How much would you give up for love?

[TZ]

With Valentines day coming up, I'm thinking about a friends dilemma.

She finds herself having very strong feelings for someone who is not only half her age but lives far

far away in another country. She would, if he asked consider moving to be with him (his

circumstances don't permit him to leave his home country). But she knows her family and friends

would worry about her moving to a whole new country all by herself, especially because of the age

and other factors might not be accepted by his family either. But she figures that as risky as it

sounds she would give up everything she has to be with the one special person...This is at this point
strictly theoretical, as he has not asked this and may not ask it of her, but it is how she feels.

I would be interested to hear what people have to say to this. She has told me that she believes

something special is worth fighting for and it would indeed be a challenge to make this work...And

if she had the opportunity and let it pass, she might regret it for the rest of her life...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear TZ!

I agree with your friend...

I would do what she's contemplating, in a heartbeat!

Regrets are all too common, and useless besides.

We normally only regret the things we didn't do...

Love, true love, is always worth giving up things for...

If the opportunity arises, she should grab it!

:hi:

[Jamastiene]

32. You have a true free spirit.

I hope I grow up to be like you one day. :hug:

[NewJeffCT]

2. He's not a Nigerian Prince now, is he?

but, I agree that if she does not try, she will likely regret it for the rest of her life.

[redqueen]

3. I'd do the same.

Other than my kids, there's nothing I wouldn't give up.

[Nickster]

4. I guess I'm not seeing the connection. Is there really love involved?I mean he hasn't asked

her to move to be near him and he lives far away. I don't mean to sound harsh, but is he really into her as much as she thinks he is?

[TZ]

6. Well I did say this is all theoretical.

She's told me she believes he does have feelings for her, but he's not one to express them directly.

[Nickster]

14. I guess I'd research that aspect a little bit further before I'd run off to a foreign country.

Assuming everything is right, then sure I'd run off to be with him.

[Runcible Spoon]

48. I moved halfway around (well down) the world for my love...

but I knew damn well that he was 100% devoted to me and to the relationship before I made it permanent. Then I wheedled my way back to the US and I took him with me :evilgrin:

I sacrificed a lot...my job, my horse, my apartment, moved away from friends/family/culture...she needs to go live with him for a while, or at the very least go down for a week and spend some time with him. If that can't happen, well, I wouldn't gamble on someone whose feelings I was unsure of.

[siligut]

5. Life is too short.

If she knows she is being realistic and not just trying to escape something else, well, I say go!

[mcctatas]

7. I am quickly finding out how much I am willing to give up...

and short of my kids, I can think of nothing that I won't give up for love

[PaddyBlueEyes]

49. You wont have to give up your kids..

ILY Eternally.. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

8. If she can move to be with him, regardless of ages, and it won't harm her too much...

if things don't work out, why not? :shrug:

As the poster above said, life is short. Too short for shoulda, woulda, coulda's!


edit: forgot a word.

[Common Sense Party]

9. I would do anything for love

But I won't do that

[TZ]

10. nice post, meatloaf!

:rofl:

[Common Sense Party]

13. Couldn't resist.

Thanks for lobbing me the softball.

[Shell Beau]

11. I would go for it. Love comes only so often!

[PVnRT]

12. OK, here's the wet blanket

This entire situation just reeks of all manner of bad shit to follow. Have they met in person? Spent any time together? Know each others' annoying habits? Once you get past all of the flowery, Hollywood-inspired talk of romance, it's these kinds of things that wreck relationships. To say nothing of whether or not this foreign guy is just playing her.

I have yet to meet one person who moved a great distance to be with someone they largely only knew via internet/phone/etc. This will end badly, she will be in a foreign country, and her family/friends might very well be too pissed to do anything about it.

[TZ]

15. I do know one thing

The country he lives is somewhere she's wanted to visit anyway, so I believe something is being planned. I know she wouldn't just up and leave unless she had spent substantial time with they guy . She is a very practical person, actually.

[PVnRT]

21. She should visit for a couple of weeks and spend time with the guy

At least she'd have that. Still not enough, in my opinion, to make a decision like that.

[kwassa]

18. well, let me be your exception ....

I moved cross-country to be with the woman that is now my wife. We just passed our tenth wedding anniversary and have a beautiful little girl. We met on the Internet. I was also ready to leave the city I was living in when we first met, so it was not such a risk for me.

I do agree it can be a great risk, and I think the age difference can be the biggest hurdle, in my opinion. I've seen such relationships work for awhile, then fail as the two go through different phases of their lives at different times.

Also, unless the guy in question commits himself to the relationship in question, this move is very ill-advised. This may be more about romantic projection than real love.

[PVnRT]

20. As did I

But we did a long-distance relationship for two years, with me visiting her pretty much every two weeks and spending holidays together.

Sorry, but jetting off a thousand miles to move in with someone you think you have to be with...irrational.

[kwassa]

25. no, I agree ....

It depends on really how much you've really gotten to know one another, by whatever means, but time spent in proximity is important.

My wife and I were both a little older, a little sadder and wiser, and each had excellent bullshit detectors. We only each did one extended visit in the other's place, though, we had spent many many hours on the phone and 'net.

[Locrian]

16. danger danger

>>>very strong feelings for someone who is not only half her age

Not that it is impossible... but 1/2 her age?! So.... 40 and 20? 50 and 25? Rare that this works out...

[Shakespeare]

27. It also seems a little unbalanced; he's not declared feelings for her, but...

...she's prepared to move to another country to be with him? That seems wildly out of proportion with the reality of the situation (as it's evolved so far, anyway), and she would most likely be setting herself up for major, major heartbreak.**

**personal disclaimer: That said, I think that long-distance relationships that begin with internet friendships can absolutely work out, as I'm living proof of that. You just have to be very sure, and make sure BOTH parties have the same wants/desires.

[kwassa]

28. I think this is the big hurdle.

[flvegan]

17. OMG, BeachBaby is going to move to Mexico to be with an 18 year old underwear model!!!!

[TZ]

19. wow.

Working really hard to be number one on that YAIM list of hers aintcha?
:rofl:

[Deep13]

22. I'd sell out the world.

And love does not "come along." I happens when we decide it will happen.

[TZ]

23. This is interesting.

There seems to be a definite correlation on answers and gender here. THe men say one thing and the women say another!

[Haole Girl]

29. Women think - often - with their hearts

It's what gets us into trouble, too.

[kwassa]

30. Feelings, nothing more than feelings .....

is it thinking or feelings?

[no name no slogan]

24. My left nutt

but I suppose that would kind of defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?

[Jamastiene]

31. Not really.

You'd still have *other* working parts. :evilgrin:

[Jamastiene]

26. *ALMOST* anything.

I have my limitations, but moving wouldn't be too incredibly off limits, depending on the circumstances.

If I really love a woman, God help anyone who tries to get in the way. That's just the way I've always loved. All out, no holding back.

[LaraMN]

33. Define "Love".

If it's the mushy, overwhelming, fluttery kind, I wouldn't give up much. That's chemical and transitory.

[Forkboy]

34. I live by this motto: Better to do something you regret than not do something you regret.

Your friend should go for it.

Living with blown chances is harder than living with taken chances that didn't pan out.

[KansDem]

36. Amen to this!

There's very little worse than spending the second half of your life wondering about the things you could've done the first half...

[KansDem]

35. Is this "true love" or is it just "love"

There's a difference, you know...

[Arkansas Granny]

37. She may very well be right. I think she should consider going for it,

but have her return tickets arranged ahead of time, just in case.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

38. As my life stands now, yes I would

But FWIW, while I agree with your friend's perspective on this, I do think she should take sensible precautions to ensure her safety and security in case everything doesn't work out -not only her personal security but also her financial security

[Sky Masterson]

39. I'd take a Doll to Havana

When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he's doing it for some doll.
When you spot a John waiting out in the rain
Chances are he's insane as only a John can be for a Jane.
When you meet a gent paying all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal.
Call it sad, call it funny.
But it's better than even money
That the guy's only doing it for some doll.




In my experience I have found that it's best to follow your head first,your heart second.
And never make rash decisions on a cloud.
If it is meant to be.It will be..

[cynatnite]

40. People have a tendency to romantasize love...

and ignore their good sense.

[BeachBaby]

41. You already know my stance on "the real thing"....

It is a gift, because someone handed over the most vulnerable thing they own - their heart.
Never take it for granted.
Hold onto it tightly, and never let go.

[Danger Mouse]

42. Love isn't worth it because it's a fucking lie.

on edit: She's setting herself for an epic fail.

[PaddyBlueEyes]

43. I never thought I would be as willing to give up things for love

as I am now. I never believed that I would have the opportunity, to find love the way I have. I truly believe the person that I am in love with, is my soulmate and that we belong together. I have never felt this way about anyone ever. I physically ache to hold her and want to protect her and shelter her from everything bad in her life. I will move heaven and earth to be with her forever.....

[TZ]

44. awww

you guys really are touching..:hug:

[Deja Q]

45. At one time, too much. Sometimes the opportunity has to be passed on.

For it may be an illusion and ultimately as real as the flying giraffe I saw in Oslo last night.

:(

The crucible of time. That's what matters most. If love is true.

[MrsBrady]

46. ummm...

well, I say.

He hasn't asked. so....until he does it's wishful thinking.

Has she ever met him in person?

[TZ]

47. not yet.

In the works. As I said, its purely theoretical. Another conversation I had with a different friend made me think about this persons issues.