Ever have a family member who drives you crazy?

[Haole Girl]

Sigh...

the holidays.

I wish I could run away.

Or have a smaller gathering.

Or do just about anything except have to pretend to want a house full of
insanity.


Yep... it's our turn to have the clan over at our house for Thanksgiving.

Now I know why my mother dreaded it so much.

Funny how things begin to make sense, even nonsense, when one grows old.

[Inchworm]

1. You have no idea

:rofl:

Feel fortunate you may still be on speaking terms with them. Holidays are mysterious otherwise.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

2. There is one family member...

she shows up early, turns off my music and turns on the TV, eats with her mouth open, is loud and obnoxious and usually says several very inappropriate things...

I'm not up for it this year.

Maybe I'll just drink...

A LOT.

:hug:

[Inchworm]

4. Drinking does NOT help

I speak from experience with my family, but we are a family of drunkards and scalliwags :P

:hi:

[Haole Girl]

7. It's better than the alternative...

running away, screaming, pulling my hair out...

:hi:

[Inchworm]

9. lol

:hug:

[OffWithTheirHeads]

11. au contraire! Drinking helps a lot. Dulls the pain and allows you

to just ignore everything. Been working for me for years. Of course, I haven't spoken to my right wing born again cause they didn't get it right the first time family in years. My time is better spent talking to rocks.

[Inchworm]

14. I guess that would work in a normal "family"

I found that if I hold back I can watch the rest of the family devolve into drunken hysterics while giggling from the sidelines :P

...I just remembered one uncle totally rushing a tree. We didn't have to call the ambulance that time, but I'm sure his neck still bothers him :P

:hi:

[OffWithTheirHeads]

52. A normal family? Definition of a dysfunctional family;

Any family with more than one member.

[phasma ex machina]

55. +1 nt

[phasma ex machina]

54. +1 Some families, well into their cups, raise hell faster than a suicide bomber with dysentry. nt

[OffWithTheirHeads]

58. Yeah but that can be fun.

If you have half a brain and the other half is drenched in Vodka you can still turn that into entertainment, the stories of which will last at least a year, giving you even newer stories for the following year.

[AsahinaKimi]

3. My father..

He's a dentist. He sends me the latest tooth pastes, tooth brushes, and mouth washes. Yes, he loves me but seems to be obsessed with me having great teeth. He always used to throw out my candy on halloween, but my mom would always put some aside for me in a secret place. I swear, on the day of my wedding, he will probably check my teeth.

[Haole Girl]

5. He probably will! LOL

When I was 10 years old, my best friend's father was a dentist. He used to always check my teeth... waiting for a table at a restaurant, the mall, at their house, etc. It never seemed to matter where we were! It used to really embarrass me (and my best friend). You have my sympathy. :-) :hug:

[OffWithTheirHeads]

6. Yeah, the older I get, the better I was

Stupid parents didn't know shit.

[Haole Girl]

8. You probably aren't as old as I

It's only very recently I've understood the mental torment my mother went through.

[Wapsie B]

17. Yours too huh?

My father is the poster boy for angry white males.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

51. Oh trust me, I've been around the block a few times.

At this point, I only have a few more laps to do and I am becoming VERY aware of that fact.

[rug]

10. My sister.

[Haole Girl]

12. Any pearls of wisdom...

if you were forced to invite her over for Thanksgiving dinner?

[rug]

24. Let's put it this way,

she went to my ex-wife's house for Thanksgiving.

[Madrone]

13. Mi madre.

And guess what? We're going to be sharing my very small space for just over 2 weeks. It's going to be horrible - on a multitude of levels of for multiple reasons.

She's coming to help me out though - so I've got to try and keep my cool. :scared:

She's the person responsible for my abusive childhood, and is a churchy, judgmental, Bush-loving, Palin-adoring, "perfect" person that can't relate outside of her personal bubble. Should be FUN! :hide:

[Haole Girl]

16. It's the worst... the Bush-loving, Palin-adoring...

the one I'm talking about voted for McCain. If she discussing politics, in my home, the gloves will come off!

Good luck with your mom's visit. :hug:

[keroro gunsou]

70. for those about to rock

we salute you.

[TK421]

15. How much time do you have?

[Haole Girl]

18. Ha!

You doin' ok?

[TK421]

26. Fine...taking into consideration how massive my family is, I'll ask you again...how much time

do you have? I have too many stories to list here....do tell! I'll have you feeling much better after tonight, I guarantee you that

[Haole Girl]

40. Write them down

Not necessarily here. But it sounds like an interesting story. :hug:

[TK421]

44. I can do that n/t

[femmocrat]

19. I hate the holidays. So stressful.

It's because I'm the one who hosts all the get-togethers.

[Haole Girl]

21. One year we should just put a "closed for business" sign on the door & leave!

:rofl:

(we can dream, right?)

[femmocrat]

23. Great idea! I long for the day when someone else takes over.

And some day, someone will! :hi:

[havocmom]

20. Yes. So many, in fact, that the only solution was to BE the crazy relative

That threw 'em all for a loop, I can tell ya!

[Haole Girl]

22. Hmm....

I'm thinking that one over...

:evilgrin:

[Rhiannon12866]

25. I'm on my own this year *sigh*, so I really should do Thanksgiving for my mother...

She's over 80, and I do enjoy the cooking, even have the original of her stuffing recipe, my favorite. But the problem is that her evil spawn, my brother, lives with her. I just don't know if I can take it. The last time I visited, he turned on Glenn BecKKK and I just had to get out. He does things to send me over the edge, on purpose. x( Wish I could turn back the clock and make my own... ;(

[Haole Girl]

27. Grrr. Those are the most evil kind of people...

those who play mind games. I'll almost destroy my mental well-being before giving in when someone does that to me. Be strong. Don't let your brother ruin the time you have left with your mother... if you want to be with her.

:hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

30. Thank you. He really is incorrigible.

I brought over dinner for Mother's Day and everything was pretty calm, until he turned on FIXED News and I knew I had to leave. My mother keeps telling me to stop by more often, but she doesn't or just refuses to get it. The thought of being stuck there, with him hovering, gives me a panic attack. I've offered to take her out, like for her birthday, but she wants to bring him... :banghead:

[rebel with a cause]

48. Does he work or ever have to be out of the house?

I would pick times when he was not going to be there.

Another question: is the house his or hers? If it is her house you have a better chance of asking for leeway in your visits with her. If it is his house, then good luck!

I live with my daughter and have to deal with my ex-husband when he comes to visit her so trust me when I say that I can relate to your situation. My family is beyond your brother because there are so many of them. I know it sounds like I just can't get along with others but I have a long history of being abused, my counselors told me so. O8)

:eyes:

[Rhiannon12866]

49. It's her house, but she lets him run the show.

It's a pretty unhealthy relationship. I've tried, but it really is like banging my head against the wall. I used to ask, when she'd want me to stop by, to let me know when she'd be on her own. But she rarely is and she really doesn't get it. He doesn't work, never has. My mother says he "works for her," meaning that he mows the lawn when he gets to it or snow blows the driveway if the neighbors don't help her out first... :eyes:

I've managed to take her a couple of places, said that there'll only be women there, like one of those glassware parties a couple of months ago. For her 80th birthday, my BF generously offered to take her for a ride on his boat, so I set it up so her neighbor and good friend would bring her. When she saw my BF, she said that she thought it was only going to be women, so I pointed out that he had to drive the boat... :crazy:

I sympathize with your situation, as well. My brother has manhandled me more than once, never grew up and he was a nasty little shit. The house is big enough that he could stay out of the way, but he gets his jollies torturing me... And he has to talk to my mother every five minutes. :shrug:

She had hip replacement a couple of years ago and my BF was kind enough to drive me to the hospital to see her because it was a distance and I was on crutches. The visit went fine and my BF was great with my mother, but we finally gave up and left after the third phone call from my brother in a little over an hour. x(

My therapist suggested that I let her order dinner from the store, which I guess she's been doing, and I could bring something, so I won't be trapped there, cooking a big dinner. I'll miss the stuffing, but it's better than the alternative. I'm also in recovery, have been sober almost seven months *knock on wood*, so that's not an option... ;)

Rhiannon :hug:

[rebel with a cause]

62. I feel for you.

Your situation is worse than mine because your still in it. Your brother sounds like a real winner.:sarcasm:

It seems your mother has enabled your brother (not requiring him to financially support himself) until he has been able to get in control of her and now they are co-dependent on each other. Not a good thing to be. My daughter and I are sort of co-dependent but not in the same manner. She works and has no problem with me going places with her brother. In fact, she gets mad because he does not take me to the doctor as much as she does. We are only half as miserable. ;)

I don't know what to tell you about how to deal with your situation because it being your mother makes it a whole different ballgame than my situation. I guess it is according to how much you feel you should sacrifice to be with your mother and with her being over eighty, I imagine that would be quite a lot. On the other hand, your health and being able to stay in recovery means a lot also. I do understand your situation in a way because as long as my father was alive I put up with a lot more than I did after he died. It is sad to say, but his death set me somewhat free. And I know it would have been twice as bad had it been my mother because I was closer to her. :eyes:

If you really wanted to have the stuffing, could you make it at home, put it in a baking pan and bake it at her house but not in the bird. That way it would not take as long and you could use chicken stock/broth in it for the poultry flavor. Well, in fact you could pre-bake it at home and just warm it up there. By doing this way you could take the leftovers home for you and your BF leftover pleasure. :evilgrin:

Life can be a bi*ch sometimes but we just have to hang in there (or drop out) until things get better. My niece called me awhile back with a bunch of lies trying to get me back involved in the drama. I said I was sorry for her problems but was not interested in talking with her, hung up and quickly changed my home phone# and had it unlisted. I have since dropped that phone altogether. This makes my ex call my daughter on her cell and only my children, doctors and one sibling know my cell number. That is how serious I am at staying separate from my past as much as possible. I never felt like I belonged in my family (or was wanted in it) so I see no reason to pretend I do.

[Rhiannon12866]

63. Thank you for both the sympathy and the advice.

It's especially tough because even people I know don't entirely get it, since they aren't in it, nor have they seen it up close, and that includes relatives, except for my cousin who lived there for awhile after college. She'd make me laugh, because it didn't take long for her to sound just like me: "You won't believe what he did today!" *sigh*

My mother presents a much different picture to the world, that my brother's so "helpful," that he "takes care" of her, when it's really the other way around. After she had hip replacement, I cooked for her, but she'd get mad and shove me out of the kitchen with her walker, so she could make something for my brother... :crazy:

I lived with my BF for three years, and pretty much removed myself from the whole situation, but now I'm back, living not far away, and I feel guilty that I don't communicate more with my mother, especially now that she's the age she is and does need help. But my ability to do anything is limited, since he's always right there.

My mother's getting forgetful, has developed some health problems and gets confused. I had no idea how far it had progressed. I've talked to my own doctor about it and offered to take her to see him, so I can know what's going on and see if he can come up with something to help, but I haven't been able to manage it. Whenever I suggest that I could take her, she says "Jonny can take me..."

When my father was living, things were not quite this bad, but he was busy with his job and involved in all sorts of community stuff, while they were at home. My cousin asked me why my Dad never did anything and I couldn't answer her, but I now think that it was easier for him to keep the peace than to go against my mother...

So I'm odd man out, despite being her only daughter. I sure miss my Dad, since his presence kind of kept things in check. And I could talk to him. But now they're free to do their own thing, and I can understand my mother's anxiety, at her age, with her health problems, but there is no excuse for a man my brother's age to behave in this way, and, as my friend observed, it's a situation ripe for abuse.

Yes, my brother's a real winner. When my mother was in the hospital, I had to hear it from her. He pretty much acts as if I don't exist, except for doing things to get to me, which my mother is beyond noticing. Even calling there is unpleasant, since he often answers the phone and when I ask if my mother's there, he'll say "yes" and then just stand there... :grr:

Thanks for the advice. I don't fit in with my family, either, but my mother seems to want to see me while having no understanding of the anger or the panic I feel just being there. I should be there, need to know things, but it's like walking into a very unpleasant Twilight Zone...

And thank you for listening. I don't talk about it much, since it's so hard to explain, and I'm not usually the sort to get into personal stuff on DU.

I truly hope that you have a much better holiday than you're expecting. I'll have to talk to my mother before I decide what I'm going to do. I've been putting it off. I could just ignore the whole thing, but I've done that for far too long.

Rhiannon :hug:

[rebel with a cause]

65. No problem, I use to be a great listener...

before I became a non-stop talker. :)

Don't worry about it being hard to explain. You did very well at saying just how this all makes you feel and I have seen so much in the last twenty/forty years that I pretty much understand all the family dysfunctions there are. I have a feeling that your brother is enjoying the role he is playing and the mind games that he uses to intimidate you. Without knowing more I have no idea what you mother is getting out of this, but I have a suspicion which I will not voice because I have no way of knowing if it has any chance of being true. Anyway, good luck talking with your mother and the decision you have to make. Also good luck in the coming months and all these days that most Americans celebrate. May the powers that be look after you.

I imagine my holiday will be fine although we really don't look at it as a holiday. It will be just another day with my daughter, myself and our two dogs. She will get off work. Great for her and we will cook a little bit different/special food. Perhaps my son will come over after work and get some food, maybe he won't. Like I said, we really don't do holidays anymore. My ex may call my daughter but he will be busy with his new family. Hooray!

Goodnight for now. :hug:

[OffWithTheirHeads]

59. Hey, if that doggie is your baby, you will get through it.

I can't begin to tell you how much bullshit becomes tolerable when my dogs greet me at the door.

[Rhiannon12866]

64. Yes, that's my pup, Jack, and he does keep me sane...

And I totally agree with you about the dogs. New Year's of 2006, I was on DU. I was feeling kind of bummed out, since I was with my boyfriend, but he was asleep, having recently had surgery. And I said that on DU, in answer to the question about who you were spending the New Year with. I said that I was seeing the New Year in with three dogs (my two and my BF's). And another DUer, known for her kindness, said that I was truly blessed. And she certainly was right... O8)

Just now, Jack's about three feet away, careful to keep me in his sight, gnawing on his cookie. :D

Jackie-pup :loveya:


Rhiannon :fistbump:

[snailly]

28. I kill them every two years

And scatter their boiled bones in the river. Sometimes there are ashes.

[Haole Girl]

42. I'm not sure I want to know any more

:scared:

[Odin2005]

29. I am the person who drives people crazy.

:evilgrin:

[Haole Girl]

41. And you are aware of this?

:spank:

[rebel with a cause]

31. No longer really have holidays.

They are too much trouble. So is my family. My mother died when I was young and my father died over twenty years ago. Have not spoke to part of my siblings (their choice for many years) since his death, and have not spoke to the rest (my choice because of their troublesome ways) since soon there after. (There is more to it than this but it would take to long to explain it all.) I still hear from one sibling and recently there was a somewhat reconnection of some of the siblings and they are back at it once again. There cannot be any peace in the bunch so I would just rather spend my last years fighting with myself. I find it is much easier to get along/make up with myself. But no, they have not driven me crazy. :crazy:

[Haole Girl]

38. What you said makes a lot of sense

Thank you.

[Archae]

32. I have a relative who condemns the Tea Partyers.

Honest, he condemns them, for being "too liberal." :wtf:

And if he's losing an argument (mostly due to having no facts to back him up,) he gets louder.
He gets louder a lot.

Like when I showed him the birth announcements in Hawaii newspapers for Barack Obama. :crazy:

[Haole Girl]

37. Wow...

THAT is a right-winger!

:scared:

[Kali]

33. most of 'em

No fucking family this year! Bah humbug!

[Haole Girl]

39. How'd you manage that?

Tell me your secret! ;-)

[Kali]

46. I started announcing it as I was cooking x-mas dinner last year

I sign my e-mails: NO FAMILY HOLIDAYS }(

I underscored it by getting in a huge drunken (red wine, oh god) fight with some of them after dinner as well.

[Mopar151]

34. Take a walk after dinner

For a little smoky treat:smoke: After that, the relatives can be fun to watch! But I'm lucky - my side of the family tends toward old and eccentric, but they're pretty mellow. My wife's tribe.... That 's why we go to my family's house for holidays!

[Haole Girl]

36. Don't do weed ...

though I am tempted at times like this. :hi:

[Mopar151]

45. My buddy fries the turkey(s)

He says it works out well. He brings a cooler of beer and the turkey fryers over to the in-laws, and sets them up on the lawn near the deck. "Anybody I want to talk to me will wander out in the cold for a few minutes - the ones I can't stand stay in the house!"

[Amerigo Vespucci]

35. My obese racist freeper sister in Colorado Springs

Moved there in 2003 after getting money from my mother's estate.

Her daughter lives there.

She went on several visits, thought it was paradise because of all of the "white people."

Moved there to get away from "the Mexicans" in California.

Five minutes after moving permanently to Colorado Springs, started pissing and moaning about "all of the Mexicans."

Hasn't spoken to me since she got her money (I was the executor of my mother's estate).

Said I ripped her off (IMPOSSIBLE under California's Probate law...one of the toughest in the country).

It took 14 months of my life to work with the attorneys and the court to settle my mom's estate.

Every few days for 14 months my sister and / or brother-in-law would email me, asking

WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY WHERE'S MY MONEY

Finally got her money, wrote me off for dead. Sent a message through my other sister. Said it's too bad our mom was dead because if she were here she could tell me how ashamed of me she was (like I said, the court followed out my mom's living trust...it is 100% IMPOSSIBLE to rip ANYONE Off).

So yeah...we all have stories.

[Haole Girl]

43. How awful

So many families are torn apart while settling an estate.

Luckily, for us, our mother made a trusted attorney executor of her estate. :hug:

My Uncle put two of my sisters in charge of his estate... it wasn't pretty. Luckily, for the other two of us (my youngest sister and I) we could let a lot slide. Otherwise, none of us would be on speaking terms today. :-(

[Mari333]

47. Only one and she is toxic poison

I wont be seeing her tho, the rest of the family wont speak with her, she gossips and makes all kinds of shit up about everyone.
I will only allow respectable people in my house, who are polite and kind. anyone who gets out of line is kicked out.
Im too old for bullshit.
we cannot pick who our biological family members are, but, if they arent behaving well, we have no obligation to see them, if it isnt good for us, even over the holidays.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

60. +100

Just because you share the same gene pool does not mean you have to like them OR put up with their bullshit!

[crim son]

50. Only two in-laws

and now they are no longer family.

[kwassa]

53. A friend said that were yearly fistfights at the Thanksgiving dinner table

a fractious family and too much alcohol.

We've all mellowed with age, and it is actually easier than when we were younger.

Still, no more than a couple days with my parents before going insane.

[debbierlus]

56. Yep. But, overall, I have come to terms with my family

Certain triggers to be avoided, but far less tumultuous then my youth.

I am going to my parents for thanksgiving and actually looking forward to it. Now, that's progress!

[cbdo2007]

57. My wife is my only family member who DOESN"T drive me crazy.

Seriously, I hate the holidays.

[sakabatou]

61. My mom

[hippywife]

66. Hmmm. I only get to pick one?

:rofl:

They won't always be here. Try to look for the good in all of them and enjoy them while you can. That's my plan, anyway. :hi:

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

67. Just about every last one of them

Thankfully, I live 5000 miles away now and control when and for how long I spend time with them.

One Christmas the entire family ended up in a screaming match started by my mother accusing her brother of giving her kids cocaine (he had) and then all hell broke loose. Ashtrays were flung, food was thrown, glasses were broken and my uncle ended up passed out in a closet. :silly: :crazy:

I love my family but I'm really glad I moved out of Crazy Town.

[av8rdave]

68. Don't even get me started...

[Posteritatis]

69. I *am* the family member which drives me crazy. (nt)