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Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion: Presidential (Through Nov 2009) Donate to DU
 
truthisfreedom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-24-04 10:09 PM
Original message
dear prez bush,
That Leviticus was a pistol, wasn't he? I just received this email from a friend... no idea who the source is.


Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I
have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with
as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22
clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some
advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws
and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how
can I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense at this.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees"
of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to
all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.
24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.
20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
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Lucky Luciano Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-24-04 10:13 PM
Response to Original message
1. funny! nt
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AuntieM1957 Donating Member (775 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-24-04 10:40 PM
Response to Original message
2. I wonder if George and Laura would sell the twins
Would it be a BOGO - buy one, get one kind of deal?

Surely they couldn't charge full price for that pair, eh?

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bush_is_wacko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-24-04 10:50 PM
Response to Original message
3. This is hilarious! n/t
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L84TEA Donating Member (668 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-24-04 11:29 PM
Response to Original message
4. lmao...
there are soo many more you could add...
oh man...my guts hurt from laughin!!
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Buddhakitty Donating Member (45 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-24-04 11:30 PM
Response to Original message
5. I LOVE THIS POST... Why don't the lemmings see they are hypocrites?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ????????????????????
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truthisfreedom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-25-04 05:32 AM
Response to Reply #5
6. because they live in the land of make-believe!
wait, i think i hear mr. trolley! ding ding!
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