Present commentary about yourself from the perspective of an inanimate object you see daily.

[arcadian]

Mailbox:

"No, you fucking loser, that crap you ordered on eBay isn't here today either. You come out here with the anxious look on your face and leave disappointed. Why do you buy that shit? It's just more worthless crap that's going to clutter your house up even more. God you are a pathetic loser. I laugh when you expect something in the mail and you don't get it when you think it will be here. You need to learn patience. Oh wait, I get it, it's all about the anticipation of receiving something not the actual something itself. My estimation of you has dropped even further, if that's possible. Get a life, fuckface.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

1. thermometer

if you shove me up one more person's ass..........

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. mirror

make up is Not going to help.............

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My computer chair:

My god, here she comes again! Don't you have anything better to do than just sit, sit, sit? All that typing! And when you snack, oh boy. Crumbs and crap everywhere. I haven't been cleaned, in well, FOREVER. Jeez. And when you want to pull up to that damned keyboard, you cram my arms under the table. OW! Haven't you noticed the scrapes YET?

Good god, woman. Get a life, willya?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. scales

I thought you said you were going on a diet.............

[Tuesday Afternoon]

5. car

wash me, please..........

[rug]

6. Toilet.

Here he comes spewing his shit again.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. Vacuum cleaner.

So here I sit, never doing a damn thing, even though your house looks like a cat farm blew up, what with all that damn fur everywhere -- which I could take care of in just a few minutes, suck it right up, if you'd get off your fat, dead ass, plug me in and switch me on and let me do my fucking job. Or if you don't want to actually clean, you lazy slob, at least power me up and let me watch those dumb furbag cats of yours freak out... C'mon; I suck!

[Kali]

8. ...

I think I will just copy and paste yours

[Tuesday Afternoon]

9. Broom

Look here, these midnight rides have got to stop............

[cwydro]

10. Running shoes

Oh god, she's giving us that look again. Does she not KNOW how fricking HOT it is out there??!!

Quick, one of us hide, that drives her crazy!

[suninvited]

11. My purse

"you really think THAT is gonna fit in here with all this other crazy junk you have stuffed in me? Have you ever thought about how I am already stressed at the seams as it is? What about cleaning me out once in a while? You have chapstick in here that you havent touched in two years, not that you could even find it if your lips were peeling off your freaking face. Have you ever thought about giving me a rest and just getting yourself a SUITCASE to carry around?"

[cwydro]

13. LOL!

[Bunny]

12. Cell phone:

Stop staring at my home screen. Seriously, it's embarrassing. And people are beginning to talk.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. Scales: Nope, you're still fat

Comb: use me every once in a while

Computer: you, again?

TV: go study

Mailbox: Ha ha! lisa has the only pair of keys to me

[KamaAina]

15. The office computer:

Oh, here he comes, logging in again. I haven't the heart to tell him that all he has in his inbox are four inane Facebook messages, a pitch from Howard Dean, and some spam. Oh, and two of his impossible crushes posted yet more lovey-dovey messages to their respective FB pages. Say, come to think of it, this could be fun!

"Windows is starting up..."