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Craigslist: ASSHOLE HUSBAND for sale, or will trade for dog toys

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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:10 PM
Original message
Craigslist: ASSHOLE HUSBAND for sale, or will trade for dog toys
Ouch

http://kansascity.craigslist.org/rnr/777361299.html

HI LADIES I am putting my lying, cheating, scumbag of a husband up for sale. After all the money I gave him to repair our house (which he spent on other women) plus the alimony and child support I'll never get (he gets paid under the table) I should be charging thousands of dollars to recup my loss. However, since his dick is so small and he can't keep it in his pants, I am only asking the incredibly low price of FIVE DOLLARS ($5)!!! In this one-time-only, amazing deal, you get an ugly, sleazy parasite who will insult you daily, ruin your career and destroy your happiness, all the while making you feel like you are at fault for everything from global warming to the price of cigarettes.

Here is some more information about the gem of a man you will receive:

Name: EFRAIN ROJAS, he also goes by the names of SALINAS and SMILEY

Location: in other people's beds. He also hangs out in Westport at the BUZZARD BEACH, the POINTE, JAZZ and the LAVA ROOM.

Price: $5 (as that is all he is worth). Would also be willing to trade for some dog toys as I have bought a dog to replace him. They both go around sniffing crotches, the difference being the dog comes when I call and is toilet trained.

Shipping: is free, but I would highly recommend you get shipping insurance, as Asshole Husband will not make it from his place to yours if he comes across some T&A, anywhere.

Accessories: yes, he does come with accessories! Asshole Husband will arrive with a closetful of clothes, perfumes and watches I bought him. He will also bring some pots and pans for you to cook with, a mop and broom for you to clean with, and some flavored massage oil for the (daily) request that you suck his incredibly small, stinky dick. Also he will bring Valtrex for the Herpes he will give you, and some welfare coupons for the baby(s) he will beg you to have but will be unable to support. FINALLY...and this is an ongoing accessory..expect to have growing mountains of beer cans in every possible square inch of living space...because Asshole Husband is an alcoholic, but not the kind that goes to AA, the kind that gets DWIs.

Supported Software: you will need to buy some translation software when you get Asshole Husband, because he speaks mangled English when he is sober (rare) and garbled gibberish when he is drunk (most of the time).

Thank you for your interest. I prefer paypal.

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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:16 PM
Response to Original message
1. My question is always this:
How does such a tiny dicked loser score so many chicks?

That was pretty harsh, though.
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Which brings me to this
Edited on Sat Aug-02-08 02:27 PM by DS1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjLaJO8QEuw

it's getting its own thread. It's DSpam Saturday
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XemaSab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:27 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. What the fuck was that shit?
You owe me, dude.
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. Women like bad boys
don't ask me why? :shrug:
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redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:54 PM
Response to Reply #4
14. ...
:popcorn:
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 03:11 PM
Response to Reply #14
18. There have been entire threads about that in this forum before,
one of which I started myself. Women usually say they prefer the sensitive, caring, intelligent, good-provider type - yet they also seem irresisitbly drawn to selfish, callous, sociopathic, unpredictable, impulsive, seductive type of guy who spends his time speeding around in a sports car even though he has barely a dime in his checking account. I don't mean to start a whole new war here on this subject, but to some extent, for some women, some of the time, it is true...
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redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:26 PM
Response to Reply #18
29. "to some extent, for some women, some of the time, it is true"
:rofl:

Thanks for saying that.
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:56 PM
Response to Reply #29
31. Just to cover all legal angles...
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 06:01 PM
Response to Reply #4
34. But I'm bad
Edited on Sat Aug-02-08 06:01 PM by HEyHEY
bad with money
bad cook
bad sense of humour
bad problem drinker

where's my BOOTY? :bounce:
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SoxFan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 07:42 PM
Response to Reply #4
40. Bad Boy? Um, no.
Edited on Sat Aug-02-08 07:44 PM by BlueDogDemocratNH
Bad Boy:


Badass:


Bad Mofo:


Cheesy Douchball:
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redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:54 PM
Response to Reply #1
13. It's easy to understand when you look at like this: there are just more stupid people.
Act stupid and join in with the 'why read? why think? partaaaaay!' crowd, and you too can enjoy the benefit of having more partners to choose from.
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:58 PM
Response to Reply #1
15. Chicks don't know the dick is tiny until it's too late, usually.
You can't slways tell 'till the pants are off...
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Maraya1969 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 03:06 PM
Response to Reply #1
17. I think because they have no discretion.
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Tektonik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 03:36 PM
Response to Reply #1
21. Stupid chicks like stupid guys?
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:09 PM
Response to Reply #1
23. Erm...wait.
Why do you need this information, exactly..?
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:16 PM
Response to Reply #23
24. !
:spray:
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 07:20 PM
Response to Reply #23
37. Well
as is obvious to some, and very obvious to some, I don't. I'm just curious at it seems women would opt for the opposite and go after the more well-endowed and more non-losery.

Oh, and har har it is to laugh.
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 10:11 PM
Response to Reply #37
43. Oh, now...
It was only a little tease. No need get all offended. :7
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 10:35 PM
Response to Reply #43
45. It
was DS1's smilie response, not you. Can't...take...being laughed at...by other...fellas.

Nah, I kid. It was damn funny.
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 02:32 PM
Response to Reply #45
46. Awwww, if the fellas are breaking your heart,
this is a safe place to come out of the closet. Lots of DUers might even want to date you, and the dudes will be lining up to comfort LeftyMom in her hour of sorrow.



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zanne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 07:21 PM
Response to Reply #1
38. For Sale: Complete set of Encyclopedias.
My husband knows everything.
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bicentennial_baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:17 PM
Response to Original message
2. Dayum
Y'know what they say...hell hath no fury, etc.

:D
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:18 PM
Response to Original message
5. Talk about full disclosure!
:rofl:
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XemaSab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:19 PM
Response to Original message
6. You think he can dig up some Bermuda grass?
:shrug:

I'd pay 5 bucks to have some Bermuda grass dug up.
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:28 PM
Response to Original message
8. Paid under the table? I betcha he got laid under the table too.
:crazy:
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asdjrocky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:34 PM
Response to Original message
9. Hey, I think I know this guy...
Kidding of course.
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:35 PM
Response to Original message
10. She even posted his picture?
Edited on Sat Aug-02-08 02:35 PM by OurVotesCount-Ohio
:wow:

I still can't help but :rofl:
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:37 PM
Response to Original message
11. Sounds almost as worthless as my ex.
Almost.
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RadiationTherapy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 02:45 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. You dumped FLVegan!?
WOW.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 03:21 PM
Response to Reply #12
19. What?
Oh hell no.

flvegan= current, longstanding and generally awesome boyfriend

creepy ex who makes the guy from the OP look like Prince Fucking Charming= not in the picture
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RadiationTherapy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 03:27 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. Sigh. I actually knew that. I went for such an obvious joke that you didn't get it.
sorry.
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 03:38 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. Nah, I got it. I'm just not inclined to make jokes about that.
Past experience tells me that, no matter how obvious they are, people believe them, and I spend the next week answering PMs from people I barely know, letting them all is well with their favorite matched set of herbivorous weirdos.
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 03:03 PM
Response to Original message
16. Wow, what a deal!
I may have to consider it. Not.

:rofl:

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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:20 PM
Response to Original message
25. OMG! He hangs out less than half a block from where i live
Westport at the BUZZARD BEACH, the POINTE, JAZZ and the LAVA ROOM.
:yoiks:
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:21 PM
Response to Reply #25
26. Go hook up with his wife
sounds like she's got money!
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:23 PM
Response to Reply #26
27. Good thinking.
:woohoo: Sugah mama here I come . :rofl:
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:26 PM
Response to Reply #27
28. Upside: She's got low standards
So if you pick up after yourself and aren't a total manho, you're set.

Downside: She's got the herp now.
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:29 PM
Response to Reply #28
30. Pick up after myself??
Fuck that! I can deal with sores, but chores? Forget about it.. :mad: :sarcasm: :rofl:
I shouldn't have to do much to be an improvement over that. :dunce:
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 05:56 PM
Response to Reply #30
32. sores b4 chores, bro
:fistbump:
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 06:16 PM
Response to Reply #32
35. Represent!
before
Disclaimer: Pictures are not of my sores or my room. :puke:
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 06:00 PM
Response to Original message
33. "not the kind that goes to AA, the kind that gets DWIs."
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woo me with science Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 07:17 PM
Response to Original message
36. I bet the dog
likes this ad.

Probably not getting his hopes up, though.
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Amaya Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 07:31 PM
Response to Original message
39. Beautifully written
:bounce: :thumbsup:
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SammyWinstonJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 08:56 PM
Response to Original message
41. Isn't illegal to sell people?
:shrug: No matter how scummy they are? :shrug:
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no name no slogan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 08:58 PM
Response to Original message
42. Dad?
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Pierre.Suave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-02-08 10:14 PM
Response to Original message
44. he sounds like quite a catch...
:eyes:
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 07:16 PM
Response to Original message
47. There's an easier solution that works better...
My ex-husband and I fought constantly,
Why I married him, I'll never know.
For all those miserable years I said
My hubby has got to go!

Tried poisoning cakes, stripping his brakes,
Salting his pork chops with lime.
Wiring his chair, igniting his hair
Even though playing with fire is a crime.

But I failed at each plot 'til I suddenly thought
Of a way that would set me free!
I got rid of him for good and, know what?
They couldn't do a thing to me!

I took him back to Wal-Mart!
They'll take anything back you know!
They said they couldn't recall selling him,
But they must have if I said so.

They just credited him to my Visa and said,
"Y'all come back now, 'ya hear?"
They were so nice, polite, pleasant and insistent,
I took back his mother the next year!

They'll take anything back at Wal-Mart,
Though it's broken or rotten or sweet.
And know what else? This time of year
You don't even need a receipt!
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KG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 07:22 PM
Response to Original message
48. y'know, i want to feel for this woman. but this guy didn't become douche after she married him
he's been that way his whole life.
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Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 07:24 PM
Response to Reply #48
49. ..
:applause: Excellent point!
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ThatsMyBarack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 07:34 PM
Response to Original message
50. Aw, the honeymoon's over.
:rofl:
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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 08:53 PM
Response to Original message
51. hey, just to be fair, she CHANGED after we got married....
I mean, don't you want to hear my side of the story too?

:hide:
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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 08:57 PM
Response to Reply #51
52. She drove you to drink and infidelity, eh?
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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-03-08 09:00 PM
Response to Reply #52
53. yeah, that's the ticket....
:rofl:
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