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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:02 AM
Original message
Update on Me, for a change....
Hi everybody. I'm still alive, or something like that.

I'm not really doing that well, to be honest. I can't imagine how much more exhausted I can get. Sleep does nothing for me. I'm not eating enough. Dehydrated. Probably drinking too much. Eh...

I went into the city tonight for my Collective meeting. It was good to get out of the house, and to see my co-workers. They were really wonderful to me, and tried to relieve me of my duties (I'm on an editorial committee for our March/April magazine issue), and tried to prevent me from taking on more work (1-2 hours next week of fact checking). I told them that it's fine, and I need *something* in my life that doesn't involve hospitals, paperwork, bureaucracy, etc. They understood. I also got a lot of hugs. :)

On the brighter side, I am leaving to go home on Monday morning for 4 days. Home to my bedroom, home to walk my dog, home to meet up with former Professors that I haven't seen in 2 years for coffee. Home to silence and starry night sky. :)

I had a really horrific panic attack today. There are moments when I think that the thread I'm hanging on by is going to snap, but in the end, I have to keep moving forward. There's really no other choice. I will take my friend Chris' suggestion though: Less Internet, more reading novels. Also, I'm winding up a bunch of beautiful yarn for a lace shawl project I'm starting tomorrow.

So there it is. Today I ate a banana, a veggie burrito, and a clementine. Oh, and some Chocolate. :9

:hi:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:06 AM
Response to Original message
1. My dear bi_baby...
Looks to me as though you're doing exactly what you should be doing!

Enjoy your time at home...Silence and starry night sky should be very restorative...

I hope they are, sweetie... :hug:
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:08 AM
Response to Original message
2. You sound better than you have previously.
I hope that you're feeling less stressed. :hug:
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. Funny, b/c I feel worse...lol
I think it's the exhaustion taking its toll. The stress isn't a whole lot better, but being out of school and going home soon is helping. I really need to start taking better care of myself. I'm thankful that I didn't crash the car during my panic attack. Jeez louise.

I'll make it through, I always do. Plus, I'll have an awesomely tragic personal essay when I apply to the MIT PhD program. :P

:hug:
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swimboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:22 AM
Response to Original message
4. It came into my head to look for you.
I haven't been on-line to speak of. Real life has gotten demanding. But it did pop into my head a minute ago to check and see how you were. I hope a break from school and a trip home will help you recharge. Take good care of yourself. If there's other stuff going on, I hope that all works out too. I sure wish you the best.

:hug:
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:25 AM
Response to Reply #4
6. Oh jeez babe, you have no idea...
Short story, the last 3 weeks have been hell on earth. Mom in hospital with blood clots on brain, Mom gets put on feeding tube, fighting to keep Mom out of a nursing home.

HELL.

I left school early. Taking Incompletes in my classes.

But, I am SO happy to see you! :hug:

:loveya:
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:24 AM
Response to Original message
5. I was just thinking about you and hoping things were going well.
I'm sorry to hear that they haven't been. Please take good care of yourself. :hug:
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:26 AM
Response to Reply #5
7. It's all relative, my love
Could always be worse, could always be better, no?

:hug: I love you, L.
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Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:27 AM
Response to Original message
8. You're in my thoughts love
If I could take on some of your stress, I would. I'm so sorry your life is so hard right now. :hug:
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:34 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. Thank you, Fleshdance
I'll make it, one way or another. I'm convinced that something has to give one of these days. It just has to. :hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:38 AM
Response to Original message
10. Panic attack. Have you tried yoga, or active meditation?
I'm sorry for the hell you've been going through; you've been brave. When you cannot influence the cause, sometimes you can have some control over symptoms. Yoga was a miracle for me with my panic attacks and depression when I was younger. Just meditation is a wonderful tool.

Please take care of yourself.
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-05-08 12:42 AM
Response to Original message
11. I hope things improve from here.
:hug:

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