TOP 10: You know you're a liberal/conervative if...

[rawstory]

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By Nicholas Nolan
RAW STORY COLUMNIST

In the wake of the polarization of the country, here is a little something to help you decide who you are and whom you are with.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIBERAL:

1. If you like Al Franken, Michael Moore, Eric Alterman and, of course, Paul Krugman.
2. If you care about things like people's health care and whether they have insurance to cover it.
3. If it does not bother you if people of the same sex choose to get married or have a civil union — hey, it's none of our business.
4. If you are bothered by the fact that we have uncovered no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
5. If you hate the Patriot Act because it violates the Constitution of the United States of America.
6. If you like it when Americans have jobs.
7. If you are bothered by Bush’s tax cut for the wealthy.
8. If you are troubled by the war in Iraq because more than 500 troops have died and huge contributors to the Bush-Cheney campaign have gotten huge contracts in Iraq (Halliburton, for example).
9. If you believe a woman's body is hers and she should be able to decide what happens to it.
10. If you don't always agree with the other side, but you hear the argument and then decide what's right and what's wrong.
11. If you care about other people in the country even if they can't help you.
12. If you're wrong and you can correct yourself.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE CONSERVATIVE:

1. If you worship Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Joseph McCarthy and, of course, Sean Hannity.
2. If you watch Fox News — "We Report, We Decide."
3. If you think the United States went to war because there was a link between al-Qaida and Saddam Hussein.
4. If you think the government should be able to define what marriage is. Why should gays and lesbians have that right? They only live here.
5. If you support the Medicare bill that gave big pharmaceutical companies no-bid contracts (again, most were Bush-Cheney contributors).
6. If you hate Howard Dean because he knows when you are wrong and actually says something about it.
7. If someone messes with us — "Nuke'em."
8. If things like health care and the welfare of others are not high on your agenda.
9. If you think Canada is weird because they have universal healthcare.
10. If you think liberals are communists.
11. If you think it is OK during the "liberation of the Iraqi people" if a few thousand innocent Iraqis die.
12. If you have tunnel vision.

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Comments we've gotten on this piece already include:

And you know you're actually thinking if...

1. You think all eight people mentioned are panderers, sophists, and failures to the dream of the Enlightenment.

2. If you read a non-American news source (IHT *doesn't* count).

3. If you can construct proper parallelisms.

4. If you're more worried about "Just War" and "Sovereignty" than gotcha politics.

5. If you think everyone in the darn country approves of employment.

6. If you agree with the Democrats that regressive tax cuts are unfair and inefficient, and with the Republicans that, maybe, just sometimes, political correctness is a corruption of the language.

7. That you hate Howard Dean and George W. Bush because they play to the most craven and provincial instincts in man.

8. If you're less concerned with the deaths of Americans than you are with the long-term stability of the Middle East.

9. If you never think that God declares sides-- and sometimes ask yourself whether he ever reveals anything to man at all.

10. If you don't simultaneously paint a picture of your interlocutors as idiots and of yourself as listening to them.

11. If you think it *is* ok if a few thousand people die to free a country!

12. If you can define timocracy and muster a counterargument.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. I fall into category 3

Does that mean I have to revoke my DU membership?

Comments we've gotten on this piece already include:

And you know you're actually thinking if...

1. You think all eight people mentioned are panderers, sophists, and failures to the dream of the Enlightenment. Yes

2. If you read a non-American news source (IHT *doesn't* count). Every day, from 6 sources

3. If you can construct proper parallelisms. I can, but I don't use it very often because the effect seems lost on most people

4. If you're more worried about "Just War" and "Sovereignty" than gotcha politics. Absolutely, though I don't think Iraq is a just war and I do think we violated the soverignty of the Iraqi people

5. If you think everyone in the darn country approves of employment. I do, but I think corporate whores only approve of it at the cheapest means possible to their own greedy ends

6. If you agree with the Democrats that regressive tax cuts are unfair and inefficient, and with the Republicans that, maybe, just sometimes, political correctness is a corruption of the language. Absolutely 100%

7. That you hate Howard Dean and George W. Bush because they play to the most craven and provincial instincts in man. I don't hate Dean because I know we need him to counteract Bush (and I admire him for doing so)

8. If you're less concerned with the deaths of Americans than you are with the long-term stability of the Middle East. I would agree with this if I thought what we've done was the best course of action

9. If you never think that God declares sides-- and sometimes ask yourself whether he ever reveals anything to man at all. Absolutely 100%

10. If you don't simultaneously paint a picture of your interlocutors as idiots and of yourself as listening to them. I do every day

11. If you think it *is* ok if a few thousand people die to free a country! Refer to answer #8

12. If you can define timocracy and muster a counterargument. I can define timocracy and I counter that politics is about ideas and ideas do not require property to spawn.

[Robert Murphy]

2. Addendum

"8. If you're less concerned with the deaths of Americans than you are with the long-term stability of the Middle East."

...And we all know just how great a stabilizing effect Bush's lovely war in Iraq has had upon the Middle East. ;)

Robert