Day 9 dawns with a set back...

[WCGreen]

Well, to me it seems like a set back.

The taste of rust is now there all the time, not front and center, mind you, but lurking back there ready to pop out and tell me I am being far too optimistic.

I have a pneumonia, a bad one, that has taken up residence in my left lung.

The way it was explained to me was is that there is this mass situated above scar tissue from one or more of my previous bouts and that it has to be treated with precision which is why they are feeding a combination of three AB aimed directly at the area in question.

The rust taste tells me that the blood is still there, not it in the quantity it was when I first came in, but it's still there.

My fever is gone, my appetite is returning and yet the blood is still streaking almost every tissue.

Now is the desperate time. The blood has to abate or I am not going home anytime soon.

The mishaps and funny stories, well I though they were funny when they were happening, are turning mundane and threaten to sap what any optimism I may still have in reserve.

They tell me this is important but it is hard to read these canny health professionals as they hide behind the safety of the surgical mask.

I keep up the banter, the jokes that they have come to expect from me but what was once plucky determination at 40 is turning into grimly hoping to survive until the promises of new technology in the field of lung transplant is realized.

Don't get me wrong. I still think I will live a long but compromised life and that I probably will never sing at carnegie hall. But this evolution of hope is turning me inward, making me more reflective something I have not been. I went for the cheap laugh, the rubber chicken, if you will.

Now I still want to make you laugh but perhaps I can make someone think about life in a different way. Even if it only for a moment. Empathy is the most powerful emotion and if you can make me understand your plight and i can share mine, perhaps we will grow closer and maybe just discover that we are not alone in all of this, that there is a connection buzzing about that makes us all part of something greater than the sum of the parts.

[Heidi]

1. Dear WC Green,

there are many, many worse things in life than having gone for the rubber chicken. The list of things each of us is not is at least as long as the list of things we are, and I don't see this as something to dwell on. None of us can be everything. Put your energy into getting well so that you can go home and be who you want to be and still can be.

Good morning!

[enigmatic]

2. Empathy is an essential virtue

The ones that don't have it lack more than just empathy, they ulitmatly lack a soul too, even if they will fight to get you to believe otherwise.

You've got vibes from the whole enigmatic household surrounding you, and always will. I just had a couple of espressos so my vibes might be a bit more hectic, so watch out

You ever want to talk, you know where I am.

[Tobin S.]

3. I think I've been where you are, albeit for a different reason

I used to think that I would never make it back to being a normal person. I did make it, after ten years, although I have an expensive array of psychiatric medication that I have to take daily. But back when I was struggling with my illness there were times when I just didn't know if I was going to be around the next day. I'd look in the mirror and see death staring back at me.

That's probably not very comforting, but if you are in that place I can certainly empathize. But it sounds like you are going to have many more tomorrows. You seem to have the proper attitude that is conducive to getting better. You can be humorous but you can be serious, too. I think it's only natural for people to consider weighty issues when they have a serious illness.

Get well soon, Mr. Green.

[Loose Meat]

4. Being sick.

It takes all your energy to be sick. I don't know your story. I'm new here. But I know about being sick and how long it takes to heal. You sound discouraged, maybe, just a little bit. Sometimes our rate of improvement plateaus, and maybe a change has to be made. A different antibiotic, perhaps.

You're so right about how what we joked about at 40 doesn't seem that funny at 60. I shudder to think of the things I laughed at when I was a youngster. But I write it off to the immortality that protects young people. Once, we were all ten feet tall and bulletproof. We're not quite that tall anymore, but we're still bulletproof, only in a different way.

You don't have to do a thing, no banter or plucky determination, or sparkling personality, not if you don't feel like it. Be your own authentic self, and if you're honest like that, maybe the people taking care of you will be more forthcoming. It's not the surgical masks that might be distorting their words to you. Your effort to be "up" might be getting in your own way. If you're feeling down, be down, and don't pretend otherwise. That's just wasting energy you don't have.

We all have to feel sorry for ourselves once in a while. Nine days, did you say? That's a long time to be away from your own bed, your own home, your loved ones. It's discouraging. And I'd be feeling bad, too, if I were in your spot. I know how lucky I am not to be in hospital, but I've done my time in those places. It's hard work. You don't get your right sleep, and part of what you're experiencing right now just might be plain old fatigue.

You'll get better, I am sure of that. Don't lose heart. But don't pretend that you're all bubbly and perky if you're not really feeling like that. Let people take complete care of you. Part of what the doctors and nurses need from their patients is honesty and authenticity; otherwise, they're treating someone who doesn't really exist.

You are better than that, and you don't have to do a thing to "earn" your way. I don't know you, but you strike me as a very special person. I hope this day goes well for you. But, make sure your health care professionals know about your feeling discouraged, and allow yourself the luxury of being just a tiny bit self-indulgent. We all go to our own Pity Parties every now and then. It's just human nature.

Best of luck to you.

[abbeyco]

7. Welcome, Loose Meat!

What a nice post - thank you for being so sensitive and sharing your writings with DU while supporting WCGreen.

Welcome!

[Loose Meat]

14. Thank you.

I guess every little bit helps when you're sick. In fact, I know it does, from personal experience.

DU looks like a very nice place. I think I can learn a lot here, among like-minded folks.

Thanks again.

[livetohike]

16. Welcome to DU!

[livetohike]

17. Delete (dupe)

[Loose Meat]

19. Thank you.

Such nice people here. Thank you.

[auntAgonist]

5. Sharing your story day to day like this

has opened my eyes to what you are going through. I hope for continued good news from you and wish you all the best.
It sounds like you have a good team of Drs in a good hospital doing the right things.

I will continue to send good thoughts and hopes for a healthy future your way.



kesha

[Tuesday Afternoon]

6. keeping you in my thoughts and sending out healing vibes

keep posting.

[abbeyco]

8. Best thoughts coming your way

9 days is such a long time - but hopefully there's a corner you'll soon turn to better health.

You're the second person I know hospitalized with a nasty, virulent form of pneumonia; it's a nasty season out there.

Take good care and keep your spirits up - we're all pulling for you!

[Forkboy]

9. I've been going for the rubber chicken since I was 10.

And I suspect you do it for the same reason I do, defense. It's a lot easier to crack a joke then let on just how much things bother you. I don't even let on to my best friends. Humor is a weapon, but it's also a shield. If a cheap laugh is what helps you get through the next hour or the next day then take it every time. At 41 it's damn near the only thing that keeps me going.

Peace, and best wishes.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. We are certainly not alone in our struggles...

And empathy is such an important emotion to have. Our multiple connections help us stave off the feelings of isolation and loneliness that come so easily when we're ill...

I thank you, Chris, for sharing your struggle with us. Jokes are wonderful things, but it's really good to hear your serious side. And also, when you're this sick, it's maybe better to let the joking demeanor fall away...You need all your energies to heal!

We are all here for you...

[WCGreen]

11. I am going in for my second scope in as many years tomorrow...

I know the chance of Cancer is slight but it does have to be considered.

They really are miffed about the continued blood in my sputum and are looking to somehow block the blood flow.

I was out of contact because I couldn't get my mouse to work and here it was because I had put the damn battery in backward.

Who knew.

I should know a lot more by noon tomorrow....

Thanks for all the support.

[Odin2005]

12. Get well!

[abq e streeter]

13. glad you're able to keep in contact with us here

I am, as is everyone else here, thinking of you, and wishing for the day you can go home, to arrive soon.

[graywarrior]

15. Hang tough, my friend

Is there anything I can do for you? Can we call you on the phone or something?

[livetohike]

18. Hang in there!

I have had problems this year including a hospitalization that I didn't share with DU. I am dealing with the reality that my future may not be as active as I hoped re:hiking and canoeing and that I need to adapt to what I am able to do and try not to live in fear and worry.

You will heal well . You're not alone.