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I did my first delivery today - a 32-week old fetal demise. The baby was dead.

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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:19 AM
Original message
I did my first delivery today - a 32-week old fetal demise. The baby was dead.
Life sucks so hard sometimes.

Death sucks even harder...

What an awful day...
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SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:21 AM
Response to Original message
1. How sad.
And yeah, it sucks sometimes.

:hug:
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:25 AM
Response to Original message
2. oh god
excuse my bitching thread right above/below - I was trying to be funny and it doesn't mesh with real tragedy. sorry.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:28 AM
Response to Original message
3. I am so sorry, my dear Aristus...
How awful, for you, for the parents, for everyone.

Was it known ahead of time that the baby had died in utero?

:hug:
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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:32 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. Yes.
The mother had to go through that whole thing, inducement, parturition, the whole bit, knowing the baby was dead.

It was a little girl named Allison.

I was a wreck for an hour or so afterward. That was the first half hour of a twelve-hour shift...

I'm useless right now...
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:37 AM
Response to Reply #4
5. I hope you'll have some time to recover from that...
Please take care of yourself, sweetie...

:hug:
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MrsBrady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:23 AM
Response to Reply #4
18. .
Edited on Sun Jul-11-10 01:26 AM by MrsBrady
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MrsBrady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:25 AM
Response to Reply #4
19. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this...
and for the mom, baby, and family.


I didn't carry to term,
but I was 11 and half weeks along when it was determined that the fetus died.
The fetus was dead, but the placenta had kept working.

I decided to go with acupuncture and have my miscarriage at home than risk scarring with a DNC.
It took two acupuncture treatments...but it also took 7 days to work.

To say that that was the worst freaking week of my life would be an understatement.


Hugs to you. Bless you for helping that woman. :hug:



( it's been 10 years, I'm ok now. k? )
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sinkingfeeling Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-12-10 01:24 PM
Response to Reply #4
38. So sorry your first delivery couldn't have been a joyful one.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:37 AM
Response to Original message
6. That is awful
A woman I worked with had a similar thing happen. She was depressed, too, for quite awhile. She was able to have another child about a year later....both mother & child doing great now.

:hug:
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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:42 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. I feel so rotten for feeling rotten. It was her baby. She was the one in pain.
Physically & emotionally. It was terrible to have to watch her face in between contractions. She just looked stone miserable. I couldn't think of anything to say to her. It didn't matter. An old experienced delivery nurse was with her the whole time, comforting her and encouraging her. What a great lady she was.

I had my own emotional collapse just after the placenta was delivered. The nurse helped me during that, too.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:45 AM
Response to Reply #7
9. It shows you are human
You will be more prepared, emotionally, should that situation happen again. :hug:
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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:50 AM
Response to Reply #9
11. The nurse and my supervising physician were very helpful and understanding.
This was the doctor's seventh or eighth fetal demise. He says they always knock you over, but after the first one, you're a little better prepared. He did say that it was really awful that my first delivery was also my first fetal demise. Bad luck.

That was the worst physical and emotional reaction I've ever had over a medical situation. I've been present at trauma deaths, and assisted in some really gnarly surgical procedures. Never batted an eye, or turned my stomach.

This one was much different...
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Contrary1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:58 AM
Response to Reply #7
14. It's OK to care...
The doctor on call acted annoyed when our daughter chose to wait, hoping that the meds would stop her labor. Sadly, it didn't. The babies were born too soon, and did not survive.

One of our little girls is named Allison too. The other's name is Meghan.

Never lose that empathy for those going through such a sad thing. It is much appreciated.

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MrsBrady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:38 AM
Response to Reply #7
21. you have a right to your feelings
No one wants to see the death of a child.

:hug:
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Lindsey Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:43 AM
Response to Reply #6
8. I'm so sorry. n/t
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Swede Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:50 AM
Response to Original message
10. That's sad.
My nephew's wife is 8 months pregnant. This last week her blood pressure shot through the roof,no one knows why. What a week.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:53 AM
Response to Reply #10
12. I hope she's being watched really closely.
High blood pressure in a pregnant woman bears close supervision.

:hug:
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Swede Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:56 AM
Response to Reply #12
13. They gave her a blood pressue guage to monitor it full time.
This scares me,Peg.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:00 AM
Response to Reply #13
15. She should be OK, as long as attention is being paid.
It's when the symptoms are ignored that problems can get bad.

Try not to worry, sweetie...

I'm sure she has instructions as to when to call and so on...

I had elevated blood pressure with my first child too...they watched me closely, and I did fine...so did my daughter, who is now in her early 40's! :hug:
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:02 AM
Response to Original message
16. So sorry, Aristus.
That poor lady. I hope she has people around her. :grouphug:
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MiddleFingerMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:17 AM
Response to Original message
17. Sorry that your introduction to deliveries was this particular case.
.
It sounds like you're learning from listening to and observing
the more experienced nurse and doctor -- GOOD!!!
.
.
I was a medic in the Army... and I can say with confidence, a
very good one. I dealt with a LOT of trauma and drug use and
handled it very well.
.
I considered becoming a paramedic when I got out, but realized
that all the terrible trauma I had seen was that experienced
by relatively healthy young men... and that the first time I
encountered and lost a horribly injured baby, I would almost
certainly fall into and never be able to climb out of a deep
emotional hole. I (wisely, I think) decided to take a different
path.
.
.
.
My cousin was an ER doctor. She said if you stop being affected
by what you see and deal with, you should probably not be doing
what you're doing -- but she did say it got EASIER as you gained
understanding and experience.
.
Strength and peace to you. Your compassion tells me that you have
the potential to be of great help to many people.
.
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tango-tee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:37 AM
Response to Original message
20. I have a young friend
who was forced to go through labor and delivery, knowing her little boy was dead. He already had a name. Leon.

There are no words... So much sadness at times.
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bluesbassman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 04:04 AM
Response to Original message
22. You have my utmost respect for what you do Aristus,
And my sympathy for having to go through an experience like that. Please don't let it weigh too heavy on you.
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kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 04:23 AM
Response to Original message
23. One of the most profound experiences I had as an L&D nurse
Edited on Sun Jul-11-10 04:29 AM by kimi
was helping deliver a fetal demise. Full-term, beautiful baby boy. Knot in the cord. No other nursery nurse wanted to deal with the aftermath, so I did. Bathed him, footprinted him, cut a lock of his hair, all for keepsakes for the parents, who were, of course, an emotional mess. The most difficult part of it, for me, at the time? Bathing him, in the utility room of the labor deck, and turning my back to grab a blanket, and realizing that I COULD do so, and he would not fall off the counter by the sink. I broke down when I turned back and then it hit me.

You don't ever get over it. You shouldn't. It makes you less of a person.

I'm sorry you experienced this, Aristus. And I'm sorry, but you will experience it again. Take your emotions with you for the next time, because that next family will need them.

Take care. :hug:
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zanana1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 04:54 AM
Response to Original message
24. It sounds like "baptism by fire".
I'm so sorry your first delivery was such a tragic one. May you have many joyful deliveries in the future.
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sarge43 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 06:21 AM
Response to Original message
25. Oh Aristus.
So sorry, darlin' :hug:

Condolences to the mother and her family.
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 06:41 AM
Response to Original message
26. Damn. Rough day. May you have many opportunities for better outcomes in the future.
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lightningandsnow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 08:03 AM
Response to Original message
27. So sad.
:hug:
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livetohike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 08:34 AM
Response to Original message
28. I'm sorry Aristus, for you and the family
:hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 08:58 AM
Response to Original message
29. It would be unnatural
for you to feel nothing your first time dealing with something so very sad. ((((((((hugs))))))))
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Gormy Cuss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 11:14 AM
Response to Original message
30. What a terrible day for all involved.
Late term in utero death is a really sucky event.
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hippywife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:13 PM
Response to Original message
31. Wishing you some rest
and peace of mind after going through that. And the joys of many live births ahead. :hug:
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 12:18 PM
Response to Original message
32. Wow, that's so rough
Your grief and empathy speak well of you though. Seems you've chosen the right vocation. :hug:
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GCP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 01:01 PM
Response to Original message
33. That happened to me with my second pregnancy
Full term, went into labor and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I had to labor that little boy out, it was the most miserable experience of my whole life. I was on my own as well, as my husband was home looking after our first (he didn't know about the baby being dead. The nurses wanted to bring him in, but I decided to tough it out on my own). That was in 1977, and it still hits me when I read a story like yours.
I went on to have another healthy boy, but it was rough for a couple of years.
You will do many more deliveries, and the great majority will have happy endings.
I'm sorry your first was so traumatic.
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kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-12-10 05:26 PM
Response to Reply #33
41. I'm so sorry.
My sympathies.
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Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 11:12 PM
Response to Original message
34. OMG, I'm so sorry!
:cry:
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denbot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 11:15 PM
Response to Original message
35. You have my respect for helping people in such difficult straights.
Has you worked your way through your P.A. program I inwardly cheered you on.. I don't have the guts to do what you do.

Peace.
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qanda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-11-10 11:34 PM
Response to Original message
36. I'm so sorry for all those who had to experience that
My heart goes out to you and those parents. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of pain. :hug:
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-12-10 01:03 PM
Response to Original message
37. ..
:hug: :cry:
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Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-12-10 01:46 PM
Response to Original message
39. You are such a positive and concerned individual...
...I hope that you stay in your positive space and know that despite the pain of the situation, that you are still helping those involved, and will be able to continue to help others (sometimes triumphantly, sometimes not).

You are needed. :hug:
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YankeyMCC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-12-10 02:26 PM
Response to Original message
40. Thank you for being there Aristus
I'm sure your strength and compassion were of comfort to the family even among what must seem like tremendous grief.
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