Acquaintances and Apologies

[La Lioness Priyanka]

Say you had a bunch of acquaintances and they were terribly mean to you because of some rumor. Then for whatever reason they realized that the rumor was incorrect.

Do you allow them back in your life without an apology? Or do you only allow them back after an apology?

Not terribly close friends, just people you know whom you keep in touch with on social networking sites like Facebook.

[Mutley]

1. I think anyone who is mean without reason should apologize.

I also think people who believe rumors without going to the source for verification are not worth having in your life, especially if they won't own up to the mistake.

[SacredCow]

6. Can I get a "Damn Straight!" for that?!?!?!?

I'm working on getting some gossipers out of my life once and for all....

[enigmatic]

2. Without question, they need to apologize

I hope you get it from them, too.

[BarenakedLady]

3. I don't hold grudges usually.

But I'd want an apology if I would let them back into my life.

[MissMillie]

4. I'd just let it go

but if it happened again, I'd be done.

[SacredCow]

5. Apology required.....

This is a sore subject with me right now, as a crazy-bizzare rumor was a major part of why my s/o and I finally parted ways. Rumors and gossip (especially among supposed friends and acquaintances) are inexcusable, in my book.

[Rabrrrrrr]

7. I don't understand. After they've properly apologized, how do you bring them back to life?

I must know this secret of yours.

[Deep13]

8. How badly do you want them back?

If they are only marginal acquaintences, it might not be worth the effort. Otherwise, I would want an apology. I guess when I hear about people acting on a rumor, I have to wonder just what the subject of the rumor has to do with those people. In other words, a rumor about someone else, even if true, is not a reason for me to change what I am doing.

[Shell Beau]

9. If they are worth anything, they would apologize.

Why accept someone back who was mean if they aren't sorry? Especially for no good reason.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. mostly because we have a lot of friends in common. no real reason

also i am over it. i mean i know they were mean, but they are kinda inconsequential in my life.

so the question becomes one of principal i think

[SacredCow]

12. I guess if they're that inconsequential....

I wouldn't worry about it much either way. But I still contend that they SHOULD apologize and own up to their mistakes.

[ScreamingMeemie]

10. Poison.

If it happened once, it will happen again and again. I wouldn't let myself have time for that.

[VenusRising]

13. When people show you who they really are - believe them.

I think that is a really good principle to live by. If they rumor monger over one thing, they will do it over something else.

I wouldn't go out of my way to be friends or associate with them whether they apologized or not. I'm just not into being around hateful people.

I hope you have to deal with them as little as possible. :hug:

[sniffa]

14. Nope. They should be dead to you.

[petronius]

15. I think a lack of apology is just one more bit of data as to the kind of people they are

So, if their presence is worthwhile even considering who/what they are, then let them in. However, if your life has no room for low-life, rumor-mongering, ill-mannered, back-stabbing louts, then by all means exclude them...

[Danger Mouse]

16. They should apologize if they have any decency.

[billyoc]

17. Can't help ya. Irish Amnesia.

We forget everything but a grudge. :hi:

[ThomCat]

18. If it was me, I would. But that's me.

I'm generally nice to everyone and forgiving of almost anything pretty much by default. :shrug:

But it would be okay to be less forgiving too. After all, how forgiving of you were they when they believed rumors?

[nini]

19. I'd just be indifferent

if they were mean to you and didn't have the decency to talk to you about what they heard - they're not worthy your energy. You don't have to go after them, but you don't need to bring them back in your life either. Just keep the peace for the sake of any mutual friends.

There are far too many positive people in this world to bring into your life to worry about those who don't deserve you.

:hug:

[applegrove]

20. Depends on how much they participated in attacking you. If they attacked, why bother being

friends with them. Your relationship will never be the same. They should go out and make other healthier relationships and so should you.

[jobycom]

21. Ah, forgive them, but blame whatever started the rumors. Life's short.

If people get bad information and have no way to know it's bad, why condemn them?

As for letting them back in your life, let them in as much as they earn it. If they try to be good friends, consider becoming good friends with them. If they just casually nod greetings as you pass, casually nod back. Let them set the tone for how much they want, then respond as you see fit. You decide if they are worthy of your friendship based on who they are, without considering the past.

Holding a grudge just lets them judge you more, and gets in the way of your vision of them. Forget it. If they aren't worthy, that will show in other ways. If they are worthy, they will think more of you for letting it go.

Just my non-specific thoughts on a non-specific question. :)

[ismnotwasm]

22. No to both

Well maybe on an individual basis given some circumstances. I work quite hard to keep assholes out of my life. Some people have entrenched behaviors that I'm not responsible for and I can't change and vicious gossip is one character defect I don't tolerate.

Not fun gossip--there is a difference, but that mean ass bullshit that people like to pass around to make themselves, what? have a sense of superiority? I dunno.


I don't like cruelty of course, but stupid, unnecessary, deliberate cruelty I despise.

[IndianaJones]

23. not without. maybe with....case by case basis. nt