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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 09:58 AM
Original message
12 Reasons Women Canít Stand Nice Guys
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 10:02 AM by The Straight Story
12 Reasons Women Canít Stand Nice Guys

Not real: Nice guys are too nice. No one can always be that nice unless theyíre a saint. They are busy being nice instead of being real and women instinctually donít trust that. Bad boys ďkeep it realĒ. Nice guys donít want to upset the apple cart.

Respect: No one respects a doormat. Nice guys donít set boundaries or make any real demands. A bad boy doesnít let a woman walk all over him or control him. Women canít respect a man they can control. No respect = No attraction.

Predictable: Most people lead boring, predictable lives, so theyíre attracted to people who are exciting and a bit unpredictable. Bad boys are always a challenge. Nice guys are never a challenge. Predictable + No excitement + No challenge = I prefer a bad boy.

Sex: Women feel a nice guy wonít be good in bed. They sometimes like to be manhandled and think a nice guy wonít be able to take control and get the job done. A bad boy comes across as being able to deliver, even though that may not always be the case.

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/lucia/12-reasons-women...

She sounds like she likes guys to dress in all black, with black boots, throw on a swastika and go all nazi on her ass....

So is Obama a nice guy or a bad boy? Hmmm....
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Angry Dragon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:00 AM
Response to Original message
1. Just going to sit back and read for awhile
:popcorn:
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Dash87 Donating Member (404 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:56 AM
Response to Reply #1
55. Nom nom nom. Nummy popcorn. Nom nom.
:)
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Le Taz Hot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:01 AM
Response to Original message
2. I figured out a long time ago,
you PLAY with the bad boys, they have their amusement value, but for goddess sake don't marry them and DON'T HAVE CHILDREN WITH THEM!!! You play with the bad boys but you marry the good guys.
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GKirk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:06 AM
Response to Reply #2
10. Hey!
You're stealing plays from the guys playbook!
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blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:25 AM
Response to Reply #2
37. +1. nt
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VWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:39 AM
Response to Reply #2
48. Similarly, you play with
the "hot" chicks but marry the nice ones ...

:hide:
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Bake Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:01 PM
Response to Reply #48
109. If you're really lucky you get one that's nice and hot!
Like I did!

:hi:

Bake
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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:23 PM
Response to Reply #48
114. Hey, I'm hot and nice.
My guy is spoiled freaking rotten. :-)
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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:23 PM
Response to Reply #2
113. I wish my nieces would understand this.
Ugh.

I love them to death, but their choices in men are real crappy.
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:02 AM
Response to Original message
3. I see we're back to this sad, tired argument.
:boring:
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:02 AM
Response to Original message
4. Oh dear.
:popcorn:
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aSpeckofDust Donating Member (292 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:03 AM
Response to Original message
5. The comments are the best part of that...I don't know, musing?
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DURHAM D Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:03 AM
Response to Original message
6. Oh what a surprise - sexist drivel posted at DU... nt
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jtown1123 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:04 AM
Response to Original message
7. Wow, what is this the dark ages? Every time I read one of these articles I shudder.
Wahhh I am nice and deserve to have sex with gorgeous women out of my league and the only reason they won't spread their legs for me is because "I'm nice."

Run away, ladies, run away! These are the kind of guys that shoot up gyms because gorgeous, young women, gasp! Have the choice not to have sex with you.
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freshwest Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 08:28 PM
Response to Reply #7
121. Agreed. It's all the woman's fault!
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bemildred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:05 AM
Response to Original message
8. Gosh, I just love gender stereotypes. nt
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:05 AM
Response to Original message
9. couldnt even get thru all of, too nice. too anything, not good. but it is easy being nice
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 10:06 AM by seabeyond
i like nice. nice is.... nice..

whatever this article is about.... it is bullshit. nice guys not good in bed? right, give me a mean one in bed. that will do it. lordy, stupid
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jtown1123 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:09 AM
Response to Reply #9
13. "Waaah I am nice and that's why super models won't have sex with me"-Nice Guy
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 10:09 AM by jtown1123
This stupid meme is why people like George Sodini shoot up gyms. Women like a variety of men just like men like a variety of women. If you are weird and desperate and only want to have sex with women way out of your league and treat them like alien creatures, yes, women won't want a "nice guy" like you. Treat women like human beings. You will find one that likes you, I guarantee it.

I agree, this article is total bs. More sexist crap on DU.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:12 AM
Response to Reply #13
18. post 17...
i agree with you.
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L0oniX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:14 AM
Response to Reply #13
23. Are super models nice?
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:16 AM
Response to Reply #23
57. Who knows? They wouldn't go out with me because I'm nice.
:shrug:
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:23 AM
Response to Reply #57
60. lol. ya. nt
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geardaddy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:53 AM
Response to Reply #13
76. You nailed it.
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jpgray Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:07 AM
Response to Original message
11. "Nice" in these cases means "unattractive"
It's often unattractive (for whatever reason) males who justify their lack of success with women by consoling themselves with the belief that they are simply too "nice." :) I'm so nice! What good is that unless I get something for it!? With women it is the experience of dealing with attractive (for whatever reason) men who have learned they don't have to be nice to attract women, and therefore aren't.

As proof of this, I ask you to note the next superficially "bad" boy you come across--is he attractive? Or is he an unattractive schmoe with boots and a sneer? Being "bad" is like doing drugs: if you have talent, you can get something out of the experience; if not, you'll get very little out of it.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:11 AM
Response to Reply #11
17. my oldest son bought into the nice guys dont get girl, bs a couple years ago.
we had one of these threads about that time and one man talked about it honestly. said the problem is the nice guys tend to not put themselves out there like the other guys. i was able to give that to son. and help him realize wasnt about the "nice" issue. he is working on 16. has a number of girls with crushes on him. one of the reasons.... he is so damn nice to them.

he doesnt buy it anymore.

like your post
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:08 AM
Response to Original message
12. "Nice" also implies immaturity.
The personal qualities that make a man nice--respectfulness, deference and an introverted demeanor--are all juvenile characteristics. I had to shave my beard before joining the DA's office because sometimes jurors find men with beards threatening. Lack of facial hair is a juvenile characteristic.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:13 AM
Response to Reply #12
22. respectful = juvenile? i dont know that i am getting that.
but if respectful is interpreted as juvenile, it my clue us in as a society why we are all so friggin disrespectful. to be mature?
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Common Sense Party Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 12:30 PM
Response to Reply #12
80. Can't agree with any of what you just wrote.
All balderdash, I'm afraid.
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Arugula Latte Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:09 AM
Response to Original message
14. Wow, really?
IBTL.
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Edweird Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:10 AM
Response to Original message
15. It works for me - but it's authentic. Above all else, be who you are.
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Zanzoobar Donating Member (618 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:10 AM
Response to Original message
16. My wife and girlfriend are gonna love this!
My shoulder has been hurting and I haven't been able to rough them up and treat them poorly very much lately, but I'm feeling better, thank goodness.
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undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:12 AM
Response to Original message
19. I dumped a nice guy once
but the real reason I dumped him was because I told him I was going to go to the dog pound and adopt a dog that day and his response was "Oh, that could be dangerous".

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

It was a couple of decades ago and I still laugh when I think about it.
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zorahopkins Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:12 AM
Response to Original message
20. Article Is Mysogynist
The article you link to is mysogynist.

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Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 08:46 PM
Response to Reply #20
123. Questionable assessment IMO.
Misandry, certainly. I think the argument that it is anti-women while not necessarily untrue is harder to make and possibly untrue. There is a gut-check response on the part of many feminists to assume that any act or notion of sexism is inherently misogynistic where the facts in evidence do not assert the validity of the claim. (Not to single out feminists, the same can be said of partisans of any number of movements.)

It is not sufficient to assert such claims, one must justify and buttress such assertions (whether the assertion is one of misanthropy, misogyny, misandry, homophobia, illiberality, conservatism or fascism does not matter. It still comes down to justifying claims rather than mere assertions, though asserted claims still clearly trump innuendo and implication); lest one destroy the credibility of labels and movements, to say nothing of the damage to one's own credibility. Words have meanings. The validity of the application of those words is not measured in unsupported assertions but facts.

Having the loudest voice, the biggest megaphone, the tallest soapbox or the rapidity of one's assertions do not make one right.

Facts in support of assertions make one right.
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:13 AM
Response to Original message
21. That link attempted to download a malware program to my
system. Norton 360 caught and blocked it, and notified me.

Proceed with caution.
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undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:14 AM
Response to Reply #21
25. Notice they don't call it "femalware".
:evilgrin:
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:15 AM
Response to Reply #25
27. ah ha. you are funny. nt
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:17 AM
Response to Reply #25
29. LOL!
Now, that's funny! :rofl:
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blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:27 AM
Response to Reply #25
41. LOL! And yet, it isn't "nice...." nt
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FreakinDJ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:14 AM
Response to Original message
24. Ya - it worked in High school - after that Not so Much
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CrispyQ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:15 AM
Response to Original message
26. I want a guy who makes me laugh.
Yes, there are other things that are important too, but if he can't make me laugh, then we got nothing.

My hubby has kept me laughing for 24 years now. :loveya:
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Zanzoobar Donating Member (618 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:32 AM
Response to Reply #26
44. A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bartender says...
"What is this, some kinda joke?"
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CrispyQ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:29 PM
Response to Reply #44
87. ~smile
:thumbsup:
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EstimatedProphet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:16 AM
Response to Original message
28. So, why does this suck?
Explanation #1:
Lucia is a dating/relationship expert specializing in Cougar relationships.

Explanation #2:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/TheArtofLove/162751463741...

Explanation #3:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/TheArtofLove/162751463741...

Big Media-forced "expert" out to make a buck on trendy crap selling people gossipy "advice".
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:20 AM
Response to Reply #28
34. She's an ass.
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EstimatedProphet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:32 AM
Response to Reply #34
45. Yeah, pretty much...
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Rowdyboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:18 AM
Response to Original message
30. From her bio. the authors' main qualification appears to be that she's dated for over
25 years. Uh, and that qualifies one as a "relationship expert" because...?
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JackDragna Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:19 AM
Response to Original message
31. Most men I've known who complain about "Nice Guy Syndrome"..
..are actually maniupulative, passive-aggressive schemers who hope being "nice" to women will end up getting them laid. They listen to their problems, often go out of their way to do things for their female friends, all in the hopes the woman will eventually "see" how nice said "nice guy" is. The nice guys almost never have the courage to simply put themselves out there, tell women how they feel and live with the consequences of possibly being shot down. If things never pan out, the nice guys call the woman who was the object of their affection a "bitch" or some other lovely term.

Something someone once told me which I consider to be true, regardless of one's gender or sexual orientation: if you have many failed relationships or fail at getting them started, the only common denominator in all of them is you.
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:23 AM
Response to Reply #31
35. Your last sentence is so true.
I know a woman who has three marriages under her belt, and she still whines about how there aren't any good man out there. :eyes:
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CrispyQ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:24 PM
Response to Reply #35
85. I have a cousin who is on number 5.
Number 1 & number 3 were the same guy. :crazy:

When we were in our 20s, she told me that men think of her as a goddess. :eyes:
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jtown1123 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:25 AM
Response to Reply #31
38. This nails it in a nutshell. Ladies, beware the "nice guys." They are bad news.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:26 AM
Response to Reply #38
40. because of the bad rap and garbage behind "nice guy" i knew nothing about, i have changed to good
guy.

i like good men..... cant call them nice anymore cause this mentality has ruined it for me.
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Ikonoklast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:52 AM
Response to Reply #38
54. Why does it seem that everytime they interview the neighbors of a newly-discovered
serial killer, thay always say what a 'nice guy' he was?

Sure, he helped shovel your walk when it really snowed that time, and took out the garbage for the the old lady across the street, maybe he helped fix your kid's bike....he still had a basement freezer full of human heads.
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blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:29 AM
Response to Reply #31
43. Absolutely. nt
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HughBeaumont Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:46 AM
Response to Reply #31
49. RRRigghht, because women or men who do a 180 or become abusive on you are completely innocent.
And all along, it was all MY fault! Silly me.

:eyes:
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JackDragna Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 05:14 PM
Response to Reply #49
105. If you've had more than a few of these experiences..
..then the person at fault is in the mirror.
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HughBeaumont Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 05:53 PM
Response to Reply #105
106. I've only had one abuser, but several cheaters.
It's patently silly to assert that a person can spot a cheater or an abuser from jump. Sometimes, it doesn't happen until later on.

It's all moot now that I'm married, but shitty S.O.s aren't always the victim's fault.
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RadiationTherapy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:22 AM
Response to Reply #31
59. Have you seen 'Megamind'? The subplot of the nerd-turned-hero, Titan is a perfect metaphor
for this.

"Wait! I know! You want me to save you a few times first..." hahahahaha.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 12:03 PM
Response to Reply #31
77. so very true
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kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:45 PM
Response to Reply #31
117. Last part of your statement --
Yep. I needed to hear that tonight. Thanks.

So, the person who wrote this specializes in "Cougar relationships"? I hate that term - "cougar". Seriously hate it. Sheesh.
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:19 AM
Response to Original message
32. Tripe, Drivel, and Balderdash.
Argument rejected.
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Javaman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:20 AM
Response to Original message
33. "bad boys keep it real"...
right.

Yeah, treating someone like shit is "keeping it real". LOL what horse shit.


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HughBeaumont Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:28 AM
Response to Reply #33
42. "We don't want nice, we don't want dickhead, we don't want middle-of-the-road" . . .
. . . this, THIS is why I'm glad I'm married.

;)
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Zanzoobar Donating Member (618 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:47 AM
Response to Reply #33
50. Most are posers. Real bad boys end up in the clink or running from the man.
Ducking in alleys, looking over their shoulders, hiding this, obfuscating that.

Worthless commentary by a person trying to scratch out a buck in the miasma of internet content.

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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:23 AM
Response to Original message
36. btw. the opposite of nice is... mean. a bad boy can be nice. but
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 10:24 AM by seabeyond
she is talking mean. only the most pathetic user or emotionally defective want mean.
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IrishEyes Donating Member (178 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:25 AM
Response to Original message
39. I like nice guys.
I date nice guys who treat me well. I've never been attracted to jerks. I've met lots of guys who have used the women don't date nice guys line. They claim to be nice but they really aren't. Actual nice guys are wonderful to be around. This article is so sexist and sad.
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InvisibleTouch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:33 AM
Response to Original message
46. Like it or not, there's more than a grain of truth here.
My BFF is the nicest guy in the world; contrary to stereotype he's also quite attractive, and good in bed. All my friends adore him. But that extra "sizzle" just isn't there. I wish it was. For years I've been making questionable romantic choices, and know very well that I'd be so much better off if I could just stick with him. And it's certainly not that I "can't stand" him - quite the opposite, there's a lot of affection between us, and I really want him to remain part of my life. It's just that I've never been able to picture him as a primary romantic partner. The guys I get all obsessive over, though ... oh yeah, there's more than a slight element of "bad boy" to them. :/
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Johonny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:50 AM
Response to Reply #46
53. OJ, Jessie James Charlie Sheen, Newt etc... never have trouble getting a date
Most people are neither "good", "Bad", "nice" etc. We are taught in society to bin people into boxes even if their actual behavior is more on a sliding scale.

From the guy prospective, I think many men see or have guy friends that are just trainwrecks of guys that never, ever have trouble getting women. They wonder why would a women go out with a guy that almost certainly will cheat on them. But of course women are attracted men, who attract women. They assume themselves to be "nicer" than that person, but most men are neither classically nice, nor classically bad. So while there may be some truth, it is always hard to generalize because human behavior exists between these classical definitions of the "truth".
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:26 AM
Response to Reply #53
61. and the men that chose a woman that is likely to cheat on him and use him
and make his life hell? like that doesnt happen.

some people are users and they find their victim, of either gender. it will always be.
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:33 AM
Response to Reply #46
67. Very true
BTW...most guys do not want "nice" girls either

Ask a Jewish man in his 20's how many "nice Jewish girls" his parents tried to set him up with, and how he couldn't stand a single one of them. Most guys like a woman who can be part Angelina Jolie, part Elizabeth Hurley from "Bedazzled" with absolutely no Jennifer Anniston anywhere to be found
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RadiationTherapy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:34 AM
Response to Original message
47. Shitty, divisive writing at the link, but...
being attractive has a lot to do with distinguishing yourself as an individual. Being interesting is not the same as, and is not mutually exclusive from, treating someone well.

Loving someone is not an identity; worshiping someone is even less.
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LaurenG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:48 AM
Response to Original message
51. This is a whacked article
I love nice guys and she is off about what all woman want though she might be spot on about what she wants and what others who feel like her want.

I'll take a gentleman with a penchant for telling the truth any day. And for the record in camparison the "bad boys" I've been with have nothing on the inside but rage and insecurity. It takes a grownup to be kind, not a manchild with a testosterone problem to make a great companion. Poo-ey on that article. :(
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DemocratAholic Donating Member (156 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:48 AM
Response to Original message
52. immaturity and low self esteem
I think these reasons may apply to "women" who are immature or who lack self-esteem. The list certainly does have a ring of truth to it based on my own experience, but I don't think it applies to all women, and I certainly don't think it applies to any woman who truly respects herself (thus expecting the same from others).

I think as we get older we tend to appreciate certain character traits more. At this point in my life, there is nothing that I want more than to be around people who are nice, gentle and predictable. I wish I had learned that a long time ago it would have saved me a lot of problems.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:28 AM
Response to Reply #52
63. woman who truly respects herself (thus expecting the same from others).
and that... i think, is right on. it has always been for me. and that is all i have had in my life. and more happy for it.
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Dash87 Donating Member (404 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 10:57 AM
Response to Original message
56. I deserve EVERY woman out there! Agghhhh!!!
(Pictures "nice" guy pounding fist on table over and over again) :)


Obama is a total bad ass.
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Lucian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:20 AM
Response to Original message
58. I agree with the article, in a way.
It's not about being "nice" or "bad." Women like men who are themselves. If you put on an act in front of someone, sooner or later they're going to find out and you're going to fail.
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:27 AM
Response to Original message
62. I hesitate to describe myself as nice, but I think I am.
I'm respectful of others' needs in relationships and flexible about just about everything.

But that's not the point. One of the things I was never good at was the bar or cocktail party scene. It's not one of the places I shine at all. So, when in those situations, I generally sat it out, finding a nice spot where I could observe the carryings-on without having to engage in conversations that didn't make a lot of sense to me. Invariably, it didn't take long until a woman would come and sit down at the table or whatever and start a conversation. I met more interesting, attractive, and friendly people sitting by myself and just watching the scene than I ever did trying to "mingle." I wonder if this is a corollary that disproves the statement in the OP. I met my current wife of 20 years in just that environment, at a press party at a computer trade show. We're still having the conversation we started that night.
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:30 AM
Response to Reply #62
65. Not me, bro. I'm an obnoxious asshole
I take a certain kind of pride in that
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:29 AM
Response to Original message
64. 100% Correct
However - when choosing a lifemate, rather than just a boyfriend, the woman starts experimenting with "nice guys" to see how much Polyanna shit she can stand vs How distant the bad boy will be
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:31 AM
Response to Reply #64
66. wow. ignore ALL the women that say otherwise and tell us who we are
funny post... funny
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:34 AM
Response to Reply #66
69. Look, you might SAY you want a nice guy
And if you're looking for a life partner, then a case could be made for that

But I'll be donuts to dollars you would never date a doormat. People cannot be attracted to someone who lets them walk all over them.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:37 AM
Response to Reply #69
70. maybe your issue is you equate nice with doormat. or nice with boring. or nice with not
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 11:38 AM by seabeyond
sexually adventurous.

i say you are wrong on all that. that is not what nice is.

and do you really think i have put up with any man treating me in any way but the best??? not a chance in hell. the door.... nah, haven't even gotten to the point of showing a man the door. i only hang with good guys... nothing less
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:39 AM
Response to Reply #70
72. describe your "good guys"
We may be talking apples and oranges here

But I don't think so. Let's choose a character from film or TV that personifies 'nice guy.'

I seem to think Gomer Pyle, Any character Jimmy Stewart plays, Ken the Intern off of '30 Rock,' etc....

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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:42 AM
Response to Reply #72
73. i will have to think of someone. i dont watch a whole lot of tv or watch movies, lol
gomer = guber. nice ya. but... well, no thanks, lol. i will think of someone.

i dont know the other characters you listed
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:51 AM
Response to Reply #72
75. Spencer Tracy in "To Kill a Mockingbird"
How's that for an example of a nice guy? He's my example, along with my father, even though I don't live up to either.
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pulledpork Donating Member (175 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 04:05 PM
Response to Reply #75
99. Do you mean Gregory Peck?
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:36 PM
Response to Reply #99
116. Crap! Yes, of course. I'm old.
Anyhow, that's the guy I'm thinking of.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 12:07 PM
Response to Reply #72
79. a nice person is not into hurting others. bad boy doesnt care, or is into it
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 12:09 PM by seabeyond
narcissitic. selfish. self absorbed.

the relationship is all about him. the only way it could be

why the hell would a partner of two want it all about one.

what kind of sense does that make
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:29 PM
Response to Reply #79
88. Even if you are a "nice guy" you still have to act a little aloof
Just sayin
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:32 PM
Response to Reply #88
89. meh... the dating game. the same could be said about the woman, too
but really

does a little aloof make one a bad guy, or not nice?

no one wants clingy anyway. well, there is always someone that wants it, hence what makes the world go 'round. even the guber nice gomer has a woman out there for him. lol

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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 02:01 PM
Response to Reply #89
93. We probably agree on this more than you think...
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 02:25 PM
Response to Reply #93
94. ha....
i waz thinkin that two posts back, lol. ya. i think. i think our perception or definition is the difference.
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Dash87 Donating Member (404 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:33 AM
Response to Original message
68. Haha slightly off-topic, but look at her bio near the comments.
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 11:35 AM by Dash87
"Specializes in cougar relationships." LOL! Too funny. Such an epic fail of an article. :rofl:

What a creeper.
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:39 AM
Response to Original message
71. There's only one REAL reason women don't like nice guys...
and it has little to do with the guys themselves.


It's the women.

They either have their own psychological issues to deal with, or they're terribly immature.

Once upon a time I didn't go for the "nice guys" either.

It wasn't the guy. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the guy.


It was me.

Then I grew up/got older/resolved some issues.

I'm no longer attracted to the "bad boys", and when I look back at my younger days I wish I could have spared myself a lot of aggravation by passing up the "bad boys". Unfortunately, I had to wait till I got older to figure it all out.

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wickerwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:26 PM
Response to Reply #71
115. I don't think that's always true.
First off, I've never been attracted to "bad boys". They've just always seemed like posers to me. If you can't treat me with respect (return my calls, show up on time, introduce me to your friends, etc.) I'm just not going to waste my time.

But, I've also sometimes dumped "nice guys" and it wasn't about immaturity. I was seeing a guy who was incredibly, incredibly nice, deferential, paid attention to what I was saying, we had a lot in common, etc. But he *never* decided anything. If we were going to a movie, I had to pick *every* time. Same with restaurants. Anything we were talking about, he would find out my opinion first and then agree with it. I had to make the first move with *everything*.

Sounds fine in theory, but after the ten millionth "What do you want to do?" "I don't know/care. What do you want to do?" I just wanted to tear my hair out and run screaming.

Personally, I'm looking for a partner. And equal. Someone I respect and who respects me. If either half of the equation is missing, it doesn't work. And while some "nice guys" are genuinely nice guys, some of them are also incredibly passive or take it to such an extreme that spending time with them is completely boring. I want to have a conversation, not talk at someone who always agrees with me (and the assumption that I would want the latter kind of pisses me off too). I don't want the success or failure of the evening to be constantly on my head because I'm expected to plan everything and make all the decisions. Would you stay friends with someone who never had an opinion about anything and always left everything up to you? No? Then why would you want a relationship with someone like that? If the guy won't meet you halfway, it doesn't matter how nice he is. What's immature/crazy about that?
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:45 AM
Response to Original message
74. ya know, when a thread this long is moved, lose all the post already read,
making it harder to stay up with a thread
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 12:05 PM
Response to Original message
78. also the thousandth reason i am glad i am not straight
i think its sad how much time is spent dealing in gender stereotypes.

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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 12:37 PM
Response to Reply #78
82. your response is so gay
:P
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:52 PM
Response to Reply #82
92. i know. lol
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Forkboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 08:30 PM
Response to Reply #78
122. Hell, it's the thousandth reason I'm glad I'm staying single.
:)
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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
81. I think when people are younger & more immature
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 12:39 PM by NewJeffCT
there is SOME truth to women not liking nice guys, but that's also because a lot of younger women aren't ready to settle down. Sometimes, younger women can also think "nice" guys are going to be boring. When I was in college and through my mid 20s, I sometimes thought that women went just for bad boys.

However, I think it definitely changes as you get older, and there are plenty of exceptions to that idea.

For example - my ex-wife was young when I met her (a few months shy of 22) and, from the beginning, she loved that I was a nice guy who treated her like she was special. It certainly wasn't that I was rich, exceptionally good looking and/or had a wonderfully charming and witty personality. (She was one of those exceptions to what I said above about younger women sometimes not liking nice guys. )

After I got divorced, however, I dated mostly women that were closer to my age (30s), with a few notable exceptions. I was still the same guy and still treated women nicely and with respect. Most of the women I dated loved that I treated them that way, and if they didn't, I never found out about it. But, even the occasional much younger women I dated at the time liked that I was a nice guy and treated them nicely. And, my wife now certainly likes that I'm a nice guy, a good father and usually pretty even tempered.

So, I think it's BS in general.

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CreekDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 12:38 PM
Response to Original message
83. The premise here is that what women want is the same
:eyes:
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:23 PM
Response to Reply #83
84. what is really telling, is how we are continually told that this is what we want
regardless of all the nice men getting married and obviously saying.... not really.
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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:25 PM
Response to Reply #84
86. well, there is a market for telling people
that their lack of success isn't their fault.
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CreekDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:43 PM
Response to Reply #86
91. I'm pretty sure that if you're complaining that women don't like you because you're "nice"
that you aren't actually being "nice". :eyes:
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struggle4progress Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 01:32 PM
Response to Original message
90. Current world population is around 7 billion. Based on my experience, there are lots of nice people
So: niceness must be paying off for some folk, or nice people would never get to boink, and niceness would disappear for evolutionary reasons

The Coasters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1ZJiBHh-Yw

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dawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 02:59 PM
Response to Original message
95. Well, I'm certainly not a bad boy ...
For one thing, I'm not a *boy* at all. I'm a grown-ass man.

And I like to think that I'm a good man with a lot to offer. If some woman isn't interested in me because I don't ride a Harley or have any tattoos, then it's her loss.

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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 03:58 PM
Response to Reply #95
97. you tell 'em ... dawg. nt
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dawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 04:05 PM
Response to Reply #97
100. .
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 03:16 PM
Response to Original message
96. I grew up with men who were sweethearts. To this day I really, really respect
men who are nurturing and supportive. Got no use for men with egos.
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WildEyedLiberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 04:03 PM
Response to Original message
98. "Women don't like nice guys!" = "Why don't gorgeous women date average looking blobs like me??"
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ReggieVeggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 04:06 PM
Response to Original message
101. forced to agree
I'm very nice...never gets me very far
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 05:55 PM
Response to Reply #101
107. yet... you ignore all the women that say they only go for the nice guy
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 05:55 PM by seabeyond
to come to your conclusion? i think you are a sweetie. best to you on that.
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ReggieVeggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:12 PM
Response to Reply #107
110. which women say that?
I haven't met 'em
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:19 PM
Response to Reply #110
111. that like nice guys? lol lol
really, you are hangin in the wrong places. ALL the gals i know have married nice gals. but talking about me personally, i wont have anything less.
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ReggieVeggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:46 PM
Response to Reply #111
118. thanks
Edited on Tue Mar-29-11 07:01 PM by ReggieVeggie
unfortunately, as nice as I am, I've long turned cynical
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 07:44 PM
Response to Reply #101
120. how "far" are you looking to get?
And if you're looking to "get" something, how is that being a "nice" guy?
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ReggieVeggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-30-11 01:51 AM
Response to Reply #120
127. thanks
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Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 04:10 PM
Response to Original message
102. What would Sandra Bullock do?
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PassingFair Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 04:16 PM
Response to Original message
103. Where's that picture? Oh.. here:
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ReggieVeggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 04:20 PM
Response to Reply #103
104. tis true
I speak from experience. And a fair amount of passivity
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:20 PM
Response to Reply #103
112. lol
and again. and again
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cemaphonic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:44 PM
Response to Reply #103
126. Pretty much all that needs to be said on this subject.
My best friend in high school was - and is - a nice guy, and he's always had to beat women off with a stick. And while he's reasonably good-looking, he doesn't especially stand out in attractiveness. But he is very funny, confident, a natural flirt, and has always had a large circle of female friends (real friends, not just hopeful relationship prospects), so there was always someone around that was either crushing on him or trying to set him up.
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liberaltrucker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 06:00 PM
Response to Original message
108. Enough bullshit to fertilize 40 acres
The article AND some of the replies in this thread.

:hide:
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JonLP24 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 07:05 PM
Response to Original message
119. It goes both ways
Men, young men, will go for the (in their opinion) an attractive woman who may not treat them right while the men are bypassing genuinely nice women who may not be up to their standards when it comes to looks.

I'm sure there are other factors that neither sex likes passive people but I just wanted to point out, it just isn't nice women getting mean men. It is also the other way around.
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ZombieHorde Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 09:14 PM
Response to Original message
124. I think women are attracted to confidence, and many assholes come off as confident.
I told my wife about my little observation, and she agreed with me. So my assessment is right for at least one woman.
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-29-11 11:35 PM
Response to Original message
125. A TRUE "nice guy" is nice to everyone, even people he's not trying to get into bed
There's a whiny, sniveling quality about a lot of self-styled "nice guys." They think that if they act pathetic enough, some fairy princess will take pity on them.

Real nice guys (=good men) don't go around talking about how nice they are. They just are.
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Paradoxical Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-30-11 01:57 AM
Response to Original message
128. Women don't reject me because I'm nice. They reject me because I'm an emotional wreck.
Women like nice guys just like I like nice guys. But the group of nice guys who are fucked in the head get together and come to the conclusion that women must not like them because they're nice. Which is a load of bullshit.
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-30-11 02:10 AM
Response to Original message
129. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Moderator DU Moderator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-30-11 03:29 AM
Response to Original message
130. Locking -

When discussing certain topics -- especially those relating to each human being's unique personal identity -- DU members have a responsibility to show greater understanding and sensitivity. To help promote a welcoming atmosphere for all of our members, the moderators are empowered to remove any post that they deem insensitive. Such topics include, but are not limited to: race or ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or gender identity, religious believers or non-believers, Jews or Judaism, Muslims or Islam, geographic region or place of origin, disability (mental or physical), weight or other physical characteristics, or age.
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