Now THIS is funny; "I has a Sweet Potato"

[A HERETIC I AM]

Hopefully you animal lovers will find this as funny as I did. It's been 5 years now since I had to put my last dog to sleep, but I swear I've had episodes like this with him and the other dogs in my life.
I Has a Sweet Potato
You know, a lot of times I write up random posts and then don't post them. But Best Beloved just called me, and I could not really explain why I was inarticulate about sweet potatoes, so I said I'd go ahead and post this. That way, she can read it at work and know just what kind of day it has been. (Short version, for those who do not feel like reading the whole post: ARRRRRRG. Fucking sweet potatoes.)

The longer version, summarized in conversation form:

Dog: I am starving.
Me: Actually, no. You aren't starving. You get two very good meals a day. And treats. And Best Beloved fed you extra food while I was gone.
Dog: STARVING.
Me: I saw you get fed not four hours ago! You are not starving.
Dog: Pity me, a sad and tragic creature, for I can barely walk, I am so starving. WOE.
Me: I am now ignoring you.
Dog: STARVING.
Dog: Did you hear me? I am starving.
Dog: Are you seriously ignoring me? Fine.

(There is a pause, during which the dog exits the room in a pointed manner.)

(From the kitchen, there comes a noise like someone is eating a baseball bat.)

Me, yelling: What the hell are you doing?
Me: *makes haste for the kitchen and finds dog there*
Dog: *picks up entire raw sweet potato, which is what was causing the baseball bat noise, and flees for the bedroom*
Me: *chases dog, retrieves most of sweet potato, less the portion which has disappeared into dog's gullet*
Dog: See? STARVING.
Me: ...That can't be good for you. It's a RAW SWEET POTATO.
Dog: I had to do it. I haven't been fed. Ever.
Me: You realize you aren't normal. Normal dogs don't steal raw sweet potatoes.
Dog, sadly: I was badly brought up.
Me: Yes. Yes, you were.
Dog: By people who starved me.
Me: Oh, no. I am not doing this again.
Me: *exits the room, bearing sweet potato*

(There is a pause.)

(There is a noise like someone is trying to eat a baseball bat very very quietly.)

Me: Oh, for the love of GOD.
Me: *heads off to the kitchen*

The rest can be read at; http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html?view=480068

Edited to comply with the wishes of the author. (which I neglected to notice until just now)