"For the Men Who Still Don't Get It"
What if
all women were bigger and stronger than you
And thought they were smarter
What if
women were the ones who started wars
What if
too many of your friends had been raped
by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y jelly
What if
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turn Pike
was a woman
And carried a gun
What if
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
What if
your attractiveness to women
depended on the size of your penis
What if
every time women saw you
they'd hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
What if
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
What if
you had to explain what's wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
What if
men's magazines feature cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
with socks
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
"How to Tell if Your Wife is Unfaithful"
or
"What You Doctor Won't Tell You About Your Prostate"
or
"The Truth About Impotence"
What if
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you "Honey"
What if
you had to inhale your boss's stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
What if
you couldn't get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from
running
And what if
after all that
women
still wanted you
to love them.
—Carol Diehl
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