This Squeaky Wheel And I Are Pulling An All-Nighter

[MrScorpio]

BY A HAMSTER
DECEMBER 9, 2010

Okay, okay, no more screwing around. Let's get serious here. I've been putting off running on this squeaky, plastic wheel all day long, and now it's—Christ, is that clock right? Is it 10:30 already? Man oh man, it is way later than I thought. Looks like I got myself a long, long night of spinning a noisy wheel around in a circle here.

All right, squeaky wheel. From now till dawn, it's you and me, buddy. We've gotta burn some midnight oil.

I'd love to just pass out right here in this pile of wood shavings, but this bad boy ain't going to spin itself, you know what I'm saying? Do I wish I'd gotten a head start on the wheel- running this morning instead of making a nest out of hair and paper scraps and curling up inside of it for five hours? Sure, of course. But hey, what's the use of worrying about "what if" when there's work to be done? Hell, I spin better at night anyway.

Okay, game plan: Before I hop on, I'm going to need to warm up with some scratching. I'm talking the real, full-body kind of scratching where my back leg thumps against the bottom of the cage in rapid succession for like 10 minutes. Naturally, I'm going to need to loudly nestle around for a while after that. Maybe munch on some seeds, so I've got some fuel in me. Then I'm just going to attack this wheel, man. Like, full-on. Attack it like never before. I figure if I start hitting it now, I can go straight through until morning and then just totally crash out. Tomorrow will be a complete waste, but screw it. I've got no choice, right?


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