Tell an excruciatingly embarassing story on yourself...

[MineralMan]

I'll start:

Under strict orders from my spouse, I was required to repaint the front door of our house. Sadly, it needed to be stripped of several layers of old paint before this could be done, so I undertook to remove the door.

I applied a hammer and screwdriver to the three hinge pins, which came out reluctantly. Upon my removing the top hinge pin, the door began to fall away from its opening, towards me. I soon discovered that it was a steel-faced door that weighed almost 100 pounds.

Since I was off-balance a bit, the door trapped me on my side, wedged between the door and the table the television is on. Worse, it came to rest at an angle with one edge hooked under the doorknob of the adjacent closet.

Despite my massive masculine physique, honed by years of cup lifting, I was unable to extricate myself. I couldn't turn over from my side, due to the weight and the hookage of the door's edge under the doorknob.

Finally, I had to endure the humiliation of calling out to my wife, who was in another part of the house. After she finished with her wicked and hurtful laughter, she lifted one corner of the door enough for me to take over.

This story has now been told at various gatherings of friends and relatives, to their amusement and my shame.

[HopeHoops]

1. Never try to race a six foot Norwegian who runs 10 miles a day while you are shitfaced.

Yes, indeed. The weekend before starting a new job, even. My new girlfriend (now my wife, despite all of this) was at my party. As my Norwegian friend departed, I challenged him to a sprint. Did I mention I was wasted? I made it about two steps and did a face splat into the street. My new girlfriend patched up my face and shoulder as best she could and I showed up at my new job with a huge gauze patch on my cheek. The massive gauze patch on my shoulder was also obvious.

Anyway, that was in 1985 and she's still with me. I've done some equally stupid things since, but that's one of my favorites.

[MineralMan]

2. We do many things we should not while in our cups...

[TZ]

3. This happened 25 years ago and is still family legend.

I was visiting my Dad in Ohio for the summer with my younger sister and we had just arrived from the eight hour car trip. All of us were tired and hungry. It was summer and we could hear the fireworks from a nearby Theme Park going off. I opened the sliding glass door and went outside to watch.
I left the door open behind me.
I got cold all of a sudden and turned to run back inside. In the minute or so I was out there someone closed the door.
Needless to say I ran smack into the door with a loud BANG that got both my sister's and dad's attention. Apparantly they watched as I kind of slid off the door with a dazed look on my face. (sore nose but fine)

I came into the house to see my sister almost literally rolling on the floor with laughter...My dad wasn't much better for all he TRIED to hide it..he said to my sister "Don't laugh..hehehe..Its not funny...hehehe..she could have broken her nose...HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA"! Thanks Dad!

Then, I had to share a double bed with my sister that night...I'd be almost asleep and I'd feel the bed start to quiver and then HAHAHAHAHAHA....It was a long night...and a long summer as my sister brought it up almost every night...:blush:

[MineralMan]

4. Good one!

[driver8]

11. Ha Ha -- that is really funny!!

Can't blame your sister...I would have been laughing my ass off!! :hi:

[DevonRex]

5. Heh heh. That was good. :)

[Bertha Venation]

6. Here are my sisters'

At my nephew's 3rd birthday party, my eldest sister had a piñata. None of the kids could break it, so she tore it open - and nothing fell out. Our stepmother said, "You have to put in your own candy, Denise."

One day at work, my other sister was adjusting her boobs/bra when the boss - THE boss, the Big Giant Head - walked in. He said, "Do that on your own time, Harris."

I must have repressed mine, but I"m sure there are several.

[skygazer]

7. This thread is useless without pictures

:rofl:

Okay, mine. I was at one of my father's weddings (my father thinks he's Mickey Rooney - I've lost count of how many of his weddings I've been to). I was sitting on a high stool next to the dance floor with my heels hooked over one of the rungs of the stool. I reached for my drink, the stool began to tip, I couldn't extricate my heels fast enough and fell face first on the dance floor. :blush:

Come to think of it, I think that's the last of my father's weddings I ever went to.

[MineralMan]

8. That was probably wise. Tipping bar stools are a sign

of something, I'm sure.

[PassingFair]

9. When I was 19 I had a boyfriend who was 28...

One day he took me over to a friend's house
and there were about 8 men there, hanging out,
smoking weed and bullshitting.

I was nervous and felt TERRIBLY under scrutiny
(which I WAS).

Anyway, at one point in the conversation, we
were on the subject of shoplifting, and I jokingly
meant to say: "I am a regular kleptomaniac"...but
instead I raised my hands over my head in a stretch
and blurted out "I'm a regular nymphomaniac".
After a REALLY AWKWARD moment, I said "I mean
KLEPTOmaniac!"

My boyfriend just said: "Thanks for sharing".

[MineralMan]

10. That's perfect!

[dugaresa]

12. a child's first cupcake

we didn't get sweets much when I was a kid. it was back in the day when soda was reserved for special occasions and because my parents didn't like sweets we rarely had cookies or even brownies in the house.

so one day my big sister brings home cupcakes as a treat.

i loved the tasty cake with its sugary topping!

then my sister said, "okay now, hand me the paper wrapper"

and i said, "what wrapper?"

and the laughter began. due to my inexperience, I had eaten the cupcake, wrapper and all!

[SidneyCarton]

13. 6th grade science class...

For some reason we were doing something with markers, and I was going up to a counter to get another, while holding a green one which was uncapped. I turned to say something to one of the two (admittedly rather attractive) young ladies who were also there, and managed to shove the marker up my left nostril. My face promptly turned a shade of red to contrast nicely with the green streak on my nose as I attempted to sink beneath the carpet. Strangely enough, I actually remained friends with one of those girls until we graduated from High School 6 years later.