Let's have fun with this rightwing email!

[zappaman]

Okay, this guy used to be one of my best friends. Now, however, we barely talk. He has drank the kool aid and even though he has never served in the armed forces, he has become SUPER-PATRIOT.
I constantly get ridiculous emails from him like this.
I already sent back the stats showing that the USA lags in comparision to other countries when it comes to what percentage of our GNP goes to foreign aid, but I really want to come up with a speech that WE would like to hear and send it back to him...and everyone he CC'ed.





A SPEECH I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR!!


WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?



My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is now complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious
Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America.
Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
thank a soldier.

Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every USA computer

[T Roosevelt]

1. The important thing is

you're reply should be directed at anybody else who was on the distribution. Your friend is probably not going to read it, and if he does will probably ignore it.

[zappaman]

3. I always hit "reply all"!

Which REALLY pisses him off!

[Oreo]

2. Your forgot Poland.... pulled out their troops

Spain too

as for Bulgaria... was it 4 or 5 soldiers they had in Iraq?

I'm typing this in English... shove it up your ass freeper



Non-US Forces in Iraq - 15 March 2005

The size and capabilities of the Coalition forces involved in operations in Iraq has been a subject of much debate, confusion, and at times exageration. As of March 15, 2004, there were 25 non-U.S. military forces participating in the coalition and contributing to the ongoing stability operations throughout Iraq. These countries were Albania, Armenia, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Denmark, El Salvador, Estonia, Georgia, Italy, Japan, Kazakhstan, South Korea, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Mongolia, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Romania, Slovakia, United Kingdom, Ukraine. As of March 8, 2004, the MNF-I website incorrectly included Portugal in the list; that country's troops left Iraq in February. It also omitted Armenia which has about 46 troops in Iraq which it deployed in Jan. 2005.

The Kingdom of Tonga's contingent of 40+ troops returned home on December 17, 2004. Hungary completely pulled its troops out of Iraq by December 22, 2004. Portugal withdrew its contingent of policemen after having been in Iraq for 15 months in February 2005. Moldova withdrew its contingent of 12 in February 2005. Fiji deployed 150 troops to Iraq, but they are there under UN banner (UNAMI) and are therefore not be counted in the coalition. Singapore deployed a shipt to the Persian Gulf on Nov. 27, but since the country does not actually contribute troops on the ground in Iraq, it is not being included in the coalition count. Armenia deployed 46 troops to Iraq in mid-January 2005.

Countries which had troops in or supported operations in Iraq at one point but have pulled out since: Nicaragua (Feb. 2004); Spain (late-Apr. 2004); Dominican Republic (early-May 2004); Honduras (late-May 2004); Philippines (~Jul. 19, 2004); Thailand (late-Aug. 2004); New Zealand (late Sep. 2004); Tonga (mid-Dec. 2004) Hungary (end Dec. 2004); Portugal (mid-Feb. 2005); Moldova (Feb. 2005)

Countries planning to withdraw from Iraq: Poland (starting Jan.05 and completed by end.05(?)); the Netherlands (Mar. 05); Bulgaria (end of 2005, depending on circumstances); Ukraine (entire contingent, in stages until mid-October 2005), Italy (Sept. 2005)

Countries which have reduced or are planning to reduce their troop commitment: Ukraine (-200 during Fall04 rotation); Moldova (reduced contingent to 12 around mid-2004); Norway (reduced from ~150 to 10 late-Jun.04, early Jul.04); Bulgaria (-50, Dec.04); Poland (-700, Feb.05).

Countries planning or rumored to be planning to increase troop contingent to Iraq: Romania (rumor, 100+ in support of UNAMI); Albania (+50 April 05); Thailand (200(?)).

Countries supporting UNAMI: Fiji (150+); Georgia

Countries with other contribution, but no troops in Iraq: Singapore (LST ship with 180-person crew in Persian Gulf).

Countries refusing to send troops because of security situation: Pakistan.

[Worst Username Ever]

4. And next time America gets attacked

and we actually decide to do the RIGHT thing (read: not invade a country that had nothing to do with it, but rather pursue those actually responsible), we will be standing alone, again, with no support. Yeah, that'd be a great move. Your friend is a genius.

[Arkana]

5. *snort* Oh, yeah, sure--I want to watch Dubya be a tough guy on TV

and get a *bleep* like his loyal stooges do.

[Minnesota_Lib]

6. Great idea....

After we cut all ties with the world, there will be no reason for every other nation not to start trading in euros instead of the dollar, making the dollar virtually worthless.

With a greatly devalued dollar, our nervous creditors, such as China, will probably start recalling their loans. Not having enough money to pay-off our loans we will default. No more loans for us. Taxes on the middle-class will need to be raised (the rich will not have to worry about that if Republicans are still in power) dramatically to make up the difference.

Since we defaulted on all our loans and have no real trade partner left, perhaps China, Russia, Japen and the European nations will put embargos or high tariffs on most of our products. Why not? Hello massive unemployment.

Wow..then OPEC can really break our backs by continuing to raise oil prices....and then the bin Laden boys will be able praise Allah for their victory.


Yes, a great idea….if you want to find out what it’s like living in a third world nation.

[ComerPerro]

7. Reply All with something like:

"As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is now complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days"


Yeah, that would be nice. Too bad Bush is such a fuckup that we won't be hearing it anytime soon. He screwed up badly, and overshot the projected costs by about $300 billion.