Wrtie George Bush's Concession Speech!!

GiovanniC

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Tue Nov-02-04 12:20 PM
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Wrtie George Bush's Concession Speech!!

Edited on Tue Nov-02-04 12:22 PM by GiovanniC

I'll go first.

"My fellow Americans... what a long strange trip it's been. When I look out at the sea of faces of all the people I have royally fucked over, one thing comes to mind: It was hard work.

That hard work started four years ago, after I stole the 2000 election. It takes a lot of people working hard to overthrow the very basis of Democracy in a place where Democracy was first conceived. But it takes more than hard work. It takes nads of solid titanium.

And when I withdrew us from treaty after treaty, pissing off the whole world, you probably wondered what I was thinking. And after I let my drunk energy company pals play submarine captain and sink a Japanese fishing boat, and then crashed a spy plane in China, you probably thought I wouldn't possibly be able to fuck up our foreign policy any worse. Well, you all misunderestimated me. I am sure this is clear now.

When it came to domestic policies, I suckered you all good with my tax cuts for the uber-wealthy and that "rebate" that you had to pay back at the end of the year. And stem cells... well, I pissed everyone off with that little gem. Didn't want to make Superman mad at me, but those Bible-thumpers are pushy too. So I took the high horse and I claimed the low road.

But then 9/11 happened. I learned many valuable things that day, not the least of which is that goats will eat ANYTHING! I later learned that if say "9/11" and "Saddam Hussein" in the same sentence long enough, people will start to think they're connected.

So we blew the fuck out of Iraq, killed over 100,000 Iraqi citizens, killed and maimed thousands of US soldiers, and found zero weapons of mass destruction. Guess I got a little egg on my face, huh? But you know, I can't really think of any mistakes I've made.

My whole presidency has been a string of successes. I successfully put more arsenic in your kids' drinking water. I successfully ensured the passage of bills called "Clean Skies" and "Healthy Forests" which ensure neither. By the way, got any wood? Heh heh heh.

I've got over a hundred thousand troops getting their asses blown up in a country that posed no danger to us while I've only got ten thousand guys searching for the guy who killed thousands of Americans just three short years ago. Meanwhile, he keeps releasing videos like he's Outkast -- who I am told are not a group of misfits.

I wiped my ass with the surplus the same way my attorney general wipes his ass with the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. We're now racking up the biggest deficit ever and the highest unemployment since Herbert Hoover. Digging holes is hard work. It's hard work.

Speaking of hard work, oppressing minorities like blacks and homosexuals is hard work, too. I've read on the Internets that blacks continue to be disenfranchised more than any other group, decades after that Martin Lawrence King guy had a dream that this shit would stop. Speaking of Martin Luther, I take a long piss on his grave every year by celebrating his day with anti-civil rights judicial nominations and anti-affirmative action Supreme Court briefs. And don't get me started on people like Dick Cheney's dyke daughter. I know she and many others like her don't like getting screwed by old white men, but boy are they! And how!

There was much more we could have accomplished if we had successfully stolen this election also. We could have appointed Supreme Court judges who would put women back in the alleyways with coat hangers, where they belong. There are still several nations in this world who are not yet occupied by American forces. There are many more billions of dollars that have not yet been put in Halliburton's bank account. The list goes on.

But ladies and gentlemen, this rocketship ride ends here, in Crawford. I will spend the rest of my days clearing brush, or at least until they whisk me off to the Hague, at which point I will probably end up in a homosexual union of my own. But I want to thank you all for supporting me. When I look out at this sea of 11 faces, grinning all those 18 teeth at me... my wings take dream.

Thank you."