All DU Married People Is Marriage Really Necessary?

[Parche]

:shrug: :shrug: :shrug:


I dont know if i would want to be married to the same person for years......

What are thoughts?


:hi:

[datasuspect]

1. that "forever" is implied in the contract

makes it pretty silly to me.

nothing lasts forever.

[Orrex]

2. I completely transform my personality every few years

Keeps it interesting for House of Kewpie.

[TZ]

3. Ya know

I bet its hard living in a household with all those people in the white coats nice as they can be..House of Kewpie must be a very tolerant person:crazy:

[ElsewheresDaughter]

4. married 36 years and it has been wonderful .....was it wasn't necessary but fun

[siligut]

5. We decided that we needed to have a contract to overcome the stoopid human in us.

We are an almost perfect match and I love him to the nth. However, our passion goes both ways and I have spent a few nights in a hotel away from him over the years, just to be mean and exert my position.

There was also a time, when we blamed each other for our woes, stoopid as hell, but sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees. If we were not married, we may have split and I would now be missing him every second of the day.

I think it is a choice though, marriage isn’t necessary for happiness.

[Taverner]

6. Don't get married then

Marriage is an investment of time, goals and yes, money.

It's a legal contract - while teenyboppers get all goo goo eyed about the prospect of a wedding, they don't realize all of yours become theirs, and vice versa.

One of the reasons I am for Gay Marriage is the same reason I am for Gay Adoption. Beyond equal rights (which is a good enough reason alone) the folks getting married will WANT to get married. They've thought about it long and hard, sacrificed a lot along the way - so my guess is their marriage will initially do better than straight marriages.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear Parche...

Marriage is necessary for me.

I need to belong to someone, to be a part of him.

I need to not have to think about it.

I rely on him for so much, and marriage gives me the foundation for everything.

Certain things are a given within a marriage, that aren't in a relationship.

This is how I see it, anyhow!

:hi:

[Ellen Forradalom]

8. I'm sorry I did it

mostly because of Mr. Man's inevitable attitude of entitlement to my physical, emotional and intellectual labor to make him, and not myself, successful.

[AlCzervik]

9. everyone's experience is different .

and Thoughts, that's usually an idea or opinion formed in your brain.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. if you want to experience divorce, then Yes. Marriage is

necessary...

[BarenakedLady]

11. No

[Parche]

19. NO?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34rlNS2XyaU

:hi:
:hug:

[BarenakedLady]

22. No.

:hug:

:hi:

Indentured monogamy is over-rated. ;)

[Deep13]

12. I think so.

The public commitment eliminated uncertainty in my mind and laid a foundation for the future.

[regularguy]

13. Not necessary...

depends on the people. I think the idea that you're going to at least try to be together "forever" helps one feel more comfortable with one's self and less judgemental of one's spouse. I can honestly say that I Love my wife to a degree that I never even knew was possible when we married 13 years ago. YMMV, uber-obviously.

[mainegreen]

14. I think I better let my wife answer this question.

:D

[BeachBaby]

15. Nope.

I knew my exhusband as a friend first, for 3 years. We kicked our relationship up a notch for another 2 years, and then got married.

Within two months after our wedding, he became a person that I didn't even know.

I have to wonder if, had we just continued our relationship as it was before we got maried, if he would have continued being the fun, romantic, pleasant person he used to be.

[cbayer]

16. I am not technically (legally) married

but I am totally dedicated and committed to the man I call my husband. It is exquisite to be as comfortable with another person as I am with myself and I believe that this is really a "death do us part" situation.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[zingaro]

17. Maybe. I know couples who are madly happy after years, but

I know couples who are miserable after months.

Once you toss some children, a mortgage, and stuff like that into the blender sometimes you do get a tasty smoothie that will satisfy your tastebuds. Sometimes you get a vile brew that must be spit right the hell out before it kills you. And sometimes you get something sticky and gummibear-like that sticks your whole mouth together whether you like it or not, and it's years before you can finally open your mouth and say "no thank you".

Those aren't all encompassing by any means. And I'm sorry to say that I fall into the last category. Once this one plays itself out, at some unknown point years in the future, I will never choose "marriage" again. It's not necessary. But sometimes, one finds that out too late to do anything about it.

[BarenakedLady]

21. You rock.

:yourock:

"sticky and gummibear-like that sticks your whole mouth together whether you like it or not, and it's years before you can finally open your mouth and say "no thank you"."


:thumbsup:

Oh and btw :loveya: :hug:

[SPKrazy]

37. I hear you

I may not choose it again either

so much easier to get married than to get "unmarried"

:hi:

:hug:

[ismnotwasm]

18. No, of course not

I had two kids and still wasn't planning on ever getting married when I met my husband. He had two kids. We blended a family and got married in part to express stability, since all of those kids had been through some rough times.

I'd never marry again if anything happened to my husband, not so much out of sentiment, but I wouldn't have a strong enough reason.

[davsand]

20. Marriage no. Commitment, absolutely.

I think marriage is whatever the people involved want it to be and that it is the daily choice to be with somebody that is the difference.

I know a man who spoke the words and wore the tux a few years ago and he spends his nights in a bar or at work rather than go home and deal with his "wife."

I know a man who never was "married" and he and his partner make dinner together and spend time with each other as much as they can. They enjoy time together and are very committed to each other.

I know which one I think is "married."


I love Kevsand completely and without reservation, but that is my choice to make. The fact that we did a ceremony in a church has nothing to do with it for me. What I look at is that I am happier with him than I am when I am not, and I am a better person when I am with him because I work to be better. I am elevated by my choice in partner and THAT is why I stay with him.

That white dress and cake didn't have much to do with the daily choices.


Laura

[Iris]

23. If you have to ask, it's probably not for you.

However, if you are going to be a serial monogamist, at least make sure your partners know this from the get-go.

[PRETZEL]

24. NO..................n/t

[Fox Mulder]

25. I don't ever want to get married.

I want to have a life partner.

[hippywife]

26. I suppose it isn't.

But we did it. We lived states away from each other and my husband-to-be didn't want me to put everything on the line to move that far without that commitment. This was something he formulated in his own mind and didn't discuss with me, except to ask me to marry him. Thank goodness, it'w sorked out really great.

I really don't know how we would handle all the legal aspects of our lives without being married, altho I'm sure it can be done. But I would be afraid with some of the health privacy legislation and so forth, an unmarried hetero couple could face the same legal challenges as an unmarried gay couple. We want to be able to take care of one another should the need arrive and not have to do alot of legal wrangling to be able to.

It really just depends on the people involved and what their expectations are, I guess. :shrug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. Everybody ignores you when you're married.

Unless you have kids...They only ignore you on select occasions.

[Critters2]

28. As someone who lives alone and hates it, I would love to be married.

But I did it pretty badly the first time. Still the idea of making and working to keep the commitment seems healthy to me--forces one to mature....and clean the house once in a while. Necessary? I suppose not. A good idea? Yeah, I think so.

[PassingFair]

29. Marriage is for kids....

The whole thing is set up to create
and care for children.

Legally bound.

Children need protection.

I would NEVER have gotten married
if I didn't want children.

Why bother? An "I love you"
was "binding" enough for me.

My brother lived with his girlfriend
for 16 years before they got married.
You guessed it -- they had a baby
one year later...

[havocmom]

30. It offers some critical legal protections

As to the emotional import, that is up to the individuals involved.

[bigwillq]

31. I have no intentions

of getting married. I am content just the way I am. :)

[ScreamingMeemie]

32. Here is the thing...and this is so far down I doubt anyone will read it...

I loved being married to MrG. I loved being part of us. A few years ago my aunt died at a young age (55). Her husband was lost. When we driving home (the funeral was in WI) I found myself asking him why people got married. I could not imagine losing one that I loved so very much. Now I don't have to imagine, it is my life. I wouldn't have not married him. But I know this...I will never marry/love again.

[erinlough]

34. Mrs. G, I felt that way too

for about 8 years. While dating my present husband I was sooooooo sure I wouldn't get married. Funny things happen in life and as I learned to know and trust him I finally agreed to get married. I realized I was committed to him anyway and marriage was important to him. I am not sorry, but financially we would have been better off not to have made it legal. There are too many problems with inheritance etc. in blended families. Oh well, It is still wonderful to have him as a partner and I wouldn't change a thing.

[Shine]

38. The loss is still fresh for you, MrsG.

you never know what the future may bring, given enough time and once your heart heals and is willing to be open again to love.....

:hug: I am sending you all my best wishes and hopes for Peace, Comfort and Healing. :loveya:

[bicentennial_baby]

39. I read it....

:hug:

I'm with you babe, every step of the way.

:hug:

:loveya:

[DU GrovelBot]

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[OmahaBlueDog]

35. Mrs. OmahaBlueDog tells me that it was necessary

So I take her word for it. That was 20 years ago this August.

Seriously, in High School, long before same-sex marriage was even on the radar screen, a close friend of mine (who was moderate-to-liberal at the time) got into a screaming match over the meaning of marriage. To me, it's (essentially) a contract guaranteeing sharing of wealth, property and inheritance rights. People who love one another can do so without marriage, and people who don't love one another can be married and have those benefits. He saw marriage as, first and foremost, a solemnification of the relationship before society and (if one so chose to believe) God.

If one buys my friend's argument, and one further buys that the Christian God considers same-sex relations to be sinful, then one can understand why some of the religously-minded get so pissed off about same sex marriage. However, what I fail to grasp is why those same people aren't equally hacked off about the far, far more prevalent phenomenon of unmarried, straight couples living together (which is fornication -- also a big biblical no-no).

[Shine]

36. I can't speak for anyone else, but I absolutely LOVE being married

we celebrate our 15 yr anniversary next month! :toast:

It's great sharing a history together, raising a family together, and knowing that no matter what, we will stand by each other, through thick and thin.

There's really nothing quite like it. I feel incredibly blessed. :loveya:

[Orsino]

40. Yeah, it's necessary, at least for some people.

If we didn't have it, we'd quickly invent it.

[CreekDog]

41. Marriage totally necessary

to be considered "married people" :think:

[MichiganVote]

42. Well I've thought of all kinds of reasons to dump and to keep him...

After 27 years...I'm going to keep him. Marriage is a different kind of relationship from anything you might know. It is a growing kind of relationship. Slow,fast...it doesn't matter. It IS unique.

If it isn't unique, its not only unnecessary, it's useless. He is my legacy and anything that we have produced from the marriage is also our legacy.

[kwassa]

43. I think marriage is great

and I didn't marry for the first time until age 47.

My parents will reach 60 years of marriage in one month. We are having a party.

It isn't necessary. It is all about the commitment. The love and companionship.

But, marriage does mean something.

[The Straight Story]

44. Been with my wife 10 years

And I have zero desire to be with anyone else ever again.

[Generic Brad]

45. We had to get married

But not for reasons you would think. Very early on in our relationship we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We made a commitment to each other that we both respected. We celebrate the anniversary of the day we agreed to that.

But there is always a however. My wife is not a US citizen. So she had to return to her home country, we had to apply for a fiance visa, wait a year, and then get married. We had to officially get married so our governments would recognize our union and we could remain together without interference.

[drmeow]

46. The only things I consider necessary

are food, water, protection from the elements, and some human companionship.

Relationships are necessary. They don't have to be romantic but we were not made to live in isolation. A strong romantic relationship isn't necessary but it can be a real joy. A legal piece of paper is not necessary to be in a joyous romantic relationship. Nor is it a guarantee.

I was largely against marriage and remain against a governmental marital contract - I think people should be able to write their own marital contract. I do not think that ANY "benefits" should be automatically linked to marriage. I think you should be able to designate any beneficiary you want. Since I believe health insurance should be universal, marriage wouldn't affect that.

I got married because it looked like my SO was going to get a job in another state and (both of us being academics) it would have been much easier to negotiate a spousal hire than a posslq hire (SO ended getting a job here but by then I had already agreed to make it legal and we'd told our parents :)). Otherwise I would have probably had some sort of "commitment ceremony." I did want some sort of official and preferably legal declaration before quiting my job and following someone across the country. I wanted some public declaration of "I want you to come with me and I recognize that you are taking a risk by doing so - not to mention leaving a place and job you love - and so I promise you support to offset your risk."

I see marriage as a way for a couple to publicly declare to their community their commitment to each other, to "introduce" themselves to the community as a couple (in a sense), to celebrate their love for each other, and to promise a certain level of support to each other.

I love being in this relationship. I don't know that the marriage itself made any difference. Moving in together was a FAR bigger deal than getting married (it happened after the wedding, not before). Marriage happens to be part of this relationship but it is the relationship I love.

[evlbstrd]

47. I'm divorced.

I'm really just running up my post count.

[Left Is Write]

48. For me, yes.

[old mark]

49. necessary

for what?

mark

[NewWaveChick1981]

50. No.

:hi: I've been married for nearly 16 years. If I had it to do all over again, I'd have stayed in the committed relationship (we knew each other for nine years before getting married) but never, ever have gone the route of marriage. I love him dearly, which is why I'm still married, but I wouldn't do it again.

[Maine-ah]

51. it's not for everyone.

but, I've been married now for almost 8 years, and I have been with my husband for 13. It didn't change anything between us other than finances. :hi:

[Beer Snob-50]

52. 20 years this year

and it has been a good ride. wouldn't trade it in except for those tender moments when i am an asshat and she is so obviously right.

[China_cat]

53. We've been together 35 years.

Sure doesn't seem that long.

[uberllama42]

54. Not any more

Didn't you hear? The Supreme Court in California just ruined it for all the straight people. :eyes:

[Nevernose]

55. I'll be a rebel and say YES

Maybe not every couple in every situation, but if people are planning on having children, then I'd say "get married."

As a full-time single parent, I can say that I wish things had worked out differently. Despite the many positive role models she has in her life, I think my daughter and I both would have been better off had she been raised by two people in a loving, stable relationship. Raising a fammily is a life-long task, and marriage is sort of the formal contract recognizing that life-long task.

Then again, I'm in love with my dog and am apparently unable to pull off a successful date, so what the hell would I know?

[unpossibles]

56. maybe "yur doin it rong" or something

I married someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life with for many reasons.

We also don't limit each other in any way, or generally try not to at least.

[ulysses]

57. you decide what's necessary for you.

:shrug: