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Have you ever been in love with someone you barely had anything in common with?

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cowcommander Donating Member (679 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 04:37 AM
Original message
Have you ever been in love with someone you barely had anything in common with?
You know, that kind of person that talked about things you don't really understand, and had different hobbies and interests than you. And yet you still love this person and felt the most awesome feeling just being around them and seeing their face. Ever felt that?
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spinbaby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 04:40 AM
Response to Original message
1. Yeah
And I married him 34 years ago. Still happy together.
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cowcommander Donating Member (679 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 04:54 AM
Response to Reply #1
3. How did it work out?
What common ground did you find to build a relationship?
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spinbaby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 09:43 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. We leave space
If you're not one of those couples that are joined at the hip and have to do everything together, you can be different and have room for all interests. We've made a few accommodations--for instance, he's learned to vote for Democrats and I've learned to live with guns in the house.



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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 10:13 AM
Response to Reply #5
8. see, i am right there EAXCTLY with you spin, lol. half the years. but
you are right on. space is good for us. does us well.
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Skip Intro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 04:41 AM
Response to Original message
2. I think that's called infatuation.
I'm sorry, I'm probably twice as old as you, and I've never been in love.
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dawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 11:25 AM
Response to Reply #2
10. Don't know whether to feel sad for you ...
or to be jealous of you!
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 02:42 PM
Response to Reply #2
15. Skip Intro... I'm curious...
do you think you ever had an infatuation? Was anyone ever in love with you?

This is interesting, to me, because I don't think I've every heard anybody admit they've never been in love. Though many people confuse other situations with love-- like infatuation, obsession, dependency, etc.

You don't have to answer these questions if they are too personal. I'm just curious. :hi:
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Skip Intro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-12-10 07:01 PM
Response to Reply #15
19. Oh yes.
I've had several infatuations. And I've broken the hearts of a couple of wonderful women because I just didn't share their feelings.

I love my family, I love my pets, I love my friends, but I have never been "in love," as I understand it, with anyone. The whole idea implies a one of a kind connection and commitment and doing pretty dumb things to prove it and, I don't know, I've just never met anyone that I wanted to put on a higher pedestal than all the other people I know and love. Not sure I buy into the idea that being "in love" actually exists. I think many many people who think they are "in love" are actually experiencing infatuation, obsession, dependency, etc.

:hi:
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-12-10 07:39 PM
Response to Reply #19
22. Thanks for answering my questions
I do feel "romantic love" exists. But I also believe people do not truly experience it until they "put themselves out there" so-to-speak. In other words, you have to be willing to take that leap. It is a scary thing. And there are times in my life I've 'shut down' and not been willing to truly feel and experience love. A counselor once told me that she knew an L.A. SWAT team officer who was more fearful of love than gunfire. That sort of put it into perspective for me. And I realized, at that moment, I was also afraid of it at times. And why wouldn't a person be? It can often make a person do dumb things. Yet, it is that "one of a kind connection" that makes it all worth it.

That was a long and rambling way of telling you that you shouldn't give up on the idea. I might be a hopeless romantic, but I truly believe people can find love (romantic love) at any age!

Enough armchair psychology for one night.

I wish you well.

:hi:
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pacalo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 05:23 AM
Response to Original message
4. Yes, & I'm grateful I didn't marry him.
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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 09:46 AM
Response to Reply #4
6. Ditto. We were different nationalities, different generations....I'd say it was infatuation. nt
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 10:11 AM
Response to Original message
7. my husband. it is grand. we share totally different perspectives.
works for us.
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Luciferous Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 10:27 AM
Response to Original message
9. Yep, been with him for almost 13 years :)
We have different hobbies and interests, but the same values and goals... maybe that's why it works :shrug:
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dawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 11:37 AM
Response to Original message
11. Differences - some matter, some don't.
I've done a lot of thinking about relationships lately. You see, I thought I had a pretty good one and would grow old with her. (I guess I grew old *to* her instead! ;))

But contemplating starting over at 43, I have thought about what kind of woman I would hope to possibly some day find. Would she need to be just like me? Well, yes and no.

She would not have to love 70's progressive rock music, or horror movies, or hiking to waterfalls, or ethnic foods. She wouldn't need to love history, or documentaries, or travel, or going to concerts. She wouldn't have to be interested in politics, or be a liberal, or love to watch college football (GoDAWGS!). She wouldn't have to dream about traveling to Europe, or want to occasionally visit NYC to eat at restaurants and see shows and do all the *tourist* crap.

She wouldn't have to like the works of JRR Tolkien, or like riding bicycles, or enjoy spending quiet times just reading or watching tv.

But she *would* need to share my values. She would have to be kind. She would have to be someone who valued honesty. She would need to be loyal, and strong-minded. She would need to be the kind of person who would always have my back - who would stand up for me when I needed her. Someone who would stand-up to me and put me in my place when I needed it, as well. We might have different features - different likes and dislikes - but on the inside we should be two of a kind.

That's what I think.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 01:32 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. "different hobbies and interests, but the same values and goals" this poster
said it. i was trying to figure out how to say it. total opposites, but hubby and i are the same. need that same. i couldnt figure out how to explain the same.

what you say. and how the poster bottom lines it. same values and goals.... is a MUST
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old mark Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 12:47 PM
Response to Original message
12. Not really in LOVE, but certainly in heat...
EVERYWHERE!



mark
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guitar man Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 01:24 PM
Response to Original message
13. Yep
Been with her 20 years now :)
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
16. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Crazy Dave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 03:58 PM
Response to Original message
17. Another woman and I both fell in love with one another and...
Edited on Sat Dec-11-10 03:58 PM by Crazy Dave
...we didn't even speak the same language at the time. Seven months later when my German got better and so did her English we were arguing over stupid things just like regular couples and the love began to fade away.

True story.
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femmocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-11-10 05:56 PM
Response to Original message
18. Yes. Married him.
We have nothing in common, especially politics. It has worked out fine, as we have two beautiful children to share now!
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Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-12-10 07:22 PM
Response to Original message
20. Oh God yes...
Edited on Sun Dec-12-10 07:27 PM by Chan790
I think it might be a primary attraction for me even. (I'm notoriously reserved and intellectual and bookish. I loathe physical activity.)

I don't think I've ever met an extremely-expressive, anti-intellectual, non-reader who was a dancer or yoga instructor (or something else so extremely physical) that I haven't swooned over. The latest object of my desire...worked for the Ron Paul primary campaign in 2008. I don't drink or smoke, she's a massive pothead. I'm vocal about my loathing in general of all things hippy (culture, music, actual hippies who apparently don't know their movement sold out), she's like the exemplar of a flower-child.

(None of these relationships end well for me. :()
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LucySky Donating Member (297 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-12-10 07:27 PM
Response to Original message
21. My ex was a party boy.
Every single night. It got to be too much to take.
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bikebloke Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-12-10 09:55 PM
Response to Original message
23. Yeah
And I learned the hard way. At least I finally wised up.
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InvisibleTouch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-12-10 10:04 PM
Response to Original message
24. I didn't have much in common with the last one, now that I think of it.
There was a definite physical chemistry, but not much else. I ended up being well rid of him.
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-13-10 12:08 AM
Response to Original message
25. not just nothing in common, total opposites
For starters, she was religious, a hippie (I'm more of a Brendan Beehan type), a health nut and all that.

However, I was the one with integrity.
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sakabatou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-13-10 12:23 AM
Response to Original message
26. Yes
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-13-10 12:33 AM
Response to Original message
27. lisa and i have almost no hobbies or interests in common, and we have been together
Edited on Mon Dec-13-10 12:36 AM by La Lioness Priyanka
for 4.5 years now.

i think a shared value system is more important than shared interests. i mean our personalities are pretty different too but we are both liberals, we believe in being kind to each other and to most of the world, we trust each other, we respect each other etc

sometimes deciding on the music in the car is a pain though :)
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kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-13-10 01:06 AM
Response to Original message
28. Um, yeah, I think a lot of people do this
Part of exploring boundaries, maybe.

Presently I'm kinda exploring with a guy who smokes, drinks beer, is not a vegetarian, is an agnostic, pulls into himself in difficult times, and is a total sports nut.

Very much my opposite (although I'm getting into the sports thing somewhat, and the beer drinking I can live with LOL), and yet he is one of the sweetest, smartest, most humane people I've ever met. Don't know if I'd call it love, but I sure like him a lot, his values and politics are in line with mine, and I do like his face, too!
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MilesColtrane Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-13-10 02:58 AM
Response to Original message
29. Lived it.... Walter Fagan wrote a tune about it...
Steely Dan Hey Nineteen Lyrics

Way back when in 67
I was the dandy
Of Gamma Chi
Sweet things from Boston
So young and willing
Moved down to Scarsdale
And where the hell am I

Hey Nineteen
No we can't dance together
No we can't talk at all
Please take me along
When you slide on down

Hey Nineteen
That's 'Retha Franklin
She don't remember the Queen of Soul
It's hard times befallen
The sole survivors
She thinks I'm crazy
But I'm just growing old

Hey Nineteen
No we got nothing in common
No we can't talk at all
Please take me along
When you slide on down

The Cuervo Gold
The fine Colombian
Make tonight a wonderful thing
We can't dance together
No we can't talk at all
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