Have you ever wanted to help someone and you know how to fix their problem

[Tobin S.]

but they just won't take your advice? I've watched someone I grew up with fuck up his life and I know how help him, or rather how he can help himself, but he never listens to me. The solution to the problem is really simple and wouldn't require much more effort than he's expending now, but he chooses to totally disengage himself from life in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

[Zavulon]

1. Yes, several times.

I now subscribe to the "their life, not mine" viewpoint and stay out of it. No offense to your good intentions, but I advise you to do the same. If you encounter initial resistance to advice, further delivery of said advice is not going to change minds or lead to anything good.

Take my word for it. I adopted this stance 20+ years ago and can tell you that it has never been a mistake.

[Tobin S.]

2. I appreciate the advice. ;)

:D

[Zavulon]

4. No problem.

Trust me - unless your friend is showing signs of potential suicide, the piece of advice I just gave you is one of the only ones I could deliver to someone I've never met and whose story I don't know and STILL be 100% confident that it's the right thing to advise.

[ohheckyeah]

3. Most people really don't want advice.

And even if they ask for it they seldom take it. It's not worth stressing over.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

5. They want to rant,

and they want to vent, and they want an audience.

They especially want someone to sympathize with them.

But, they do NOT want to hear

1. that there is a solution to their predicament,
2. that they are causing the predicament,
3. that it's not as bad as they are making it out to be,
4. that you've heard this one before, and
5. that you've got a problem of your own ......................

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. +1

and those are the reason I stay out of ALL advice threads............................

you may spank me if you catch me in one........................

[Catshrink]

9. You are so right.

My sister and her husband are constantly fighting, mostly over money and a selfish, spoiled stepdaughter. About a month ago, my sister starting telling me the latest stunt he pulled and I asked her, "When are you going to leave him? It's the same old stuff over and over." She hung up on me and we really haven't talked since. She doesn't want to talk to me because she thinks I'll say the same thing again and she's right -- it's piss or get off the pot. Listening to her say the same thing over and over again just amounts to enabling her. I don't see much hope for this "tough love" to work however since my other sisters continue to enable her.

Fine. I've got my own stuff to deal with -- and I can't tell you how many times I've taken off work to go help her move her stuff to storage or help her find an apartment so she could move out only to have her tell the landlord "I'll have to think about it." Yeah, I drove 6 hours and lost 3 days pay for you to do this again? Enough. I'm having knee surgery in a few days and while recuperating, need to finish writing my masters thesis and get another class under my belt this summer. Oh, I forgot to say how many times I've been there when she's had surgery but that's another story.

Narcissists suck.

Thanks for the opportunity to rant. I needed it more than I thought.

[ohheckyeah]

10. Absolutely.

I'm dealing with someone right now who makes the same mistakes over and over again but is pissed off at everyone else because of her plight. She doesn't want advice, she wants someone to tell her she's right and that she's not responsible for doing stupid shit.

[NJmaverick]

6. Sadly that happens all the time

The only thing of comfort is what my mother used to say about unsolicited help; "you have two types of people. The first are too stupid to listen and the second are too smart to need it." Sadly I see most people tend to fit into the first category as they wouldn't be needing help or advice if they fit into the second.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. smart woman

your mother.