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by Victoria Sousa
Note: I wrote the following spoof yesterday. Of course, as fast as this story is breaking and developing, everything we say becomes out of date pretty quickly. But I thought some of you might enjoy this anyway.
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When the reporter who first outed Valerie Plame Wilson in a big way finally publishes his "definitive" article -- which he has probably already begun if not completed, American citizens along with everyone else will presumably have the answers that have not yet been forthcoming through any other sources. I believe that if Bob Novak would tell the truth instead of spinning it, we would all be surprised -- in more ways than one!
His news piece might go something like this.
~*~*~*~*~
Even on a "double secret background" basis, my buddy Karl Rove could not do what I could -- target Ambassador Joe Wilson for his refusal to agree with GWB's pre-war stance on WMD's in Iraq by very publicly revealing Wilson's wife's employment by the CIA. It is I who should be in Karl's shoes right now as he tries to fend off the many legitimate attacks from various directions.
Karl didn't call me to plant a vengeful story about Mrs. Wilson. Rather I, knowing that Rove is, like me, an openly dedicated Republican who will resort to dubious methods to sway public opinion away from the Democrats' point of view, called the president's right hand man to see if he would confirm my suspicion that Mrs. Wilson works for the CIA -- or give me any other dirt on the pair that I might use.
However, Karl Rove is too smart to risk being indicted for a crime, even if doing so by discrediting or "wounding" an enemy might boost his liege's position on the need to go to war in Iraq, or on any other issues.
No, it is I, Bob Novak, who should be brought up on treason charges or at the very least corrected and condemned by the public and my colleagues in the press. I will not name my source for the initial tip I received about Mrs. Wilson's employment by the CIA, but I could not publish an article revealing this fact until I confirmed with a ranking GOP contact on the "inside" that it was indeed a fact. I don't want to be embarrassed or even sued, after all, for writing something for publication that could be proven to be incorrect and perhaps libelous.
So I took my question about Mrs. Wilson's employment status at the CIA to my old friend who should know or could find out if she does work for "The Company." Karl took my call, of course, since he and I have the same goals in terms of backing up our president's reasoning for his stated policy and actions even if it means putting a dissenter or an opponent in danger or destroys her future as a CIA operative.
When Rove confirmed to me that the tip I got about Mrs. Wilson was correct, he did so for my information and at the same time cautioned me that I should be careful about what I write publicly on this matter. I won't say if I knew for certain that Mrs. Wilson's job at the CIA was as a covert operative, but I was of course well aware that no one should think he can "out" a covert Company operative without risking facing serious legal consequences for doing so.
I did not, as some have claimed, inform Karl that Mrs. Wilson was a CIA employee, but I did ask him if he could confirm this as fact for me. He could and did -- in what time frame I will not say. (He may have had to go check it out and get back with me.)
Another thing: I have waited so long to publish this tell-all article not because I am scrupulous about revealing important information while an investigation is in progress but because I want the confusion, rancor, interest and suspense to build. That way my final word on the matter offered upon the conclusion of the investigation will make me look like the ultimate authority, even if I have no real expert knowledge or power except to harm people by telling sensitive secrets about them to the world. That is a very real influence, after all, and I will take whatever credit I can get for undoing an opponent of the president and the GOP. I have been around for a long time and am a "senior" reporter, though others who don't like me might just call me "old."
Of course the real article I write, not this version you are reading that was written by a U.S. citizen who isn't even a blogger, let alone a journalist, will spin the entire story to favor my own party, the GOP, and as much as possible clear both my friend Karl Rove and myself. I will do what I can to get Karl off the hook, but I won't put myself *on* the hook in order to do so! The last thing I want to have happen is that I end up in prison, convicted on the evidence of my own writing and the intent of it (much like corporate thief Bernie Ebbers was sentenced to 25 years in the federal prison system, which means a life sentence at his age).
I'm not worried that I will face such a fate, however. I have been, as I admitted above, a reporter for the Republican cause for more years than I care to remember. I didn't last this long in the field of political journalism by being stupid enough to put my own head on the chopping block. In fact, if it comes right down to it, I'll sacrifice my pal Karl in a heartbeat to protect my own neck.
~*~*~*~*~
Now doesn't that sound like a refreshingly honest telling of these events, which have become a political and legal hot potato of late? Why not just level with the American public for a change? (Hah! Dream on, girl.) We're not all as naive and gullible as some characters on the political stage might think.
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