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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:18 PM
Original message
Is 40 too old to try to have a baby?
One of my best friends just turned 40 and decided she wants to have a child. She's in a stable marriage and her husband will go along with her wishes but is 40 too old?
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Sanity Claws Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:19 PM
Response to Original message
1. Not too old to try
She might not be successful but she can try. If she gets pregnant, then nature agrees that she is not too old. I hope you are supportive of her decision.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:23 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. I'm totally supportive
and she lives in Germany where our health insurance will pay for several rounds of artificial fertilization. I'm just a little worried about a 40 year old chasing around a little toddler.
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hippywife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:36 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. She's going to have a much easier time of it
than if she lived here. I was listening to an interview on NPR this week and the government pays 2/3 of the mother's salary so she can stay home for, if I remember correctly, something like 18 months. She'll have plenty of time to adjust to mommihood at an easier pace.

:hi:
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:54 PM
Response to Reply #7
11. And families get Kindergeld here
a few hundred euro per child per month that helps ease the way.
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hippywife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:05 PM
Response to Reply #11
17. They did mention that
all of this is becoming a strain on the economy and that while we move that direction, European countries will be moving more our direction. Maybe we'll come up with something in between that will be a livable solution for everyone.
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:43 PM
Response to Reply #3
10. I was 39 when I had my youngest.
I've yet to find myself unable to do whatever is necessary to keep him safe and happy and teach him right from wrong. :hi:
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:56 PM
Response to Reply #10
12. Thank you so much for your story
My mind is eased!
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Maine-ah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 07:56 AM
Response to Reply #3
48. That's only five years older than myself
I chase my own toddler every day. There are plenty of 40 y.o. that are in better shape than some that are in their 20's & 30's.

I don't think that chasing a toddler at 40 should be the concern. The problem of having a child at 40 is the increased chances of having a child born with things like Down Syndrome.
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The Velveteen Ocelot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:20 PM
Response to Original message
2. No, if she's healthy otherwise.
Edited on Sat Aug-08-09 04:22 PM by The Velveteen Ocelot
If she gets pregnant she's not too old. My aunt was born (healthy) when my grandmother was 42. And that was in 1924.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:24 PM
Response to Original message
4. My dear theNotoriousP.I.G...
Oh, heavens no...

Lots and lots of healthy women have babies then...

Good luck to her!

:hi:
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:29 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. Thanks Peggy
coming from you as a retired nurse that eases my mind a bit. :hug:
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:34 PM
Response to Original message
6. It might or might not work, but if she has access to good medical care there is not a problem
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:58 PM
Response to Reply #6
13. We live in Germany!
We have good health care.
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alsame Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:39 PM
Response to Original message
8. My 42 year old sister in law had a baby boy on Wednesday! It's
their second child (my niece is 8) and this was a surprise pregnancy, but both she and the baby are fine. ;)
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:58 PM
Response to Reply #8
14. What a nice outcome
thanks for sharing that with me!
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alsame Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:09 PM
Response to Reply #14
19. You're very welcome. And I hope it all turns out as wonderful
for your friend.
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MrsMatt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 10:57 AM
Response to Reply #8
49. Four years ago, I had my 2nd child (boy) at age 42 as well
He had an eight year old sister too!

Our 2nd pregnancy was unexpected, as we'd been going through some fertility treatments with no luck. As best I can figure, we conceived on my 42nd birthday!
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alsame Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 11:28 AM
Response to Reply #49
50. How nice - you and my sil have almost the
same story! :-)

She and my brother keep joking that they conceived on Election night, LOL.
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:41 PM
Response to Original message
9. I don't believe so at all...
...but just wait. :popcorn:
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 04:59 PM
Response to Reply #9
15. nah
they haven't showed up yet.
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:21 PM
Response to Reply #15
22. Looks like one might have...
...and got TSd.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:27 PM
Response to Reply #22
24. Was that the deleted message in this thread?
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:57 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. I didn't see the message; but
I see that the poster has been evicted.
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MorningGlow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:01 PM
Response to Original message
16. Bah! Of course not.
My mom had me two months shy of turning 41; I had my son when I was 37. I was fine; my son was fine. But in those 40 years not much has changed--her ob/gyn pitched a fit that she was daring to have a baby at such an advanced age :eyes: and when I got pregnant, I heard the same spiel.

Yes, the risk of having a Down Syndrome child increases as you get older. Acknowledged. But that does not mean that every baby born to a woman past the big 4-0 is guaranteed to have Down Syndrome or any other disability.

And by the way, how come nobody gives men shit for FATHERING a baby at 40, 50, 60, or 70? (I'm talking to you, Tony Randall!) (Yes, I know he's dead. I can still talk to him.) Oh noooOOOooo for them it's high fives all around!
:rofl:
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:14 PM
Response to Reply #16
21. Thanks so much for your post
Tony Randall was out there fathering kids in his 70's. I'm quite sure that my friend will accept and love a child born with any birth defect too. She just wants a baby.
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
18. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
LeftyFingerPop Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:12 PM
Response to Original message
20. My mom was 40 when she had me, and that was in 1958.
I was very healthy when I was born...no birth related problems at all.

And I better not hear any comments from the peanut gallery... :rofl:
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 05:22 PM
Response to Reply #20
23. I can see your mommy pushing your pram down the street too Lefty
She was whispering "Listen here mother fucker, this is Frank Rizzo, don't make me come down there for you either tough guy!" You were a beautiful child. I know it.
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Brother Buzz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 06:32 PM
Response to Original message
26. Nope. My wife was forty-four when she had our first and only child
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WildEyedLiberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 06:42 PM
Response to Original message
27. I was born when my mom was 40
I turned out all right :rofl:

I *was* born with a birth defect - a congenital heart defect. But I'm still glad I'm here, so don't let that scare your friend! My parents never considered me a burden, and I'm very blessed to have them. I'd rather responsible, loving parents have a child at 40 than careless, immature parents have one at 25.
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charlie and algernon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 06:45 PM
Response to Original message
28. certainly better than that 65 yr old woman who had a kid
and then died 3 years later from old age. that there was a stupid move.
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MrSlayer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 08:01 PM
Response to Original message
29. I wouldn't do it, but her choice is her choice.
I wouldn't want to be chasing around a toddler in my 40's or dealing with teens in my 50's. My wife and I had our kids when we were quite young. My youngest is starting High School and I'm not even 40.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 12:34 AM
Response to Reply #29
70. Same here. Mine's going to be in college when I'm 40.
I'm quite looking forward to getting him out of the house while I'm young enough to enjoy the time to myself. Financially I also wouldn't want to be having to juggle the expense of (impending?) retirement and putting a kid through college at the same time.
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Ex Lurker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 03:50 AM
Response to Reply #29
82. my girlfriend was born when her parents were in their forties
she's already lost her mother, and her father is in extremely poor health. Her kids will have few memories of their grandparents. Just something to consider.
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LibertyLover Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 08:21 PM
Response to Original message
30. Nope -
my mom was 45 when she had me (and that was 56 years ago so no high tech fertility treatments were involved). She did just fine. I was 50 when I adopted my daughter, but that's not quite the same thing. Good luck to her and her husband.
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cherish44 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 08:26 PM
Response to Original message
31. I know a lot of women who had babies after 40
If she's up for it, she should go for it! I can say that all the over forty new moms I know are all GREAT moms
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 08:44 PM
Response to Original message
32. I'd recommend that she does the full genetic testing
if she conceives but I don't see why she shouldn't try. My sister had twins at 42. The pregnancy was pretty uneventful and both babies thrived & are now the most adorable little girls.
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 09:53 PM
Response to Original message
33. Things have changed. Many women in their 40s are having children.
Until menopause, all things are possible.

We adopted, I was 55, my wife was 47, it is easily the best decision we ever made.



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kath Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 12:29 AM
Response to Reply #33
39. Oh. My. Goodness. !!!! Cuteness overload!!!
Edited on Sun Aug-09-09 12:30 AM by kath
Wow!
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 01:21 AM
Response to Reply #39
43. thanks!
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 12:38 AM
Response to Reply #33
41. What a beautiful child!!
Congrats!!
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 01:20 AM
Response to Reply #41
42. thanks!
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 03:57 AM
Response to Reply #33
45. She is adorable!
:hi:
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 11:31 PM
Response to Reply #45
68. thank you very much!
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gardenista Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 06:15 PM
Response to Reply #33
58. Oh... thank you for that!
This thread has been a hard read for me, having gone through fertility treatments in my early forties, to no avail.

We are now getting into the adoption process, and it means so much to see your post!
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 11:27 PM
Response to Reply #58
67. It has been a wonderful experience.
She is a fabulous child, healthy, smart, loving, great personality. I couldn't ask for more.

If you have any questions about adoption, PM me.
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aint_no_life_nowhere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 10:06 PM
Response to Original message
34. I had a girlfriend whose mother had her after she turned 40
It was her mother's second marriage. My girlfriend was about 8 years younger than her sister and about 15 years younger than her brother from the first marriage. She was exotic looking and beautiful beyond belief and looked like a spy out of a James Bond movie. I couldn't get over the fact that everyone in her family looked normal and not particularly stunning; but she was. She said that she thought there was something about children born late in the mother's life that were special. Maybe she was pulling my leg.
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InvisibleTouch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 10:49 PM
Response to Original message
35. I would say Yes, if it's her first.
I'm not even refering to possible genetic damage to the child, but to damage to the mother. Pregnancy is hard on a body, let alone birth, and at 40 she's not as flexible as she was a few years back. If she'd already had at least one child earlier, I'd say go for it, but if it's her first, I would caution against it.

Not too old to be a parent, though. There are plenty of kids the world over who need homes. It's her risk to take, of course, but that's my opinion.
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MorningGlow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 11:07 PM
Response to Reply #35
37. Well, yes and no
I wasn't particularly "fit" at 37 but all that happened to me was a busted tailbone--only because the little rugrat decided to come out with one arm over his head (and he still sleeps that way). The one thing I do regret is that my figure was already half "shot", and the pregnancy did it in entirely. When you're around 40, there's no "snapping back" if you know what I mean.
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susanr516 Donating Member (823 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 11:03 PM
Response to Original message
36. I was 40 when my youngest was born
He wasn't my first child, though. It's common knowledge that there's a much greater risk of Down's syndrome, but I think it's tougher on the older mother than the baby. Of course, it's a lot harder to get pregnant after 35 (although I didn't have any trouble; he was unplanned!) Except for the fact that he weighed about 8 oz. less than my other children, he didn't have serious problems due to my age. Your friend needs to make sure she's taking a multi-vitamin and getting a lot of folic acid NOW. Folic acid helps reduce neural tube defects and the neural tube develops in the first 4 weeks.

I was broken-hearted when I discovered I was pregnant just a couple of months before my 40th birthday, but I was in a stable, happy marriage, so I decided to continue with the pregnancy. It was tough. Although I didn't develop gestational diabetes, I was on the borderline. I really had to watch my diet closely. My youngest will be 15 in a couple of months and he's starting high school. He's almost 6 feet tall and weighs 200 pounds--yes, he's an offensive lineman on the Freshman football team, but his real love is playing cello in the school orchestra. I can honestly say that I had more patience, more enjoyment, less stress, and more fun watching him grow up than I did with any of my other children. I might not have had the energy and stamina of other new moms, but I did have patience and experience. If your friend really wants a baby and understands the risks, I don't see anything wrong with it.

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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-08-09 11:33 PM
Response to Original message
38. Good luck to her.
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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 12:37 AM
Response to Original message
40. My mother had me at 39.
so I'd say no :)
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LibDemAlways Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 02:00 AM
Response to Original message
44. My one and only child was born when I was 40.
She arrived just in time to help my husband and me celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. If your friend is in good health and wants a child, I'd tell her to go for it. She's not too old.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 04:35 AM
Response to Original message
46. Of course not.
I think women who begin the parenthood journey at a more mature age make better mothers.
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Drunken Irishman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 05:59 AM
Response to Original message
47. Depends on the woman...
Edited on Sun Aug-09-09 06:00 AM by Drunken Irishman
But there are risks the older you get.
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LisaL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 01:44 AM
Response to Reply #47
75. There are risks in everything.
Even crossing the street has a risk.
And genetic abnormalities can be tested for.
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Drunken Irishman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 03:21 AM
Response to Reply #75
81. Yes...
However, risks grow at certain stages.

Surely it's far more riskier crossing a freeway than a typical residential street.
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 11:56 AM
Response to Original message
51. there are advantages adn disadvantages. the same as having them young.
i was older, and so happy with the results. the parenting much easier, stable environment, maturity and mellowness has been advantage, and knowledge. i did my playing in my 20's. can be happy being the parent now. lots of parents my age in the kids school so not really out of the norm.

not the same energy, but that is cool. as i say, there are certainly advantages.
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Demoiselle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 01:54 PM
Response to Original message
52. I think I was a better mother because I had my kids in my mid-thirties.
A bit more patient, perhaps. Certainly wiser than I was in m '20's. (I am not putting anybody down who has their kids earlier, by the way.) Chasing a toddler in your early forties is no big deal--especially not these days. The very best of luck and happiness to your friend.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 02:02 PM
Response to Original message
53. What is your real question?
I don't think your real question is, "Is 40 too old?"

That's been proving wrong so many times in the last 20 years that to ask the question is ludicrous. No one could possibly be so clueless as to know that women age 40 and older are constantly giving birth.

Maybe the correct question is, "My friend is 40 and wants a baby, but my self-righteous sense of propriety demands that I consider this to be evil (for whatever reason; I (Rabrrrrrr) can't begin to comprehend what the issue is with you); please confirm for me that my intemperate judgmentalism is actually a kind of wondrous social purity that stands me above my fellow human being in the ranks of the worthy".



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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 04:07 PM
Response to Reply #53
55. Sorry but you're all wet with this one
I have no self-righteous sense of propriety about my friend becoming a mother at 40. Just wondering if it is a sound idea physically for both the mother and child. Projection isn't my bag.

Medical advances have allowed women as old as 60+ to have children. Yes, my question was is 40 too old. Don't know where your snark came from.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 02:31 AM
Response to Reply #55
80. Yes, all wet indeed. Sorry about that - awfully rude of me.
I was in a bit of pissy mood, and apparently took it out on you.

Embarrassing.

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AngryAmish Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 02:05 PM
Response to Original message
54. My wife will be 40 or almost when lil AA2 is born in November
It is cutting it close.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 05:18 PM
Response to Original message
56. no, also, if she has decided, its really not our business to weigh in
my mother was a much better mom at 43 then she was at 23
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 05:31 PM
Response to Reply #56
57. I'm not weighing in
and have no input into her decision. I was just curious if 40 years old is too old to have a baby. The overall consensus seems to be no. Thanks for your opinion. :hi:
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 06:34 PM
Response to Reply #56
61. This is the correct answer
Although I'm also partial to Rabrrrrrr's...

WTF? Since obviously 40 is not physically too old to have a baby, the question IS indeed asking for a moral judgment regardless of the OP's protestations.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 06:46 PM
Response to Reply #61
63. Wrong answer
try again. I'm not making any moral judgments about my friend's choice to try to have a baby. My question was about physical health and stamina as a 40 year old first time mother. Try not to read too much into it.
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 07:37 PM
Response to Reply #63
66. Sorry but I don't buy it
If you were interested in a medical answer, you could have asked your friend.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 03:39 PM
Response to Reply #66
86. Yeah, I'm going to piss in her cornflakes
with that question. She's excited and hopeful and I'm asking her if she is too old to have a baby? Would you ask that question?
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 07:49 PM
Response to Reply #86
93. I wouldn't ask the question of anyone
If I were really interested in the medical/physical aspects of having a baby at 40, I'd google it.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-11-09 03:52 PM
Response to Reply #93
97. I wanted actual people's opinions and experiences
not some wikipedia page with statistics. I'll be sure to check in with you before I post another thread to make sure it meets with your personal approval.
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lukasahero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-12-09 05:18 PM
Response to Reply #97
105. Ah, so you wanted "opinions" not facts.
Edited on Wed Aug-12-09 05:20 PM by lukasahero
"I wanted actual people's opinions and experiences not some wikipedia page with statistics."

I was actually thinking if you wanted medical information, you might try a medical web site but you've cleared that up for me now. You didn't want medical information, you wanted personal opinion. Got it.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-12-09 05:35 PM
Response to Reply #105
106. Go back and look at my questions
they were about a 40 year old chasing after a toddler/stamina of the mother. I asked others on DU their opinions. I never asked if it was medically possible or of any genetic problems.

Maybe you should go find another thread to nitpick.
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debbierlus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 06:28 PM
Response to Original message
59. Look at this PHOTO for your answer

http://www.flickr.com/photos/34549032@N00/3769485422/in... /

My sister is 40.

And, that is her beautiful little sweetheart, Ever.

Tell her to go for it.

This little dumpling is the best thing to happen in our family in years!
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 06:33 PM
Response to Reply #59
60. What a gorgeous child!
Is that your sister in the photo? She looks so content and happy with that adorable baby.
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debbierlus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 06:37 PM
Response to Reply #60
62. That is her....and she IS happy. She says having Ever is the best thing she ever did


I am so lucky, too. I went out to Seattle with my sister and Ever when she had a job training and spent a wonderful week with that ray of sunshine.

Those two are in LOVE.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 07:03 PM
Response to Reply #62
65. That makes my heart happy
what a beautiful mom and daughter. :hug:
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carpetbagger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 07:01 PM
Response to Original message
64. 40's a challenge, but less of one than 20.
I think overall health is a key issue, it would be nice to get the kid through his or her 20s still able to give advice and lend an ear, child care, and/or money. But there's a tradeoff. I think I'm done with having kids, I had mine in my late 20s/early 30s, but if I impregnated someone tonight I'd be a new father at 40. But if I had to choose between 40 and 20, 40's better. If I had to choose between 40 and 23, 40 is still better.
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-09-09 11:32 PM
Response to Original message
69. For me? Yes.
I can't speak for anyone else.
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pinb1212 Donating Member (76 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 01:28 AM
Response to Original message
71. Adopted our youngest child
when I was 41...wife 40.
Workingg out good so far.
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Nevernose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 01:31 AM
Response to Original message
72. Is there a history of Down's?
My best friend and hos wife just had twins. They wanted more kids and were obsessed with having them before she was forty, because that's the magic age for Down's Syndrome and he has a strong history in his family (first cousin and an immediate sibling). If she hadn't conceived by age 40, they weren't willing to risk it.
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LisaL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 01:36 AM
Response to Reply #72
73. History of Downs?
Edited on Mon Aug-10-09 01:39 AM by LisaL
What difference would that make?
Most cases of Down syndrome are not inherited. I also fail to see why 40 is a "magic number."
"Most cases of Down syndrome are not inherited, but occur as random events during the formation of reproductive cells (eggs and sperm). An error in cell division called nondisjunction results in reproductive cells with an abnormal number of chromosomes. For example, an egg or sperm cell may gain an extra copy of chromosome 21. If one of these atypical reproductive cells contributes to the genetic makeup of a child, the child will have an extra chromosome 21 in each of the body's cells."
http://www.genome.gov/19517824
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Nevernose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 01:48 AM
Response to Reply #73
76. I thought there was a genetic predisposition and more likely for women over 40
I thought there was a genetic predisposition and more likely for women over 40. That's what I was told, at any rate, and am apparently mistaken about.

A little googling shows that the older a woman gets, though, the more likely Down's is.

I wasn't passing off any advice, though, just relating what some close friends have been through. They just made the decision that if there was the slightest possibility of having a special needs child, they wouldn't be capable of handling it. The doctor told them the cut-off age was about forty and they went with that. Personally, however, I am very capable of taking care of a special needs child; my friends, though, are not, or at least think they're not.
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LisaL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 01:50 AM
Response to Reply #76
77. It is more likely in older women, but it's not a genetic predisposition.
Edited on Mon Aug-10-09 01:52 AM by LisaL
And no doctor in the world would be able to guarantee that your friends wouldn't have a special needs child just because the woman is under 40. We are talking about statistics and probabilities, but it's very naive to think that someone under 40 couldn't have a child with genetic abnormalities.

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Nevernose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 02:02 AM
Response to Reply #77
78. I think they were playing the odds
It probably wouldn't stop me from having another kid, if I were so inclined, but it's definitely something to consider. What I admire about my friends is that they're introspective enough to realize both their advantages and limitations as parents; they don't live in any kind of dream world. Too many people these days forget that having children is a choice and an intelligent decision to be made, and not something that "just happens."
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LisaL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 02:10 AM
Response to Reply #78
79. The fetus can be genetically tested.
Unless someone is against abortion, most people do not have to continue on with a pregnancy if genetic abnormalities are discovered.
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mnhtnbb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 05:17 PM
Response to Reply #77
89. Damn straight. Ask Sarah Palin. The odds of a Downs baby increase as you age.
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mnhtnbb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 05:20 PM
Response to Reply #89
90. Here's a table with the odds of Downs sydrome birth by maternal age

Frequency of Down Syndrome
Per Maternal Age


Age (years) Frequency of Fetuses with Down
Syndrome to Normal Fetuses
at 16 weeks of pregnancy Frequency of Live Births of
Babies with Down Syndrome
to Normal Births
15 - 19 ---- 1 / 1250
20 - 24 ---- 1 / 1400
25 - 29 ---- 1 / 1100
30 - 31 ---- 1 / 900
32 ---- 1 / 750
33 1 / 420 1 / 625
34 1 / 325 1 / 500
35 1 / 250 1 / 350
36 1 / 200 1 / 275
37 1 / 150 1 / 225
38 1 / 120 1 / 175
39 1 / 100 1 / 140
40 1 / 75 1 / 100
41 1 / 60 1 / 85
42 1 / 45 1 / 65
43 1 / 35 1 / 50
44 1 / 30 1 / 40
45 and older 1 / 20 1 / 25




http://www.ds-health.com/risk.htm
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LisaL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 09:51 PM
Response to Reply #89
96. Down syndrome is something that can be tested for.
Sarah Palin was against abortion. Most people in her position would choose to terminate the pregnancy. Someone doesn't have to have a child with Down syndrome unless they are prepared to take care of the child.

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Jennicut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 01:41 AM
Response to Original message
74. I had my two girls at 28 and 29 but I know plenty of Moms who had their kids at 40 or older
who make great Moms.
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quakerboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 05:18 AM
Response to Original message
83. YES
my mom was 23ish, and far too old. By the time I learned to walk, arthritis had kicked in, and she couldn't catch me. lead to all sorts of issues.

On a more serious note, "her husband will go along" doesn't seem like a hearty endorsement. But if it is their time, and they want a child, why not. At 40, it starts to be a now or not kinda deal. When you are pushing 50, it may still be possible, but it seems a lot less like a good deal. It makes you 70 with a 20 year old. And you never know when children are going to turn cannibal, so I mark that down as a bad idea.
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guitar man Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 09:30 AM
Response to Original message
84. My wife was 39
When she had our one and only little girl...she's beautiful :)
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Tommy_Carcetti Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 09:36 AM
Response to Original message
85. My mom had my little sister at 42.
I know there is a higher risk of Downs Syndrome if the mother is over 40, but if the mother is willing to assume the risk and added care if that turns out to be the case, then I don't see anything wrong with that.
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Dora Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 04:49 PM
Response to Original message
87. It depends.

Is she physically able to handle 3-18 months of sleep deprivation? Is she physically capable of carrying an infant in a car seat?
Is her marriage strong enough to withstand the changes that parenthood will bring?
Is she capable of being a single parent if necessary?
Is she financially ready for 22 years of child rearing?
Is she capable of self-reflection?
Does she have any family-of-origin issues that she's avoided dealing with?
Can she ask for help when she needs it?


Those are just some of the questions I'd ask any woman or man to consider before they commit to having a child.
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mnhtnbb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 05:12 PM
Response to Original message
88. I was 39 when youngest was born, 35 when oldest was born.
Hubby is 8 years older.

The youngest started college last year while hubby is now on Medicare and collecting social security!

One piece of advice: be very sure she is treated as a high risk pregnancy. I have a friend
who had her one and only child when she was 44. She had complications during delivery
and they didn't get the baby out fast enough. Her son has some fairly significant developmental
disabilities as a result of anoxia. Their lives are full of special schools, therapists, aides
to help with homework and behavior issues. It's a significant challenge.

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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-11-09 04:08 PM
Response to Reply #88
98. Thank you for that
information.
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dembotoz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 05:36 PM
Response to Original message
91. i am 56, my oldest will be 14 in 2 weeks
testing is a must.

there are some down sides to being an older parent.

It seems that i am always the oldest person in the room.
School activities, sports activities, cub scouts etc.
Some of the kids playmates will have grandparents younger than you
are....
You take your kid somewhere and someone says--Oh isn't it nice, Grampa brought you!
You run into a fair number of father son events that just don't work--My kid plays hockey-
Often their will be a friendly Father vs son game--ain't no way in hell that is gonna happen.

That being said
I would not trade him for anything
but i sure as hell don't want another one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-11-09 04:11 PM
Response to Reply #91
99. Thanks for the laugh!
Luckily, here in Germany, parents with gray hair are not unusual. Most graduate from High school at 20 and don't leave University until 27 or 28 and start having kids in their 30's.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 06:07 PM
Response to Original message
92. Trying is a lot of fun.
Actually having one at age 40?
Not so much.
;-)
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 08:00 PM
Response to Reply #92
94. Sounds like a mastercard commercial!
:P
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Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-10-09 08:03 PM
Response to Original message
95. Age is just a number. I do think there is an age that would be too
Edited on Mon Aug-10-09 08:04 PM by Shell Beau
old to have a child. I just don't know what that age is. A lot of people have children at 40. If she is healthy all the way around, and her husband is on board 100%, and her doctors gave her the green light, I don't see why not. A good doctor will inform her of all the risks involved with being a little bit older. It is very demanding. Very. I knew that before having a child, but when you actually have a child, you find out how demanding it really is. People can tell you all day long, but living it is different. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world though.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-11-09 04:13 PM
Response to Reply #95
100. Thanks Shell
Your little girl is adorable. :hug:
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Polly Hennessey Donating Member (274 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-11-09 08:03 PM
Response to Original message
101. Too Old
No, my sister had a baby girl when she was 48. Molly is now a healthy, beautiful 11 year old and my sister is doing just fine too.
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pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-11-09 08:18 PM
Response to Original message
102. imagine going thru menopause while the child is going thru puberty
Edited on Tue Aug-11-09 08:19 PM by pitohui
it's just a stupid idea and not fair to the mother or to the child but why speak honestly when we can cheerlead and pretend it isn't stupid

i think your friend needs to ask herself why, if she really wanted a child, why this never came up when she was younger

however, since it's a friend, you can't really say anything

i wouldn't be supportive of this stupidity...i would just STFU and not say anything, she's old enough to fuck up her own life without fake cheerleading from me and from invisible friends on the internet

a 43 year old can still chase a toddler but i'd like to see the 55 year old chase the teen

yr body changes during those years in ways that, at 40, she just doesn't realize or accept because "hey i'm 40 and i still feel 25" -- no one is honest with you about how suddenly you hit that wall

they don't call it a midlife crisis for nothing

imagine having that crisis when the child is 10 or 13 instead of when the child is grown as nature intended :-)

i'm trying to be a little funny and humor-filled but in my heart, and i think in your heart or you wouldn't be asking, you know your friend is screwing up

you just can't tell her anything -- she's 40 and lived this long and thinks she knows everything...

read this thread and look at how many cheerleaders are showing you pictures of BABIES...but one day BABY will be a teen and just when the mom is facing her own health challenges and changes

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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-12-09 04:27 PM
Response to Reply #102
103. Thanks for your humor on the subject
You tend to bring a no-nonsense point of view to things and I appreciate your input. :hi:
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hamsterjill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-12-09 04:36 PM
Response to Original message
104. Up to the individual
But someone pointed out to me once (as the child of a mother who was 41 when she had me) that older parents mean the child has less time with its grandparents.

For me, I wouldn't have wanted to have a child at that age, not only because of the health risks, but also because I was far past the diapers and bottles and had no wish to return to that stage of my life. But if this is something this woman strongly desires, it should be a personal choice.

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