People Who Should Be Summarily Shot.

[Phillycat]

When I am Supreme Commander Overlord of the Universe, the following people will be shot on site, no jury trial necessary:

On the road, people who dangerously cut you off, causing you to slam on your brakes, and then immediately turn.

People who chew with their mouths open in public.

People who use the express lane at the grocery store with more than the allotted number of items. (inspired by a current thread)

People who have conversations at the top of their lungs on a cellular phone in any public place. Wait. Make that conversations of any variety, on a phone or with another person...or to themselves, at the top of their lungs.

People who use any of the following malapropisms: simular, supposably, nucular.

Please add your own.

[DS1]

1. people who order double caf no foam extra lite caramel double whip wet cappucinos at the

Airport Starbucks.


People who get off planes and immediately stand there after the door looking around and blocking everyone else trying to get off planes.


People who curl their fingers together while reaching over the seatbacks of planes.


People who insist on reading their books with their personal lights on all the way through the red-eye flight.


People who attempt the finish the SkyMall crossword in pen, and fail miserably.


(inspired by recent flights)

[Phillycat]

3. Your second one works for lots of things.

Escalators, emerging from subway tunnels, exiting stores (also entering them). KEEP IT MOVING, PEOPLE.

[Midlodemocrat]

19. speaking of which.

How was it? Any pics?

[Initech]

30. What about people who actually buy things from the Skymall catalog?

I've never seen anyone buy anything from there. I mean who would impulsively spend $400 on some stupid shit that you dont need?

[DS1]

35. I read it just to laugh at the marketing print inside

This luscious, velvet-wrapped, travel-sized personal disposable guillotine is guaranteed to fit in all carry-on baggage compartments.

[drmeow]

83. Actually, I did

it was a travel related product (a pillow for the plane) that was actually cheaper through SkyMall than other websites I found. Used it on the flight to Australia and actually managed to sleep. It was great. (And it wasn't anywhere near $400 - it was about $20)

[petronius]

91. I don't get that finger curling one - do you mean people who stretch backwards

into your space? :shrug:

[DS1]

103. pretty much

kept stretching back over the chair with his fingers intertwined. It was too close, I considered bending his thumbs back

[grace0418]

94. Can I add: People who have to have their seat fully reclined for the entire flight,

causing the person behind them to have to pretzel themselves in even less space than the miserable amount already alloted to coach passengers.

On our last flight to Spain, the jackass in front of me (who had an empty seat next to him that he could've stretched out in) wouldn't even wait until we were fully aloft before he jammed his seat all the way back. When the meal came, I had to ask him repeatedly to put his seat up so I could lower my food tray. He then scarfed down his meal in 2 minutes, put the tray in the seat next to him, and slammed back the seat again, nearly sending my meal into my face. I had to call the flight attendant three separate times because when I asked him to put his seat up he basically told me to fuck off. He even left it reclined when he went to the bathroom. I spent several hours on that flight thinking of evil things to do to that fucker.

[FunkyLeprechaun]

142. I try not to do this and I sometimes recline halfway

I love sleeping on the tray though and sometimes they nearly squash my head when they recline back. It really hurts and I usually spend the rest of the flight awake because I can't sleep sitting up. Just one of my quirks! :-)

I'm thinking of buying one of those things that block people from reclining. I can't remember what it was called but it's a piece of plastic that goes into the space between the tray's hinges and the seat. It was designed for tall people to use on flights but I'd love to use it!

[grace0418]

147. I think I might get one of those things for my next longer flight. I swear to god I seem

to attract the assholes who do this. Sometimes I look around and NO ONE in the cabin has their seat fully reclined except for the person in front of me. On our way home from Spain, by some miracle we managed to get bulkhead seats. I almost wept with joy.

[grace0418]

149. Found it! It's called the Knee Defender and here's the website...

http://www.gadgetduck.com/

[Chan790]

104. I hate people who order impossible drinks too.

Not difficult drinks, mind you. Things which are impossible to make or simply don't exist. To wit:

(Warning: some science content)

No-foam cappuccino? Cappuccino means a beverage consisting of aerated-milk with a volume more than 50% air, with espresso infused throughout. A no-foam cappuccino is a flat latte in a half-empty cup.

Iced cappuccino? Nope. Iced previously-steamed milk curdles. If that's what you really want...:puke: An iced latte is made with chilled (unsteamed) milk. Chilled milk has no foam. See "No-foam cappuccino" above.

Extra-hot no-foam soy...anything. Soy milk foams any time it is steamed over 150'F and will continue to do so as it cools (at a ever-slower rate expressable as a function of the l(n).) until its temperature drops below 150'F. Hence, even if it wasn't foamy going into the cup if will "foam" on its' own in the cup. It's not really foam, it's bubbles formed by the shedding of water vapor accumulated during steaming. These bubbles lack the energy to "break" out of solution. It happens because as the soy milk cools it loses the kinetic energy to keep the steam suspended (sublimated?) in the liquid. (If it was foaming, it'd increase in volume.) This explanation is not entirely scientifically-correct because I'm not a scientist and can't actually explain it correctly with the right terminology. It is never-the-less true.

Extra-hot espresso? It's the temperature it comes out of the portafilter. I can't help that. Proper extraction only occurs at a certain temperature and pressure. If it were extracted hotter (or at greater pressure (Actually...hotter=more-pressure)), volatile organic compounds would be extracted with the espresso. These VOCs taste extremely-bitter and they can make you sick.

[DS1]

134. Cool post!

:thumbsup:

[datasuspect]

171. people who buy coffee at the airport starbucks

[Taverner]

2. People who wipe their own excrement on gas station bathroom walls

Shudder

[Phillycat]

5. Oh, god.

There's whole lists of things for public bathrooms.

People (generally women) who hover to pee, but have poor aim and pee down the front of the bowl so there's a puddle to stand in for the next person.

People (again women) who flush their personal items, thereby making the toilet unusable for others.

People who poo on the floor NEXT to the toilet (no, I'm not making that up. Why in the name of all that is holy would I make that up?)

Etc.

[last_texas_dem]

55. Ooh... I have one related to that

I once went into a men's restroom and saw that someone had taken a dump in the urinal. This encounter caused me to reassess my anti-death penalty beliefs for at least a few seconds. Having worked several years ago as a movie theater janitor, I have learned that there is no clean way to remove something like... that from a urinal!

[krispos42]

21. I saw that recently...

In my otherwise exceptionally-clean Wal-Mart. Looked like a colostomy bag exploded in the handicapped stall.

Then hit a fan.

:scared:

I told Customer Service. So did my 3-year-old. "There's poop on the walls!" :-)

[BarenakedLady]

4. People who abuse animals

People who abuse children

[Phillycat]

6. Yes, those go without saying.

I'm not entirely certain they'll be shot, though. In my benevolence as Supreme Commander, I may be willing to allow them to be used as playthings for people like, say, flvegan for the animal abusers, for awhile until they beg for death.

[Arugula Latte]

92. The dogfighters and cockfighters have to fight to the death.

The rodeo assholes get yanked off their feet like the calves and they also poked with spurs.
The pet abandoners get shipped to Siberia without any clothing.
And so on ...
This is the type of revenge I lie awake at night concocting...

[DarkTirade]

106. That's less 'revenge' and more 'poetic justice'.

[Shakespeare]

7. People too stupid to understand what a protected right turn is.

People who need to STFU and drive.

People who walk multiple-abreast and totally block oncoming pedestrians.

People who talk during movies in theaters.

[Phillycat]

11. Re: talking in movie theaters.

I've stopped going completely now. I miss the theater experience, but my blood pressure gets so high that I worry about my health.

[HERVEPA]

16. I see you live in Phila. That generally doesn't happen at the Ritz in my experience

[Phillycat]

20. But then I have to see an art movie.

Can't I watch Bruckheimer in PEACE? :cry: :D

[HERVEPA]

33. Aah, they have some fairly mainstream there too (nt)

[CBHagman]

32. And do not forget...

....people who, upon purchasing movie tickets, ask the box office clerk what time the actual feature begins so that they will not have to expend a second of their oh-so-precious time watching a trailer for an upcoming film. No, these special creatures must be free to climb over the patrons who have already seated themselves by the starting time. :grr:

...whoever thought it was a good idea to let ordinary cell phone users (i.e., not emergency workers or construction crew) buy walkie-talkie phones, thus forcing the rest of us to listen to both sides of their their banal conversations.

...people make/receive calls or text-message during operas, plays, and movies.

...salesclerks who conduct conversations with a colleague while making no acknowledgment whatsoever of the customer during a sale.

...salesclerks you have to check for a pulse -- no "Hello," no "That will be 15.98, please," no "Thank you." When was the "Hire the living dead" campaign?

...co-workers who think the proper response to an allergy or cold is to walk about sniffing loudly, rather than using a tissue or handkerchief.

...people who think "right on red" means "continue at your same speed during the turn and don't bother to stop first." :grr: A red light means stop -- always.

...whoever designed those @$%&#!! Will Ferrell movie posters. I hate them. I hate them all.

...people who make or take calls from bathroom stalls and urinals. :puke:

[Phillycat]

41. Re: this one

salesclerks who conduct conversations with a colleague while making no acknowledgment whatsoever of the customer during a sale.

Don't worry. Shooting them will DEFINITELY get their attention. (I fucking hate this too.)

[LynneSin]

58. People who stand side-by-side on the escalator

I want to walk the escalator so I can get there faster. Stand to the right, walk on the left

[Shakespeare]

82. Yes! I remember when I lived in DC, rush hour commuters would be yelling...

..."STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT!" as they tried to get down the escalators in time to make it on to the train. I was one of those commuters. :blush:

The tourists always looked surprised and offended, but seriously, folks, move the fuck out of the way if you see a hoarde of people trying desperately to catch a train.

[nytemare]

108. How about people who make U turns, screwing up a protected right turn?

Where they immediately come across three lanes of traffic, and look at you funny when you are just trying to turn right into the far right lane.

:)

[Dulcinea]

156. People who pop, smack and/or crack gum in public.

They will have all their teeth knocked out with a ball-peen hammer.

Absolutely my A-number-one pet peeve. :mad:

[One_Life_To_Give]

8. It was an accident!

I only counted 12 items in my cart. The shoe polish was hiding under the bread. And it was too late when I noticed I was one item over. Honest it wasn't my fault. And if I realized I would be obsessing over it a week and a half later I would of not gotten one thing just so my conscience would be clean.

[Phillycat]

10. I'm terribly sorry, but you've already been shot.

Can you step to the side and bleed quietly, please? The express lane is backing up.

[DS1]

9. People who think navigating a rotary, or roundabout, involves sailing into it at full speed

and thinking everyone else is wrong.

Crossing guards who stop traffic for every single little precious snowflake needing to be across the road, instead of letting 2 or 3 of them gather first.

Bartenders who measure out shots.

Anyone who parks more than 2 feet away from the curb.

People who buy cigarettes at the supermarket, then take fucking forever finding the right cartoon of Virginia Slims 120 UltraLight Menthols

Flickr users who do nothing but award each other glittering gif prizes in the comment areas, an generally swoon over each other's throwaway garbage bullshit shots.

[Phillycat]

14. Heh.

"Your photo is a PRECIOUS JEWELED RARE DIAMOND OF GLITTERING PRECIOUSNESS! I'd like to invite you to add it to the PRECIOUS JEWELED RARE DIAMOND OF GLITTERING PRECIOUSNESS pool!"

[davsand]

17. Bartenders who measure out shots are a bad thing?

Gee, I always used to pour with a shot glass so they knew I was over-pouring--they were getting their money's worth in other words. Never occurred to me that people got pissed to see me do that.

Live and learn...


Laura

[FunkyLeprechaun]

143. I'd like to add to your supermarket

At my supermarket in town, I like to buy the paper before I go work at the pub. It takes me 10 minutes to drive to the pub and I work at 5:30 and I usually leave the house by 5.

I just want to be quick and there'll be people bringing their basketload of groceries to the small checkout (where the cigs, lottery tickets, and potent alcohol are). Why the fuck can't you use the regular checkout? I should go to Morrison's instead as they won't allow people to bring their baskets of groceries to the small checkout and it's so much quicker that way. It's out of the way though.

It's usually because they want to buy a lottery ticket or cigarettes. And that takes EVEN LONGER! AAARRRGGGGHHH!!! I try to buy the paper earlier but I don't leave it until I leave for work.

Also when there's a LONG line of people and no one is manning the other small checkout (There are 2). I usually look at the employees there and wonder, "Why the fuck aren't you working behind there?"

[FunkyLeprechaun]

144. I have experiences with the roundabouts here

I was taught by my driving instructor that when coming up to an unmarked roundabout (no signs on the road directing you to the proper lane) the left lane is for left and straight ahead while the right lane is for right only. Some moron drivers try to overtake me on the roundabout using the right lane to go straight ahead (especially when I'm going straight as well). I've had some near accidents, I've had to speed ahead to avoid being hit. When I was learning how to drive here in a L car they often did this so they wouldn't be behind a "L" driver (I'd been driving for 10 years before moving to the UK so I was hardly a learner driver, just learning how to drive in the UK).

Also you have to use your signal when about to exit the roundabout (You signal left when you're exiting). Ditto when you're going right (right signal then before you leave, left). Some moron drivers don't do that. Sometimes I would see a driver not signal (thinking they were going straight on) and would set about to go on but they were actually going right. A quick application of the breaks avoids an accident.

[underpants]

12. People who write checks in the 21st century

at least those who write them for lunch

The slow dumbass in front of me

The people who do international escrot banking at the ATM


The slow idiot dumbass in front of me

The cashiers who create the currency balancing act by dumping all the coins on top of the bills when you are clearly standing there with your wallet in your hand


The slow idiot dumbass moron in front of me

The vapid fissure who write mainstream news

slow people

[Phillycat]

18. OMG

The cashiers who create the currency balancing act by dumping all the coins on top of the bills when you are clearly standing there with your wallet in your hand

I fucking HATE THAT. They will SO be shot.

[underpants]

24. Shoot them twice

like real hard!

[KitchenWitch]

66. Count me in on HATING that.

[many a good man]

70. Teachable moment

Just pull your hand away after they put the bills into it. The change will go bouncing all over the counter/floor. The cashier will usually be too lazy to pick it up and just fish out fresh change from drawer. Little kids will love you.

[ThomCat]

121. Um. No.

I'm either in a wheelchair or on cruches, and I've had cashiers stand there and stare at me and expect me to get down on the floor to retreive change.
:nuke:

I've walked away without my change many times. :(

[ThomCat]

120. I wear braces on my hands, and my hands shake

so I have to do things carefully or I spill things everywhere. When they force me to do that balancing act I have to very carefully try to take the change with my other hand without spilling it and put it away, and only after I've done that can I try to put away the bills. And only then can I either walk away on crutches or use that hand to move my wheelchair.

x(
So basically, their lazy attempt to save half a second just caused me to sit there for 10 seconds putting things away while they stand there staring at me. If they handed things to me separately I could put things away very quickly and get out of the damned way.

People are fucking stupid! x(

[Chan790]

123. FYI

Many, if not most, cashiers are taught/informed that is the only correct way to hand off change under penalty of disciplinary action.

Coins over bills, largest bill on the bottom(i.e. first), counted out on transactions of mixed bills (example: a $5 and 2 $1s) (It's for the benefit of the camera).

I, at least, round-up to the nickel in order to reduce the number of coins.

[bookworm65t]

158. If most of the check is filled out early,that's ok

but when they start on it at the point of sale, then that pisses me off.

[kedrys]

13. The people who vanished my web hosting account overnight

leaving me stranded with no email when I just moved to Montreal from Houston and I need to send my references to the people I interviewed with Wednesday. :grr: :mad:

[Phillycat]

22. Oh dear.

Hope that situation improves.

[kedrys]

74. At least I remembered I have eFax

Gave me an excuse to unpack my laptop.

[quadriga]

15. People who foment violent revolutions.

People who assemble quasi-official fire squads.

People who want other people to be shot should be shot.

People who use horseless carriages.

People who like Wes Anderson movies.

People who are from states that begin with the letter "A"

[Phillycat]

23. Ha, very good!

I especially liked the inclusion of "People who like Wes Anderson movies".

[Perry Logan]

25. People who can't shut up at movies (with silencer).

[Phillycat]

42. "(with silencer)"

LOL!

[Initech]

26. People who send Pat Robertson money.

People who mispronounce the word nuclear

People who spit gum on the sidewalk

People who drive ridiculously raised pickup trucks (bonus points if they have the metal testicles hanging from the trailer hitch)

People who have no concept of what the "YIELD ON LEFT HAND TURN" sign means

Obnoxious baseball fans who cheer really loudly for the opposing team (guess which teams I'm thinking of?)

People who sing to the music they're listening to on their headphones

Really big fat guys who sit in the middle seats on airplanes

People in the grocery store who have like 150 items in their cart and they're in the 15 items or less lane :grr:

Sample abusers (see Curb Your Enthusiasm)

[KitchenWitch]

67. Yankees fans besmirching your Angel game experience?

:D

I am so there with you.

[Initech]

72. Red Sox fans are even worse.

I went to an Angels - Red Sox game last year and was like "Holy shit! Did I go to the wrong stadium or something?"

:hide:

[KitchenWitch]

The last game I saw live that featured the Red Sox was Red Sox at Twins

Brad Radke beat Pedro Martinez. It was a very good game.

[SoxFan]

116. Sell out your damn stadium and it won't be a problem!

:hide:

[flvegan]

27. Where to begin

People who eat supermarket chicken in the parking lot, and throw the bones out their windows;

Along the same line, people that throw lit cig butts out their car windows;

People that drive with children not in car seats (when they should be in one);

People that drive over other folks' lawns on purpose when there's no need;

People that commit random acts of violence against another living thing (I know, the irony is thick with this one);

ANYone with a W'04 sticker still on their vehicle;

ANYone with a McCain sticker NOW on their vehicle. Shot twice if they have this one and the above;

I better end now before I really go off.

[DarkTirade]

Addendum to #3...

people who don't put small children in car seats... and then get distracted while driving by their non-secured children enough to cause an accident.

Gods I hate bad parents. I never realized how good I had it until I started looking at parents other than my own and realized just how bad most parents are, and in comparison, how good mine were.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

28. About the cell phones:

The worst is that two-way phone (I don't know the proper name for it) -- the one where the phone is essentially a walkie-talkie, so you get to hear both sides of a lame-ass conversation.

And that "beep" every three seconds, too.

:mad:

[Phillycat]

43. BLEEP "Where you at?" BLEEP "At the movies, yo. Where you at?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

46. I've been trapped on the subway many times with that scenario.

:mad:

[DS1]

78. Saying "Where you at" should be execution fodder by itself

[calico1]

29. People who slow down to 40 mph when their

exit is coming up but they are still on the highway and not the off ramp.

Women who like to tap their fake nails all the time.

People who like to spit and belch in public

Parents who do not correct their ill behaved children in restaurants and other public places

Gum snappers

Jaywalkers

Rachael Ray

[edbermac]

31. People who litter.

Especially taking the train home. Newspapers, paper bags, platic bags, empty coffee cups all over the floor.

Goddamn slobs. :grr:

[Initech]

34. People who throw shit out of their car window really annoy me.

It happens all the time here, drives me in-fucking-sane.

[bookworm65t]

155. Especially cigarette butts!

x(

[Burma Jones]

36. Anybody in my fucking way.......

Anybody that drives over 25 mph in my fucking neighborhood.....and then drives under the speed limit once they're on the main drag.

Face it, anybody that disagrees with ME.......

[DS1]

37. People who make stupid gifs

[Phillycat]

40. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

You are a moron. *is dead* :rofl:

[NewJeffCT]

38. where is this thread about people who bring too many items

to the express lane?

I agree with you on that one, too.

[siligut]

53. Link to express line thread.

Here you go:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=7628815&mesg_id=7628815

[Fleshdancer]

39. now this is my kind of thread! My current top 10 in no particular order:

1. The people who insist on using the free weights while standing inches away from the weight rack so that I have to wait for them to finish their set before getting the weights I need. These must be the same people who block the milk section with their cart while they spend 10 minutes deciding which milk to buy as if it's been years since they've seen milk.

2. People at the back of the line who jump to the new lane that opens instead of allowing the next person in the first line to move over. Speaking of lines, don't get into the line at Starbucks or in fast food restaurants if you don't know what you want. Nothing is more annoying than waiting around because someone is incapable of forming a decision.

3. People who refuse to use their turn signal. 9 times out of 10, they're yacking on the phone.

4. People who move half-way into the turn lane so that you have to practically stop and wait for them to turn in order to get past them. Why does this always happen when there's too much traffic and you can't move to the other lane?

5. My hatred for all things cell phone would make this a ridiculously long post so I'll just mention my latest cell phone outrage: Parents who give them to their young kids. Unless your 7yr old is driving, working and paying for his or her own phone, then she or he doesn't need one. I don't care if Mickey Mouse is on the front of it.

6. While I'm on the subject of kids...if I have to parent yours, then you should be shot. I once had a child apologize to her own mother for telling her to shut up. When did it become ok for kids to talk this way to adults?? My daughter's friends come over and discover that smacking their food is not tolerated (minor pet peeve). They are prompted to use the words "please" and "thank you" and they learn that there will be absolutely no yelling or name calling under my roof (HUGE pet peeve).

7. People who can't park between the white lines. People who illegally park in the handicap space. People who drive giant SUV's, vans, or pick-up trucks but think they're capable of parking in compact car only spaces.

8. The evil bastard who created the horrible hard plastic packaging that is impossible to open without scissors, anger, and finger cuts.

9. The idiots who thought it would be a good idea to put 2 servings of soup inside one microwavable cup. Either make them smaller for single servings, or have the ethics to be honest about the nutritional information and the amount of calories for the entire cup.

10. Anyone who encourages prayer in social, non-religious settings. A friend of mine had a baby shower and after the gifts were opened, the friend of the mother-in-law decided we should all hold hands and bow our heads while she gave a prayer. Who does that? Who goes to a baby shower of someone she barely knows and assumes everyone would be ok with this?

[Phillycat]

45. This one:

People who move half-way into the turn lane so that you have to practically stop and wait for them to turn in order to get past them.

THANK YOU. It's a TURN LANE, people. It's designed for you to use it to TURN. So fucking TURN ALREADY. GOD.

[KamaAina]

44. People who ride their bikes on the sidewalk

I just learned, to my chagrin, that this is perfectly legal here, except in business districts such as downtown and Waikiki. :grr:

Anyone in any way responsible for the ubiquity of reality TV.

People who ask the driver of a bus marked "Waikiki-Kapiolani Park", "Does this bus go to Waikiki?", usually right before the light changes.

Repukes, although this one will have to wait until Repuke Stepdad is safely out of the country, perhaps next month when he takes Mom on her annual birthday trip.

All NHL hockey teams south of a line passing roughly through St. Louis, save for the L.A. Kings, who were first expansion and are therefore grandfathered in. For the Carolina Hurricanes, dum-dum bullets will be used so as to tear their flesh to the maximum extent possible.

Paris Hilton.

edit: spelling

[drmeow]

112. People who ride their bikes on the sidewalk

in a very bike friendly community with wide bike lanes on both sides of the road and then get pissed when pedestrians don't move over to the grass to let them pass and make snide remarks at said pedestrians. I deliberately violated Shakespeare's "People who walk multiple-abreast and totally block oncoming pedestrians." because of this effing bimbo who was riding her bike on the sidewalk on the most bike friendly road in the entire Phoenix metro area and WOULD NOT get off into the 3+ foot wide bike path. When DH and I didn't move to single file or onto the grass next to the sidewalk and she was forced to come to a stop to pass us while STILL on the sidewalk she said very sarcastically "thanks A LOT" to which I responded "get off the sidewalk"

[SoxFan]

117. People who think Anaheim is a major market

This nonsense of trying to push Anaheim as a major market is idiotic. It's suburban Los Angeles.

Same thing goes for "New Jersey".

The Ducks and Devils are better teams, but they will always be the ugly stepsister of the Kings and Rangers.

[Chan790]

124. Couldn't you just extradite the Canes back to CT?

That'd serve them right.

[stuntcat]

168. yes, bikes on the sidewalk

I have to stop and step off into the grass almost every day. Once a lady sped up behind me and I didn't hear her bike until she was next to me and I screamed and fell. I admit I'm kind of a shaky mess, okay, but when three boys speed toward me like I'm invisible it really pisses me off.

Also DU'ers who start mean pointless fights with people who agree with them in the first place.. rude dummies should be marked and publicly shamed.

[kwassa]

47. Slow drivers in the left lane. Shot, drawn, quartered, head stuck on pike.

Those who invented our new curse, speed cameras. Will take photos as we shoot them.

People who are TOO LAZY TO PARK THEIR CARS in the designated spaces 15 feet away, and instead leave them illegally in the curb lane in front of the store, blocking traffic flow.

Detect a theme?

Creators of clamshell packaging. Cut them with the box knife and scissors and machetes.

People who wait in checkout lines until the final price is wrung BEFORE they look for their wallet, checkbook, credit cards, or whatever. Cut up their purses before shooting them.

[LaurenG]

100. Sort of like this?

MacClellan Family Crest

[kwassa]

105. Yeah, those MacClellans are a big problem

Now, my clan knows how to drive.

[Pacifist Patriot]

48. Twenty year old models doing Fiber or Oil of Olay commercials.

[grace0418]

148. Well, you should really shoot the ad exec who made the decision to use a 20 y.o. model. The model

is probably not too thrilled about having to do a fiber or skin cream ad and just needs the money.

And while we're shooting people who cast 20 y.o. women in inappropriate roles, let's shoot the casting directors who think male leads well past 50 should always be cast with love interests who could be their daughters.

[Zavulon]

49. Anyone who thinks a television show should be banned just because he or she doesn't like it.

- "That Oprah bullshit should be fucking banned."
- "Two and a Half Men is too rude for prime time. It should be banned."
- "Too much blood on CSI. It should be banned."

(These are all real examples I've heard)

Hey, asshole, if you don't like it, don't watch it. You've got plenty of other channels. I don't watch Oprah either (which doesn't mean others shouldn't be able to), but I do like the other two shows and I don't want to lose them just because they offend your delicate fucking sensibilities. Dick.

[lizerdbits]

54. People who complain about South Park

because it's a cartoon they let their young kids watch it and then get offended by the content their kids see. That's why it's on at 10:00 at night! I wasn't allowed to watch TV at that hour because most of the shows were adult oriented.

[petronius]

93. I agree, any discussion of banning things should be banned

People who wish to ban things should be shunned. :)

[mikeargo]

114. Yes, I agree

Death to fanatics!

[DarkTirade]

50. Parents who never bother to teach their kids any of this stuff.

Yes, I get annoyed when I have to deal with kids yelling and screaming in enclosed spaces, or running wild in ways that are dangerous to them and the people around them... but it's not the kids that I'm annoyed with. It's the parents who don't bother to let the kids know that they're not supposed to do stupid/dangerous/annoying things like that in public.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

51. people who only seem to exist to make other people miserable

[Fleshdancer]

62. Why do those people seem to live longer?

Miserable people seem to have a longer shelf life than those who exist to make people happy. For example: Dick Cheney.

Not fair. :grr:

[fudge stripe cookays]

130. Yes, I agree.

My mother should be shot.

No, I'm not kidding.

[LeftinOH]

52. Boomcars: People who drive them -and then the cars should then be crushed.

[DarkTirade]

86. Why waste time with both?

Crush the car with the people inside. Conserves energy.

[Westegg]

56. Why should Summarians do your dirty work?

[zingaro]

175. hee this made me giggle nt

[LynneSin]

57. People who double park

Death is too kind to these people!

[LynneSin]

59. At the Grocery store - Clerks who start asking questions about the crap you're buying

This is why I use self-service. I'm tired of the fricking clerks asking me if "that Peanut Butter any good" or "How much was that <insert item>", or "Wow, I didn't realize we sold that - where can I find it". Also add clerks who continue chit-chatting with the customer while others are waiting in line to pay.

:grr:

[calico1]

61. It's even worse when they make sure you know

they don't like something you got. I was at the grocery store a while back and had bought some cinnmon rolls. The gal commented "eeeww..cinnamon! I HATE cinnamon!" Then she shrugs "oh well, to each his own." Like it matters to me what she thought. She was so obnoxious and had been to the customer in front of me that I complained about her.

[BreweryYardRat]

71. That's a common occurrence?

I've had that happen all of twice in the past year.

[LynneSin]

73. Happened 3 times the last 2 month

it's like something is written all over me saying - PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT WHAT"S IN MY GROCERY CART.

Thing is, I'm anti-social at stores, I prefer shopping alone

[BreweryYardRat]

79. I hear you there.

Shopping's aggravating as it is -- why have someone else along?

[Connonym]

95. I'd rather have that than the clerk who is holding a conversation with the bagger

about their plans for the weekend. Not that I want to carry on a dialog with my cashier but I at least appreciate their acknowledgment that I'm standing there, even if it's just a smile or a simple "hi"

[DarkTirade]

87. Better yet... people who double park in handicapped spaces.

Or park in such a way as to block the handicap ramp that's between the two spaces.

I've never really noticed such things until I started driving my grandpa around and I actually NEEDED to park in handicapped spaces. You'd be surprised how often it happens.

[BlueJazz]

60. People who try to start LONG conversations with bank tellers....

...Hey You!...There's 16 people waiting in line...can you do fucking math ???....if you...and everybody else takes just 3 extra minutes talking about your
God-Damn Husband/Wife/new Baby/New Dog or cat/new Car/new toaster ..it will add 3X16= 48 minutes to the Poor Bastard at the end of the line..You Inconsiderate Prick !! :mad:

[DS1]

63. Same goes for the post office

[LynneSin]

75. Same goes for anyone working in the Service Industry

* Post Office
* Bank
* Waitress (I need my water refill, your waitress really doesn't want to hear about what your grandkids have done the past week)
* Grocery Store
* Regular Store

:grr:

[KitchenWitch]

64. flustrated...

:grr:

[Phillycat]

65. Amen, sister.

:rofl:

Although I'm not entirely certain it's worse than "supposably". I knew a girl once who hit the trifecta: she used "supposably", "simular" (sim-you-lar), and "prostrate" (for prostate). DEATH IS TOO GOOD FOR THEM.

[lightningandsnow]

68. People who use the world "Irregardless".

People who you see at least twice a week, who IM you for the purpose of having totally unproductive conversations, along the lines of "Hey." "What's up?" "Not much, you?" "Not much."

Motorists who honk at you for crossing on a green light.

[OmahaBlueDog]

69. Conservative Talk Hosts, Telemarketers

Viagra Spammers

Internet Virus Inventors

[LynneSin]

76. All 4 of those - I can't tell the difference

They all look the same and talk the same to me

[BreweryYardRat]

77. Okay, real quick before I leave for a while.

People who use "exit only" or "merge" lanes as passing lanes.

People who talk too much about pointless crap, on a regular basis, and will not be quiet, even if you ask them politely or tell them to shut up.

Parents who try matchmaking -- Mother, you've screwed up my life enough as it is, I'm in college 60 miles away, and I'm turning 20 in a couple months -- why the HELL would I have any interest in someone you keep pushing at me?

People who are seemingly perfect.

[Brigid]

80. Whoever wrote those stupid ads for freecreditreport.com.

Anybody else find those as irritating as I do?

[ellisonz]

137. They're hilarious.

Especially the pirate restaurant ad;-)

[Rob H.]

81. People driving SUVs who come to a complete stop

before driving over a speed bump at 1 MPH, and yes, I see it all the time. Is your shiny new Humsuburbexplorokee with OFFROAD SHOCK ABSORBERS made of eggshells and papier mache? Your bought the thing (supposedly) because it's rugged and yet a fucking speed bump makes you nervous?! WTF?

[DarkTirade]

85. Jesusallahbuddha... my last apartment complex was FULL of those.

And the (rather badly designed. Only one way in and out, no way to go around stupid people like that) parking lot had a speed bump every 50 feet or so.

[SoxFan]

118. Hey, the 2008 Canyonero is expensive!

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!

Canyonero! Heeyah! Canyonero!

[hamsterjill]

84. McDonald's is NOT Gourmet

People who go to the drive through at McDonald's (or any other fast food place) and then order as if it's gourmet!!!

"Uh, I'd like a Big Mac, please, well done with no tomatoes, a smidgeon of cheese, and light on the secret sauce, please!!! Oh, and are those two all beef patties from grain fed beef?"

THEN...they ask for separate orders for their passenger(s).

Drive throughs are supposed to be the "fast" part of "fast food".

[DarkTirade]

88. That's why I just don't use the drive-through.

I invariably go inside to order food, even if I'm getting take-out. I'd rather go through the hassle of finding a parking spot and walking inside than go through the hassle of the drive-through.

[asthmaticeog]

89. Misusers of "A Propos"

:grr:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

169. the word is "apropos".

Thank you.

[Lyric]

90. People who are obsessively annoyed over petty things.

People who are constantly in a hurry, and get highly pissed when someone dares to get in their way.

People who expect parents to be miracle-workers and kids to be robots with "Off" switches that we can push at will. Just because a kid is misbehaving, does NOT mean that the parents aren't good parents. Sometimes kids misbehave, make noise, etc. Dealing with it from time to time is part of living in a social environment.

On a related note, people who think that the fact that They don't have kids means that they should Never have to be exposed to children and all of the noise/smells/messes that go along with them, and who get snotty about it whenever it happens.

People who put other people in danger because they're FAR too Special and Important to obey the sign that says 25 mph.

People who pass city buses on city streets, because they're FAR too Special and Important to wait while someone gets on or off.

People who have a seriously warped definition of politeness, manners and consideration, and who thus *expect* consideration with ever *giving* it. (For example, someone griping because the person in front of them is moving too slow, but who never consider *why*--maybe they have an injury, a disability that isn't obvious, vision problems, etc.) The notion of giving people the benefit of the doubt seems to have melted away in our society.

The assholes who told me to go breastfeed my kid in the bathroom, rather than at the dinner table. Screw you, jerk--YOU go eat in the toilet.

People who think that Proper Social Behavior is more important than plain old human compassion.

Yeah, I'm grumpy today. I got shot about ten times in this thread. *sigh*

[last_texas_dem]

96. I like the way that you think

In general, it is aggressive, pushy, authoritarian types of people who put a damper on my life. Dealing with laid-back and/or slow-moving people is far preferable in my experience.

[Ishoutandscream2]

133. You're awesome!

Excellent post!!!

[DarkTirade]

165. "The assholes who told me to go breastfeed my kid in the bathroom, rather than at the dinner table."

Yes, they should be shot. Multiple times. In places that won't cause them to die right away.

Seriously people, get the fuck over it. It's a breast. A part of the human body. And if it makes you so fucking uncomfortable to see it, that's YOUR problem. It's not the mother's problem. It's not the child's problem. :grr:

[tjwmason]

174. Agree - especially with 3 and 7

Children are children, even the best behaved (such as my beloved nephew, not that I'm biased) will occasionally play-up for all sorts of reasons.

The heart of ettiquette is putting other people before oneself - we cannot get consideration from others, we can only receive it; our only control is over how much consideration we give to others. If all of us became considerate, we'd suddenly find that we're receiving consideration too.

[Fox Mulder]

97. The question should be "people you wouldn't shoot"

At least for me anyways.

[DarkTirade]

107. You're just being lazy, you'd rather have a short list than a long one. :P

[meow2u3]

98. People who vote Republican

and don't have a pot to piss in!! That burns me up! :grr:

[Throd]

99. Whoever steals the squeegees from the gas station

[nytemare]

110. Yeah!

Just when you get lovebugs or a bunch of pollen or bird doo on your car, and really need a squeegee, they are gone!

I think people take them, and throw them into a big pile of shoes that match the one shoe you see on the road.

[LiberalEsto]

101. Republicans

- People who never shut up and wander all over the place with cellphones surgically attached to their ears yammering away and bump into other people or block their way.

-Anyone who knocks on my door trying to convert me to their asshole religion as if theirs is so much better than mine, which is a freaking insult.

-People with bumper stickers that say "Piss off a liberal: work hard and be happy" as if liberals don't work hard. And I certainly do feel happy, ESPECIALLY any time another "family values" right wing conservative gets nailed in a sex scandal.

[Turbineguy]

102. People who design

parking garages.

[nytemare]

109. People who let doors close in other's faces

rather than just wait 2 seconds, or at least give the door an extra little push so it is open for the next person.

People who purposely speed up on the interstate so you can't get in, when you would have accelerated to enter with the flow of traffic anyway.

People who go up the interstate entrance ramps at 30 MPH and expect anyone behind them to be able to enter the highway safely.

People who have plenty of time to turn right before you arrive, and after you pass, but wait to pull out, then go extremely slowly so you have to slam on your brakes or go off the road to avoid hitting them.

People who drive 55 mph through a 20 mph school zone.

People who drive 60 through a neighborhood.

Drivers who have 1/4 mile of space between them, and the car in front of them, go 15 below the speed limit, see the light is green up ahead, but just go slow enough so you and all the cars behind you are stuck at the light, while they get through.

[DarkTirade]

115. I ended up HAVING to do #2 on your list there yesterday

because some guy was about to merge going half the speed limit on the highway. So my choices were either A) Accelerate and risk getting sideswiped if he wasn't paying attention, or B) Slam on the brakes and get rear-ended by people behind me who were doing the speed limit.

I hate it when people force me to do something that I consider to be assholish. :\

[nytemare]

136. And let me guess, he just drove away

It's too bad, really. If the guy was merging properly, and was accelerating to a little more than the highway traffic speed, you, and everyone else behind you would have been just fine. But, no, because some schmuck doesn't know how to merge, he causes a wreck and drives off.

[DarkTirade]

163. Thankfully there was no accident... the car I was driving has some damn good acceleration. :P

Still, I'm sure that guy drove off thinking that I was an asshole and I cut him off. Even though I was forced to because he was about to cut off an entire line of traffic that was going at high speed.

[nytemare]

166. Glad there was no wreck.

Sometimes, you have to do things like that to avoid a wreck.

:hi:

[DarkTirade]

167. Yep. Better to have one person think I'm an asshole

than to have a huge pile-up on the highway that kills and maims people. :P

[Mr. Blonde]

111. From today

People who can clearly see that construction is coming up on the interstate and the lane they are in is closed ahead, but continue on in the same lane until the warning cones. Seriously people things would move much faster if you would just line up with everyone else.

Also anyone who has a hand in the creation and distribution of retard rap. Or if we can't get all of them at least the main offenders like Soulja Boy and Mims.

People who wear sunglasses in bars.

People who think being drunk is an excuse to be an asshole or act like a slut.

[QMPMom]

141. People who use the word

retard any time they want to put down something.

[Paladin]

113. The Selfish Mouth-Breathers Who Go To A Parking Lot......

....and position their vehicles IN THE EXACT CENTER OF 4 PARKING SPACES---because their rides are sooo much better than everybody elses', sooo much more entitled to protection from dings and other minor damage, that 3 other individuals can be denied the opportunity to park.

Let me tell you, shooting is way too good for the knuckledragging fuckwits who pull this kind of thing. First, big scratches should be ripped into the vehicle's paint---using the owner's teeth. Then, the owner's skull should be used as a battering ram to put huge dents in the doors. If the jerkoff still has any life left in him after that, the ignition should be turned on, and the exhaust pipe crammed into his mouth and left there until his miserable life is snuffed out.

(True story: the last time I witnessed this boorish practice, I decided to let the owner know exactly what I thought of him. I went back to my car and got a pen and pad, then went back to the offending vehicle, intending to leave a really vicious note. Too late: when I approached the vehicle---in this case, one of those big-tired, hyper-polished pickup trucks that I hate anyway---I saw that a dozen or more notes were already crammed under one of the windshield wipers; on the top note were scrawled the words "Hey Asshole!" I didn't feel the need to leave my own sentiments, after that; gotta love community action....)

[Darth_Kitten]

122. Gotta love it when a community comes together for a worthy cause.

:rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

119. People who don't know you who ask you "So where do you go to church?"

Yes, because of course we ALL believe in a god and EVERYBODY goes to some xtian church. :eyes:

[AggieGal]

125. Indian Call Center Workers

I can't believe these braindead people were able to get a job. They all suck and have ZERO listening skills.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

154. i think stupid xenophobes should be shot first

[tjwmason]

173. You must have spoken to different ones

Those I've had to deal with are mostly of far higher intelligence than one finds in U.K.-based call-centres. They do tend to have accented English - but one could argue that it is actually I that has accented English.

If it is a problem, surely the real target for one's ire should be the people that decided to shift the call-centres into another country?

[Tektonik]

177. wow

I've had bad occurrences with Indian call center workers, but not because they were Indian :eyes:. I have problems with the call center people who cannot do more than read their pre-fabbed scripts and not tell I need extra assistance and then forward me to someone who could actually answer my question.

Also it's not the fault of those people they were the recipients of those outsourced jobs.

[Popol Vuh]

126. People who bring crying babies to the movies

People who drive slow in the "fast" lane.

People who kick up sand on the beach.

People who's cats cannot keep their dirty paw prints off my washed car.

People who are always all uptight and stuck-up.

People who write checks at the at the cash register.

People who cause a scene over a few pennies.

People who don't use their turn blinkers then trap you behind them.

[Midlodemocrat]

127. People who give back handed compliments.

[queenjane]

128. Co-workers who think everyone in the office should be friends

Which, of course, involves after-work and weekend activities.

Dear idiotic office-mates:
I don't like you. Your aggregate IQs are in the single digits. I don't want to sit in bars with you while you try to pick up guys 10 years your junior who are living with their parents, behind in their child support payments, and "sorta" work as landscapers. I don't want to spend my Saturdays with you getting pedicures. I don't want to form a bowling league. I don't want to get matching tee shirts so everyone else at the firm knows we're all in the same department.

I don't get paid enough to tolerate your company during work hours. PLEASE! Leave me alone!!!

Also, everything mentioned elsewhere in this thread. I can't wait for retirement, when I intend to fulfill my life's ambition of becoming a recluse. And ordering my groceries on-line. Heh.

[Ishoutandscream2]

132. Can we hang out together?

:silly:

[ruiner4u]

129. people who use their cell phones while driving...

Im getting sick of having to drive ultra-defensively to avoid them...


And if you do that, STOP IT.. Your not so important you cant get off the damn road if that phone call requires that much attention.

[Ishoutandscream2]

131. All of you need to get on xanax before it's too late

:hippie: :nuke:

[Yavin4]

135. People who Drive Hummers with Bush /Cheney Stickers on Them

They need to be shot first.

[jakefrep]

138. The Ohio Round Table

The Ohio Anti-tobacco people

Anyone who beleives Roy Williams is a traitor

Jose Canseco and anyone who believes him

[huskerlaw]

139. "Democrats" who

say they're going to vote for McCain if (insert candidate of choice here) doesn't win the nomination.


Flame away, but those people PISS ME OFF.

[SPKrazy]

140. I have a list of names

only shooting is too good for them

[FloridaJudy]

145. "As someday it must happen that

A victim must be found:
I've got a little list.
I've got a little list
Of society offenders
Who might well be underground,
And who never will be missed.
They never will be missed.."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CP2PFF2T608

My three:

1) People who leave their empty shopping carts in the middle of handicapped spaces.

2) The jerks who hit their horn the second you're handed your food at drive-throughs, not allowing you to check if you've got the right change and the right order. Look, this isn't the battlefield at Faluja, the Daytona 500 or the Emergency entrance to the hospital. It's the drive-through at Whataburger. You'll still get your meal and it'll still be hot. Sheesh.

3) The twerps who send me 40 e-mails a day informing me I've won the lottery, some reclusive British millionaire has named me in his will, and that some bank in Singapore or Liberia wants to fed-ex me a ton of money. I'm not falling for it, so just give up already.

[DarkTirade]

164. There's very little in this world that you can't apply a little bit of Gilbert and Sullivan to. :P

[SalmonChantedEvening]

146. People who use "Don't you support the troops?"

When defending Dumbya, and follow that with "They volunteered!"

[BeachBaby]

150. That guy who does the Oxy-Clean commercials, and all the other

mail order commercials he does. I want to know why he feels the need to fucking scream the entire time he talks? I could be enjoying a great movie, and then at commercial break, THERE HE IS - obnoxious and loud.

[Giant Robot]

151. People at Little Robot's daycare

Who cannot fucking park properly! The parking lot is odd shaped, I admit that, but for fuck's sake people its the same fucking parking lot every fucking time you come to pick up junior. You would think some fucking learning would take place and they would figure out how to fucking park!

[BeachBaby]

152. Fuck, yeah.

;)

:hi:

[Giant Robot]

153. Thanks!

Do I get an award for the most egregious use of the word "fucking" in a post?

[Giant Robot]

160. Oh yeah!

And the person/people responsible for 2155 spam emails in our agency email two weeks ago. That fucker needs to go away. Four hours of my life I will never have back because someone is a dick head. I wish I had someone to sue for that one. Fuckers.

[bookworm65t]

157. People who don't thank you when you help them out

Kids who jump on me at the YMCA pool when I'm trying to do backstroke (I ususally kick the shit out of the little bastards). What are their parents teaching them ?

Those "life is good/inspirational" stories that the networks run at the end of the newscast. Doing this all the time is irritating.

Commercials. All of them.

[Bombero1956]

159. people

who get into the Fast Lane tollbooth lane even though they don't have a transponder (E-ZPass for those of you from New York and other states).

people who don't have their money ready to pay for their purchases at the check out and then reach into the pockets and count out the change down to the penny.

[DS1]

161. eh. some people can count change faster than others

and sometimes you can just tell that the moron at the register is likely to screw up counting ~your~ change in the process of giving it back ;)

[Joey Liberal]

162. Charlton Heston

Just to make sure:).......................

[ruiner4u]

170. Everyone who is in a DU clique...

why not let new members feel welcome?

[Midlodemocrat]

179. Welcome to DU!!!!

:hi:

[datasuspect]

172. anything that bleeds needs to die

[Tektonik]

176. People who drive slower than the flow of traffic in the left lane or the carpool lane

ugh

[Bake]

178. Idiots who drive 20 mph in the left lane while obliviously talking on their cell phone!

Makes me wish I had a car-mounted rocket launcher....

Bake