Have you ever been in love with someone you barely had anything in common with?

[cowcommander]

You know, that kind of person that talked about things you don't really understand, and had different hobbies and interests than you. And yet you still love this person and felt the most awesome feeling just being around them and seeing their face. Ever felt that?

[spinbaby]

1. Yeah

And I married him 34 years ago. Still happy together.

[cowcommander]

3. How did it work out?

What common ground did you find to build a relationship?

[spinbaby]

5. We leave space

If you're not one of those couples that are joined at the hip and have to do everything together, you can be different and have room for all interests. We've made a few accommodations--for instance, he's learned to vote for Democrats and I've learned to live with guns in the house.

[seabeyond]

8. see, i am right there EAXCTLY with you spin, lol. half the years. but

you are right on. space is good for us. does us well.

[Skip Intro]

2. I think that's called infatuation.

I'm sorry, I'm probably twice as old as you, and I've never been in love.

[dawg]

10. Don't know whether to feel sad for you ...

or to be jealous of you!

[Haole Girl]

15. Skip Intro... I'm curious...

do you think you ever had an infatuation? Was anyone ever in love with you?

This is interesting, to me, because I don't think I've every heard anybody admit they've never been in love. Though many people confuse other situations with love-- like infatuation, obsession, dependency, etc.

You don't have to answer these questions if they are too personal. I'm just curious.

[Skip Intro]

19. Oh yes.

I've had several infatuations. And I've broken the hearts of a couple of wonderful women because I just didn't share their feelings.

I love my family, I love my pets, I love my friends, but I have never been "in love," as I understand it, with anyone. The whole idea implies a one of a kind connection and commitment and doing pretty dumb things to prove it and, I don't know, I've just never met anyone that I wanted to put on a higher pedestal than all the other people I know and love. Not sure I buy into the idea that being "in love" actually exists. I think many many people who think they are "in love" are actually experiencing infatuation, obsession, dependency, etc.

[Haole Girl]

22. Thanks for answering my questions

I do feel "romantic love" exists. But I also believe people do not truly experience it until they "put themselves out there" so-to-speak. In other words, you have to be willing to take that leap. It is a scary thing. And there are times in my life I've 'shut down' and not been willing to truly feel and experience love. A counselor once told me that she knew an L.A. SWAT team officer who was more fearful of love than gunfire. That sort of put it into perspective for me. And I realized, at that moment, I was also afraid of it at times. And why wouldn't a person be? It can often make a person do dumb things. Yet, it is that "one of a kind connection" that makes it all worth it.

That was a long and rambling way of telling you that you shouldn't give up on the idea. I might be a hopeless romantic, but I truly believe people can find love (romantic love) at any age!

Enough armchair psychology for one night.

I wish you well.

[pacalo]

4. Yes, & I'm grateful I didn't marry him.

[raccoon]

6. Ditto. We were different nationalities, different generations....I'd say it was infatuation. nt

[seabeyond]

7. my husband. it is grand. we share totally different perspectives.

works for us.

[Luciferous]

9. Yep, been with him for almost 13 years :)

We have different hobbies and interests, but the same values and goals... maybe that's why it works

[dawg]

11. Differences - some matter, some don't.

I've done a lot of thinking about relationships lately. You see, I thought I had a pretty good one and would grow old with her. (I guess I grew old *to* her instead! )

But contemplating starting over at 43, I have thought about what kind of woman I would hope to possibly some day find. Would she need to be just like me? Well, yes and no.

She would not have to love 70's progressive rock music, or horror movies, or hiking to waterfalls, or ethnic foods. She wouldn't need to love history, or documentaries, or travel, or going to concerts. She wouldn't have to be interested in politics, or be a liberal, or love to watch college football (GoDAWGS!). She wouldn't have to dream about traveling to Europe, or want to occasionally visit NYC to eat at restaurants and see shows and do all the *tourist* crap.

She wouldn't have to like the works of JRR Tolkien, or like riding bicycles, or enjoy spending quiet times just reading or watching tv.

But she *would* need to share my values. She would have to be kind. She would have to be someone who valued honesty. She would need to be loyal, and strong-minded. She would need to be the kind of person who would always have my back - who would stand up for me when I needed her. Someone who would stand-up to me and put me in my place when I needed it, as well. We might have different features - different likes and dislikes - but on the inside we should be two of a kind.

That's what I think.

[seabeyond]

14. "different hobbies and interests, but the same values and goals" this poster

said it. i was trying to figure out how to say it. total opposites, but hubby and i are the same. need that same. i couldnt figure out how to explain the same.

what you say. and how the poster bottom lines it. same values and goals.... is a MUST

[old mark]

12. Not really in LOVE, but certainly in heat...

EVERYWHERE!



mark

[guitar man]

13. Yep

Been with her 20 years now

[Name removed]

16. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Crazy Dave]

17. Another woman and I both fell in love with one another and...

...we didn't even speak the same language at the time. Seven months later when my German got better and so did her English we were arguing over stupid things just like regular couples and the love began to fade away.

True story.

[femmocrat]

18. Yes. Married him.

We have nothing in common, especially politics. It has worked out fine, as we have two beautiful children to share now!

[Chan790]

20. Oh God yes...

I think it might be a primary attraction for me even. (I'm notoriously reserved and intellectual and bookish. I loathe physical activity.)

I don't think I've ever met an extremely-expressive, anti-intellectual, non-reader who was a dancer or yoga instructor (or something else so extremely physical) that I haven't swooned over. The latest object of my desire...worked for the Ron Paul primary campaign in 2008. I don't drink or smoke, she's a massive pothead. I'm vocal about my loathing in general of all things hippy (culture, music, actual hippies who apparently don't know their movement sold out), she's like the exemplar of a flower-child.

(None of these relationships end well for me. )

[LucySky]

21. My ex was a party boy.

Every single night. It got to be too much to take.

[bikebloke]

23. Yeah

And I learned the hard way. At least I finally wised up.

[InvisibleTouch]

24. I didn't have much in common with the last one, now that I think of it.

There was a definite physical chemistry, but not much else. I ended up being well rid of him.

[HEyHEY]

25. not just nothing in common, total opposites

For starters, she was religious, a hippie (I'm more of a Brendan Beehan type), a health nut and all that.

However, I was the one with integrity.

[sakabatou]

26. Yes

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. lisa and i have almost no hobbies or interests in common, and we have been together

for 4.5 years now.

i think a shared value system is more important than shared interests. i mean our personalities are pretty different too but we are both liberals, we believe in being kind to each other and to most of the world, we trust each other, we respect each other etc

sometimes deciding on the music in the car is a pain though

[kimi]

28. Um, yeah, I think a lot of people do this

Part of exploring boundaries, maybe.

Presently I'm kinda exploring with a guy who smokes, drinks beer, is not a vegetarian, is an agnostic, pulls into himself in difficult times, and is a total sports nut.

Very much my opposite (although I'm getting into the sports thing somewhat, and the beer drinking I can live with LOL), and yet he is one of the sweetest, smartest, most humane people I've ever met. Don't know if I'd call it love, but I sure like him a lot, his values and politics are in line with mine, and I do like his face, too!

[MilesColtrane]

29. Lived it.... Walter Fagan wrote a tune about it...

Steely Dan Hey Nineteen Lyrics

Way back when in 67
I was the dandy
Of Gamma Chi
Sweet things from Boston
So young and willing
Moved down to Scarsdale
And where the hell am I

Hey Nineteen
No we can't dance together
No we can't talk at all
Please take me along
When you slide on down

Hey Nineteen
That's 'Retha Franklin
She don't remember the Queen of Soul
It's hard times befallen
The sole survivors
She thinks I'm crazy
But I'm just growing old

Hey Nineteen
No we got nothing in common
No we can't talk at all
Please take me along
When you slide on down

The Cuervo Gold
The fine Colombian
Make tonight a wonderful thing
We can't dance together
No we can't talk at all