Funniest Courtship Moment Ever

[burythehatchet]

I've been reflecting on my love life recently and I came across a moment that I had almost forgotten.

The year was 1982, senior week at SUNY Albany and my disco buddy Alan and I were at the hot dance club. We were prowling the club and found a good spot at one end of the bar. The bar was shaped like a horseshoe, so we could look across to the people in the corresponding spots at the other end.

Now I'm not much of a flirter; never learned how. Well there happened to be two ladies on the other end and before I knew it Alan was making serious eye contact with one of them. After a few minutes she came over and the two of them took off to the dance floor.

I had ordered a vodka and tonic and it was served in a rock glass. This type of glass is only about 3 inches tall. My drink had a stirrer in it that was about 7 inches long. The difference between 3 and 7 is approximately 4.

The other woman, either because she found me attractive or, more likely, because she didn't want to be alone at the bar, started batting her eyelashes in my general direction. She twirled her hair around her finger and she smiled at me. It was now my move.

Not knowing what exactly would be the appropriate flirtatious gesture I conjured a mental image in my mind...what would James Bond do...voila...it came to me.

I smiled a sexy smile back at her and raised my drink without breaking eye contact. I was in! But then, in an instant, my whole world collapsed around me. Since I didn't have an eye on my drink, and, more importantly the drink stirrer, I failed to notice that the stirrer was positioned in such a way that as the the glass approached my mouth, the stirrer had already entered my right nostril. As the glass met my lips the stirrer met my sinus cavity.

Madness ensued.

James Bond might have had a different outcome, I suspect. In my case, the stirrer had actually lodged itself in what felt like my brain.

A violent shiver went through my body, followed by what might have appeared to have been an epileptic seizure. My drink went crashing to the floor, and my arms were flailing wildly trying to dislodge the stirrer. A coordinated extraction was not an option because the stirrer had apparently lodged in that part of the brain which controls motor skills of the arms.

The music was pounding and I thought I was a goner.

Alan got back to the bar just then. Had he not been doubled over with laughter he might have helped me. After what seemed like minutes, I was able to yank the stirrer out while in fetal position laying next to the bar.

Alan informed me later that evening that the two women had found the incident equally humorous. That was second hand information though because I did not hook up that night.

Have you had moments upon which you look back and cringe?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. umm no

possibly cos i am an amazing flirt. however that is the funniest story in the whole world....its just so very very funny...it would make a great first date story...

the things that make me cringe are much more creepy...yours is just a really funny story

on edit: i really wish i had done something quite as amusing and non-creepy

[burythehatchet]

2. I have no doubt that you are a SERIOUS flirt mistress

How are ya?

:hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. i am ok

kinda disconnected in a weird way since i came out to my mother...its like i am living someone elses life...difficult to explain...also hideously overworked...

so did you do funny things like that often?

[burythehatchet]

5. It'll get better -

and yeah. I frequently find myself in odd situations. Probably no more often than most people, but I have a way amplifying the disaster factor. Too many Jerry Lewis movies as a kid.

[grannylib]

4. rotflmao...hee hee! good story...here's mine

when Hubby and I were just getting started dating, he worked in a convenience store, which I made sure to frequent just to hang out with him. I was standing in the aisle with the magazines, just perusing the covers, holding a bag of groceries in one hand and a gallon of milk in the other.
Once the few other customers had vacated the premises (just what I had been waiting for...more time with my sweetie!) he came out from behind the counter and put his arm around me (so thoughtful!) and gave me a kiss, then headed off to stock some shelves.
WELL...turns out the sonofabitch!!!!had put a fake spider on my shoulder, the really sticky rubber kind that is kind of gooey, you know? Feels slimy but isn't wet, like a wallwalker?? He knew I was scared of spiders, but not HOW scared, and he thought it would be HILARIOUS. Well.
A few moments later I caught this darkish blob out of the corner of my eye, and craned my neck all goofy to look at my shoulder and this whatever-it-was blob, and absolutely FREAKED out; dropped the milk and the groceries and was screaming and trying to get the thing OFF me, and of course, it got STUCK IN MY HAIR and I was crying and couldn't breathe and the gallon of milk split open when I dropped it, and some of the stuff in the bag broke, and the look on my BELOVED'S face was just priceless...
And I knew at some level the whole time that the thing was fake, it just shocked me so much and freaked me out SO bad...
So after he apologized profusely and repeatedly and very ashamedly, we spent about 20 minutes mopping up milk and other assorted crap, and replenishing my grocery needs, and I went home, and when he came over later after he got off work, he brought me a rose.
That was 23 years ago; still have it, in a shadow box under glass.

He never tried anything like that again!

[burythehatchet]

6. What a wonderful story

I'll bet that one is proudly recounted at family gatherings.

Congratulations.

:)

[prolesunited]

9. Question

That was 23 years ago; still have it, in a shadow box under glass. <-- The spider or the rose?

[grannylib]

12. *lol* the rose....the icky was put back in its bin to entice some other

mischief maker, no doubt!

[MissMillie]

7. In the heat of passion

Remember a while back there was this TV commercial where the bride is sitting in the "lobby" of the church, waiting on the groom. Her daddy is trying to gently tell her that it looks like he's a no-show, and he hands her a can of diet cola... and she says, "This is diet?"

Well.....

Right around that time I was in a long-term relationship. On one particular night my guy and I were in the throws of passion--really "going at it" if you will--when at one point he knocks over my glass of soda on the night-table.

There's soda everywhere, but he keeps up with the moment by licking the soda off of my body, and he says, "This is diet?"


I laughed so hard I had to compose myself before I could continue.

[burythehatchet]

8. Hilarious

I'm surprised you COULD continue. Once I start laughing I can't stop.

Good one.

[flaminbats]

10. it was both comic and terrible...

never date any chick who first tells you "I always do the asking for dates, and any boy who asks me gets dumped!" :evilfrown:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. YAY! i thought of one (Finally)

[burythehatchet]

13. cute none the less