Is it normal to be angry about something that happened nearly 10 years ago?

[lightningandsnow]

Well, I just found out about it, but still.

I had an educational assesment done when I was 7 (to get into the gifted program), and I just read the report from it.

The psychologist who did it knew I had anxiety issues, and didn't do a damn thing about it.

She could've done something, anything, and maybe I wouldn't be in the position I am now.

I kind of want to punch her in the face.

I'm sorry for constantly whining to the lounge...but I need to vent.

[Midlodemocrat]

1. Actually, sweetie, no, it's not. Not at your age.

And, in all honesty, if it is in your report, someone other than the psychologist declined to give you the antixyolitic. Personally, I wouldn't put a child of 7 on psychotropics either.

[lightningandsnow]

4. Well, the thing was,

the report kept mentioning me being anxious, but didn't do anything about it. Um, no counselling, nothing.

She probably just tied it in to my "Belligerent" nature. (Yes, the word "belligerent" was used a few times in there...essentially I'm a brat.)

[Midlodemocrat]

6. But, honey, the report was shared with your parents.

It was their decision not to go forward with assistance for you.

And, don't blame them. Being told your child is anxious is one of the diagnoses I most dreaded giving. Parents automatically think it's their fault.

It's no one's fault.

[raccoon]

22. Whadda mean? I'm close to 60 and still get angry about things that

happened decades ago.

[Midlodemocrat]

23. Because she's angry at the wrong person.

And, it happened over half her lifetime ago.

[Iggo]

25. Bam! Right there!

Listen, Aspie. Just learn to bury it under gobs of alcohol and cupcakes.

;-)

[NNadir]

2. It depends on whether it involves my brother...

[Lyric]

3. For me it is.

It's been nine years, but I am still angry and anguished over what my son's father did to us. There are some things so awful that forgiveness is impossible. The best you can hope for is to just forget about it. It hasn't happened yet, but I have faith that someday it will.

:(

[lightningandsnow]

8. ...

:hug:

That's perfectly understandable.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. its perfectly normal to be angry about something that could have been fixed and wasnt

just dont fixate on it

[XemaSab]

7. I carry grudges

I understand. :pals:

[RoyGBiv]

9. Well, let's see ...

I'm 39.

After some therapy in recent years to get at the source of my anxiety and anger issues, I have become aware I am still angry at my mother and grandmother for lying to me about my grandfather's death when I was four.

The day he died is my earliest memory, not the death per se, but that's the day I fell into an open-flame gas wall heater and set myself on fire after being chased through the house by my older cousin who was chanting as we ran, "Gonna kill ya, gonna kill ya, gonna catch ya and fry ya!" (He's a little warped, and I only remember that part of it 'cause it was a running refrain throughout my childhood.)

Anyway, my memory tells me Grandpa saved me, but that wasn't possible because he was dead, and as I cried and screamed that night from the pain, I wanted Grandpa, and they told me he had gone away to visit God, which made me hate God, and I was pissed at Grandpa too for leaving me, and when I soon realized what "going to visit God" meant, I was pissed all over again that they lied about it. What's worse, I overheard a conversation/argument between my mom and grandma about what they should tell me, with Mom saying I should be told straight up and Grandma disagreeing and Grandma's view winning out. I wasn't "officially" told for a couple years, but I'd figured it out long before.

And, 35 years later I'm still pissed.

So, is it normal? That depends on your definition of normal, but it happens. However, that doesn't mean it's good for you. You have to be able to find a way to deal with it. I would suggest talking about it with your parents and asking them why they didn't do anything. That may start a dialog. Otherwise, your anger will fester.

[Nikia]

10. Maybe your parents should have done something about it

I assume that they knew about the report. Perhaps they thought that it was circumstanital like my parents did. If your parents declined to get you treatment, there wasn't a lot that the psychologist could have done. The psychologist probably didn't think that you were in any immediate danger and that if things got more serious that your parents might have decided to get you help.

[femmocrat]

11. It's normal for me... but everyone is different.

I'm Slovak. We hold grudges to the grave.

I don't know you or your situation, but I think the posts from Midlo made a lot of sense. Maybe the psychologist was just inept, or had whatever reasons she had. Could you look this person up and ask her? Maybe that would help you to reconcile the diagnosis.

There have been a lot of changes in educational psychology in recent years. Maybe she deserves the benefit of the doubt?

Hey, vent away. No need to apologize.

[skygazer]

12. It seems normal to me

I'm 47. My mom died when I was 14. My grades went from straight A's to D's, F's and incompletes. No one connected the two events. No one tried to help me. All I got were lectures about how smart I was and how I was wasting my life. I'm still angry about that. I was a kid - it should not have been up to me to figure it out.

On the other hand, I have no way of knowing if anything anyone did would have helped. And neither do you. It's okay to be angry but recognize that there is nothing now you can do about it. Then try to let it go and move forward.

:hug:

[begin_within]

13. I'm willing to wait 20 or even 30 years to get back at someone

Revenge is so much better than forgiveness

[petronius]

14. Normal? Probably. Productive? Definitely not

As useless as this advice is, I suggest you forget about it and move on...

[Danger Mouse]

15. Heh, nobody wants to take responsibility for anything.

Nobody wants their child to be 'different.' They want to pretend nothing's wrong. So rather than get the proper treatment, the child is hurt more, all due to parental cowardice or pride.
Pathetic.

[prolesunited]

16. What could she have done?

It was up to your parents. Can you discuss it with them?

[old mark]

17. AG, I am 61 years old and I can still get furious at nasty, stupid things

that happened or were done to me in grade school.Some of us are more sensitive to that shit than others, it's no shame.
Just too late to do anything about it, don't let it burden you.

mark

[struggle4progress]

18. "A moment of anger can ruin your whole life" (Vegetable Root Talks)

I wouldn't know normal if it bit me

And of course pretending to yourself that you're not angry, when you really are, is generally a bad idea

But anger can be bad for mental and physical health

I don't mean that it's always unjustified: it can sometimes be effective socially, especially if one hardly ever becomes angry

But transforming anxiety-provoking emotions into anger can easily become an unhealthy self-indulgent habit

Anger: use sparingly

<edit: grammar>

[Kali]

19. just about everybody on this website has been pissed for at least 8 years

so there ya go...

[jobycom]

20. I recently found out about something that happened 30 years ago, and got mad.

More than that, I got despondent, and couldn't eat for several days.

Too many confidences to explain, but someone I love covered for a crime that someone I hated committed against someone else I loved and cared deeply about. This crime changed my life, and I didn't know about it nearly 30 years later.

So if you just found out about it, I can understand you being angry and hurt by it. That's natural--your emotions haven't had time to come to grips with it. For you, it just happened, and you need time to deal with it. Get angry, release the hurt, all that.

You have to move on, of course, when you've done that. It's done, it was wrong, but it's long over. Your mind will play chase-the-tail with it as long as you let it. You know, where you feel like if you just dwell a little longer on it you'll be able to figure out exactly why you feel the way you feel about it, so you continue to feel the way you feel about it so that you can maybe catch the reason you feel that way. It's a loop that only ends when you say "Enough" and step out of it. There's no end inside the loop, although I think you have to chase it around for a little while to prove that, or you'll never really pass to the next stage.

You'll encounter a lot of these loops in your life, and they never get any more fun, but you do get used to getting over them. Mostly. Although the big ones usually get you anyway, like what I found out recently.

That probably made no sense. Sorry. :)

[TreasonousBastard]

21. It's all too normal...

but usually best to focus on what should be done now rather than obsess over what was done wrong back then.

[JVS]

24. Hey, maybe she was afraid she'd five you a complex if she mentioned it and thought it best to let...

you outgrow it.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

26. I'm angry about things much older than that.

Here's an example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1978_FIFA_World_Cup#Second_Group_Round

[woo me with science]

27. Don't obsess over it.

People do the best they can at the time. All parents make a million mistakes. Doctors make mistakes. You will make a million mistakes. Overall, your prospects are damned good. You have had privileges half of the world could never dream of. Globally, you are one of the truly lucky ones.

It is faddish now for adults to become weeping victims over all the ways they discover they were wronged. Somehow it escapes them that we are ALL fallible. Nobody has a perfect childhood. Obsessing over the wrongs doesn't help. It only makes you an angry, bitter person, and it lessens your empathy toward those who really did the best they knew how at the time.

Think of the positive things. Truly, it's healthier.