Match Game Story: "The talentless emo drummer fuck lost his beret; now he can't (blank) music."

[Rabrrrrrr]

Fill in the blank with ten words or more to make a nice rainbowy sort of uplifting story that fills the heart with honey and the mind with sugary thoughts. You know, include lots of blood and the talentless emo fuck getting his head bashed in by Alex Lifeson with an anvil and then neck-fucked by Bob Dylan or something, you know, uplifting like that.

[ZombieNixon]

1. This thread makes me smile.

The talentless emo drummer fuck lost his beret; now he can't see straight through the tears running down his pale, makeup sodden cheeks. I don't mean that corpse paint kind of makeup you occasionally see gracing the countenances of furious, Satan-worshipping Norwegians. You know, the kind that is so over-the-top in its threatrics that you look past it, since you know the guy's going to go dunk his face in turpentine and douse himself in bottles of Jack Daniel's after the show. No, not that kind. This kind of makeup makes him look like the bastard child of Gene Simmons and a lounge-singing dead frog. Come to think of it, I don't think "bastard" child is appropriate, because Gene Simmons is frankly enough of a tool to have actually married and procreated with a lounge-singing dead frog at some point in his cocaine-and-vodka-addled career. But, I digress. Unable to see beyond his extravagantly applied false eyelashes, he drops one drumstick. Then the other. The lead singer, rhythmically challenged poseur he already is, for lack of a better word, fucks up, and begins to wail. "No one understands me!" he cries out. "Come on, Chet, let's go cut ourselves and bleed into my father's leather seated Mazda," replies the talentless emo drummer fuck. The duo begins to leave the stage, and the crowd, too absorbed in their own sorrow to notice, continue to stare at their shoes. Except for one man. He feels the spirit of music swell within him, and frankly has no idea what he's doing in this whiny teenage-angst ridden shithole. Looking to the catwalk, he begins to climb. Viewed from the side, this scene appears to be a screen capture from some demonic Mario game, as our hero battles his way past hair-dyed emo minions roadies, a stray microphone stand his only weapon. Approaching the lighting bar directly above the stage, he springs into action before talentless emo fucks leave the venue. He pulls a number of ropes on some enormous lights, causing gravity - sweet, sweet gravity - to pull the behemoths down upon the ridiculously appointed pair, crushing them into a pile of bloody pulp, intestines spurting everywhere. Dropping to the stage, our protagonist brutally rips off their heads, and mounts them on microphone stands on the front of the stage, the morbid tableau at last putting an end to the shitty music.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. LOL! Oh, man, you summed up emo perfectly.

"Bleed into my father's leather-seated Mazda" - :rofl:


:applause:


"No one understands me!!" - perfection!!

:rofl:

[no name no slogan]

5. If you could work in a reference to a luleelurah and/or Coldplay,

I'd nominate you for a Pulitzer for that one. :toast:

[ZombieNixon]

6. I suppose they could go listen to Coldplay while bleeding in aforementioned leather-seated Mazda.

:D

[blondeatlast]

13. That was so deliciously, beautifully painful I think I'm going to die in a frenzy of

desperation and angst just as soon as I get home from Hot Topic and Taco Bell.

[guitar man]

2. haha

"The talentless emo drummer fuck lost his beret; now he can't properly pose on stage behind the drum kit and bang out something devoid of meter, rhythm, soul and dynamics in a vain attempt to produce something that resembles music. :P

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. Good one!

:rofl:

[guitar man]

8. :D

:D :hi:

[mikeytherat]

7. I wish I could find an old MTV Liquid TV send up - the Robert Smith teenybopper love line.

Some gems included:

"The new album is doing great; I'm so fucking miserable."

Teeny girls on the other end of the phone: "He's so depressing, but so dreamy."

Great late-80s proto-emo.

mikey_the_rat

[KamaAina]

9. Now he can't...

...convince trashy emo groupies who wear stupid dusters with about 85 pounds of chrome crap on them to pull the anvil away from Alex Lifeson, let alone to sleep with him because he knows jack shit about...

music.

[old mark]

10. I'm old. What the fuck is an "emo"? nt

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. Emo - a specific kind of over-emotive person that normal people find intolerable.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo

And a helpful video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Dmg_4ZA2Y

[blondeatlast]

12. ___hate himself for making___ nt

[underpants]

14. he can't....he... NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIS...