Ironic Times: Inaugural Schedule

[Swamp Rat]

Inaugural Schedule

6-9 AM: Citizens along the parade route are interrogated and strip searched.
10 AM: Attorney General John Ashcroft leads the Abu Ghraib Tabernacle Choir in “Onward Christian Soldiers.”
10:30 AM: Colin Powell interrogated and strip searched.
11 AM: All Iraqi election officials granted asylum, interrogated and strip searched.
Noon: Dick Cheney sworn in, exorcised.
1 PM: Grand jury investigating Tom DeLay sent to Guantanamo for questioning.
2 PM: U.S. Poet Laureate reads “Oh Captain, My Captain,” specially rewritten as a tribute to Ken Lay.
3 PM: The “Getting Tough on Corporate Crime” float, featuring Martha Stewart in stocks, passes reviewing stand.
4 PM: Bush takes oath, gives speech, “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do to You, When the Only Thing You Have to Fear is Your Country, Itself.”
5-Midnight: Pharmaceutical Industry Soiree, Energy Industry Banquet, Insurance Companies Gala, U. S. Chamber of Commerce Bacchanal.

http://www.ironictimes.com/0227-p3.html

:D

[underpants]

1. Two other great ones (LOVE Ironic Times)

What to Do If You Find Yourself
in a Pit of Quicksand
1. Remain calm. Panic doesn't help.
2. Assess the situation.
3. Whatever the result of the assessment, DO NOT leave the quicksand. This is the same as admitting you made a mistake.
4. Stay the course. Your friends and enemies will gain respect for you if you persevere.
5. Ask others to join you in the quicksand.
6. If nobody joins you, never mind: continue in the same direction, deeper into the pit.
7. Talk about something else. Maybe nobody will notice you're sinking.





As I begin my second term, I thought it would be a good time to look back at some of the accomplishments of my first term.
Following the attacks of 9/11, we successfully chased Osama bin Laden all the way to northern Pakistan, where he now lives in isolation, cut off from the world. He can never use a telephone again, we've made absolutely sure of that.
When Saddam Hussein threatened us with imminent nuclear and biological attack (according to George Tenet, a fine man), we overthrew him and restored democracy to a proud country. Heck, they're about to vote!
After inheriting a deep recession and spiraling deficit from the previous administration, we turned the economy around by cutting taxes for our most productive citizens. And they repaid us by financing the most exclusive inaugural celebration in our nation's history.
We put snowmobiles back in Yellowstone, God back in government, and Christ back in Christmas.
And we're just getting started. Thanks to you.

[Swamp Rat]

3. HAHA! Thanks for including them. n/t

[Virginian]

2. Those Thursday morning strip searches are gonna be cold.

The temps are supposed to be below freezing Thurs Morn. There may be a residual dusting of snow from the Wednesday flurries. I would hate to be strip searched in that kind of weather.

[Contrary1]

4. Well, at least he will have

his $3000.00 one of a kind cowboy hat to keep his head warm.
Wouldn't want the cold to prevent him from thinking about
what he was going to say.

Probably has the wire imbedded in the brim.