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Tobin S. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 10:17 PM
Original message
Love can make you change
I am truly in love for the first time in my life and it's brought about some changes in me.

I made some big changes to be with my fiancee. Got a different job, moved to another state, got engaged. Those have been stressful changes, but they have been worth it. They are not the kind of changes I'm talking about here, though. I'm talking about changes in my interior world.

I used to have a problem with self loathing. It had been with me for so long that I don't remember it being different. It was horrendous up until about 7 years ago when I started getting psychiatric help. It has been slowly fading since then, but I still had to deal with it from time to time. Since I met Jen it is gone. I really like myself now. I am happy and confident. I have a new purpose in life.

I never realized how lonely I was. I had been single for my entire adult life and I guess I was just used to it. I still had a desire to reach out and connect with people, though, but I didn't realize what I was doing. I poured my loneliness and desire out into stories that I would write and share with you guys and other people every once in a while. That lonely, creative energy is gone now, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it disappeared when I finally met someone to love.

People write for different reasons. I'm not saying that all writers are like me.

Another interior change is that I don't get angry now. I'm more likely to let things go when someone does something shitty to me. I'm more likely to empathize and cut people some slack. I understand that when people act like jerks it might be because they don't have any love in their lives.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 10:28 PM
Response to Original message
1. Aw, that is so great!
I wish you all the happiness...both of you! :-)
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hibbing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 10:34 PM
Response to Original message
2. Word T
Hi Tobin,
Great to hear, and even if you don't write and share stories anymore, a post like this is a story in itself.

Peace
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 10:37 PM
Response to Original message
3. ...
:thumbsup:
:grouphug:
:hi:
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 10:51 PM
Response to Original message
4. you are still writing pretty good stuff, you know
:P
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Tikki Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 10:51 PM
Response to Original message
5. YAY..
..and love opens the door to many more possibilities...

Why did it take me so long to figure that out!....and then Mr. Tikki will say..
Well, look at you.. you did figure it out..and some people live their whole lives and never do.

Tikki

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nolabear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 11:01 PM
Response to Original message
6. You sound very happy, Tobin. I'm glad for you.
Love is good stuff.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-07-11 11:16 PM
Response to Original message
7. My dear Tobin!
Yes indeed, love can change you...

And I know it has for you. It's a wonderful, liberating thing...

Some day you may want to write again, and if you do, we'll be here to read it!

:hug:
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suninvited Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 07:13 AM
Response to Original message
8. I am so happy for you
couldn't happen to a nicer person.
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lunatica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 07:17 AM
Response to Original message
9. Hiya Tobin!
Makes you wonder about all that stuff they say about love being the most powerful force in the universe and how healing it is, doesn't it?
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redwitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 07:20 AM
Response to Original message
10. You make my heart happy.
:hug:

A toast to love! :toast:
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jme0318 Donating Member (179 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 08:01 AM
Response to Original message
11. I miss you...
and DANG it... When you write stuff like this - it just makes it worse...

I have changed too - everyone says I'm so calm - they can't get over it - I must have been a crazy mess before I met you - I know I was inside - but I didn't realize I was that bad to the outside world!

I love you!
Jen
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lunatica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 08:03 AM
Response to Reply #11
12. Hi Jen!!!!
Welcome to DU!
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jme0318 Donating Member (179 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 08:14 AM
Response to Reply #12
13. Thanks!
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Tobin S. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 08:28 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. hugs and kisses
:* :hug:
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bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-09-11 06:41 PM
Response to Reply #11
25. Hi!
Welcome to DU! :hi:
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Bertha Venation Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 09:03 AM
Response to Original message
15. "when people act like jerks it might be because they don't have any love in their lives"
Excellent insight.

I am so glad you are happy and in love. :hug:
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dawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 09:35 AM
Response to Original message
16. I grin every time I see one of these posts, Tobin.
So happy for you!

Hey. Now I'm kind of sad and lonely. Maybe *my* writing will improve. I could write some touching stories of my own, and post them to the lounge. You know, like you always used to do.

I could call them, "Tales of Public Accountancy".

Doesn't that sound exciting?
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Amerigo Vespucci Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 09:37 AM
Response to Original message
17. Well, yes and no.
Edited on Tue Feb-08-11 09:37 AM by Amerigo Vespucci
I do believe that love can make you change, but in order to receive love and "be" loved, some changes need to happen first.

If they don't, a person finds themselves with whatever love they can attract in their current circumstances, which sometimes may look like love and feel like love on the surface but really isn't love at all, it's something else.

I think of "love" and I think of the story of the little red hen.

Once upon a time there was a little red hen who lived in a big farm-yard.
She had three fluffy yellow chicks.
One morning as they were busily scratching about the yard, looking for something to eat, the little red hen found a grain of wheat.

"Look!" she said.
"See what I have found. Who will help me to plant this grain of wheat?"

"Not I," said the duck. "I must go down to the pond for a swim."
"Not I," said the cat. "I have some visitors coming in a few minutes."

"Very well, I will then", said the little red hen, and she did.

After a while some weeds appeared among the stalks of wheat.
One day the little red hen asked:
"Who will help me to weed this wheat?"

"Not I," said the duck. "That sort of work doesn't agree with me."
"Not I", said the cat. "I would not be able to tell the weeds from the wheat".

"Very well, I will then", said the little red hen, and she did.

After a while the wheat began to ripen:
"What fine wheat we have," said the cat and the duck.
"Yes, indeed, it is time to reap the wheat," said the little red hen. "Who will help me to reap this wheat?"

"Not I", said the cat.
"Not I", said the duck.

"Very well, then I will", said the little red hen.

She cut the heads off the grain very carefully and put them in a bag.

Then she called to the cat and the duck and she asked, "Now, who will take this wheat to the mill to be ground into flour?"
"Not I", said the duck.
"Not I", said the cat.

"Very well, then", said the little red hen, "I will take it myself".

So the little red hen trudged off to the mill, and in a few hours she was back with a sack of fine flour.

"Now, who is going to make this flour into bread?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I", said the duck.
"Not I", said the cat.

"I will, then," said the little red hen, and she did.

Soon the loaf was ready for the oven.

"Now, who is going to bake this bread?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I", said the cat.
"Not I", said the duck.

"Very well, then", said the little red hen. "I will do it".

So the loaf of bread was baked and it was baked, and it was beautiful, golden and crusty. The little red hen put it on the kitchen table, and the cat and the duck came into the house and looked at it longingly.

"Well now, who is going to eat this loaf of bread?" asked the little red hen.

"I will", said the duck quickly.
"I will", said the cat stepping close.

"Oh, no, you won't", said the little red hen. "I am going to eat it myself".

Then she called her little chicks together, and they ate the whole loaf of bread. Not a crumb was left for the duck and the cat.


In other words, there are some people in this world who aren't interested in loving you until you've baked the bread and offered them a slice.
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 09:49 PM
Response to Original message
18. +100
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csziggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 11:35 PM
Response to Original message
19. That's great! Here is how you make an impression here
I had a dream that involved you. I don't remember much, but I remember telling someone about "the truck driver", giving them your name and debating whether or not to mention DU. Most of the dream was about traveling, so I guess that is why you came into my mind.

Even before you met your lady friend, you came across as a pretty happy person, so I am glad she is making you happier. Give her my best!
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Demoiselle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-09-11 04:53 PM
Response to Original message
20. I am so happy for you both! Joy is contagious. Bless you.
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Tuesday Afternoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-09-11 05:36 PM
Response to Original message
21. so happy for you Tobin
:D and Jen U2 :hug:

but, Tobin -- you never know -- you may find inpiration for writing in being a happily married man living in contentment...

you have a way with words and one never knows when the Muse will strike.

Give in to her when she comes knocking.

:hi:
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Mopar151 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-09-11 06:14 PM
Response to Original message
22. Pain shared is pain diminished
Joy shared is joy increased Spider Robinson, "Callahan's Crosstime Saloon"
You have a vision, and a way with words - it'll find an outlet now'n then, as the spirit moves. These notes from the road ain't bad - I loved the line in the last one about zombie detectors!
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MiddleFingerMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-09-11 06:35 PM
Response to Original message
23. ALWAYS good to hear news from you, Tobin -- even BETTER to hear great news.
.
.
.
You should be able to tell from the responses, if not from within yet, that you haven't
lost the desire to write, nor the ability to touch people with what you write.
.
.
.
POO on "maybe my writing days are over". One does not HAVE to suffer to create art --
I think you'll hear that more from wannabes than actual functional talented artists.
.
.
.
Hi. Jen!!! :hug: You're very special (AND have brought a very special happiness) to
someone who's very special to us -- so you're a special person here right from the
moment you walked
in the joint.
.
.
.
Tobin, someone mentioned "Callahan's Crosstime Saloon" above -- it's a series of SF
short story books (all the stories in each book are interwoven into one central novel
theme). VERY funny. VERY bawdy. EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFULLY pun-filled. Very loving
and philosophical. I seriously think you might like them for many the same reasons that
you like Steinbeck.
.
.
.
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jme0318 Donating Member (179 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-10-11 08:10 AM
Response to Reply #23
26. Thanks!!!!
I can see that Toby is very special to you all! He has quite a fan base on here...
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-10-11 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #26
27. Yes Jen, HUGE!
:grouphug:
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bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-09-11 06:36 PM
Response to Original message
24. So happy that you're happy!
:hi:
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