Crisis in the ranks of Al-Qaeda...

[Archae]

(And are they ever rank...) :-)

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to
in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to
produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be
cut by 25% this June, from 72 to 54. The rationale for the cut was
the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was
unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are
literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't
ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in
the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is not in a
position to meet their demands. They are not accepting the realities of
modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace."

"Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of
virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing
expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd
hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to
blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not
affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway".

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that
Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going
to paradise.

:D

[Old Troop]

1. This was excellent. By the way, the book actually says 72 Virginians.