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BeachBaby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:01 PM
Original message
A question about interracial relationships.
I am curious to know if the concept of interracial relationships has become more acceptable to society, or if a interracial couple still suffers backlash from the public.

In 1986, I dated my high school's star basketball player. He is black. I am white. While we didn't have any problems among our peers, his parents had a big problem with it, and told us to end it.

That was 23 years ago - and so I'm wondering if things have changed on that front.

Are any of you involved in an interracial relationship? And if so, could you tell me how your friends, family and society in general have accepted, or not accepted, your relationship?
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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:15 PM
Response to Original message
1. My wife is not white
but, I think White-Asian relationships have usually been more acceptable than White-Black or White-Hispanic. So, our families have never had a problem with it, and we've rarely had problems, even when we were in China (though my wife got called out by another woman in Chinatown in NYC several years back...)

However, I think most interracial relationships are far more acceptable & common than they were 10-20-30 years ago. Since I've been involved in many over the years, including with black and Hispanic women, I have taken notice.

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IndianaJones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:19 PM
Response to Original message
2. I have a slight problem with it. nt.
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madinmaryland Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. In what respect?
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Runcible Spoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:26 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. huh?
why?
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IndianaJones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:31 PM
Response to Reply #5
9. it can make things hard if there are children. nt.
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Runcible Spoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:34 PM
Response to Reply #9
12. ya know, I am sick of that justification
Edited on Wed Jan-21-09 04:35 PM by FarceOfNature
every kid is going to go through some problems with society and fitting in, and that's really NOT an excuse to "be against" interracial relationships. I thought this whole faux concern had ended in the 80's. Extending your logic, gays and people of different religions shouldn't have kids either. :eyes:
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IndianaJones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:39 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. I as more talking about deciding which box to check for race on forms. nt.
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Runcible Spoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:40 PM
Response to Reply #16
18. are you serious?
You consider that a significant enough impediment to have a "problem" with them having kids?
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IndianaJones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:41 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. sure...I've known some people that have faced that obstacle. nt.
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CreekDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:32 PM
Response to Reply #19
55. The freedom to marry whomever goes hand in hand with their children feeling accepted
nobody should have a problem with this.

and i should mention this problem complicates our effort to have everybody attain the freedom to marry the person of their choice. (not just without race being a barrier, but gender too)
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IndianaJones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:34 PM
Response to Reply #55
56. just passing on what some people I know have told me. nt.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:23 PM
Response to Reply #18
43. he is biracial. presumably he is facetiously mentioning his own problems with filling forms
Edited on Wed Jan-21-09 05:27 PM by lionesspriyanka
as an end result of interracial dating.
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:38 PM
Response to Reply #9
15. I've heard that same argument against gay adoption.
Both scenarios are bullshit.
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Zuiderelle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:50 PM
Response to Reply #15
30. I wonder if he is making a point. He's done this before but it's a pretty bad way to do it.
I think he MIGHT be showing by example how idiotic it is to be against interracial marriage to compare it to how idiotic it would be to be against gay marriage.

Last time I saw him do something similar he never came back to explain that, and I ended up defending him and making myself look stupid, so that's not going to happen this time. This is a bad way to draw the comparison, and it's flamebait.
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:58 PM
Response to Reply #30
33. If it is an attempt at making a point...
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Zuiderelle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:59 PM
Response to Reply #33
34. Agreed
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guitar man Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:45 PM
Response to Reply #9
27. It can also make a President
Hopefully those days will soon be behind us.
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SallyMander Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #27
29. ...

:thumbsup:
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guitar man Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:19 PM
Response to Reply #29
40. ;)
:hi:
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Dr. Strange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:47 PM
Response to Reply #27
49. A biracial president?
Right, that'll happen when the Arizona Cardinals make it to the SuperBowl.
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guitar man Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:05 PM
Response to Reply #49
52. The St Louis Cardinals
would have to move to Arizona first. :P
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Dr. Strange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:28 PM
Response to Reply #2
7. That's disgusting.
However, I'll still wish you a speedy recovery, Sen. Byrd.
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racaulk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:54 PM
Response to Reply #7
32. WIN!
:rofl:
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:37 PM
Response to Reply #2
13. Delete--Wrong spot.
Edited on Wed Jan-21-09 04:38 PM by ghostsofgiants
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Runcible Spoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:38 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. ding ding ding
keerist.
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:42 PM
Response to Reply #14
22. I moved the response, but glad you agree, haha.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:43 PM
Response to Reply #2
25. You know what that makes you?
:popcorn:
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Zuiderelle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:44 PM
Response to Reply #2
26. So, either you're joking or what I've heard about you is right
That you are sometimes really cool, and sometimes just like to see what happens when you poop in the pool, and that maybe the really cool part is not real either.

So, are you just pooping in the pool for the reaction, or do you REALLY have a "problem with it?"
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Vanje Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:15 PM
Response to Reply #26
35. This is not a great time to test DU
Edited on Wed Jan-21-09 05:16 PM by Vanje
by pooping in the pool.
Theres so much poop in the pool already, that this particular little turd, kinda gets lost in the whipped-up, frothy fecal spume that has become DU this past week or so.

I'd call it a waste of a perfectly good BM.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:18 PM
Response to Reply #26
38. he is joking. he is biracial himself. nt
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Zuiderelle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:37 PM
Response to Reply #38
47. I got caught up in a meat-grinder defending him last time he did this.
And he was nowhere to be found to explain. So, I'm not making that mistake twice.

My advice to IndianaJones is to come back here and explain instead of just making the point. It's a good point to make, but not if it gives ammunition to other people to accuse anyone else of what you are pretending to be.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:16 PM
Response to Reply #2
36. dont have my babies. see if i care.
:P
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:20 PM
Response to Reply #36
41. ROFL
:rofl:
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:23 PM
Response to Reply #41
44. maybe i should post a thread about this... i deny indianajones the right to have my babies
ask me why
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:25 PM
Response to Reply #44
45. Naw
Some things are not worthy of attention. ;-)
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IndianaJones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:15 PM
Response to Reply #44
53. good wood carvers, steal american jobs...and part angry caucasian too. nt.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:22 PM
Response to Original message
3. My husband and I still get dirty looks
He's from India & I am, for the most part, Caucasian.

When they give us a dirty look, I usually give a "look that could kill" right back.

People!

:eyes:
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Cabcere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:28 PM
Response to Reply #3
8. Good for you.
:) People can be jerks sometimes, and for the dumbest reasons. x(
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Lil Missy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
6. You are not my type.
mainly because half the people I was with believed it until I explained the situation to them.
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TZ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:42 PM
Response to Reply #6
24. hahaha!
what a great response! :thumbsup:
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crispini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #24
28. You changed your name?
:wow: Did you do it to just forestall all the lounge jokes, or what?
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TZ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:17 PM
Response to Reply #28
37. i did it because
for some personal reasons I needed to ditch turtlensue here. TZ is a lounge nickname that I'm fond of... :)
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Runcible Spoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:32 PM
Response to Original message
10. my fiance is Argentinian...I haven't noticed any weirdness from society but,...
I think white and Latino is seen as a lot less controversial than other pairings in American metaculture in GENERAL, but all ethnic communities have their own dialogues on what "race" represents and how it affects how they view "swirling".
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dembotoz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:33 PM
Response to Original message
11. some people still think the earth is flat
i would anticipate things might be somewhat better but still not perhaps good
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Cabcere Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:39 PM
Response to Original message
17. That's a good question.
When I was in high school, I dated a wonderful guy who happened to be an Egyptian immigrant. (I'm half-German, with Irish and English ancestry thrown in - very pale skin, blond hair, blue eyes, etc.) Interestingly enough, people didn't seem to make a big deal out of it, even in our predominantly white/rural/conservative high school. (Or if they did, I never heard about it.) I don't know if it was because he was fairly light-skinned, or what, but nobody really harassed us for dating. Of course all this was before 9/11, and I'm sure the fact that he had an Arabic name would have caused some major problems had we dated after that event, but he moved to a different town about a year before 9/11. We kind of lost touch, but I did worry about what might happen to him and his family...hope they're OK. He was a good guy.
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:41 PM
Response to Original message
20. My husband is not white - but since one of his parents is white and the other not white
They could not exactly say a thing to us.
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BlueJazz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:42 PM
Response to Original message
21. I dated a Black girl for awhile (I'm White)..didn't think very much about it.
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BeachBaby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:53 PM
Response to Reply #21
31. Can I ask how long ago that was?
My brother has been interacting with a black woman who runs into fairly frequently. He really likes her, thinks she's pretty, and she shows interest in him - but he keeps balking because he seems to think that if he pursues her romantically, all hell will break loose.

Every time he mentions it, I want to say "Dude - this is 2009. Come out of the stone age"; but I'm not sure if things really HAVE changed. That's why I'm asking. Thanks.
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BlueJazz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:19 PM
Response to Reply #31
39. Sure..about 3 months ago. We broke up 'cause She had a chance to go to England with her...
Edited on Wed Jan-21-09 05:21 PM by BlueJazz
..Girlfriend for a year and I figured that was a little to long to keep a "Spark" going.

I never had any hassle about our dating...

Tell your Brother that he, most likely, has nothing to worry about.
It would be a shame if he lost his "Soulmate" because of Race....

On Edit: I suppose I made a lousy Pun when I said "Soulmate... LOL!
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Vanje Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:21 PM
Response to Reply #31
42. Your brother's girlfriend should ditch him
and find a fella with a little starch.
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BeachBaby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:41 PM
Response to Reply #42
48. Um.....wtf.
My brother is a good guy. He is thinking about her interests, as well as his own. He is thinking about how her brothers and family will react. He's thinking about the thugs they would have to deal with when they go out.

He really likes her, hence his hemming and hawing to do the right thing. Jeez.
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 04:42 PM
Response to Original message
23. I never had any big problems.
Edited on Wed Jan-21-09 04:44 PM by Radical Activist
Just a couple asshole comments from redneck cowards.
But none of my interracial relationships lasted all that long so I'm not the best judge. My dad even surprised me and told me about a past one of his own.
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DarkTirade Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:28 PM
Response to Original message
46. I think all of my siblings have dated non-whites except maybe my little sister
but she's still a teenager so she hasn't been dating for that long. :P

Seriously though, my mom was half polish jew, half random european and my dad was half native american and half random european. So it'd be a bit silly of me to have a problem with it myself.

The only time it bothered me was when my stepbrother was dating a pakistani girl right after 9/11. And that wasn't so much 'bothered' as 'worried'. All it takes is one drunk jackass who can't tell the difference between a southern asian and a middle eastern person to start a fight and then pull out a knife or a gun or something. Thankfully nothing that drastic happened. My parents had a crazy racist neighbor who had a habit of vandalizing the cars and houses of people who he didn't like... and one time when she was over at my parents house with my stepbrother, they were about to leave when they discovered that she mysteriously had a flat tire.

... later my parents found nails scattered around their driveway. Nails that had plumber's solder on them. Crazy neighbor was a plumber. Hmmm... I may not be a math major, but I think I've got 2 + 2 down pretty well. Unfortunately we didn't have any proof. Nor did we have any when another neighbor committed some imaginary snub against the crazy racist coot, and then a few days later one of their water pipes was cut. With a tool that only professional plumbers use.
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Schema Thing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 05:57 PM
Response to Original message
50. I never noticed any societal rejection
but then, my ex-wife doesn't look white, but she doesn't exactly look black either. When I met her, I assumed she was hispanic or hispanic/black mix, just because I knew she was from New Mexico. Turns out she is Black/White mix.

She often talked about not feeling accepted by either blacks or whites, but in reality, I think it was just her. I sometimes felt like the odd man out when I'd find myself at a big family reunion or wedding of a black family, but I never felt like anyone was rejecting our relationship or even me, per se; just that I was indeed the odd man in the room. I'm sure that's a feeling most black people have had many occasions.

My girlfriend prior to that relationship is French Canadian/Black Jamaican mix... but that was a short relationship and in Calgary, so I certainly never felt any societal pressure. Interestingly to me, my girlfriend never spoke about feeling or noticing any prejudice growing up; she grew up in Montreal.

And finally, my girlfriend previous to her is a mix of Black/Chinese/somethingfromMartinique (her mom is light skinned). She lives in Paris, and no, I never felt any societal judgment there or here (Texas)... but again we did not get to spend a lot of time together.

Neither my family or any of my Black relationships' families that I've been with are the type to give a shit.


I'm curious, what city were you in 23 years ago that your peers were so cool?
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BeachBaby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:02 PM
Response to Reply #50
51. I'm in Philly metro.
South Jersey.

He and his sisters got scholarships to the private school I attended. They were 3 of only 5 black students in the entire school, but if there was any racial bias, I couldn't see it.
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AthiestLeader Donating Member (14 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:18 PM
Response to Original message
54. No but I see absolutely NO problems with it
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CreekDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:37 PM
Response to Original message
57. In the Bay Area, it's becoming fairly common
I must say, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, if you find a keeper, don't let race get in the way. And although what other people say or think of it will be an issue that affects you, how devoted you are to each other is going to matter more.

In other words, if it's a relationship worth having then race < love.

:shrug:
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bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-21-09 06:44 PM
Response to Original message
58. I'm in a interracial relationship.
A gay interracial relationship.

My family and friends have accepted us on both accounts.

I am only "out" to family and friends. Society in general is more tolerate of interracial relationships than gay ones.
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