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Match Game Story: "In a world where kudzu was taking over everything, Myopic Marnie _____ her bush."

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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:53 AM
Original message
Match Game Story: "In a world where kudzu was taking over everything, Myopic Marnie _____ her bush."
Ten words or more in the blank space, make a story.

The more references to Dune, Alegro non Troppo, or Jeff Gannon, the better.

Have fun!
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Dr. Strange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 01:02 PM
Response to Original message
1. Okay, let's do this thing...
In a world where kudzu was taking over everything, Myopic Marnie had no choice but to strap on her stillsuit if she wanted to cross the deep desert. As she crossed it she marveled at the changes taking place on Arakudzu. Years ago (millenia!), the planet had been covered by kudzu. But then the Emperor, Paul MuadZu had used the Fremon warriors scattered amongst the kudzu to defeat the reigning powers and unleash his musical jihad. And during his reign, the Fremon tried to wrest away control of the ground from the harsh kudzu. They almost succeeded too. At the end of MuadZu's reign, the kudzu was confined to ten per cent of the planet's surface. But then began the reign of Paul's son, Lezu II, the Kudzu Emperor. Legends say that his body was covered by kudzu, that the plant meshed with his flesh, creating a more virulent strain of kudzu. For over three thousand years he reigned. But then, upon his death, the kudzu trout left his body and embedded itself into the climate of Arakudzu. And this was indeed a virulent strain--a predator almost. Step too slowly while walking across the desert, and the kudzu would wrap around your leg and drag your ass down below the surface.

Thus, Myopic Marnie tread carefully, using the old Fremon erratic way of walking, so as not to alert the kudzu. But she was untrained and stumbled several times, and was finally snared by the shiggywire vines. She tore off the mouth piece of her suit to yell for help.

As if God himself heard, a form appeared. But her heart sank when she realized it was Kanye Westzu, the naib of Sietch Jackass.

He walked over to her and spoke. "Yo, tyrant kudzu, Imma let you finish, but the Tyrant Lezu II was the bitchinest kudzu of ALL TIME!!"

Kull wahad the fuck? wondered Myopic Marnie. But it was clearly too late for her. She would become one with the kudzu soon.

I only hope, she thought, that when future Fremon walk by my grave, that they will give me thought. That they will say, "Here is Myopic Marnie; here is her water; here is her bush."
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HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 01:18 PM
Response to Original message
2. My turn.
In a world where kudzu was taking over everything, Myopic Marnie bought a propane flame thrower from Lowe's and torched the shit out of half a mile of kudzu on Route 1 before she was arrested and denied the use of her brush."
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redwitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 01:25 PM
Response to Original message
3. oops.

"In a world where kudzu was taking over everything, Myopic Marnie was absolutely thrilled. Everyone knew that green was her favorite color and the way those vines twisted and caressed everything in sight made her totally hot. Marnie got out her garden shears one fine autumn day and trimmed some kudzu which she planned to drape around her azalea bush. The kudzu unexpectedly began to drape itself around HER and she cried out " Whatever shall I do? I have no health insurance and the gardener is on vacation!" Just then a passing motorist seeing her plight came to a screeching halt and got out his cell phone. He began to photograph her in all her vine covered glory. "Help me!" she cried. He said "Sorry, no can do, lady covered in kudzu. I don't believe in the pubic option."
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nuxvomica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 10:30 PM
Response to Original message
4. ...mistook the blanket of burgeoning weeds...
Edited on Wed Sep-16-09 10:54 PM by nuxvomica
...for a soft, comfy green bed and fell asleep.

It was well known among the Benny-Jackasite witches of the time that the prophesied one who they call the Niknak-Paddiwak would tame the giant banana slugs and be so tight with them that he would venture to a distant planet called Earth to find their favorite treat, the rarest plant in all the universe, that which we call The Vine of Life and Perfect Knowledge and Unutterable Happiness.
-- from "The Encyclopedia of Galactic Cooking" by the Princess Onoshedinint

When Marnie awoke, she found herself lying on a hotel bed. The room was empty but for a few dark blobs floating about and she realized she did not have her glasses on. Marnie flailed her hands around her trying to find them but they were not in reach. She feared she had lost them. She looked up again and one of the dark blobs briefly undulated at its side as Duke Petraides moved his hand, and the object it held, behind his back.
"Don't worry, dear lady," said the Duke Petraides with a broad, friendly smile that was completely lost on her, "I mean you no harm. Let me introduce myself, Duke Petraides of the planet Bu-bupkis, at your service."
She paused to seeth quietly that he had called her a "lady" but reminded herself that she had gotten a tweet from twitter earlier that the world was ending and maybe she should give him a chance, like get him to find her fucking glasses.
"There is not so much time," the Duke continued, "your world is how you say 'ending'. It is being covered by a green weed that you call the 'kudzu'." As he spoke, the morning light that was streaming through the hotel-room window turned from golden yellow to yellow-green to green-green to darkness. "See?" he said, grateful that the kudzu surrounding the hotel had begun enveloping it at just the right time.
"Ok," she replied. "So I'm buying that but don't next try to tell me that President Obama wasn't born in Kenya."

My father, the Kukukachu Emperor Rabrrrrrr CDXX, walked me down the hallway and pointed out the portrait on the wall of Duke Petraides. "Nutcase!" he would say. "He saved that Earth planet from being overrun by the kudzu. It wasn't a planet worth saving for Giant Banana-Slug God's sake. I went there once, shortly before murdering my travel agent. But seriously, the people there plop their fat asses on the sofa and watch their 54-inch widescreen HD TVs that won't be paid for by the time junior goes to college if he even makes it without a coronary by then..." And the rant would go on all night. I tried and tried to take a different route but the palace is confusing and I'm on these meds that make me all loopy sometimes. But after a few hours he continued the history. "He had one giant banana slug with him but he needed more to eat all the kudzu. This was the same time as the Spacely Guild lockout so nothing was moving in subspace. His Benny-Jackasite mother had tagged along -- of course -- and she figured out that if the slug could mate with one of two special humans it would produce enough offspring to eradicate the kudzu. She ID'ed the two humans as a former Republican senator from Pennsylvania and Myopic Marnie. The slug nixed the former senator saying 'Look, I'm pretty slimey myself but I have my standards. You might as well offer me Jeff Gannon, for Giant Banana-Slug God's sake.'
"It's too bad about the lockout," my father continued, "He could've shipped the kudzu here. The marketplace used to carry it a lot in the old days. You'd hear the cry of the kudzu-seller 'Soo-sussudio! Soo-sussudio!' all the time. Today, eh, not so much."

-- from "How the Benny-Jackasites Got Their Groove Back" by the Princess Onoshedinint

Duke Petraides explained to Marnie that he needed her help to save the planet.
"What can I do?" she replied. "I'll do anything. I fucking love this planet."
"It's a very simple thing," he said. "You just need to marry my... uh... nephew. His name is uh... Steve."
"Is he cute?" she responded, hesitantly.
Duke Petraides sighed and smiled at the same time. After all his years among the giant banana slugs he could honestly answer her in the affirmative.
"He sure is!" He felt liberated by this rare chance to compliment a giant banana slug without anyone suspecting him of being a "slug-hugger".
At that moment, Marnie saw an eight-foot form enter the room. It was fuzzy around the edges, and she could just make out what was possibly a tuxedo and a large yellow head. Petraides explained the yellow complexion as a mild case of jaundice, the slug's size as water-weight gain from the long trip, and when she touched its slimey skin, he loudly complimented "Steve" on his religious use of moisterizer.

It was said that the Duke Petraides' greatest failure was not in preserving the boorish Earthlings and their corporate-driven culture but in failing to find a way to get all the giant banana slugs back to Bu-bupkis. The Earthlings -- surprise, surprise -- began wholesale killing of these noble beasts who had delivered them from the horror of a kudzu-covered world.
-- from "I Survived My Kudzu Agony, You Can Survive Yours" by the Princess Onoshedinint

"Steve" and Marnie were married for ten years before she finally found her glasses but by that time, sadly, they no longer looked at each other anyway. The final straw was the day he came home and saw the crimson and mustard tracery along the side of the house. Marnie was standing there, her chest heaving, her mouth blowing away the tassles of hair that kept falling in front of her eyes. She was busily whacking to death a small cluster of baby giant banana slugs with a five iron. He wept when he saw her chase one, dying, into...
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 12:19 AM
Response to Reply #4
5. That is one of the greatest of all Match Game stories!
:rofl:

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:


Any story that references me AND Dune, is an automatic winner.
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nuxvomica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 01:28 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. Thanks. I knew that would work
BTW, in case anyone else reads the story and is ready to hit alert on it, I am not promoting human-giant banana slug "relations". The giant banana slugs of Bu-bupkis reproduce asexually but they need to be in a committed relationship to feel confortable doing so, hence the need for the wedding.
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