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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:25 PM
Original message
I'm so fucking fucked
Edited on Sun Dec-07-08 11:53 PM by GirlinContempt
I just got a call from my room mate.

She is moving out by the end of the month. She's going to live with her parents.

Apparently, she can't AFFORD $350 a month with a full time job that pays more than min. wage, and two side gigs that bring in around $200/week.

We are on a year lease. It isn't up until May. Now, we're both on the lease, so technically, she should be just as responsible as I am for any costs incurred by breaking the lease. However, this probably will be incredibly difficult to get from her. She isn't much for honouring her responsibilities, clearly, or she wouldn't be giving her disabled room mate less than a months notice that she's abandoning her in an apartment she couldn't afford with DOUBLE her welfare disability money. And, I am seriously physically incapable of working right now, I have been for a year now as many of you will know. If anything, my problems are getting worse, not better.

And, I have nowhere to go. Sure, I could crash on some couches for a bit, but I don't have anywhere to MOVE to, nor anywhere to keep my furniture and belongings if I leave this place. If I am responsible for paying the rent here until a new tenant can be found, or for three months (as I understand it, I'm waiting for clarification from the Rez Tenancies Branch on the whole thing) I couldn't possibly afford to get a new place to live. And, with the money I'm given, if I don't have a room mate my housing options are:

A) A skeezy, small, bachelor apartment in a bad neighbourhood, far from any friends or family to assist me that would also increase my transportation costs for silly things like Drs appointments and hospital visits, not to mention being unsafe.

B) That is my only option. I've looked in to it before now. That's it. I might be able to get on a months-to-over-a-year long waiting list for some kind of subsidized housing with many but not all of the same problems, but that wouldn't give me a place to live in the mean time.

I can't afford to move. Hell, I can't even really afford to live where I live now, but I manage. I eat shitty food and I never go out, I have to borrow money for silly stuff like food or transportation, but, I eke by. But, to come up with the money to pay the rent here, even just my half, plus a damage deposit for a new place, plus the cost of moving, whatever you get the fucking idea. Cause, see, it's not like I can just force her to pay the rent and stay here until May. If she doesn't pay her half, I'll be evicted, and it's just a big fucking mess. Either I or the Landlord can take her to court, but that isn't going to resolve anything in a timely fashion.

Now, finding a subletter/Assigner would be one solution. But, with less than a month to find one, unlikely. Also at this time of year, good luck finding people who need to move. Seriously, I've looked. I've also looked for vacancies, and there are next to none. December/January, at least here, are not the times you want to move. I could find one place in my budget available for the end of January. And see above: Skeezy, icky, far, etc. Plus, I moved in here on a sublet, and I know my landlord. It took me over a month just to get him to get the fucking papers to me to sign. He didn't even get around to getting me a form for references until THREE WEEKS after I'd applied for the damn apartment. But I digress. Let me just say this, the apartment in the basement stood empty for about two months, and that was in the fall. Of course I will *TRY* to work it out, TRY to find someone to sublet, TRY to reason with my room mate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up. I just know the situation. And it is really, really fucking bad.

I'm so fucking angry with her right now. What the fuck is her fucking problem. We moved in together because she desperatly needed a room mate. She was going through a hard time, she'd just split with her husband, she had nowhere to live, and I really wanted to help her out. We'd been friends for over a decade. I didn't *have* to move at the time, but I knew that sooner or later I would need to, and so I decided to move with her to help her out, and to be fair also help myself out. That way I knew I had a room mate. We talked at length before doing it. She was fully aware of my limited physical abilities, and expressed that she had no problem at all helping me out, maybe doing some more housework, running errands for apartment things like groceries, etc. She was also happy, because I have a computer, I gave her a bed and mattress, I had furniture to outfit the apartment, dishes, etc, all of which she didn't have, they were her husbands. So, it seemed all good, right?

Well, then she hooks up with a new boyfriend, and basically the second they start dating are inseperable, she ditches me alone for months KNOWING I can't, or at least shouldn't, live alone. She doesn't pay her share of the bills or contribute, she only pays her half of rent. And now, she thinks it's fucking REASONABLE to tell me LESS THAN A MONTH BEFORE that she's MOVING THE FUCK OUT??!?@?#?#?@

She knows my situation. Of all fucking people she should not be telling *ME* that *SHE* can't fucking AFFORD to live her. If I can fucking manage it on less than $500/month for EVERY GOD DAMN THING I NEED TO LIVE, she can fucking manage it. I'm so fucking angry and upset and worried as fucking hell about what I'm going to do.

How can you do that to someone? How can you just say: Fuck you, I'm abandoning you, deal with it.
You signed a fucking contract, you also made an agreement with your friend and room mate. At the very fucking least, you sit down, discuss the situation (BEFORE it gets so apparently dire you have to bail out in three weeks), come to an agreement, start searching for a new tenant, notify the landlord well in advance, and deal with it like mature responsible adults. If she had come to me say, three months ago, or was telling me that she couldn't afford it and that when we found someone she wanted to move, fine. I can understand that. It might give me time to work something out. I'm not mad that she wants to move, or even needs to move (which is just so insane to me, come on, if you cant afford $350/month on your income, you need some serious fucking help. Really. Truly. You don't have a car, you don't have kids, you don't even have pets. You have an apartment, your internet bill which she hasn't been paying, your cell phone, and your bus pass. That is it. Period), but that she thinks it's fucking OK to tell me this less than a month before hand and to leave her dirt poor, physically disabled room mate holding the shit end of the stick.

Fuck. What the fuck. Why is everything always going fucking wrong with me>?!??! Move over bedbugs, there's a new bitchqueen in town to ruin my life :P

And, I'm not really asking for advice or anything, if you have some, shoot. But, I have a pretty good handle on the situation. I've contacted the proper agencies who can inform me of my rights and responsibilities, I know where and how to find people to take over the lease if they exist, I know who I can contact for government housing options (and iknow about the wait for them :( ). I'm not saying I don't want to hear what you have to say, I'm just trying to avoid being yelled at for not taking advice I already know or maybe can't use. But I do appreciate all suggestions, maybe you can think of something I can't, and if so, please fire away. Mostly, I'm just really really really upset and worried and a little panicked and also pissed.

A tidbit of good news though: I do not have incurable bone cancer. The final tests are back in. I do. Not. Have. Cancer. YAAY
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:33 PM
Response to Original message
1. Time to let family help.
Period.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:34 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. How, exactly?
Edited on Sun Dec-07-08 11:41 PM by GirlinContempt
My grandmother lives in a one bedroom in a seniors complex on a small pension, my parents have no space for me. Sure I could crash on the couch for a bit, but see post above. They can't afford to financially support me. My brother, also could let me crash on his couch. Sisters live in another city, all but one who is in school and working part time and living in my parents house at the moment.

Who is going to help me and how?
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:40 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. In any way remotely possible. That's up to you and your family.
If they won't help, then they suck.

But if you haven't asked them for help, it's about time you did.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:44 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. I just updated that message you replied to
But further: Of course my family wants to help me, they're my family. But they can't help with this. They can't afford to pay my rent, they don't have a place for me to live, so what can they do?

Of course I've asked them for help, the kind of help they can give. Rides, when they can, to appointments. Help with errands, even small amounts of money, or some groceries. But they can't afford to pay rent and bills on a place so that I can live here, they can't afford to pay three months worth of rent to my landlord and help defray the cost of moving, and they can't afford to give me money so I can live in an ok place close to the stuff I need to be close to. They can't build an addition on to their house for me to live in.

It's probably just that I'm in a shitty mood right now, but I don't understand why you'd assume that I am not letting my family help me, or that I haven't asked for help. I really don't.
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:54 PM
Response to Reply #4
11. In your situation, I would take the crash on the couch option.
Edited on Sun Dec-07-08 11:55 PM by amitten
You are in no condition to be living alone. And you are in no situation to be choosy. You have no money and you have (temporarily) no health. You need to let your parents care for you for awhile, before you end up on the street.

Your parents have an obligation to care for you that your friend doesn't. Although I don't agree with your friend's actions, it's entirely possible that she is finding the situation unlivable (bedbugs, etc.) and has decided she can't live that way anymore. For survival's sake, you will need to look at this situation logically instead of emotionally, as hard as that is.

PS--Your roommate should at least give you an additional month to find another renter, if that is your choice.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:17 AM
Response to Reply #11
12. She hasn't been living here for months.
She's been with her boyfriend long before any bedbugs or anything.

And, sure, I can crash on a couch, but for how long? I have serious debilitating spine issues. Right now I'm sleeping on a couch, and it's hell. Where does all my furniture go? Where to I keep my clothes, my books, etc? That is the problem with sleeping on a couch, be it with parents or a friend. I can't live on a couch. I have a hard enough time sleeping in a bed with a special pad. On a couch, my pain and mobility issues increase. Not to mention living in a house with long staircases that I would have to climb just to take a shower can also be a problem.

I'm sorry but I don't see how I am not looking at the situation logically. My logic tells me that while I can sleep on a couch, I have nowhere to store my things, and the couch is bad for my physical health, and not really a long term solution. My logic also tells me that my room mate doesn't have an OBLIGATION to CARE for me, she has an obligation to uphold her end of a legally binding contract, and to uphold her end of a verbal contract. If she cannot do those things, for whatever reason, she has an obligation to notify the landlord and other tenant with a reasonable timeframe to deal with the issue, and to aid and assist in dealing with it.

There is no way that she can't live this way anymore, as you put it. She hasn't really been living here for months. When she was living here, there were no bed bugs, we shared groceries and bills, she usually went out for the groceries, we watched movies together sometimes, she had her friends over, or I did, she went out a fair bit, and we really argued maybe once. And, even if that WAS the case, she is still very much in the wrong. You don't just get to decide to break a contract and leave someone you have an agreement with because you can't live in a way you've never complained about or even just discussed.

Anyway, the point is, I have spinal damage with complications, and living on a couch in my parents living room cannot be a solution for me for more than a few weeks, and the number one overriding reason is that it makes my spine issues worse. They're already so bad that typing this message has taken long enough that I'm in quite a lot of pain and will have to leave the computer again right away to lay down. Many days I can't get up for a few hours after waking. I can barely walk, I'm on 2 different kinds of narcotic pain killers at fairly high doses which aren't actually killing the pain enough, sitting is painful, laying down for any period of time is painful, standing is painful, it's hard to cook for myself, or clean, or even step in to the tub to take a shower. Anything that increases my pain and mobility problems isn't something I can live with on an extended basis.

I am in a situation to be choosy, if this is what you think is choosy. I can't put myself in to a situation where I have none of my things, have a harder time getting around, increase my pain, and make my problems worse (physically). I can't do that. I will crash on a couch for a while. But I can not do it for long, and I would rather live in shitsville apartmenttown before spending months in a situation that makes my spine worse. Sadly, the two options really fucking suck, but for different reasons.
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:26 AM
Response to Reply #12
13. Well, I would sleep on an air-mattress at your parent's house
Edited on Mon Dec-08-08 12:27 AM by amitten
then. An Aero Bed is cheap and extremely comfortable (more comfortable than a regular mattress, IHMO).

And if you're already sleeping on a couch, why not a couch/mattress in a house where people can care for you? Furthermore if you are in that much pain and on such heavy drugs, you most certainly should be living with people that can care for you. As for the furniture, unless you have a ton your parents can probably find a place to store it.

And yes, your friend should fulfill her obligation. But if she won't, you have to have a plan B that is reasonable.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:37 AM
Response to Reply #13
18. Well
You aren't going to like hearing this, but, I actually tried something like that here, when I had to move out on to the couch. And, I can't get up off the floor. But, assuming I had someone around all the time to pull me up, they do not have space to store my furniture. I have a queen bed, a full size dresser, two large chairs, numerous tables, a microwave stand, two large bookshelves, computer desk and chair, etc etc etc.

Trust me that I know my parents house. I do. And there is no where to store all of this stuff. Even the garage is full now, with just enough space to park their car, because my sister is storing all her household junk in there. It's only a one car garage anyway. But, no, there isn't space. And an air mattress in the middle of the living room that I can't get off of alone, which may still be hard on my back I don't know, I could try, with no privacy, what, clothes piled on the floor? No books to read? I guess I could keep a few out, but my mum doesn't like to have anything out that's personal, maybe I could store them under the couch? What about my pets, where do they go? My parents already have two cats. I have to have someone basically carry me up the stairs to shower everyday?

I'm not being fucking difficult. Please, trust me that I know my physical limitations and my parents living situation enough to know that this is not a long term solution. Please, just trust me on this. Maybe I can take some pictures for you or something the next time they bring me over for dinner. There is no space in that house for me and my things, and if I moved the furniture and lay on a blow up mattress on the floor, it could not be long term. Not for their sake, or mine. I know this. I know my health situation, my parents financial and living situation, etc. Please trust me.

I need a home. It isn't that I cannot afford anything period. I can, technically, afford a shitty icky apartment by myself, or an ok apartment with a room mate, or maybe even a sort of OK government apartment if I can get on the wait lists. But I have discussed this at length with my parents, and they just do not have a place for me, not in a long term way, and they wish they did. They wanted to try and help me with rent, but welfare won't allow them to. I'm talking a small amount here, nothing large, just like maybe $100/month or something.
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 10:45 AM
Response to Reply #18
30. Well then you need to find another roommate. And your old
roommate needs to give you time to do that. But because you can't force her to do anything, you need to post it on Craigslist asap and just be very vigilant about it. With the economy the way it is, you can certainly find someone who is looking for a roomie.

Good luck to you.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:18 PM
Response to Reply #30
32. No, I can't.
I live in Canada, first, so the US economy doesn't really affect me. And I've spent some time looking. People do not move at this time of year. Not to mention the fact that living with a stranger is fucking weirdo to me. If it was my only choice, maybe I'd do it. But really, neither here nor there. People aren't looking for room mates, for the same reason they aren't looking for apartments.

And, I really really really do not want a stranger living in my home. That just... isn't me. I would feel really uncomfortable and freaked out, I doubt I'd trust them very much, and I just can't see it working. At all.

Maybe I'm crazy, maybe everyone on this site has had amazing strangers come live in their homes or moved in with people they've never met and it's been super.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:27 AM
Response to Reply #11
14. And, she should be staying until new tenants are found
or paying out her half of the lease. Her giving an extra month is pretty meaningless, because if someone can't be found, we're still on the hook, and she is on the lease, so it is equally her responsibility. We both signed, it isn't 100% my responsibility to deal with it, it's 50/50. Or, it should be. But she's shown herself time and time again now to be completely irresponsible, selfish, thoughtless and self involved. She doesn't really care if she has agreed to do something, has a responsibility to do something, etc. If she doesn't want to do it, she wont, and she can justify that to herself in part because she doesn't think about anyone but herself. She can't, otherwise a long, long list of things wouldn't have happened, this just being the latest.

She should have dealt with this before. I cannot believe that today she just suddenly found out that she can't afford to live here and pay next months rent. I can't. Her pay is the same, her expenses are the same, and have been for some time now. You don't pay rent at a place for months and then just wake up one morning and realize that what you've been doing for months you can't afford to do, unless there has been some drastic change in your circumstances. But, that is pretty typical of her lately. She's the avoidance queen. She just refuses to deal with anything remotely unplesant, and only addresses it if the situation becomes dire, sometimes not even then. She also seems to have no issue lying about things, she doesn't seem to see it as lying, more like changing the truth so she doesn't have to deal with reality. It's fucked up. I don't know what happened to her, but she's changed a hell of a lot in the past year. Anyway. Her responsibility is exactly equal to mine. That's all.
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:30 AM
Response to Reply #14
16. She is bailing on you. I get it. Your job is to go to Plan B.
Edited on Mon Dec-08-08 12:31 AM by amitten
Which you are basically saying doesn't exsist. You're going on and on about this when the real problem is that you need to find a different place to live, not because of your friend but because you are TOO SICK TO LIVE ALONE.
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Danger Mouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:33 PM
Response to Original message
2. I don't really have much in the way of advice...
I hope things work out for you. It seems like your life has been a constant ball of suck lately.
:(
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:38 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. Thanks
Yeah, it really has :(
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Danger Mouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:42 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. It will, gradually, get better, because you're awesome.
Uhm. That's my reason.
:hug:
All I can say is don't panic. That's the toughest thing NOT to do...but it'll make things so so much easier.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:34 PM
Response to Original message
3. Oh, yeah, she also claims that her work is going to cut her hours
next month. Excuse me?! You're in the fucking management training program, you've run your own stores as manager three separate times, and have plenty of experience in a field that is currently desperate for employees. Fuck that shit, find a new fucking job then. You've only worked at this place for what, three or four months? You're hardly invested in the fucking place. You could find another job EASY, and probably one that pays more if this is really the issue. If you can't afford shit and your work is cutting your hours so you'll make even less: FIND A NEW JOB THAT HAS FULL TIME HOURS YOU FUCKING PEABRAIN
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Connonym Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:44 PM
Response to Original message
8. She's being inconsiderate to say the least
it's not right to leave you in the lurch with a lease that way and even if she was in dire straights she should have given you a lot more notice and tried to find someone to take over her half of the lease.

That being said, I had to run home to live with my mommy at age 41. It wasn't easy to do that after living on my own for over 20 years but I had my kids and my dogs to think of. I know you're pissed with your roommate (rightly so) but I wish people would stop mocking those of us who have had a financial downturn. We're just doing what we have to do to live.

I'm sorry you're going through this stress. I know you've been having a hard time and I wish we lived in a society that took better care of those in need. Lighting a candle for you, I really hope that something good comes your way.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-07-08 11:52 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. I'm sorry, I didn't mean
Edited on Sun Dec-07-08 11:53 PM by GirlinContempt
to mock people who legitimately are in really tough positions who have to do that sort of thing. Really, I didn't mean it like that at all.

I am mocking her because she has very very few costs, she has a job plus her two night gigs she does weekly DJing that bring in money, so there is really no reason for her to be returning home to mooch off of her parents. Because that's what I see it as. Not everyone who has to do that is mooching, but someone who makes say minimum $2000 a month pre tax, who has to pay a cell phone bill, a $60 buss pass, groceries, $350 rent and a $15 internet bill is ridiculous. A modest expenditure on those items would cost you maybe $600 a month. Even if you bought more groceries, what, $700? She's a single person in a modestly priced apartment with a reasonably paid job, no children, no car, no mortgage, etc etc etc. This I think is insane.

But I am sorry if it came off that I was mocking people who truly need to move home with parents because of serious financial issues. I didn't mean it that way, and I don't think any less of people who need to do that. I changed that line in my OP.
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madeline_con Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:34 AM
Response to Reply #10
17. It sounds like she may have a drug/alcohol problem.
Otherwise, what's she doing with all her money? Unless her boyfriend has the problem. :shrug:
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 02:07 AM
Response to Reply #17
22. That was my first thought.
There's a money hole somewhere. Very sad (more for you, though, GiC).
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Connonym Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 04:40 AM
Response to Reply #10
24. no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was attacking you for what you said
I didn't mean to be chastising you.
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harmonicon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:27 AM
Response to Original message
15. isn't she obliged to pay the rent? Isn't that what a lease is for?
Am I missing something here? I think you should talk to the landlord, pay your half, and have the landlord take her to court for her rent. That seems reasonable enough for me. I guess it depends on how the lease is written. If it's a lump sum, then you should take her to court for it.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:45 AM
Response to Reply #15
19. Yes, she is.
The problem is, if she stops paying, I will be evicted, even if I pay my half. He can do that. And, he can take her to court for it, absolutely, but that takes time, and I can't remain here while he does that, and as far as I am aware, I still have to pay up. I'm waiting to hear back on the specifics of that, how it would work, etc.

I guess it boils down to this:
If she doesn't pay the rent, she is legally responsible to do so, but cannot be forced to in any immediate way. I cannot pay the whole rent myself, and if the rent is not being paid in full, he can evict me, and actually repossess my things. Or, I guess just take them, it isn't "re", he didn't own them before. I cannot just move out at the same time as her, I have to pay out my lease or find someone to take over the lease, unlikely in such a short time frame, but possible eventually. There is also the issue of there being nearly no availability for places to live in my price range right now, as apartments do not rent at this time of year. I can stay short term on couches for a while, but not for long due to health and other reasons. Even if I do that, I have nowhere to store my things, and must pay out my half of the lease making it harder to get a place.

It is solvable. It's just a fucking nightmare. I don't have to pay her share unless I want to stay here really really badly and am ok with going after her for it myself. And I do have options, they're just shitty ones, and really difficult. And I'm upset about the whole thing and pissed off. She'll have to pay eventually, but sadly that won't do me much good right now :(
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LostinVA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:21 AM
Response to Reply #15
25. hed OP still has to pay all rent or be evicted, but the OP should take the roommate to courst
She is obligated to pay her half iof the rent, even if she no longer lives there. It's cut and dried.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:19 PM
Response to Reply #25
33. Yes, it's true
but it won't resolve itself in a timely fashion.
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CreekDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 01:05 AM
Response to Original message
20. Wishing you good luck in this and offering some advice
Edited on Mon Dec-08-08 01:08 AM by CreekDog
you would like to stay in your current place, and since you can only do that with money (which only seems likely from your roommate or potential roommate).

so you need money (you probably can't get any, but you can try) or some other solution, but unless you can get it from your current roommate and quickly, here are the options I see for you:

1) ask your roommate to cover the rent until you find a new roommate to replace her until you get a new tenant, or cover the rent for a set amount of time (1 or 2 months, get the money upfront). if she says no, up the ante and threaten to break the lease on her account, you will both have broken the lease and let her know that this will have consequences for her unless she makes a deal with you (sounds like the friendship is over anyway).

2) you're either going to need to get some money for christmas to tide you over until you get a roommate (everyone giving you cash for christmas could probably add up to near 350).

3) or you're going to need to find a new roommate ASAP (though that has its risks, compounded by acting quickly).

4) buy some time from your landlord by asking for forbearance while you find another roommate. if it's hard for him to get tenants he might opt to do this. you could also offer him first refusal on whomever you pick, which might be good if he checks their credit and refuses on that basis.

5) or you are going to need to get your own smaller place.

6) crashing on others' couches is only if the above five options fail you.

your trick is to make one of the first four work in order to avoid number 5 and especially 6.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:24 PM
Response to Reply #20
34. The landlord always has first refusal
I think getting my own smaller place IS the only option, I don't have any friends who need a place to live or will soon, and I am just not OK with living with a stranger. That probably makes me picky, I don't care. I spend most of my day unable to get dressed laying around trying not to cry. I can't see myself comfortable with a total stranger in my home.

Anyway, thanks for the list. I just have to try and... see what happens, what I can come up with, call around, I dunno...
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 02:01 AM
Response to Original message
21. Are you near a college?
I remember that when I was in college, back in the Pleistocene Era, a lot of kids moved out of the dorms for the second semester.

It might be worthwhile to post a notice. I'm sorry your roomie was so irresponsible. :hug:
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:24 PM
Response to Reply #21
35. No not really
:(

Thanks for the suggestion though :hug:
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 02:46 AM
Response to Original message
23. Well, at least you don't have cancer!
I'm an optimist. :P

But sweet zombie Jesus, Aly, you've been having some awful luck lately. :(
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:24 PM
Response to Reply #23
36. Yes, that is a very good thing
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1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 06:20 AM
Response to Original message
26. it sort of depends on how your lease is structured...
and your tolerance for pain.

do get in touch with your landlord immediately and completely inform him/her/it about the upcoming situation of your fellow lessee bailing out. be nice, be friendly, be open, be honest...

do not assume badness here. assume goodness. (unless there is more to the story i don't know of. is there?)

there is a possibility that your landlord will work something out with you. yes. possibility.



failing that, (and this is the tolerance for pain part.) eviction is a "liquid" situation...

in most cases its pretty hard to get physically evicted from a property. the police will not come and throw your shit onto the street. that doesn't happen anymore.

there will be many threats from you landlord. notices posted on your front door. phone calls. intimidation...

evictions can happen, depending on where you live (mostly small towns), but you should be able to continue to live in that property if you continue to pay your obligation on the lease even if the other lessee party is in default. your argument is contractual ambiguity about the lease.

your landlord would have to take you to a civil court, something that could take months. you will lose. but that should give you additional time to find another living situation.

i am not suggesting that you do this. but if you must do this for reasons that will help you buy some more time, then this is an option.

good luck...








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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:27 PM
Response to Reply #26
38. Hmmmm
Maybe I'll ask my sister about that idea... she's a lawyer. I do know what the Residential Tenancies Branch is telling me, which is basically that we have to pay the rent either until the lease is up or until we get someone to assign the lease, period end of story. I'll see if she has some thoughts about what you're saying.
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DeepBlueC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:46 PM
Response to Reply #38
55. let a legal clinic to advise you
Residential Tenancies ..is that a government branch? If so you will definitely want to get your own legal opinion...and clinic lawyer will also be willing to help you work out some deal with the landlord as well as with your soon to be ex-roommate. I can not recommend highly enough the expertise in landlord/tenant law that community legal clinics offer for nothing to low-income clients. I hope that is the case where you live as well. These are dedicated and very knowledgeable people, and very committed. I have a relationship with one here in my landlord's ongoing war against long-term rent-controlled tenants and though the landlord is a real estate agent and property manager and a very experienced sleaze ball, he is no match for my people. The Residential Tenancies Act here is a 6" x 9" book at least three inches thick and if you have an attorney who knows it and keeps up with the constant revisions you often have a lot more to work with than it might seem. Landlord might be prevailed upon to offer smaller premises to you and an amended lease as you have done nothing yourself to breach the contract. Worth a shot as your options seem so limited.
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Crazy Dave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:18 AM
Response to Original message
27. Very happy to hear that there's no bone cancer
But very sorry to hear about everything else. I used to have roommates and for two years I had three that were the best. One male, two females and they were like family and were best friends. Considerate, clean, paid the money on time, etc. Then I got two very bad ones that just made me say no more. Better to live in a cardboard box than with drunks who wreck the house, bring people home from the bars at 2am on weeknights and who drank all their rent and food money away but acted like I was obligated to let them live there free and let them eat all my food until they got caught up.

Good luck :hug: :hi:
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:28 PM
Response to Reply #27
39. Yikes, that sounds awful!
I've had two other bad room mates, only one that was quite bad before this, but thankfully not trashing the home and stuff.

:hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:28 AM
Response to Original message
28. Damn, GiC, that truly sucks.
I'm still working on the lottery win for you but so far, no go. Do take all possibilities into consideration and don't make a decision until you feel a bit more calm. I'm actually having to borrow money from my sister to make my move - not that this is an option for you, but I never thought it was for me either, yet I'm having to do it.

Also, and I ask sincerely, can I steal " Move over bedbugs, there's a new bitchqueen in town to ruin my life" for my sig line? It's a DU classic. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:30 PM
Response to Reply #28
40. Sure, feel free to take it
I'm just trying to see who I can get ahold of and find out if they have any options, ideas or help. I can't even get ahold of my parents at the moment, my Dad as pneumonia again, and my mother took him in to the hospital this morning (finally), but they're incommunicado.
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:42 AM
Response to Original message
29. Link enclosed:
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:39 PM
Response to Reply #29
42. Thanks for that.
My apartment is too expensive for that person, isn't furnished, has no parking with plug in, heat IS included though! but you never know she/he might still be interested. I've looked at those, also at some on other classified sites. Most of them have either already found places, don't want to move for a while yet, or can't afford this place. Or, also, want a very different area, or furnished, etc.

I've bookmarked some stuff, people who were out of the price range mostly, a couple out of the area, to try contacting them anyway to see if it might work for them. I'm worried some might be the same people on different sites :)

I started looking at this last month, because of the fact that my room mate was basically living with her boyfriend, so I knew at the very least I wouldn't be renewing the lease here unless I found another friend who needed a place to live, so I figured I'd start finding out what I could afford, what was out there, etc. Sadly, Dec. is a dismal time of month. In the spring, that list would be four times as long at least, and with a range of different people and situations. It's a crappy time of year. And, I took a look yesterday again.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 11:08 AM
Response to Original message
31. oodles of sympathy. very sorry about your situation
glad you dont have bone cancer though!
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:40 PM
Response to Reply #31
43. Me too!
Yay for no cancer
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:26 PM
Response to Original message
37. (most) furniture and books are replaceable
sell what you can, donate the rest. Get a medical bed. Put it in your parent's living room until you can afford another place/find a roommate/whatever.

Don't sacrifice your health and well being for STUFF.
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:45 PM
Response to Reply #37
46. I've collected my books since I was
really young. And, most of my furniture is beautiful antique stuff. I can't just give it away so that I can buy some shitty pressboard later and have to start all over again. I can't. I really don't care if this is being picky, because I *CAN* technically afford to have another place, just not until I can get this sorted out, and it's difficult and shitty, and the new place will have to be shitty, but I don't see much difference between a shitty apartment with all my stuff and a couch or hospital bed crammed in a corner of someones living room with none of my stuff, and the knowledge that I'll have to start my life all over again.

If I was going to *DIE*, sure, or end up on the street, maybe. But, I will hopefully be able to work this out so that I can get another place with maybe only a month of couch crashing or something, maybe I can find some storage for my stuff short term, maybe someone will loan me the money for a place, I don't know. I'll have to see, but I'm not tossing out all my stuff so I can crash in a living room. No way. And my parents would say no way too.
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Tuesday Afternoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:36 PM
Response to Original message
41. No Bone Cancer -- YaaY !! ~~Sending vibes~~
that the rest of the story finds peaceful resolution :hug:
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:45 PM
Response to Reply #41
47. Thanks
:)
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:42 PM
Response to Original message
44. I'm glad you do not have cancer, but yowzers on the living situation.
I wish you well. I also wish I had contact info for those agencies to help you out with. :(
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:46 PM
Response to Reply #44
48. Well, I'll get through it.
We'll just see what happens I guess. Probably will end up pennyless for a bit, but whatcha gonna do?
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:42 PM
Response to Original message
45. Fuck her up!
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:46 PM
Response to Reply #45
49. haha maybe, maybe
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redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 05:51 PM
Response to Original message
50. Okay now that I've copycatted you...
:P :hug:

I know where you're coming from, sort of... with the irresponsible roommate. Good luck getting out of this mess. It really sucks but hey... you don't have cancer!

:pals:



But wait... bedbugs? :scared:
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rvablue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 06:14 PM
Response to Original message
51. If her name is on the lease too, you can easily sue her in small claims court. n/t
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GirlinContempt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:53 PM
Response to Reply #51
53. The landlord can
But, that wont force her to pay right away. And it still leaves me responsible for my half, and probably unable to stay here. I'm trying to see what can be worked out. But, taking someone to court unfortunately wont make them fork over money the day after it's needed or anything :(
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philosophie_en_rose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 08:14 PM
Response to Reply #53
54. Call a legal help line.
If you put enough pressure on her, she might do the right thing and pay her share.
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DeepBlueC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:51 PM
Response to Original message
52. I have only read the OP, but if she is on the lease
isn't she not only ethically but legally responsible for half of the lease? My knowledge of the law is pretty much limited to a few episodes of Judge Judy and laws governing tenancies are provincial responsibilities, but it sounds to me as if you have a case against her. On TV if you you leave before a lease is up you are responsible for all the rent up until such time as the place is re-rented. As the co-lessee you do have to make a good faith effort to find a suitable replacement roommate, place ads, poster or whatever; the courts will not allow you to decide to live on your own (and you don't want to do that anyway)and make her pay.

Since your own income is limited you are probably eligible for free help from a community legal clinic. They have some truly excellent ones in Toronto and one thing they know better than anyone opposing them is landlord/tenant law. I suggest that you consult someone immediately and let it play out. You may not have to go all the way to court. The lawyer will send a letter outlining her responsibilities to you and inviting her or her representative to contact your attorney regarding a pre-court settlement to avoid court costs being levied against her.

I would not hesitate to use any assistance you can get and just let them go at it. She has responsibilities to you and you NEED her to live up to them. I don't know landlord-tenant law there but she signed a lease and that is a contract and that carries with it certain obligations everywhere. The remedies available are matters of local jurisdiction but you can bet that you have some available to you. And the work will be the attorney's, luckily, since I know that you do not have the energy to undertake an exhausting campaign on your own, so do not hesitate to look into it and do it quickly while she can still be found to receive a letter or be served papers.

Good luck, and keep us posted. :hi: :hug:
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LeftyFingerPop Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 09:08 PM
Response to Original message
56. It seems like you have been given some good advice here.
If things are getting hot, sacrifices are going to have to be made to solve your situation until you can get back on your feet. Unfortunately, while not *ideal* solutions, it seems to me that any combination of the following will have to occur:

1) Giving up some of your stuff in order to survive.

2) Moving in with family...having them *make* the room for you.

3) Living with a stranger.

4) Moving to a cheaper and less desirable apartment.

The good news is that you do not have cancer...all the rest can be successfully dealt with by choosing some of the above options.

That is the bottom line.

Good luck.
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