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1) Go into bedroom and take off clothes. Get big toe of right foot caught in pant leg while removing clothes. Hop up and down on one leg, trying to free right foot. Fail. Tip over. Hit head on dresser and pass out.
2) Wake up on floor naked.
3) Walk into bathroom. Step on scale. Whisper "fuuuuuck".
4) Go to sink. Shave. Cut self repeatedly. Watch blood drip into sink.
5) Wash face with face wash...rinse. Get face wash in eyes. Whisper "fuuuuck".
6) Wash ears with wash cloth and finger. Look at washcloth. Whisper to self "what the fuck is on there"?
7) Brush teeth with electric toothbrush. Try to sing while brushing teeth. Fail.
8) Floss teeth. Get piece of floss stuck. Try for 20 minutes to work out piece of floss with tongue. Tongue gets exhausted. Whisper to self "fuck it". Leave floss stuck in teeth.
9) Mouthwash. Try to gargle the Star Spangled Banner. Get a little too exuberant and gargle a big gulp of mouthwash all the way up to the ceiling. Stare at blue stain on ceiling. Whisper to self "fuuuuuck".
10) Jump in shower. Wash and rinse hair.
11) Then start with the body wash. Here is all I am going to say about this...as you get older, you find something new on your body everyday...just by feeling around in the shower! Whisper to self in shower ... "what the fuck is this, what the fuck is this, what the fuck is this". Make mental notes so later on, you can make notations on your "new body growth chart".
12) Dry off. Get out of breath.
13) Try to do the moonwalk while walking back to bed room. Slip on tile floor. Bash your head on the toilet. Pass out.
14) Wake up and stumble to bed room.
15) Put cologne on and dress self.
Thank you.
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