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Dinger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 05:09 PM
Original message
Post Your Favorite Dumb Joke From When You Were A Kid:
Or a snarky little rhyme.
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 05:19 PM
Response to Original message
1. What's Irish and sits on the porch?
Paddy O'Furniture. :eyes:

Actually I think I was an adult when I first heard that, but it still qualifies as a dumb joke, right? :crazy:
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:49 PM
Response to Reply #1
13. I heard that one (also as an adult) as "What's Irish and sits out in the rain?"
:hi:
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 05:24 PM
Response to Original message
2. Something too stupid to type out in detail
told by my older asshole brother, something along the lines of a traveling salesman who has to take a shit, driving along a lonely road next to a pumpkin patch. Can't hold it, cuts a hole in a pumpkin and shits in it. Drives back by a month later (after Thanksgiving) and feels guilty. Tells the farmer what he did. Farmer runs to the phone and calls and says "Sye? This is Guy. That was shit in your pumpkin pie!"
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 05:29 PM
Response to Original message
3. Q: Why did the little moron throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
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newcriminal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 05:31 PM
Response to Original message
4. sung to the tune of If your Happy and You Know It
Got a skeeter on my peter knock it off
Got a skeeter on my peter knock it off
Got a skeeter on my peter and I'm afraid it's going to eater

Got a skeeter on my peter knock it off
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ashling Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 02:43 AM
Response to Reply #4
36. Thats worse than
a chigger on your jigger
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 05:34 PM
Response to Original message
5. When the log rolls over we shall die
we shall die...ants on a turd, haunting some schlub in a barn. Geeze, my brother really had a thing about shit!
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bif Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 05:45 PM
Response to Original message
6. What would you do if you had a million dollars?
I'd buy a new butt because mine has a crack in it.
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cinci_democrat Donating Member (81 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 06:10 PM
Response to Original message
7. Ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer...
bartender says - "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here"

Kill me, but I still think it's hilarious. :)
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PassingFair Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 08:20 AM
Response to Reply #7
40. I loved that one too. Here's my favorite knock-knock joke
Knock Knock.

Who's there.



I EAT MOP...



:rofl:
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swishyfeet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 12:30 PM
Response to Reply #40
49. I'm totally gonna use that!
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Broken_Hero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 06:53 PM
Response to Original message
8. Okay,
Why did the soldier salute the refrigerator?



































Because it was a General Electric.
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Ava Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 06:58 PM
Response to Original message
9. mine is horrible for a child, but i thought it was hilarious
q: how do you kill a blue elephant?
a: with a blue elephant gun.
q: how do you kill a pink elephant?
a. squeeze it until it turns blue and then kill it with a blue elephant gun
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:00 PM
Response to Original message
10. Some stupid joke about someone named Johnny
F***erfaster. First grade. We laughed like crazy, but had no idea why.
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Doc_Technical Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:48 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. the rest of the joke:
Johnny was having sex with a girl and his mother calls
him,"Johnny! Johnny F***erfaster!"
and Johnny yells, "I'm going as fast as I can, Mom!"
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pokerfan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:52 PM
Response to Reply #10
14. I heard that one too
It's high comedy to a seven-year-old.
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busybl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 02:25 AM
Response to Reply #10
35. that was the biggy at our school too.
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mikeargo Donating Member (279 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:49 PM
Response to Original message
12. Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine.
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Dinger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:53 PM
Response to Original message
15. Why Can't You Add 4 And 4 In Front Of A Dinosaur?
You might get "ate" (eight).



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Dinger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 07:54 PM
Response to Original message
16. Another One:
There were 10 copycats in a boat; one jumped out; how many were left?

None, they were copycats, remember.
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meow2u3 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 08:40 PM
Response to Original message
17. How do Germans tie their shoes?
In little Nazis.
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Kutjara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 08:51 PM
Response to Original message
18. What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What's brown and sits on a piano bench? Beethoven's Last Movement.

What artist had smelly fingers? Picasso.

I've got a million of 'em...unfortunately.
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Yavin4 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 09:06 PM
Response to Original message
19. What Is Sticky, Long, Green, and Smells Like Bacon?
Kermit the Frog's finger.
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Common Sense Party Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 05:32 PM
Response to Reply #19
53. Oo, that's awful!
I love it.
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mia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 09:06 PM
Response to Original message
20. Is your refrigerator running?
Then you better go out and catch it.

This joke seemed hilarious when we made phone calls to strangers at random in the middle of the night.
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NecklyTyler Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 07:08 AM
Response to Reply #20
57. Prank phone call to grocery store
Hello

You got Olive Oil in a bottle?

Yes we do.

Better let her out, Popeye is getting mad!
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handmade34 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 09:09 PM
Response to Original message
21. how do you get out of an elephant's stomach?
...run around until you get pooped out!
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handmade34 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 09:10 PM
Response to Original message
22. knock, knock
who's there?
olive
olive who
Ohhhh, I love you too!
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 09:14 PM
Response to Original message
23. Bar jokes.
Two lions walk into a bar.

They ask for a beer. The barmaid says, "I'm sorry but we don't serve lions here".

First lion jumps over the bar and eats her.

Later, first lion says, "I'm sleepy".

Second lion says, "It must have been the bar bitch you ate".

(Barbiturate)


Tacky, tacky, tacky.......

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rebel with a cause Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 09:16 PM
Response to Original message
24. spell pig backwards and then say funny.
This one lasted for years and then came out again when I had children. :silly:
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NecklyTyler Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 07:10 AM
Response to Reply #24
58. Go up to a girl and ask her to look down her blouse and spell ATTIC
A

Tee

Tee

I

See

Oh you guys! - SMACK!
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Terry in Austin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 10:29 PM
Response to Original message
25. Ask me if I have a banana in my ear
Ok, do you have a banana in your ear?

Sorry, I can't hear you -- I have a banana in my ear.

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The Velveteen Ocelot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 10:37 PM
Response to Original message
26. How do you make an elephant float?
2 scoops of ice cream, a bottle of root beer and an elephant.
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 10:42 PM
Response to Original message
27. Knock knock
Who's there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub! I'm dwowning!
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Auggie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 10:43 PM
Response to Original message
28. What's green, dances and sings?
Edited on Thu Jul-30-09 10:46 PM by Auggie
A: Fred Asparagus

AND

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

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gbate Donating Member (900 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 10:31 AM
Response to Reply #28
44. Love that knock knock one about the orange and banana.
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-30-09 10:50 PM
Response to Original message
29. Knock Knock
Who's there?

Jackie Gleason's underwear
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 12:12 AM
Response to Original message
30. Smokey the Bear.
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?

Because every time his wife gets hot, he beats her with a shovel...


:rofl:

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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 12:13 AM
Response to Original message
31. The scholarship fund.
Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson's scholarship fund?

The Ignited Negro College Fund.

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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 12:14 AM
Response to Original message
32. They were gonna put Richard Nixon's face on Mount Rushmore...
But they didn't have room for two faces.


:rofl:

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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 01:11 AM
Response to Original message
33. knock knock
Who's there?

Sam and Janet.

Sam and Janet who?

Sam and Janet Evening...you may see a stranger...
you may see a stranger...across a crowded room....


:rofl:
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proteus_lives Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 01:51 AM
Response to Original message
34. Trying to trick someone by saying....
"Hey bend over and spell run as many times as you can."

"R-U-N, R-U-N, R-U-N, aww fuck you guys!"-The most common reaction.
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Vidar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 05:18 AM
Response to Original message
37. What was Adolph Hitler's real name?
Richard Potato.

That's why they called him DicTater.
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cleveramerican Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 05:34 AM
Response to Original message
38. Whats the difference between here and there?
The "T"!
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cherish44 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 07:26 AM
Response to Original message
39. This one was HILARIOUS when I was in about third grade...
Why don't chickens where underpants?

Because their peckers are on their face.


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peekaloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 08:28 AM
Response to Original message
41. Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.
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Bertha Venation Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 08:30 AM
Response to Original message
42. I made this one up, I think while at McDonald's.
I liked to take the pickles off my burger and eat them. Here's my joke.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pickle.
Pickle who?
Pickle I'll eat you!

Yeah... I think I was probably four or five.
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Robb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 08:38 AM
Response to Original message
43. How does an elephant ask for a cookie?
(extend arm, speak muffled by your bicep and make your hand mouth the words)

"May I pleash have a cookie??" :D
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Tuesday Afternoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 10:50 AM
Response to Original message
45. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
Dam! :o
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krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 10:52 AM
Response to Original message
46. What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?




































His ass.

:rofl:
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 12:22 PM
Response to Original message
47. Why do elephants have wrinkled trunks?
Because it hurts too much to iron them.
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swishyfeet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 12:27 PM
Response to Original message
48. What's black, white, red all over and can't turn in the hallway?
A nun with a javelin through her head.

hey, I was a kid.
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hamsterjill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 01:22 PM
Response to Reply #48
50. Another black and white and red all over
When we were kids, we told this one:

What's black and white and red all over?

If the person answered "newspaper", we'd say, "No!!! An embarrassed zebra".

If the person answered "An embarrassed zebra"...

Well, you get the drift!
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Pool Hall Ace Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 04:40 PM
Response to Original message
51. Two elephants were sitting in a bathtub
One elephant says to the other, "pass the soap, please."
The other elephant answers, "no soap radio!"

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Doc_Technical Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 05:20 PM
Response to Original message
52. France is laying claim ot the Rock of Gibraltar.
When they get it they are going to
rename it The de Gaulle Stone.
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Roon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 05:35 PM
Response to Original message
54. What do you do if your kotex catches on fire?
You tampon it.
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JTG of the PRB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-31-09 06:41 PM
Response to Original message
55. A nun, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar...
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 03:06 AM
Response to Original message
56. Why is James Brown like a Tampax?
He's uptight, outta sight, and in the groove!!!!

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NecklyTyler Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 07:12 AM
Response to Original message
59. Under the bleachers by Seymour Butts
I know it was raining cats and dogs because when I went out side, I stepped in a poodle
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 07:29 AM
Response to Original message
60. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
doc03 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-01-09 08:51 AM
Response to Original message
61. Chester Goode from Gunsmoke was
cleaning out the stable when Miss Kitty comes in and hikes up her dress and says "shove it in Chester'. Chester says "the whole shovel full Miss Kitty".
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