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If you wrote an autobiography what would you title it?

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bif Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:21 PM
Original message
If you wrote an autobiography what would you title it?
Mine: "Diary of an assaholic"
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Bertha Venation Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:22 PM
Response to Original message
1. Iceplant Flowers
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arbusto_baboso Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
2. "I'm Surrounded by Frickin' Idiots"
It would be about my career in local California government agencies.
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azmouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
3. Cheesenapper
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VaYallaDawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
4. Chitlin's in Paris.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:34 PM
Response to Original message
5. An American Family
it was all downhill from there.
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Call Me Wesley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:47 PM
Response to Original message
6. "Stuck On My Eyes."
Edited on Fri Jul-24-09 05:48 PM by Call Me Wesley
Or, "Novels Never Written, A Palimpsest Of I Around Darkness."

Well, something like that, and, hey, it might happen ...
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Mr. Ected Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:51 PM
Response to Original message
7. "There's No "I" in Idiot": The Story of I
I'd need a ghost writer to embellish the boredom.
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rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 05:55 PM
Response to Original message
8. Rec'd
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hatredisnotavalue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 06:01 PM
Response to Original message
9. Running with Scissors
Which has already been brilliantly written, but that was truly my teen years. And I am now a 51 yo housewife with two kids and a dog living in suburbia. LLV Augusten Burroughs.
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theNotoriousP.I.G. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 06:06 PM
Response to Original message
10. Daddy's doing twenty
and momma's not far off.
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Xipe Totec Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 06:16 PM
Response to Original message
11. Weirdo in a Weird Land
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LynzM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 06:16 PM
Response to Original message
12. I Don't *Do* Easy
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Orsino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 07:23 PM
Response to Original message
13. Untitled.
Or None...just to piss off Amazon.
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kentauros Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 07:46 PM
Response to Original message
14. Something really simple, like:
Edited on Fri Jul-24-09 07:46 PM by kentauros



!




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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 08:11 PM
Response to Original message
15. 'Pranks'
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Ohio Joe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 08:24 PM
Response to Original message
16. It has a title already, I've been working on it for a long time
It is called : I Swear to God I am Going to Strip You Naked and Nail You to the Front of this Building

It's a long story...

Back in 95, I quit a job working for Allmerica Financial in Worcester MA to join a start-up that had a decent plan. We were going to do Y2K work to fund building an internet company. When I joined, there were only 46 of us. My buddy Pat and I got a contract with Nationwide that really opened up things for the company and we started hiring as fast as we could. As we were working on our first batch of programs, fixing the Y2K issues, I had about 400 programmers working for me doing around 1000 programs. We kept them in a single library to prevent any duplication of effort (called modules, I won't get into that) and one day as I was sitting in my office, reviewing what was being done, I noticed that someone had made a copy of the library and different people were now working in different libraries... not good. I got up, and walked out to the front of where everyone was working, about 1000 feet and asked for everyones attention. I said "Someone here duplicated our library and we are not on the same page anymore, who did it?" of course, no one answered. I said "Look, I'm going to go back to my office and find out anyway, tell me now and there is no problems"... again, no answer. I said "Fine, we'll do it the hard way". Then quietly to the guy I happened to be standing next to, Sun, "Why do people do this?" and he said, "I don't know". I then told everyone to stop working until I merged everything back together.

I went back to my office and looked at the system log to see who had created the other library... That little fuck, it was Sun. Now, pissed off, I walked all the way back and said quietly (only he and I hear this) "Sun... you created this, why didn't you tell me?" He says "I thought I could fix it". I told him "Stay out of it". and once again went back to my office.

The first thing I wanted to do was rename both libraries to be sure no one would use them while I was merging but when I went to rename the first one... someone was using it... yes, Sun. Now getting really pissed, I once again went all the way the fuck back out to his desk and said, once again quietly "Sun.... I told you to get out of those libraries" and he said "I" and I cut him off and said "No! Get out and stay out... no more games". and once again went back to my office.

I sat down, shaking my head in frustration and renamed the first library... good. I go to rename the second library and... it's gone... that mother fucker... he had better not have... check the log... yup, Sun deleted it without first copying out the programs, no idea how much work lost... ohhh, but I had definitely lost it.

I open the door to my office and screamed at him, SUN, I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO STRIP YOU NAKED AND NAIL YOU TO THE FRONT OF THIS BUILDING! GET AWAY FROM THAT TERMINAL NOW!". He left and I never did see him again.

Not my best moment as a manager but... No one ever let me forget it either :D
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Danger Mouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-24-09 08:38 PM
Response to Original message
17. This Book Probably Hates You Just as Much as Its Author...
The story of a bitter asshole.
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