Pet Diaries

[Seedersandleechers]

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.





Too Cute!!!

[flvegan]

1. And oh so accurate.

:rofl:

[stuntcat]

2. "I once again vomit on the carpet."

:rofl:
I was impressed when my Tonka started hacking the other day and ran from the carpeted living room to the tiled kitchen floor before he did it. That's like some weird Mental Leap he's made :O It's usually just the opposite with cats.

[Seedersandleechers]

3. cats have vomiting down to a fine art

At least mine do.

[barb162]

5. They're Renaissance artists at it.

Run to the nearest carpet and keep moving with every heave so you get multiple coverage.

[stuntcat]

8. LOL

gross :puke:
This house has brown shag carpet (NOT our doing) that's the exact same color as cat barf. It's a good thing because we don't have to worry about the stains but it's a bad thing when someone vomits and I don't see it til I step on it :puke:

[Lil Missy]

4. So true about the cat, the kitty vomit on the carpet, and trying to assassinate caretaker!

I have one that is constantly underfoot and trying to kill me. He just about succeeded several weeks ago when I stepped on him in the middle of the night heading to the biffy.

I lifted my foot quickly when he squealed, and subsequently lost my balance and fell flat on my face, and split my eyebrow open, among other injuries to my right side.

I ended up with a lacerated eyebrow and black eye, a broken knuckle, bruised shoulder, hip, and tit. X-ray bills and scan of my eye orbit are $2000 and counting.

I should have just stepped on the little shit.

[barb162]

6. Oh you poor thing.

That's almost happened to me a thousand times easy. I just can't step on them either. I hope you heal fast and have no scars.

[Lil Missy]

7. All the x-rays came out okay, except for the broken knuckle.

He's always been like that - walking right under my feet every time I move around the house. It just happened to be in the middle of the night and dark so I wasn't anticipating it.

I have since tried to retrain him and I boot him in the butt every time he gets underfoot as I move about the house. Of course he's pretty snarly about it, but Jeebus!

BTW, I've had him for 14 years and love him dearly. :)