Random thoughts on bullies.

[rrneck]

I was the second shortest kid in my small rural high school and I had to put up with the usual hazing at the start of my freshman year. Before long the hazing got too rough and I got tired of it. From then on anyone that tried to start that shit with me got this message: You are about to start something that will never end. You have three choices. Back off now, kill me, or grow eyes in the back of your head because I will get my pound of flesh and you won't see me coming to collect. The hazing stopped.

Of course that's just an anecdote about a personal experience so it obviously won't apply to everyone, or maybe even most people. But I have found that when dealing with bullies whether on the loading dock or in the boardroom the same logic applies. Bullies aren't looking for a fight, they're just looking for an easy victory. If you make it clear you're willing to do what you have to do to defend yourself whether you have a chance of winning or not, the fight probably won't even start.

As a bleeding heart liberal I believe things in this country need to change very rapidly in favor of those who suffer from the inequities of our culture. Economic disparity and the absurd ideologies that foster it are killing us. The poorer you are in this country the worse your chances are of a meaningful life and the greater you chances are of becoming capitalistic cannon fodder to make the rich that much richer. I am perfectly willing to give up large chunks of my lifestyle so others may live better. But if any of the downtrodden out there decide to become a bully and crawl in my window in the middle of the night I am also perfectly willing to blow his ass right back out in the yard.

If knucklehead teabaggers want to walk around in public with rifles slung it's no skin off my teeth. I'm not afraid of them. They aren't even real bullies yet. They're just desperate for an easy symbol to rally around because they're not smart enough to come up with something better. Just showing off a few guns isn't enough to push me around. If they want to try that they better be willing to actually push, and then they'll find out just how hard I can push back.

When talk of the second amendment starts it usually leads to some hypothetical regarding defense against cruise missiles and nukes. That eventuality is not the point. It isn't even remotely likely. The point is that those who might be bullied are willing to fight for what they believe and never back down. And the term fight includes everything from political activism to an actual fight involving those icky guns. It doesn't matter if you don't prevail. It doesn't matter if you die. It only matters that you are willing to fight with whatever it takes for a better world.

If you are wondering why the Republican Party has been able to get away with all the shit they've done it's because we let them. We have allowed them to bully us with almost no effort at all. Squealing about the dangers of various cosmetic features on rifles and passing feel good laws that do nothing to make real peoples lives better sends the message to the other side and to everyone in the center that we aren't really willing to put our asses on the line for what we believe. We actually live up to the flaccid caricature that's been hung around our necks and lose the fight before it ever starts.

Democrats need to make it clear that we are willing to sacrifice everything and fight to the bitter end for a better world. If we do that it won't matter how many guns anybody has because they will never be used. The bullies will just shut up and slink away. Not a few misguided souls will join our cause because they need something to believe in and we can make a country where they can believe in themselves instead of some corporate fiction.

We have to be willing to struggle to the bitter end so we won't have to.

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

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[tularetom]

2. When I was in the 9th grade one of the 11th graders used to pick on me

I told my dad about it and he gave me the standard dad speech - "Ya gotta stand up to bullies son, if you do they'll leave you alone". So the next time he started in on me I punched him in the mouth. Unfortunately he hadn't heard how bullies were supposed to react to somebody who stood up to them and he royally kicked my ass.

Over the summer I worked cutting hay. I went from 5'8" and 140 lbs to 6'1" and 180 lbs. The second day of school I saw him walking home alone, so I caught up with him and smacked the crap out of him.

So I'm not sure what your post is supposed to mean. This problem didn't get solved because I stood up to the douchebag. He left me alone because I was bigger and stronger than him and he was now scared of me. If I was still the same little twerp I had been the year before he would have continued to harass me.

[JackintheGreen]

3. I got picked on all through high school

and I never got bigger or stronger than my bullies. But I always stood up to them, or at least never backed down. I never gave them an "easy" target. If they messed with me, it was gonna draw a crowd and it was gonna end with them getting laughed at or feeling stupid. They'd each come back a couple of times but all of them soon gave up for meeker prey.

I think that's what the OP was getting out. For some the threat of violence is deterrent. For others it's the threat of mockery. but bullies do NOT back down because we reason with them. They back down because we touch something that scares them, threatens their sense of self, or otherwise makes them deeply uncomfortable. Appeasers never stop the bullies.

[HankyDubs]

4. For some the threat of violence is deterrent

"For some the threat of violence is deterrent."

Threats of violence are not appropriate in the context of a democratic election or a political discussion.

[JackintheGreen]

5. Nor are they appropriate in schools

where bullies lurk. Or the workplace. Or bars. Or nightclubs. Or college parties. Or marriages. And yet threats of violence have existed in all of these places at one time or another. Sometimes simply removing yourself from the situation is not an option. Sometimes you have to stand up to the bully, in one way or another. Or appease him. Once compromise, real compromise, is off the books there are no other options.

You may well read this is a blanket advocacy for violence. It is not, and to read it so is willfully unconstructive. So be it. I'm with the OP. bye.

[slackmaster]

6. I was never big or strong enough to prevail in a "fair" fight, so I used unconventional tactics

My friends and I dealt with bullies by doing things that would get their parents extremely upset.

We'd then call the parents at some ungodly hour of the night and say "Ask your son Billy why we did it."

It was successful at stopping the bullying every time.