So... my neighbors let their toddlers play unsupervised in our suburban neighborhood park...

[LAGC]

It's a small, enclosed private park with two opposing side-walk entrances, not visible from the street, so it seems safe and secluded enough. No big deal.

I cut through there all the time walking my dog; usually the park is empty, once in awhile I'll see kids playing there. For the most part, they mind their own business, I mind my own business. All is good.

Well, just recently, a little boy (who couldn't have been more than 4-years-old) stopped me in there and asked if he could pet my dog. I was a bit surprised that his parents hadn't warned him about initiating conversation with strangers, but I felt it really wasn't my place to lecture or judge, so I gave in and let him pet him. He saw that I had a frisbee (I was headed to the other larger grassy neighborhood park to play fetch) and he asked if he could try it out. I stammered for a bit then told him: "I'm really kind of in a hurry, sorry kid, maybe some other time."

The last thing I want is for parents to think I'm some sort of creeper or something, playing with their kids. I had half a mind to march him straight home and talk to his parents right then and there, but I didn't want to cause any alarm. The kids seem to enjoy their freedom and have a right to have a fun childhood, and the parents don't seem to care or mind, so maybe the status quo is best. I mean, with as many parents who keep their kids cooped up inside the house 24/7, its kind of refreshing seeing some parents let their kids live a little. I don't want to ruin that.

I guess my dilemma is, should I just avoid the smaller park altogether from now on and take the long way around the block to get to my destination, so as to avoid uncomfortable situations like that in the future? (Although it kind of pisses me off feeling that I'm a prisoner in my own neighborhood, can't even utilize the park that my homeowners association dues are paying for and everything...)

I guess what I'm asking is: what would you do or say if you were in my shoes?

[Angry Dragon]

1. My first thought would be to let the kid throw the frisbee with the dog

a few times
My second thought would be to wear my 'I am not a pedophile' t-shirt all the time

I would use the park as I saw fit

[struggle4progress]

2. i remember a screen in an old western: guy rides up to a teenager out mending a fence,

jumps off his horse, and says "hey, kid!"

kid leaves the fence, walks up to the guy, and says "yes, mister?"

guy knocks the kid onto the ground and says matter-of-factly "never trust a fellow you don't know"

kid bounces back up, dusts himself off, and says "thanks!"

guy gets directions from the kid and goes his way

it's not a new problem. i'm not sure how to handle it. but four years old is too young to be left alone in a park

[jberryhill]

3. Get to know your neighbors

Part of the routine of walking my dog is having the neighborhood kids say hello to her and per her.

If anything, it unexpectedly has taught her to ignore children. She wants to get on with her walk, but she'll stop, wag her tail, and give everyone a sniff with a "okay, can we go now?" sort of attitude.

But on our street, we all know one another (except for the guy who is something of a social hermit).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you want to avoid the perception of being an ill-intentioned stranger, then the first step is not to be a stranger.

"Your kids want to play with my dog. Is that okay? Do any of them have allergies? Would you like to join us?"

And, in my neighborhood, "Would you like to try a different beer?" because they know I'm always trying to get them to drink something "foreign". (and no we don't discuss politics)

[LAGC]

4. Yeah, maybe I'll say something at our next HOA meeting.

I know most of my immediate neighbors in our little cul-de-sac and none of them have small kids, its just that its the folks on the other side of the park (the next street over) whom I suspect are the parents, and I don't know them very well at all.

Maybe some introductions are in order...

[Ikonoklast]

5. Four is kind of young with no adult supervision.

I'd have a talk with the parents about him coming up to a stranger, even if the the kid has seen you before and deemed you not a threat, doesn't mean he should automatically trust other strangers based on his experience with you.

At the very least, I'd make the parents aware of a potential problem before it becomes an actual one.

Nicely.

[Bunny]

6. Seriously.

I cannot imagine letting a four year old play in an area where there is no supervision. That is WAY too young.

[JCMach1]

7. One of the things I hate about America is why this is even an issue...

It really really sucks.

I remember finding my 6yo daughter being swung around by one of the gardeners here... There was no threat, she was just being a kid. Too bad my home country doesn't allow for kids to be kids, or to let adults actually (gulp) interact with them.

[jobycom]

8. First, you make it sound like this is the first time you saw the kid. Is that right?

If so, don't be so quick to rush off, and be less worried about what someone might think of you. Worry about the kid first--not always fun, but it is your basic duty as a human being. Ask the kid "Where are your parents, little guy?" Ask him why he's there all alone, be sure his parents even know. He wouldn't be the first kid to sneak to a park when his parents thought he was napping or with a sitter. His parents could be frantically searching for him, or might think he's with someone they can trust. I can tell you that from first hand experience. Or there could be something worse going on. And it's even possible the parents are just bad parents. Don't just walk away from something like that. Don't be that guy. Best case is to find the parents and make sure everything is good. Worst case is you call the cops. Whatever happens, worry more about the kid than about your schedule.

If you're saying you've seen the kid there a few times and have reason to think his parents are okay with him being there, then it's your choice as to whether you avoid the park. Whether it's the kid or something else, you'll always have to decide stuff like that. Make the choice, and don't blame the kid or parents for it. There's no guarantee that if the parents were there the kid wouldn't bother you anyway. If you always avoid uncomfortable situations, you'll feel like a prisoner a lot of your life.

Ask the kid's name, tell him yours, tell him you're in a hurry but can let him throw the frisbee once. It sounds to me like you were getting defensive with the kid, making up excuses on why you couldn't play. Don't. Be in charge--he's four, he's used to big people being charge. Then, whenever you pass through the park, say hi using the kid's name, tell him you can't play, let him pet your doggy, then be on your way.

But first, make sure he's okay. The way I read your OP, you saw a strange four year old alone and didn't try to find out where or who his parents are. Don't do that.

[tigereye]

9. kind of sad that folks have to worry so much about

interacting with kids in your (or any) neighborhood, but that's the world we live in now. When we were kids over 8 or 9, we would be gone pretty much all day along in the community park, and no one had to worry- or we knew who to look out for/strangers. Most little ones now are taught to avoid interacting with strangers, but this little guy was pretty young. Maybe next time when you go, you'll see the little ones with their parents, and meet more neighbors! :D

[Lance_Boyle]

10. 'initiating conversations with strangers'

Maybe he was armed and so didn't think you were a threat. ;-)