Shit! We are all out of Q-Tips and I have an itch so deep in my ear that it feels as if

[leeroysphitz]

it's in the middle of my head. It's maddening.

You don't suppose some sort of small insect or digger wasp could have gotten up there while I wuz sleeping and laid an egg or two in there do you? Christ they could be wrapping themselves around my cerebral cortex even as I type this...





It's the only explanation that makes sense at 11:42 on a Friday night.

[RandomThoughts]

1. I have heard you should use your

elbow to clean out your ears, or something like that :)

LOL

Is that a Wrath of Khan clip?



But a little story from either twilight zone or outer limits, saw it on TV years ago. Note that it is a fear story and not real, but as far as stories go it has a good thrill.

A guy deep in the jungle had an ear worm crawl into his ear, nothing could be done to help him. The doctor at the outpost told him he would have to tough it out while the ear worm worked its way out.

For days he was in terrible agony, as the ear worm burrowed through his mind. Finally one day, weeks later, long after the pain had driven him to near madness, the ear worm came out the other ear.

Relief at last, barely sane, he was only able to take a big sigh. He turned to the doctor called in to examine the worm, the man could not understand why the doctor looked so sad and down. The man told the doctor, "Everything's alright now, don't worry I am feeling better."




After a long pause, the doctor replied.






















"The worm was female, and it laid eggs."

"Arrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Just a story, I like the ironic twist in lots of twilight zone and outer limits shows, but not the conclusion of that episode, but it goes well with the OP.

[elleng]

5. It goes like this: Nothing SMALLER than your elbow!

.

[TomorrowNeverKnows]

10. But that would be too large to fit in the ear...

n/t

[elleng]

17. Of course!

The POINT Docs want to make is: DON'T PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR EARS!
Obviously contrary to the regular practice of most of us, it MAY be intended as a warning for children.

:dilemma:

[skygazer]

2. Try a vegetable peeler

Pssst - not really... :P

[leeroysphitz]

3. Too late! I already got it with a nice fat knitting needle.

What?

[grasswire]

4. got an eyedropper?

You could drop some warm olive oil in the ear canal. That's often a home remedy for an ear ache; maybe it would work for an itch.

[leeroysphitz]

15. That sounds ok but will it take care of the DIGGER WASPS?

[Jamastiene]

6. Dude in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 used a coat hanger.

I hear it will go pretty far in there too. Of course, I wouldn't recommend it.

Try using your pinkie finger. :shrug:

[Lyric]

7. I use the rounded end of a bobby pin.

Very carefully, of course, and I never stick in it very far for fear of going TOO far. Q-Tips tend to compact ear wax, so I never put those in my ears. I know I shouldn't put anything in my ears at all, but there's only so much itch that I can tolerate without going insane. At least the rounded end isn't sharp or pokey, so if I'm gentle and careful, the risk is minimal. I've been doing it for fifteen years with no problems.

If you don't want to risk putting anything in your ears, try carbamide peroxide for 5 minutes in your ear, then rinsing vigorously with a bulb syringe and warm water. That helps enormously. LyricKid has trouble with making too much earwax, so we use that on him whenever his ears get itchy or uncomfortable. It works every time--you wouldn't BELIEVE how big the rinsed-out chunks of earwax can be.

:hi:

[RagAss]

8. I used a car key once.....and my brain "started up".

[undeterred]

9. A doctor broke my eardrum by sticking an instrument in my ear

as far as he could. He didn't figure out why my ear was bleeding and he made the bleeding worse. It was a student health doctor in college.

[hedgehog]

11. Did he give you a condom or prescribe birth control pills to take care of it?

That's Student Health's default response to everything:

I have a sore throat
Here's a condom

My feet hurt
Here's a condom


I got run over by a truck

Here's a condom

[TomorrowNeverKnows]

13. .

:spray:

[undeterred]

14. My freshman roomie went to student health with severe abdominal pain

and they told her she had an IUD out of place. She didn't have an IUD, and she demanded to be taken to another hospital, where her appendix was taken out less than an hour later.

[TomorrowNeverKnows]

12. Don't use Q-tips,

They (usually) compact wax into an almost un-removable plug that blocks your hearing, and it's a real pain, especially to go to the doctor to have it flushed out (I've had to have that done twice)

On second thought, don't use a finger either, same thing will happen. I learned that the hard way.

[Kali]

16. bottle brush