One day I want to hear the relative of a dead person on the news say....

[HEyHEY]

"Fuck it, I'm glad that prick is dead."

The dead person is always, "The sweetest, most gentle person who was always the first one to help anyone."

[JVS]

1. God took him back, and we're not complaining to the almighty

[HEyHEY]

3. "He's in a better place... for everyone"

[patrick t. cakes]

2. thats...

what they said,






about me.

[HEyHEY]

4. The first or the second?

[ghostsofgiants]

5. Have you been channeling George Carlin?

Sounds like something that dead motherfucker would say.

[MAGICBULLET]

26. hahaha!

yea...good, he's got only 6 more months on my list, after that, that fucker's gone!

[ghostsofgiants]

27. I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

[MAGICBULLET]

28. I figured...

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRCKoT1HY3U>

but at 6 minutes into the video is the joke I was referring to, ok? squeeze 'em

[ghostsofgiants]

29. I can't view that from work, but is it his bit about email address lists or whatever?

[MAGICBULLET]

30. yes!

that sick bastard always had a genius way of coming out with the goofiest shit we think about yet don't express

I miss Carlin very much

:hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

31. Like I said, I'm at work, so I wasn't thinking straight.

I love that bit. I miss him as well.

[Fox Mulder]

6. That would be...funny...

[Oeditpus Rex]

7. 'He was loved by everyone who knew him'

= Nobody knew him.



"He touched so many lives."

= He beat the kids.



"He's gone to his reward/a better place/to be with his maker."

= Even hell doesn't want him.



Dog, I hated writing obits.

[Solon]

8. Having been dead, and come back, I can attest to that...

My family's reaction: "Ah fuck!"

:D

[mcctatas]

9. True story....

I always knew my mom hated my grandpa, but my grandma was an old school southern wife, quiet and deferential to whatever "Papaw" wanted. He died about 8 years ago and when my mom and I got to her house before the funeral we both rushed to comfort her. Gramma Ginny said (and I quote) "I hedged my bets and outlived that son-of-a-bitch, let's celebrate with a glass of sloe gin". She is still alive and finally living, sold her house and his Caddy, bought a condo and a little Honda, goes on gambling cruises with her girlfriends and finally got her first job.....

as a greeter at Cracker Barrel :)

[VenusRising]

11. She sounds like a feisty lady!

Good for her for living it up now.

[BrklynLiberal]

14. Good for her!!!!!!!!!!

[Kali]

24. I want to adopt your whole but tutchin' family!

[REP]

10. I want to hear "Get that fucking microphone out of my face"

[TrogL]

12. I've heard some bizarre stuff at funerals

I'm an organist so I play a lot of them.

There's been a new fad of open-mike funerals. Some of the relatives, drunker than a skunk, have come up and said the damndest things.

No, I'm not going to repeat any of them - I have some respect.

[JVS]

20. awwww! C'mon. Change the names to protect the innocent, but do please tell!

[Chan790]

13. One of my coworkers is an intern for the local news...

people say it, they just don't broadcast it because it's offensive.

[SoCalDem]

15. and every kid killed in gang warfare out here is immediately described as

" an honor student"
"turning his life around"
"a quiet, friendly kid"
"an altar boy at church"

My son and I would always play the "Florida or Texas" game a al LA whenever there was a gang shooting.. trying to guess which one it would be :(

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. Considering how the Purity Police come out on DU when we show joy at evil shitbags like Reagan dying

imagine the reaction in the public sphere?

[KG]

25. +1

[Orsino]

17. God wants to populate Heaven with all the nice people...

...and leave the assholes here. Sounds like a backdoor Rapture to me.

[bertha katzenengel]

18. I'd like to hear them say

Get the fuck away from us! Let us grieve in private! You insane fucking pricks! What's the matter with you?!

[dropkickpa]

19. Me and my dad said that about my grandma's husband

Though we used the word dick, which, appropriately enough was also his name. The phrase "thank fuck we're almost done having to deal with that family" was also bandied about a lot. His children are evil evil creatures, and we are glad my gram no longer has to be associated with them.

[Dogtown]

21. I've said exactly that

Somehow nobody thought it was newsworthy.

:shrug:

[begin_within]

22. "Joan Crawford's dead. Good." - Bette Davis

[sarge43]

23. It's one thing to sing "Thank God and Greyhound, s/he's gone".

Perhaps the most damning words from the family would be "Who?".

[Bragi]

32. How about an old chestnut...

His brother was much worse.

- B