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How long should one wait after a breakup to start dating again?

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lightningandsnow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:35 PM
Original message
How long should one wait after a breakup to start dating again?
One of my friends told me "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." I don't think that's the case. Ha.

I'm telling myself right now that I'm not going to pursue anyone for a while. I just ended a 6 month relationship. So I told myself I wasn't going to do anything with anyone until the New Year.

The plan may be falling through, I'm afraid. I'm attracted to about 4 people right now. And I just met someone who I'm trying desperately not to have a crush on, but it's kind of failing. She's super smart and friendly.

And she invited me to a holiday party her organization is running.

Bad AspieGrrl. Bad.
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IndianaJones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:36 PM
Response to Original message
1. don't know, but from what I've seen this is an awesome place to get an answer on that one. nt.
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malta blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:42 PM
Response to Original message
2. Not really sure AspieGrrl.
I think it depends on how you feel about the end of your prior relationship and just how emotionally invested you were.

And you are not bad :pals:
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Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:44 PM
Response to Original message
3. Until it feels comfortable...
no sooner or longer. It's not the same for everybody...hell, it's not the same for two relationships for some people. I've had two relationships of more than a year...one ended and I was dating someone else by the end of the week, the other left me in a place where I didn't want to date anybody for almost 2 years.

Both hiatuses were right for me for that time and place and relationship.
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mwooldri Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-09-08 08:59 AM
Response to Reply #3
19. Correct answer!
If you're not comfortable about even thinking dating again, don't. Your new date won't like it because you'll be too wrapped up on old times.

It's exactly same reason why some people re-marry after divorce/death and some don't. My granddad on my mothers side never did (my nans death devastated him, he never got over it and pretty much became a recluse, went out from time to time but not much plus he went blind which didn't help matters) afer Nan passed away for about 19 years, and my gran on my dads side - well I don't think she is but I think she sees her role in looking after my aunt of 50 and to a lesser extent my dad of 60. She's 85ish.
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pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:48 PM
Response to Original message
4. a nicer way to put it: "a new love drives out the old"
it works for me but i suppose we're supposed to pretend that people actually wait, hell, aspiegirl, look around you, no one waits, if nothing else, they pass the time with a "rebound" that they know isn't going to be "the one"
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Bucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:01 PM
Response to Original message
5. Bad? Nah, just normal. Go nuts. You may not want to hook up long term, but...
Have fun. There's a happy middle ground between being monogamous and being a hermit. I suggest finding it.
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lightningandsnow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-09-08 08:45 AM
Response to Reply #5
17. Indeed!
I like this piece of advice. A lot.

:hug:
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:03 PM
Response to Original message
6. You'll know when you are ready.
And if you're ready now, go for it! :loveya:
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:05 PM
Response to Original message
7. Don't force it
What I mean is, don't force an arbitrary timeline on yourself. Whatever happens, happens.

For example, my wife and I met while I was in a breakup process with someone else.

12 years later, we're still together.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:08 PM
Response to Original message
8. I planned on waiting a year. That lasted about two weeks.
Do whatever makes you happy. You have your head on straight, so you'll do okay.
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littlebit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:10 PM
Response to Original message
9. About twenty minutes.
You're young go have fun.
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mcctatas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:51 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. This is the correct answer!
;)
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RetroLounge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:55 PM
Response to Original message
11. 15-20 Minutes, tops...
:hi:

RL
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mcctatas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:57 PM
Response to Original message
12. Need more info....
I have a feeling my working definition of "dating" is different than yours :evilgrin:
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lightningandsnow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 09:06 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. ...
:spank:

Does it involve tutching the but?
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mcctatas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 09:09 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. actually...
it kinda looks like that smilie ;)
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Danger Mouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 09:14 PM
Response to Original message
15. I could give a really bitter and cynical answer to this one but I won't.
I think you should do what you're comfortable with. :shrug:
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ismnotwasm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 09:15 PM
Response to Original message
16. As long or as little as you like
Only thing, if you're really hurting, careful of the emotional vampires. They can smell emotional blood. Besides, they're usually assholes.

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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-09-08 08:54 AM
Response to Original message
18. ASAP
after my ex-wife filed for divorce, I don't think the ink was even dry on the paperwork before I started dating - and I'm a pretty shy and laid back guy.

I think I dated 3 or 4 women that first week. It was very therapeutic.

Later on, I would have a date or two on a weekend night, and then finish the evening at a 'gentleman's club' with some lap dances (no, I didn't go with my date... I'd go alone)
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LisaL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-09-08 09:44 AM
Response to Original message
20. I think you are only supposed to wait out of respect if your SO is
dead.
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MissMillie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-09-08 10:28 AM
Response to Original message
21. If you have fun w/ her.... go with it.
No one says it has to get serious, but if it does, it could be that that is where your heart is.

There aren't any set rules for this stuff. Only you know when being with someone is right.
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