:P
Now I just wanna talk quickly about language, and then we can all go. Yeah, language. They do say Britain and America are two countries separated by the Atlantic Ocean, and it’s true. No, they say, “two countries separated by a common language,” that’s the line; it’s an Oscar Wilde line, I think. And we do pronounce things in a different way, like you say “caterpillar” and we say “caterpillar,” and… You say “aluminum” and we say “aluminium.” You say, “centrifugal” and we say “centrifugal.” You say, “leisure” and we say “lizuray.” You say “baysil” and we say “bahsil.” You say “’erbs” and we say “herbs,” because there’s a fucking “H” in it… But you spell through THRU, and I’m with you on that, ‘cause we spell it “THRUFF,” and that’s trying to cheat at Scrabble.
“How can we get that “OU” sound?”
“Well, a “U” will work,”
“What about an “O” as well?”
“We don’t need it, we’re fine.”
“No, I think an “O” in.”
“Well, all right.”
“And a “G” as well.”
“What?!”
“Yes, a “G” would be good. We need a silent “G” in the background, in case of any accidents or something.”
“Well, all right.”
“And an “H” as well.”
“Fucking ‘ell! Hang on.”
“An “H” in case some herbs come along.”
“All right…”
“And a Q, and a P, and a Z… Look it’s a word in Scrabble that’s 480 points!”
So yes, and we do have slight differences in that arena, but in Europe we have 200 languages. 200 languages! Just count them, I know you won’t! And future generations of Europeans – I’m sorry, Europeans, but we’re gonna have to be bilingual; we’re gonna have to be, and English speakers hate this!
“Two languages in one head? No one can live at that speed! Good Lord, man! You’re asking the impossible!”
“But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana…”
“Yes, but they’re cheating! Everyone knows marijuana is a drug enhancement that can help you on track and field to come last in a team of 8 million other runners… who are all dead.” I don’t know how the Dutch do it, but anyway, we’re gonna have to learn, and the reason for doing it is, one, for being groovy and just getting out there and doing it, but the second is we just lose a lot of business in the rest of Europe, ‘cause German people phone up…
“Wir haben fünf millionen Deutschmark…”
“Just fuck off, will you, mate?” ( hangs up )
“He was speaking German, I told him to go away, I told him to fuck off..! I don’t know, something about fünf million in Deutschmarks. I told him to get knotted! We don’t want any of his deutschy markys… We do? We do want that? Oh, I’m terribly sorry! Oh, fuck! Redial…”
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