Turkeys Again Refuse Ceremonial White House Pardon

[Bob Geiger]

Struggling to absorb his own abysmal approval ratings and the Republican party's landslide defeat in the midterm elections, George W. Bush took another shot to the gut today when both birds designated by Bush as the National Thanksgiving Turkeys, refused the president's ceremonial "pardon."

"Flyer" and "Fryer" who hail from the Lynn Nutt farm in Monett, Missouri, were formally pardoned by Bush in a ceremony today at the White House, marking the 59th anniversary of the Thanksgiving tradition.

But both white-feathered birds made it clear that they would refuse the president's pardon, citing fundamental disagreements with Bush-administration policies and the legacy of last year's pardon recipients, "Yam" and "Marshmallow," who broke new ground in the turkey community by spurning Bush in 2005.

"This wasn't an easy decision. I mean, hey, I used to be a Republican," said a pugnacious Fryer in an interview on Tuesday evening. "But this guy Bush being both a Chickenhawk and a lame duck is an insult to all birds. Even turkeys have standards."

The event began awkwardly when this exchange occurred between Flyer and Bush:

Bush: Flyer's probably wondering where he's going to wind up tomorrow. He's probably thinking he's going to end up on somebody's table (Laughter.)

Flyer: Bite me.

The other turkey, Fryer, was barred from attending today's ceremony while a clearly-drugged Flyer attempted a strong peck at Bush and was quickly restrained by alert Secret Service agents.

"This is bullshit, man," gobbled Flyer as he was wrestled to the ground by the White House security detail. "Don’t let the world forget me!"



White House spokesman Tony Snow said that the president found the birds' stance "disappointing" and that, like last year's turkeys, Flyer and Fryer had a clear partisan agenda.

"This is a well-orchestrated attempt by Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi to distract attention from the pro-bird compassion that has characterized this administration," said Snow. "It's unfortunate that Flyer and Fryer have chosen to align themselves with Michael Moore and the far left-wing of the Democratic party."

Meanwhile, "Corn" and "Copia" who received 21 percent of the vote on the White House web site to Flyer and Fryer's 27 percent, accepted their certain death sentence, while claiming voter fraud.

"Duh, it's the Republican party running this election," said Copia, in a defiant, farewell press conference, after narrowly losing the eleventh-hour reprieve . "Don’t think for a minute that Diebold's hands aren't all over these results."

Fryer, who was kept from the ceremony by the Secret Service and Bush's dog, Barney, says he expects the same fate as Yam and Marshmallow, who he claims were waterboarded in the White House pool before having their necks wrung following the tumultuous 2005 ceremony.

"Everyone knows Cheney couldn’t wait to get his hands on Yam," said the 33-pound Fryer, as White House staffers struggled to muzzle him. "And it's common knowledge that Marshmallow spent six months at Guantanamo Bay before he became turkey nuggets."

And Flyer, who was forced to endure the Rose-Garden ceremony for the sake of the press and the assembled Girl Scouts, expressed no regrets as he was led away.

"Bush is an enormous tool," said Flyer. "I'm not crazy about ending up on someone's table tomorrow, but I'm not accepting any favors from that idiot."

[NanceGreggs]

1. This is what I'd call ...

... an instant classic!!!

[Bunny]

2. That's a beautiful thing.

[demdiva]

3. LOL. Thanks for that

[YankeyMCC]

4. LoL good stuff thx nt

[Generator]

5. Lame duck chickenhawk

Who's the real turkey huh? LOL.

[Spinzonner]

6. There's no shortage of turkeys in the Bush administration

who will need pardons

[rosesaylavee]

7. Thanks for the great laugh n/t

[ulysses]

8. that

is some funny shit.

[stevedeshazer]

9. brilliant, thanks

k n r

[neuvocat]

10. So the turkeys give the bird to Bush huh?

[dweller]

11. typo

Crony Snowjob would never say Democratic party.

dp

[MCMetal]

12. Turkey Saver

Does Chimpy pardoning 2 turkeys mean that impeachment is off the table for the Dems as far as Chimpy and Dickhead Cheney go ?


What a pity ............

[awoke_in_2003]

13. And, ironically,

the only stays-of-execution he has ever granted.

[highnooner]

15. This has ben emailed.

[mcg]

17. there was another, Henry Lee Lucas

http://www.houseofhorrors.com/lucas.htm

'... On June 27, 1998 Governor George W. Bush spared Henry's life because of overwhelming evidence proving that Henry was not in Texas when "Orange Socks" was murdered. Although Lucas confessed to killing her, work records and a cashed paycheck indicated he was in Florida at the time of the murder. Bush issued the reprieve on the recommendation of the state parole board. "I can only thank them for believing the truth and having guts enough for standing up for what's right," Lucas said from death row.

"Henry Lee Lucas is unquestionably guilty of other despicable crimes which he has been sentenced to spend the rest of his life in prison," said Bush, in Brownsville for a conference of U.S.-Mexico border state governors. "However, I believe there is enough doubt about this particular crime that the state of Texas should not impose its ultimate penalty by executing him." ...'

[bklyncowgirl]

14. Cute--the turkey did look heavily sedated. nt

[Submariner]

16. Boycott Butterball: The House of Horrors

http://www.goveg.com/feat/butterball/butterball.asp

[mcg]

18. conditions in and around factory farms

The text at 'Thanksgiving at the White House, 2006'
conveniently does not describe the conditions in factory farms.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/holiday/thanksgiving/2006 /

'... The birds are commercial turkeys used in normal industry production, and they were raised using the same techniques as other commercial birds. They were fed a regular diet of corn and soybean meal and were provided a continuous supply of fresh water.

A few minor modifications were made to prepare the birds for the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation. About 30 turkeys were removed from the normal commercial production flock and are being raised separately on Nutt’s farm. The birds are periodically hand fed and given additional interaction with people in an effort to acclimate them. ...'

No mention of overcrowding, restrictive battery cages, debeaking, cruel slaughter, lack of sunshine, polluted air, frankenturkeys ...

http://www.factoryfarming.com/gallery/photos_video.htm

http://www.factoryfarming.com/gallery/photos_poultry.ht...

http://www.hsus.org/farm /

http://www.hsus.org/farm/multimedia

The air is so bad it causes respiratory problems for human residents in neighboring towns.

http://www.grist.org/news/muck/2004/05/19/griscom-CAFOs

Crowded by the thousands into huge, factory-like warehouses, female turkeys raised for slaughter in the U.S. are typically allotted 2.5 square-feet of space per bird, while toms are given a mere 3.5 square-feet of space each. The typical 50’ X 500’ factory farm warehouse holds approximately 10,000 hens or 7,000 toms. The overcrowded birds, who are unable to comfortably move, or exhibit natural behaviors, are driven to excessive pecking and fighting. To reduce injuries, factory farmers cut off the ends of their beaks and toes, practices know as debeaking and detoeing. These painful mutilations are performed without anesthesia and can result in excessive bleeding, infections and death.

http://www.adoptaturkey.org/industry.htm

EPA deal gives factory farms a pass on pollution.
http://www.vegsandiego.com/veg/246/EPA_deal_gives_facto...

Nope, no mention of any of this.

[nam78_two]

19. I wish I could recommend thse last two posts