I'm in love

[dem629]

...with someone I probably shouldn't be.

And I can tell no one about it. I did, however, send it to the PostSecret project. (If you aren't familiar with them you will get it after watching this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6rTkp1dek4)

It hurts not being able to reveal my feelings to people I care about. I can't even tell her. She'd probably resent me for it. I talk to her every day and see her several times a week. We even spend the night sometimes, in different rooms. We live our lives as though we're dating...but not. If that makes sense.

I have never been good at picking up on "signs" people give each other, so the signs I THINK I'm getting from her...well, I'm just not sure. On a related note, since I'm terrible at picking up on things, I'm terrified that I'm giving myself away.

I can't tell you how many times I have broken down over this. I have cried so many times I couldn't even guess at the number. And I can't explain the joy and happiness that is present when we're together. Never in my life have I clicked with anyone like this. Never in my life have I shared so much with, and had someone share with me.

Here's the problem: She's my first cousin, once removed. So technically she's in my mom's generation, but we are close in age so we're in the same "cultural generation" for lack of a better term.

I am sure that here, like elsewhere, there's a stigma against such relationships. I felt the same way. So I went looking for outside reasons to talk myself out of these feelings. But instead I found this....

Did you know that 26 states allow first cousin marriages?

Did you know that the frequency of cousin marriages in the USA is about 1 in 1,000?

Did you know that it is estimated that 20 percent of all couples worldwide are first cousins and also that 80 percent of all marriages historically have been between first cousins?

(For the religious people) Did you know that the first marriage in the Bible was between first cousins once removed? Isaac and Rebekkah. And, by the way, in Leviticus 18, where all of the forbidden sexual relationships are listed, cousin relationships are not included.

I just had to tell someone. So...I'm telling you. I'm in love and no one knows it.