Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

Men who tell women they don't know to 'smile' should be

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-02-08 11:43 PM
Original message
Men who tell women they don't know to 'smile' should be
slapped, at the very least.

:spank:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-02-08 11:46 PM
Response to Original message
1. That goes for women too.
:spank:

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-02-08 11:54 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. I've never TOLD a strange man to smile in my life
and I don't know any women who have, nor do I know of any men who have experienced this.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SeattleGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #3
12. I have experienced it.
I do think it's rare for a woman to do that, but yes, it does happen.

Makes me feel like they consider me their toy or something.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
cemaphonic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 12:03 PM
Response to Reply #3
53. Well, you know of one now, though it happened more often when I was a kid.
Yeah, it's annoying as hell.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
quakerboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:55 PM
Response to Reply #1
43. Ive had it happen.
apparently people feel a need for me to smile.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-02-08 11:53 PM
Response to Original message
2. Explain
are they saying "You don't know how to smile" or "I don't know how to smile"?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-02-08 11:57 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. They see a woman they don't know and they tell her to smile
because it pleases them. They are saying - I don't care what your internal state is and you don't know me from Adam, but I want to see you smile, so do it. I can't count how many times I've had this experience- with men who I don't know and have never had a conversation with. It takes a lot of nerve.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:01 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. It's not a control thing--more of just a very lame flirting technique.
I don't think they actually care if you smile. They just want a lame excuse to start up a conversation with an attractive woman.

It comes off as insulting and cowardly.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Connonym Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:10 AM
Response to Reply #7
11. If I had a nickle for every time a guy has told me to smile...
I never realized it was a flirt thing. I know my natural facial expression IS a bit scowly. Lord how I hate being told that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 04:21 AM
Response to Reply #11
21. My normal facial expression tends to be a bit scowly too. It has nothing to do with my state
of mind. In my younger day, I absolutely hated when complete strangers, always men, would command me to smile. I found that saying something like "Fuck off -I'm not your puppet, dickhead" usually got through to them. :crazy:

Of course, now that I'm old and fat it doesn't happen anymore. And that's a good thing, because I would be even less inclined to tolerate it. Probably kill anyone who tried to say that now. ;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Connonym Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:04 PM
Response to Reply #21
39. oh yeah, that's the best part about getting old
I wasn't all that when I was young but I had big boobs and I got sick of how piggy men could be. I still have big boobs but I'm middle aged so men ignore me. Thank god for that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:56 PM
Response to Reply #4
37. Ditto. It really p's me off. There are some advantages to getting older, though.

I haven't had any man tell me that in years. :-)





Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 11:41 AM
Original message
Some of them learn to fear our wrath as we and they get older.
:*
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 11:41 AM
Response to Reply #37
51. Some of them learn to fear our wrath as we and they get older.
:*
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-02-08 11:57 PM
Response to Original message
5. The men are very insulting.
They are telling the women that they have a duty to smile to make men happy, because women are supposed to be compliant servants.


GAG. PUKE. BARF.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-02-08 11:58 PM
Response to Original message
6. I fucking HATE that shit!
Anyone I don't know who tells me to "smile" is asking for trouble.

#1--It's none of your damn business if I'm smiling or not
#2--It's creepy that you're watching me that closely
#3--It's creepy that you're using a line like that as an excuse to talk to me
#4--Maybe I don't feel like smiling, and maybe I would prefer attention not be drawn to it publicly, ya rude bastard.



:grr:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:02 AM
Response to Reply #6
8. Someone said this when I was waiting for takeout
tonight. Maybe he's a complete idiot and thinks telling a woman to smile is a way of being cool or making conversation. All I could think is 'what a controlling jerk you must be' to say that to a total stranger.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:03 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. It's just as sad flirting attempt. One that makes me want to kick
the offending person in the balls.

And I'm not usually like that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:04 AM
Response to Reply #9
10. Its a woman repellent
but I didn't feel like the guy deserved my help in figuring that out.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 04:28 AM
Response to Reply #6
22. Is it creepy
when any man does it or just when its a man you find unattractive?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 08:38 AM
Response to Reply #22
26. Its creepy when a man who is a complete stranger
does it. If George Clooney or Brad Pitt or some other attractive man who I don't know said it to me I would be annoyed as hell and think they were arrogant.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:15 AM
Response to Original message
13. Wow. I tell people to smile all the time.
Men, women, kids... Guess I'm a jerk. Just thought I was being friendly, though.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:19 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. You're not a jerk.
Edited on Wed Dec-03-08 12:22 AM by amitten
But you been enlightened...just sayin'. It's not often the best ice-breaker, and usually annoys.

PS--If it's someone you already know well, that is a different story. But "smile" coming from a stranger is a very different thing.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:21 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. It's not really an icebreaker, it's just that I smile a lot.
So when people around me aren't smiling, I generally try to get them to smile. I just hate that whole "I'm a grown-up so I look serious all the time" crap.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:23 AM
Response to Reply #15
17. Sometimes people are just thinking. Not everyone has the
Edited on Wed Dec-03-08 12:24 AM by amitten
same facial expressions as everyone else. And it's embarassing when someone calls attention to it when you're least expecting.

I can be perfectly happy internally but not be smiling.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:37 AM
Response to Reply #17
19. Well, it's not the first thing I say to people, but
it comes out in some form if I'm talking to someone and they are interacting with me.

Though, I guess I really haven't been interactive with many people in years. I've grown to not like interacting with people in general, because of the games they play. Smile at the right time, know all the signals they are sending and receiving. No one says what they are thinking. Women, especially, think any man who smiles in their general direction is Mickey Rourke trying to de-pants them. Even men think I'm hitting on them if I smile too much. I haven't "hit on" or deliberately flirted with anyone in recent memory, but just smiling and joking with people for some is considered flirting.

And since I enjoy life and smile all the time, I try to avoid people who don't smile and don't enjoy life and are more interested in protocol than life.

But the times I do meet people and interact with them, I try to get them to smile. And I don't trust those who don't, unless they have a reason not to.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:44 AM
Response to Reply #19
20. There's nothing wrong with anything you just wrote.
Edited on Wed Dec-03-08 12:46 AM by amitten
If someone has already introduced themselves, and we are talking, of course there's no problem if they try to cheer me up/get me to smile. That's normal human interaction.

It is also normal human interaction to smile at anyone--even a stranger. I find that nothing but endearing.

But when a perfect stranger walks up out of nowhere and commands me to "smile", I find it odd and annoying in the extreme. And actually, so do most people.

And I don't think someone who smiles or jokes is "flirting" so much as being friendly. But(and you would know this if you were female) most guys (strangers) who tell women to "smile" are usually just trying to get to flirt with you. It's the wrong approach.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
PassingFair Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 07:44 AM
Response to Reply #19
25. Trying to get someone to smile by smiling yourself or making ...
jokes is perfectly fine.

Telling a woman to "smile" implies that she
is looking like a sourpuss hater.

NOT acceptable.

Listen to what the ladies here are saying!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:57 PM
Response to Reply #17
38. Or the person not smiling might be in pain. nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
oldcoot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:35 PM
Response to Reply #38
40. Or may have had a friend or family member die
I had someone tell me to smile after one of my close friends died unexpectedly. When I explained why I was not smiling, he avoided me after that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 08:25 AM
Response to Reply #15
49. Have you ever considered that the person may have a very good reason
not to be smiling?

If I were in some sort of serious distress--such as having just lost a job or heard of the death of a loved one--I would NOT appreciate being told to smile on command.

If you want people to smile, you have to do something to brighten their day so that they smile naturally.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 11:44 AM
Response to Reply #49
52. I know a situation where someone said 'smile its not that bad'
and the person had just found out that their father had died 3 days ago. They felt like an idiot.

Its kind of like the story where somebody complimented a formerly fat person on finally getting control of their weight- and then found out they had pancreatic cancer.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
HopeFor2006 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:41 PM
Response to Reply #13
42. You're not a photographer are you?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Starry Messenger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:23 AM
Response to Original message
16. I hate this too.
God how I hate it. Who needs to comment on the facial expression of a total stranger?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:27 AM
Response to Reply #16
18. And if it happens that you're feeling a little low anyway
then it really sucks to be told that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Phentex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 06:09 AM
Response to Original message
23. I'm very smiley! And yet, I too have been told this...
I think my natural face might be a serious one. I won't say scowly, lol. Still, I tend to be naturally smiley. That's why it's irritating when someone tells me to smile. Uh, ya smile when you feel like it, NOT as a performance for your enjoyment. I never found it to be flirty, just annoying. Telling someone to smile does not change what they are feeling.

On the flip side, I have been asked what I'm smiling about even when I didn't realize I was smiling.
:)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
jane_pippin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 07:10 AM
Response to Original message
24. I hate it too. I just want to reply, "Don't tell me how to live. Jackass."
Anyway, yeah. I can't stand it. I can't help it if my face doesn't look happy and smiley when I'm relaxed--it doesn't. It never has. Or, the people who say, "Smile, it's not that bad!" Oh really? And how would you know this? Maybe it is that bad.

I know most people are just trying to be nice but man is it annoying, especially since 99% of the time I wasn't in a bad mood when they (essentially) told me I was.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
distantearlywarning Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:14 AM
Response to Original message
27. Count me as another woman who really hates this!
Why should I express an emotion I'm not feeling? Because they don't like to see unpleasant expressions on women's faces? Fuck that.

It's so arrogant and patronizing and nosy. Ugh.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
justabob Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:25 AM
Response to Original message
28. friends do it too, with the same effect
It is not just strangers... People I have known for a long time tell me to smile and it makes me even more grouchy.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:37 AM
Response to Original message
29. I've noticed that men who say this to me
are rarely found to be smiling themselves. I like to look up from whatever I was working on, deadpan the phrase "Why should I? You're not smiling," and then go right back to what I was working on. Alternatively, I don't even bother to look up and I just grunt "You first."
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Mad_Dem_X Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:41 AM
Response to Original message
30. UGH! I hate that!
I can't stand when a man (especially one I don't even know) comes up to me and demands that I smile. Maybe I don't feel like smiling, asshole - mind your own fucking business!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:45 AM
Response to Original message
31. I'll probably be spanked for this... but...
Edited on Wed Dec-03-08 10:45 AM by redqueen
I get how it's offensive cause who the hell died and made them the boss of me?

But... personally I find that putting a smile on my face does make me feel better. I dunno how it works, but it does. So... yeah if I was pissed off I wouldn't take it well... but if I was just neutral or whatever, I doubt I'd mind.

:hide:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 11:57 AM
Response to Reply #31
35. If men cared about how women react to being told
what their facial expresion should be, they would STFU. And its just amazing to me that all these years after the revolution, some of them still don't have a clue.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
soleiri Donating Member (913 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:47 AM
Response to Original message
32. grrr I hate that
I was told by to smile by a stranger a few days after I had surgery.
So, here I was in pain, with one ovary left and someone tells me to smile.

I looked at him, told him that I just had surgery and did this creepy slow painfully big grin that I'm sure made him feel like crap.

:D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Arugula Latte Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:51 AM
Response to Original message
33. I have gotten that so many times -- ARRGH!
How fucking condescending can you be to tell someone that? :grr:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Heidi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:56 AM
Response to Original message
34. Worse is a little touch on my cheek followed by, "Where's those dimples?"
Grammar error ("Where's those" = "where is those") aside, I usually just smile to quickly make the whole thing go away and say something like, "Sorry! The request line is closed!" That's weak, I know, but this has happened to me in business situations more times than I care to recount.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Adsos Letter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 02:42 AM
Response to Reply #34
46. And their hand makes it back to its owner still attatched to their arm?
Edited on Thu Dec-04-08 02:43 AM by adsosletter
There are some lightening moves that can snap a finger, at the very least... :hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 12:54 PM
Response to Original message
36. Sent to Gitmo. nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:40 PM
Response to Original message
41. Word!
I have never understood why some men think that telling women is okay or desirable. It is condescending, arrogant and awfully presumptuous.

I will fucking smile when I damn well feel like smiling, and not a moment sooner.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-03-08 10:56 PM
Response to Original message
44. My husband...
used to put his fingers in the corners of my mouth and turn them up whenever I was unconsciously frowning. I miss that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Patiod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 01:11 PM
Response to Reply #44
58. Completely different from a loved one - indeed, sweet
I tell my SO "don't scowl, honey", and I'll rub the furrow in the middle of his eyebrows. It relaxes him.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Adsos Letter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 02:34 AM
Response to Original message
45. Immediately kneed in the nuts....
straight, to the point, no mixed message involved... :D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MrSlayer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 02:45 AM
Response to Original message
47. Given a slab of rancid bacon.
Because nothing says "I'm not going to smile Fuckface!" better than giving the offender a nice rotten slab of pork.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 12:59 PM
Response to Reply #47
57. Excellent suggestion.
I'm going to start carrying one around with me.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 07:30 AM
Response to Original message
48. In the book UNCLE TOM'S CABIN, a group of slaves were glum and Simon Legree
Edited on Thu Dec-04-08 07:31 AM by raccoon
ordered them to sing. Just FYI.

It's all about the power equation.









Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 09:05 AM
Response to Original message
50. OMG, I HATE that!
Edited on Thu Dec-04-08 09:06 AM by BarenakedLady
I used to have random men say that to me all the time. Gah.

When I was working one Halloween, I painted a smile over my lips. It was huge and grotesque, but funny as hell. I wish I could find a picture of it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 12:56 PM
Response to Reply #50
56. Maybe write a smile on your middle finger...
...you know the rest.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 12:12 PM
Response to Original message
54. Don't you know it is your duty to be an ornament?
Displaying your actual, human emotions is so unladylike.

:hide: :sarcasm:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Shell Beau Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 12:15 PM
Response to Original message
55. I'll smile when I damn well want to. That is what I usually say.
Edited on Thu Dec-04-08 12:15 PM by Shell Beau
No, really I usually give a smart ass smirk.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-04-08 01:14 PM
Response to Original message
59. kicked. i prefer kicked. its fucking condescending and shows a sense of entitlement
that makes me want to punch em
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Tue Oct 21st 2014, 08:10 AM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC