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[ilaughatrightwingers]

During my silent hours, I travel. So lost in thoughts, my eyes journey from earth to heaven, from this tiny spot of Gaza to the whole Cosmos, from the world’s biggest prison to absolute freedom. The sky. The sea. The sand. And the seagulls. With my strong power of meditation on each, I can heal myself. They say I lack some communication skills; perhaps I do, but at least I can communicate with myself.

I need neither a psychiatrist nor a neurologist. I haven’t ever needed a doctor or visited a clinic during my lifetime; I know pretty well how to cure myself when I undergo some mental dysfunctions, maybe, due to the stresses and strains of life in Gaza. My hours of silence make everyone around wonder what on earth I am doing. Nothing, I am just enjoying “the sweetness of doing nothing.” I am actually seeing a unique work of art. In these divine moments, at least I don’t feel the siege. I am free—momentarily, anyway.

As I spend all my week’s days being always on the run, racing against time, getting pressurized by my full schedule, I decided to enjoy my Thursdays all alone, having the freedom to do whatsoever I feel like doing without getting disturbed. I started to get annoyed by the presence of people around me; therefore, I needed, at least, a day off from everything, a day free of commitment and supervision, a day with no-single person around.

With my family’s constant interruptions of my reverie, staying at home can’t be the best choice. I want to feel the presence of none. I need to hear not the slightest sound of anything; especially, when I am subjected to the roaring sound of generators on a daily basis? I’m getting sick of every-routine-thing we started to take for granted in Gaza. I grow madder and madder than ever before. I keep losing my temper. I struggle to keep it, however.

Having the sense of being locked in Gaza, being locked in my office, being locked in my room –even if it is my personal choice to lock myself in my room as if I was accustomed to being locked- I, sometimes, feel I am out of my mind. As the car passes along the Gazan streets, my eyes get tortured by either piles of rubble or rubbish scattered everywhere. I do believe that each image my eyes capture has its impact on me, whether negatively or positively. Although I used to see no sign of beauty in my Gaza, I am deeply in love with this place.

I just thought I might have needed an open space, an endless view, a wonderful scene to reflect upon. I’ve got the feeling that my eyes in a desperate need to feast upon something beautiful. Thus, I decided to spend some time on the beach to have some moments of meditation and to release myself from all kinds of tensions. Since I can’t be alone in an widely open place, like the beach, I asked my friend to come with me for company after getting promised she wouldn’t disturb my speculative moments. In fact, I can’t but owe her some gratitude for her patience and consideration.

On the beach, I chose a spot where nobody but my friend and I there. With open arms, I welcome the air inside my body. I keep gazing at the miraculous sky, feeling indescribable freedom. I keep an eye on its pretty clouds, observing its different formations and color patterns. An absolute masterpiece! I spend hours looking at the sea rolling waves while lapping on the shore. What fascinates me the most is the scene of the seagulls hovering in the sky. What crosses my mind is what I studied about romanticism. It wasn’t till I’ve experienced first-hand such overwhelming nature that I got to know what the romantics mean when they say that NATURE is their subject of inspiration and imagination as one can find everything in nature. As the seagulls flying in the sky, I observe their movements as if they were holding a meeting in mid-air discussing which direction they have to take. “Are they leaving Gaza to somewhere else?” to myself I thought. Let alone the changing color and heat of the sunlight, sometimes I can’t open my eyes due to its strong rays and other-times I shiver due to its cold rays. In twinkling, I see the whole universe suddenly changes. I once wondered “isn’t Gaza part of the cosmos, so when it would change to the better one day”.

“You can see the beauty of the universe from your place in Gaza”, a well-know Palestinian Astrophysicist and Space Scientist, Dr. Suleiman Baraka once imparted in one of his activities in Gaza entitle “Astronomy For Peace.” Now I know pretty well what he means. I feel divine peace in heaven, divine freedom in the sky and divine equality in the sand. Look up the sky and feel no restriction, no siege and no whatsoever barrier at all. I, continually, come to the sea to find some peace in air, sea and sky, away from the chaos of the Gaza city.

When I sent my friends some snaps of the sky and the beach, she was amazed by Gaza’s beauty. “Is this really Gaza? Our Gaza? You made me love it even more than before” she gasped. “Yes, but we were blinded by its tragedies,” I answered.

I came to a conclusion that beauty is in the eye and the mind of the beholder. One can see beauty in everything around. Everyone can feel the freedom by merely looking at the sky. With deep contemplation, I wonder how I used to take the sky, the sand, the sea & everything cosmic for granted. Why we keep complaining about Gaza being the biggest concentration camp on earth and we forget to have a look at the wide view of the blue sky above us. Why haven’t been taught how to appreciate the world around us even if it was the devastated Gaza. Look beyond. Look further. Let the object of our mediation be above not below. See the beauty of the universe from the poor territory of Gaza and enjoy the FREEDOM.

By Fidaa Abu Assi

http://www.paltelegraph.com/opinions/diaries/8130-beyond-my-gaza-i-see-the-whole-universe.html