I'm trying to write bad poetry. Please help.

[Dangerously Amused]

Okay, this is what I have so far; I call it "Broccoli Tough Love."


I hide my love for you
Like broccoli in a glass of milk
Unexpected, it might gag you at first
But after you wheeze and choke it down
The fiber will scrub your colon clean
As my love unclogs the greasetrap of your heart...


I like the direction it's headed, but it does not quite meet my high standards of low quality yet. What does it need?

TIA.

[DS1]

1. a semi-bouyant healthbomb

waiting to dazzle your taste buds
with unimaginable uprooted delight

[Dangerously Amused]

3. Ooh, I like "healthbomb"!

It reminds me of the Soy Bomb guy, one of my favorite drunken performance art acts.

I also like the imagery of the taste buds being "uprooted."

Hmm. I left out a stanza regarding the epiglottis, I may have to work that back in along with your suggestions.

Thanks!

:hi:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. As my love unclogs the greasetrap of your heart...

just like broccoli makes you fart.

[Dangerously Amused]

5. Someone really ought to set that to music, no?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

12. I am thinking ...someone like...possibly

Weird AL :D

[Dangerously Amused]

23. Oh come on. That has Andrew Lloyd Webber written all over it.

In fact, I think they could just keep "The Music of the Night" notes and set them to "The Greasetrap of Your Heart" lyrics.

[KitchenWitch]

4. "There once was a girl from Nantucket"

[Dangerously Amused]

7. Who was sad when she no can has buket...

[nuxvomica]

42. The cheezburger she eated...

[lizziegrace]

6. ...

:rofl:

[Dangerously Amused]

9. You mock me...?

:cry:

[lizziegrace]

11. perhaps you should stick to briefs

and I don't mean the ones belonging to your boy... ;)

[Dangerously Amused]

24. Eh, he's a boxer guy.

I mean, rumor has it.

[lizziegrace]

25. hehe

right...

:evilgrin:

[RevolutionaryActs]

8. How the hell can you top that?

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Dangerously Amused]

16. Aw, thanks. But I have to keep pushing myself, you know?

[Fran Kubelik]

10. throbbing members

All good bad poems have members that throb.

[Dangerously Amused]

13. DU has more than its fair share of good poets, who post regularly.

Writing good poems no doubt requires patience and talent. Of which I have little and none, respectively.

But writing bad poems is a lot less work and a lot more fun. And they are more likely to make people laugh. Which I like.

With all the poems floating about lately, I thought I would join in the fun.

[Fran Kubelik]

14. Cool. As I am prone to do, I read too much into things.

Sorry about that.

[Dangerously Amused]

26. "Throbbing members"? WTF, you trying to get my thread locked?

It's a good idea, though. Perhaps I can substitute an "undulating epiglottis." Would that work?

[The Straight Story]

15. How about "Your love is the enema for my soul"

and go from there :)

[Dangerously Amused]

17. OMG, that is genius! Series. I love it!

:rofl:

[The Straight Story]

18. "You are the toilet paper that wipes away the stains of my shitty past"

:rofl:

Gutter poetry, the next big thing.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

19. My dear Dangerously Amused!

ROFL!

Alas, I cannot help you, sweetie!

Your poetry has far surpassed my own, and with the suggestions here tonight, I am even further outstripped!

:rofl: :rofl:

[Dangerously Amused]

27. Fine. I think I'll start up my own Gallery Of Rogue Poets,* then.

We'll have poetry rumbles in the Lounge.

Hah! Pretty words are for sissies!



*With an upper echelon sub-gang of those who like Thomas Kinkade. Obviously.

[lizziegrace]

31. *snort*

:rofl:

[Lil Missy]

20. Okay ...

When I pass gas or take a good dump,
my heart, body, and soul, fill with memories of you.
No one else will ever fill my heart the way you do when I poop.

[Dangerously Amused]

28. Awesome! I'm loving the whole ethereal/visceral vacuum concept!

Keep running with this!

[kedrys]

21. "Ode to a Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit One Midsummer Morning"

Vogon poetry. It doesn't get any worse. Don't bother trying. :P

[Dangerously Amused]

29. I looked that up. You were serious.

Oh, my. I may be out of my league here...

[kedrys]

32. You can still come in third if you try hard enough

There's a British lady whose poetry is even worse than the Vogons'. :rofl:

[SPKrazy]

22. more cowbell

:crazy:

don't they all need yes?


hello is you?

hi me :hug:

[Dangerously Amused]

30. Unclear on the concept.

Cowbell makes EVERYTHING better, mon ami.

Thanks, tho.

:hi:

[LaraMN]

33. Some rhyming!

There's nothing like the scent
of my brocco-excrement.
Love-stink funnels up your nose.
Will you please come lick my toes?

[DarkTirade]

34. Have to use the phrase 'in my/your soul' or 'in my/your heart' somewhere.

Maybe just change the last line to 'As my love unclogs the greasetrap in your heart' or something like that. :P

[montanto]

35. Make it rhyme and it will really suck.

[Quantess]

39. Make it rhyme with smokin' and jokin'

and tokin'

and then it will REALLY suck! :rofl:

[montanto]

43. Make it rhyme with Abracadabra

and I'd shoot myself in the face!!

I'm series, that would suck HARD!!!11!eleven!

P.S. since I had to think of Steve Miller songs to get this post right, now I've got an Abracadabra earworm.

So I'm gonna shoot myself in the face anyway.



:rofl:

[Lil Missy]

36. This project has SOOO much potential. So I will try again.

Breaking wind gives me SO much pleasure and room in my heart for you.

A Dutch Oven would especially swell my heart for you too.

Imagine the huge heart I have for you when I make a big poo.

:loveya:

[Lil Missy]

37. I think this deserves a kick before I go to bed.

:kick:

[Skittles]

38. your poem doesn't need a f***ing thing

you, however, are in dire need of a righteous ass-kicking; yes INDEED

[lizziegrace]

44. Hehe...

:rofl:

[nuxvomica]

40. Clearly "greasetrap of your heart" is the problem

It's a metaphor, something often found in good poetry, and may make your poem appear better than it should be. The way you can tell it's a metaphor is by reading up on hearts. You'll find that they don't actually have greasetraps. I say be more direct. Change the last line to:

"Whilst my love scrapes your ventricle walls of its adhesions."

Note that using "whilst" never hurts when the goal is really bad poetry.

[EstimatedProphet]

41. That's almost the worst poetry I've ever read!

ALMOST!

[jakefrep]

45. "Feel the Metamucil of my love"...

...and then you need to make up a bunch of words that rhyme with "orange"