know it.

The last phase of The Plan is the “Victory in Iraq” celebrations at the White House, the guest list strategically kept down to the ‘true believers’ like Tony Snow, Rumsfeld, the PNAC crowd. They’ll toast each other well into the morning, congratulating themselves on their great achievement until the sun comes up.

You could even have one of those hideously gaudy satin jackets made – you know, like roadies wear on rock tours – with “Mission REALLY Accomplished” emblazoned in sequins across the back. You KNOW what a sucker the Idiot Son is for crap like that; he’ll be strutting around in the Rose Garden for the paparazzi, bragging about HIS great plan for months!

I realize The Plan requires a great deal of deceit, distortion of the facts, PR spin and out-and-out lies – but that’s what got us into this mess in Iraq in the first place, so it’ll just be business as usual for the entire BushCo enterprise.

I hope you will give The Plan serious consideration – after all, you kind of owe it to the country. You KNEW what an Idiot your son was all along, and yet you encouraged him to seek the presidency anyway.

Think about it. It could mean a day in the future when people don’t automatically spit on the ground every time they hear the name “Bush” mentioned in what would otherwise be polite conversation or serious political discussion.

Yours Truly,
Nancy Greggs